"I know, Brody. I can do it. So, then after the cop is out you get dressed."
"And while I'm getting dressed you put the handcuffs on the cop, and put some of that bandage tape on his mouth ..."
"And you get in the wheelchair under the blanket and put on the mask, and I wheel you out to the car. Then we leave, right?"
"Right. Piece of cake."
"Yeah, piece of cake," she said with a faint smile.
I just hoped it was going to be as easy to pull off as it sounded coming out of her perfect mouth.
12
Jess
I went straight home after work that night, got in bed and pulled the covers up around my head. I didn't know what to do or what to think. I knew that there was a possibility that Brody might be conning me, that he wasn't really who he said he was. I may have been vulnerable because of the trauma I had experienced, but I wasn't stupid. The problem was I just didn't know.
There was just something about Brody that made me trust him, though. There was something inside me that was telling me that he wasn't lying. A gut feeling or intuition or something, but I couldn't deny that it was there. Maybe he was lying about some of the stuff he told me, but not about everything. I could see in his eyes that he was terrified of being sent to prison, and I truly felt that sending him there would be a mistake. But it wasn't just that. I could see something else in his eyes when he told me about his dreams, about wanting a family and a life. There was something real there, something kind and sincere. Something that had made me fall in love with him.
Brody wasn't a bad man. At least not from what I could see. It was hard for me to imagine any of the things that those detectives had said about him, but they even admitted themselves that they didn't know the truth.
Maybe Brody was right. Maybe they were so eager to catch a cop killer that they had tried and convicted him even before he got to the hospital. Maybe he wouldn't stand a chance once he was in their custody.
It's not that I completely distrusted the authorities but I'd heard of plenty of people who were accused of something they didn't do or had gone to prison for mistakes they had made. Sometimes justice didn't seem like it was always fair and once you were in prison it was probably a whole hell of a lot harder to get out than to just not go there in the first place. I didn't understand why, but I just felt like I couldn't let Brody down.
And on top of everything, I kept thinking about what I had done. What if someone had told me that I was going to have to go to prison because of the little boy that I had killed? What if I had no choice, that the law stated that because I killed someone I had to be put away? To me that seemed like what was happening to Brody. He said he didn't kill that cop and I believed him. But it didn't seem like anyone else did.
I didn't really realize it until just then, but I had been in a prison of my own even since the night that little boy died. I had blamed myself for what happened and I had sentenced myself to no life. I had spent this last year punishing myself for what I had done, for a mistake I had made, and I wanted to make it right with myself.
I wanted to allow myself to live my own life, and I was starting to think that running away with Brody and hiding out with him didn't seem like such a bad idea after all. As crazy as it sounded, living the rest of my life on the run with that man seemed a lot freer to me than staying in the safety of the prison I had made out of my life.
I had thought that playing it safe and living by other people's definition of what a good citizen was would bring me happiness, but all it brought me was the inability to forgive myself for my own mistakes. I felt like I had been duped. That being the good girl would automatically bring me everything I wanted in life. What I hadn't realized until now was that I wasn't living by my own definition of good. I had spent so much time trying to be everyone else's good girl that, in the end, I wasn't being good or kind to myself.
While I laid there in bed I couldn't stop thinking about what Brody had said to me. About me being the woman of his dreams. About him telling me that he loved me. I would have almost thought what he was saying was something out of a movie if I hadn't seen the look in his eyes when he said it. Maybe I was just a gullible fool, but I know what I saw. And I didn't believe that his eyes were lying to me. But then again maybe I wanted to see it there. Maybe because I had developed such strong feelings for him in such a short amount of time I saw what I wanted to see. I felt so mixed up about everything and I wished I had someone to tell me what to do. Everything seemed so simple when I was with Brody, but the minute I left the hospital I started to have second thoughts.
I wanted to call Madonna and talk to her again, but I knew she would just say the same thing she had said earlier. That I was vulnerable and I needed to be careful and that there was no future with a criminal anyway. And besides, deep down I knew I didn't want anybody to talk me out of this. I didn't want anyone to ask me the logical questions like how will you survive? How will you make money? If you're both on the run from the authorities how will you ever get a job again?
I was trading my entire life for a completely unknown future. If I decided to go with Brody, I would never see this apartment or any of my possessions again. I would never be able to go back to the hospital; hell I probably wouldn't ever be able to come back into the country.
I didn't have any close family that I would be leaving behind, but I had friends. I had Madonna. It was sad to think that I might never see her again, but I had to make a choice and to me that choice was becoming crystal clear.
If I helped Brody escape, if I went on the run with him, I would not only be preventing someone from being punished for a mistake they made, but I would also be freeing myself and I knew I needed Brody's help as much as he needed mine.
13
Jess
"Hey, girl, what are you doing here so late," Madonna asked as she walked up to me in the hall at the east entrance of the hospital. I'd parked my car in the east lot and come in that entrance not only so that it would be nearby when Brody and I left in a few hours, but also because I had hoped I wouldn't run into anyone, especially her.
I didn't know what to say to Madonna as she stood in front of me, waiting for me to answer her. What I really wanted to do was hug her and say goodbye to her and tell her that I was really going to miss her. I wanted to tell her that she had helped me so much over the last year, more than all of the other people I knew in the hospital or in my entire life, for that matter.
She was my best friend, and I didn't want to lie to her but I couldn't tell her that I would probably never see her again.
"Oh, I decided to give the night nurse a break. We switched it up so that I'm on nights for the next week until the patient in the ICU is released into police custody."
"Oh, so, he's still here? Did they ever figure out who he was?"
"No, there's never been any word on his real identity, but then again, they probably wouldn't tell us."
"Yeah, right. Well, I guess it will probably be a relief when he's gone, won't it?" she asked with a tone that was trying to tell me something without actually saying it out loud. I knew what she wanted to say to me was that no matter what I was feeling about him, no matter how much I thought I trusted him, that he was no good for me and my life would be better when he was out of it. I could just hear the words oozing out of her brain ... You'll be better off, Jess, you'll see.
"Yeah, there's been too much drama in the ICU lately. I'll be happy when things settle back down to normal," I said, figuring that was what she wanted to hear.
"Ok, sweetie ... well, I'm off. I was just heading back here to talk to someone in oncology and then I'm outta here. We should go out some night soon. As soon as you're off the night shift. I'm still not giving up on finding you a new guy," she said as she nudged my arm.
"Yeah, totally. I think I'm finally getting ready to meet someone new," I said as I turned to head towards the ICU because I didn't want her to see my eyes filling with tears. Maybe someday down the road I would be a
ble to tell her what happened but for now I had to just let my old life go.
I didn't know where I was going or what was going to happen to me, but for the first time in a long time I felt like I was actually doing something. Like I was somehow taking control of my life and making things happen, even though my choices weren't the ones that a lot of people would have made. They were still my choices and they somehow made me feel like I was participating in life again.
I walked into the nurses' lounge in the ICU with a duffel bag filled with clothes for both Brody and myself and I put it in my locker. There was no one around so I figured it would be a good time to go to the meds room and get the drugs Brody was going to need.
I left the lounge and walked down the hall to the room where all the meds were kept locked up. For some reason this was the scariest part of the night for me and the part that I had been dreading the most.
I had been in and out of this cabinet hundreds, maybe thousands of times and had never thought twice about what anyone would think if they saw me unlocking the glass doors. I was the head nurse in the ICU and of any member of this department's staff, I was the most trusted and exacting when it came to rules and regulations. But now as I opened the cabinet to remove the pain killers my hands were shaking and I was terrified that someone was going to walk in and ask me what I was doing.
There was no way that anyone could possibly guess that what I was doing was illegal, that I was stealing prescription narcotics, but I felt like it was written all over my face and maybe even all over my back as it faced the entrance to the room. I grabbed a full round of the same antibiotics Brody had been put on and then a month's worth of the painkillers I knew he would need.
I locked the cabinet back up and left the room without a single person looking in my direction or even passing the meds room the entire time I was in there. As I walked back to the nurses' lounge with the pills in my pockets a wave of complete relief rushed over me. I wondered if it was even possible that I would be connected with the missing drugs but I decided not to think about it. There wasn't anything I could do about it now. I had started the plan in motion and I could feel the momentum of the night building.
I walked down towards the end of the hall where Brody's room was and stopped dead in my tracks. The chair that had been sitting out in the hall occupied by an armed cop for the last week was gone. I quickly walked down to the room, opened the door and wanted to scream when I saw an elderly woman on a ventilator in Brody's bed.
Oh no, oh no! Did they move him today? Oh my God I didn't think they would have done it without the labs! Oh God, please don't let Brody be gone!
I walked back to the nurses' station and tried to act as calm as possible even though I wanted to scream and cry and shake the nurse who was on duty.
"Hey, Trish, what happened with the patient in 515? The one with the guard that was posted outside the door?"
"Oh, hey Jess. Yeah, you were off today. Let's see ... Dr. Maxwell gave orders for him to be discharged ... she gave me access to his records since he was being removed ..."
Discharged? How? How did this happen?
"I thought she wanted to wait until he had completely stabilized and was a little stronger," I said, my voice starting to shake. I suddenly felt hot and faint; I just wanted the ground to open up underneath me. I had let Brody down and now I would probably never see him again. I was horrified at the thought of him being taken away while I wasn't here, and I could barely breathe as I listened to what Trish was telling me.
"Yeah, she did, but we got a few new patients and we really needed the room. But ... oh, wait. Here he is. It looks like he's still in the building. They moved him to 324 in patient recovery. It looks like the order is still in for him to be transported. Might not happen until tomorrow morning though."
I didn't even look at Trish as I practically ran down the hall to the emergency stairway.
"Are you on now?" she yelled after me. "I have to get my kids from the sitter."
"I'll be back in a few minutes, Trish," I called over my shoulder as I rounded the corner and ducked into the stairwell. I ran down the stairs and out the door on the third floor and just down the hall was the cop sitting on a chair outside room 324.
"Hello," I said as I tried to catch my breath and walk nonchalantly into the room.
"Hold on, miss. This is a restricted room. Only authorized personnel are allowed in."
"I should be on the list. Jess Hernandez. I've been this patient's nurse during the day shift all week."
"Oh yeah, here you are. Sorry about that. I've only been on at night. Go right in."
I walked into the room and saw Brody sitting up in bed and almost doubled over from relief.
"Oh God, Brody, I thought they had taken you away. I was so scared," I said as I approached his bed and grabbed his hand.
"Jess, thank God. I thought I was dead," he said as his head fell back against the pillow behind him. "They were taking me out of the hospital. They almost had me out the door ... but the transport vehicle couldn't make it. There was an accident on the seven-mile bridge and no traffic could get through for hours. All this time I've been sitting here thinking that they're just going to show up any minute. That some cops are going to walk in through that door and everything will be over. I'm still afraid they're going to come Jess," he said with a panicked look on his face. "I don't think it matters to them what time they do the transport. They could just send some cops here now and throw me into the back of a squad car."
"I don't think they will, Brody. They'll probably wait until the morning, and besides, you have to be checked out of the hospital. They can't just take you. But we should just get out of here as soon as possible just in case ..."
"Yes. Let's do this now, Jess. I have to get out of here. Please, just go and get the wheelchair and let's go."
"Ok, just try to calm down a little. I was really shaken up too, Brody. I thought I'd never see you again," I said as I looked into his eyes. "It looks like they took out your IV, so I won't have to worry about that. Ok, I'll go and get the wheelchair now. Just try and stay calm."
"I'm trying Jess, but I'm still ... I wanted to call you or ask about you, but ... I couldn't. I'm just so glad you're here."
"I'll be back in a few minutes. Just sit tight, ok?" I said as I ran my fingers through his hair. "We're gonna get you out of here."
I was so relieved as I walked back to the ICU that the rest of the plan for the evening seemed like nothing. I knew one of the hardest parts was coming up, but now that I was in the middle of it, I didn't care about anything except getting Brody out.
There was another nurse at the desk when I got back up there, so I just went straight to the lounge and grabbed my bag. Then I found a wheelchair and a blanket and looked around one last time.
As I walked onto the elevator and away from the ICU I knew I would never see it again. I had thought that when this moment finally came I would feel sad, but instead all I felt was relief. I had enjoyed being a nurse - it had been my life for almost ten years. But the idea that I still had my whole future ahead of me - that I didn't have to be a nurse, or any one thing, for the rest of my life almost made me feel giddy. I was tired of being defined by my profession. From now on, I wanted to be defined by all of the amazing things I was going to do and all of the amazing places I was going to see.
I wanted to experience life. I wanted to experience things that I never even imagined I could. And the more I thought about it, the more the idea of not being tied down, of wandering aimlessly throughout the world with this man, appealed to me and excited me. I knew then that I wasn't going to let him ditch me by the side of any road. I was going to go with him wherever he went. I didn't care if we were constantly being hunted by the police or detectives or the FBI. All of that sounded a hell of a lot more interesting and exciting to me then spending the rest of my life looking at these depressing walls.
I took the elevator down to three and got off with the wheelchair, then walked u
p to the guard outside of Brody's room.
"I'm going to need your help with my patient in here ... I'm sorry, what was your name?" I asked the guard.
"It's Jason," he said with a big smile as he looked up at me. "And you're Jess, right? What can I help you with?"
"I need to get the patient up for a little while for some exercise to build his strength up for his move. I just need you to unlock the handcuffs and I might need your help getting him up off the bed."
"No problem. Are you ready to do it right now?"
"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind getting the door for me that would be great."
The cop got up and pushed the door open, then held it for me as I pushed the wheelchair over to the corner of the room. I took the duffel bag off the chair and put it on the floor.
"What I think we're going to do tonight, Mr. Carmichael, is get you up off the bed and walk you back and forth between the bed and the wheelchair over here. We'll do that a few times and see how you feel, and then maybe we'll do some physical therapy while you're sitting down on the chair. How does that sound?"
"Sure, I think I'm up for that," Brody said as he sat up in bed a little. I could tell he was getting ready for the moment when the cop would unlock the handcuffs by the way his eyes became black and intensely focused.
I watched Brody's eyes as he watched the cop walk over to the bed and pull out his keys, and just as he bent over the bed railing and unlocked the handcuffs, I came up behind him and hit him over the head with a vase I had grabbed off the table in the nurses' lounge. Glass shattered all over the bed and floor. The cop slumped over on top of Brodie's legs and then fell to the ground completely unconscious.
"Holy shit, Jess! I can't believe you did that! That was perfect!"
"I can't believe I did that either. It was just an impulse. I grabbed the vase when I was picking up the duffel bag and ... man I can't believe I did that," I said with my hands over my mouth. I bent down and felt the cops pulse and even though he had blood trickling out of the back of his head, he was still breathing with a strong pulse so I wasn't too worried about him. I hadn't planned on hurting anyone. I just wanted to help Brody get out of there.
Bad Patient: A Bad Boy Romance Page 7