by Marie Harte
And then, before she did something really destructive—like driving her car through his friggin’ house—she turned on her heel and left. She had better things to do than waste her precious time on a loser not willing to fight for her. She had enough crap to do with school, her family, work…
If Johnny was smart, he wouldn’t dare show his face at the bar. Because she’d make Sue’s treatment of Foley look like a walk in the park for that cowardly asshole she’d made the mistake of falling in love with.
* * *
Johnny felt like shit. He tried to lock her words out, but he heard them all the same. The temptation to take her at face value was almost unbearable. But then he’d remember his father acting the same way, trying to hold out for any tiny lick of hope that maybe, just maybe, he could patch things up with whatever flavor of the month he’d actually fallen for.
Such a silly thing, his barely there relationship with Lara. Hell, he’d known her for years. If things had been meant to happen between them, wouldn’t they have occurred years ago? And really, after a few weeks of dating, he’d thought of commitment and forever. How stupid.
He was a pitiful excuse for a man to leap for crumbs of affection from a woman who clearly wanted nothing more than sex. That they did really fucking well. Too bad she couldn’t tell him about shit that mattered, the way she had with that asshole Pete.
He sighed and forced himself to get back into a regular routine. At work, the guys rallied around him by not prying. Even Del and Liam acted like everything was all right, and he loved them for that.
He nodded, spoke, even smiled a time or two. But he didn’t mention Lara, didn’t go to Ray’s, and no one suggested he do either.
Time passed. Without her near, it grew easier to remember his time with Lara as a fun fantasy. Something that would no longer hurt when he thought about it. She’d tried calling him once, a few days after yelling at him, but he didn’t pick up, and she didn’t try again.
As much as he tried telling himself he hadn’t lost anything to begin with, his heart knew better. He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He had no desire in sex, not even to jerk off. A few women had tried inviting him out, but he wanted nothing to do with anyone outside of work.
After a while, he wondered if Lara and her “lunch buddy” had hooked up in his absence.
Rage that she might had him destroying his office. And he didn’t care.
Needing something to take the edge off, he spent the week casing cars when not at the garage. Just wondering, thinking about how amazing it would feel to slide behind the wheel of a cherry Mustang, maybe a Shelby, and joyride away from the city, just drive away from all his problems.
There was no rule he had to live in Seattle forever. That he couldn’t at least take a break from life and get fucked up.
Saturday night, while he sat at home in front of the TV, he actually considered going to Ray’s, just to feel again. He’d even welcome pain, because by now Lara would have hooked up with someone else, and seeing it or hearing about it might jumpstart his will to be more than the mopey asshole Lou had called him.
Before he could do anything, someone knocked at his door. The thought that it might be Lara shocked his heart into beating again. Racing, anticipating…
“Johnny, open the fuck up.”
His loss settled deep, pulling him back under. Foley wasn’t Lara. And Lara didn’t matter, because they’d never had anything real anyway. And even if they could have, he’d ruined it by being too much of a chickenshit to matter. Hadn’t she already told him what she really thought?
The door opened, and he frowned.
“I still have your spare,” Foley told him.
Del entered behind him, and Johnny groaned and slumped onto his couch. “Go away, please. I’m tired.”
“No, you’re screwed up.” Foley turned to Del. “Note I said ‘screwed’ instead of ‘fucked’ like I wanted to. Out of respect for you.”
Del sighed. “Yeah, right after ‘open the fuck up.’ Thanks, Foley. You’re all heart.”
“You’re welcome.”
Del walked pretty as you please through Johnny’s home and sat next to him. “Bottom line, you’re an idiot.”
“Christ. You’re supposed to be the nice one,” Foley muttered. “I knew I should have brought Liam.”
“No. He needs to hear it. Tough talk and all. Look, Johnny, we all know you love Lara. It’s as plain as the handsome nose on your handsome face.”
“I don’t know I’d be saying handsome so much.”
“Shut it, Foley.”
If Johnny hadn’t been so depressed, he’d have laughed. “You’re too good-looking for your own good. You snagged me with those green eyes and that amazing body. Too bad the rest of you isn’t just pretty.”
Her words had cut deep, because she’d said everything Johnny had known his whole life. No one stayed. They never did. As pretty as he and his father were, they were missing that vital ingredient that let women love them. Sad and worthless—and he’d never in a million years confess something so damn pitiable.
“You know, I talked to your dad,” Del said.
Johnny leaned back and covered his face with his arm, feigning disinterest.
“We had quite a talk…after Lara was done with him.”
He lowered his arm in a hurry and blinked at her. “What?”
“Yep. Seems a certain someone wanted to know why you considered yourself so…what did she call it, Foley?”
“Worthless.”
“That’s it. Worthless.” Del gave him an insincere smile. “You are the biggest dumbass I know, and I’m marrying into the McCauley family.”
“Del.” Foley shook his head, a smirk on his face. “That’s not nice. Accurate, but still.”
“True, and you’ve both met my brother. He’s completely clueless. Johnny, you’ve let yourself think you can’t love anyone, because no one ever loved you.”
“That’s not true.” He frowned. “I love my dad. I know he loves me.”
“But that’s family,” Foley pointed out. “They don’t count, because they have to love you.”
“Yeah?” Johnny scowled. “Tell that to Sam’s mom.”
Foley shrugged. “You got me there.”
“Besides, you want the truth? I loved Lara.”
“In the past? Loved?” Foley asked.
“I still love her. She’s smart and funny. Amazing, really. All of her is just so… Look, it’s over. Can we just let this go?”
“Sorry. But you hurt my friend.” Del looked mean. She slapped his arm.
“Hey.”
The slap didn’t hurt so much as surprise him. But following the slap, Foley’s punch to his stomach had him sucking major wind. He planned to slug his friend back—just as soon as he could breathe again.
“You really are a dumbass. Sam and I agree. Tell him, Del.”
“Lara’s been crying over you, Johnny. She fell in love with you, took a chance on a major player, and instead of loving her back, you shit all over her feelings. What did I tell you about us ripping your balls off? Be glad Foley’s with me. J.T. wanted to come over and rearrange your pretty face.”
Hearing that Lara had cried over him, gone to see his father, started his heart pumping again. “She’s really upset?”
“Did she or did she not come over here and yell outside your door at you? I heard all about it.” Del looked him over, must have found him wanting, and looked away. “I love you like a brother, and if J.T. pulled this crap, I’d beat him over the head until he made it right. With a tire iron, I might add.”
“Made it right with a tire iron?” Foley asked.
“No, Foley, I’d beat him with a tire iron. Would you just shut up?” Del blew out a breath and turned back to Johnny. “If you don’t love her, if you changed your mind about her, at least tell her to her face. She’s a good person, Johnny. Let her down easy, okay?”
“Let her down?” He rubbed his eyes, tired and alive at the same time.
Foley blew out a breath. “Dude, the girl is so damn in love with you it’s pathetic. But to hear her tell it, you don’t give a shit. I mean, you don’t give a goddamn,” he barked at Johnny. “You fucked up.” He glanced at Del and swore again, then handed her a bill. “There, Del. That’s a buck’s worth. Just keep it.”
Del grinned at him, tucked the dollar away, then slapped Johnny in the back of the head and stood. “Stop being a jackass. Go make up with Lara. You know, Rena is also not very happy with you. And between J.T. and Rena, my cousin scares me more than my brother does.”
Johnny stood slowly, feeling like an old man. “Lara really misses me?” She loves me?
“If I had a woman like Lara, I’d never let her go,” Foley said, his voice low, sincere. “You have baggage. I get it. Hell, we all have it. Don’t even get me started on Sam. But if Liam and Del can get over their shit, what makes you so special you can’t get past yours?”
Del raised a brow. “Thanks, Foley, I think. Johnny, make this right. And if I were you, I wouldn’t meet Lara at Ray’s. You have people gunning for you at the bar.”
“Ah, okay.”
“Yeah. Get yourself together, man.” Foley knocked him in the arm, hard enough to leave a bruise. “Don’t be such a pussy. You love her? You should take a chance on her. Woman like that comes along once in a lifetime for guys like us.”
“That’s for sure.” Del nodded. “Come on, Foley. We have lives to get back to. Hint, hint, Johnny. The Walking Dead is a television show, not a lifestyle.”
They left him feeling hope for the first time in weeks. Lara missed him? She might have meant all those things she’d said. And well, if she’d changed her mind, at least he could own up to his cowardice and put her mind at ease. Their breakup had been all him, not her.
Hell.
What if she believed she wasn’t good enough? That he’d somehow found her lacking? For the first time since their breakup, he worried about Lara and her pain instead of his own. God, he had to make things right. Oh man, she loved him? What if she still did?
Hope kept him awake well into the night.
* * *
Out in Foley’s truck, Del and Foley sat.
“You still think it was smart to lie to him like that?” Foley asked, unconvinced. It had killed him to see Johnny so hurt, but he wasn’t sure this idea made any more sense than just shoving another beer into him.
“Yeah. Trust me. I’m sure Lara was in tears over his ass. It’s the image he needs to get him moving in the right direction.” She grinned. “And he’s gonna lose his fucking mind seeing her with Lou.”
Only Del could come up with some harebrained notion to get Johnny jealous and come to his senses. “I would have said to let him see her with Pete. That guy bugged the shit out of him.”
“True, but Lou’s just like Johnny. If Lou’s good enough for her, so’s Johnny.” She shrugged. “Besides, I like Pete. His brother’s car is bringing us some serious cash, as well as more contacts. Wouldn’t seem right to let Johnny rip his arms off. At least with Lou, Lou will stand his own. Give Johnny a wake-up right upside his handsome, fucked-up head.” She pulled the dollar out of her pocket and gave it back to him. “Here you go. Didn’t feel right taking it from you in there. Especially because you hit him as hard as I’ve wanted to.” She shook her head. “Poor dumb bastard. Wait until Lara gets a shot at him.”
Foley started up the truck and drove them back to the garage, where they’d been working late on a pet project of Del’s, something she wanted to give one of her future brothers-in-law. “Does McCauley know what he’s getting into with you? Because I gotta tell you, you Websters in love scare the shit out of me.”
She patted him on the shoulder.
And yeah, he flinched when she grinned and said, “Ain’t love grand?”
Chapter 21
Lara answered her phone, and again, the unidentified caller hung up. “Oh my God, you are so annoying!” she yelled at it and threw it at her softly cushioned couch. She might be angry, but she had no intention of paying for something else she couldn’t afford, like a new cell phone.
Her tuition had officially fallen through last week, on her birthday, when she’d spent the night alone and lonely. “Nowhere to go, no one to blow,” she’d said with ill humor. Her friends and family had wanted to take her out, but she’d told everyone she had plans with everyone else, while the truth remained she wanted nothing to do with life in general. Even on Thanksgiving, she’d only put in a token appearance at her family’s, where she’d complained of feeling sick and neatly deflected questions about Johnny.
The past weeks, she’d sunk into class work and cleaned and babysat with an enthusiasm bordering on obsession, according to Kristin.
At least one good thing had come of her life lately. Kristin lashing out at her had opened her sister’s festering wound about herself. In other good Kristin news, her sister and Ron had come to an agreement, and papers had been signed. Kristin still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life, but she’d scheduled some counseling.
Smart move for such a dumb blond, Lara had teased her sister, who had blushed and accepted the compliment.
Since Lara had the night off from work, she was at loose ends. She planned to meet Rena and Del at six for a special Sunday night dinner. Just the girls, because if J.T. asked her one more time if she wanted him to beat up on Johnny, she’d lose it.
So what if she’d gone to talk to Johnny’s dad? All Jack Devlin’s explanations had done were to put that final nail in the coffin of her relationship. Johnny had been damaged as a kid. Knowing Jack felt responsible for his son’s inability to form lasting commitments hurt as well as helped. The poor guy had never been able to open up to the important women in his life, and he’d never recovered from the one who got away.
In leaving, that woman had damaged young Johnny’s tender heart. The imbecile clearly thought he was inferior in some way, never allowing himself to get hurt by keeping himself distant from women.
But even Jack had commented on how different Johnny had been with Lara. Hell. Dory and Jenna were in tears, begging her to take Johnny back. And when she’d said he’d broken it off with her, they’d asked her to be patient with him.
With that great big jerk.
Anger consumed her, and tears pricked her eyes. Someone banged on the door. Probably Lou, following Del’s stupid plan to make Johnny jealous. She checked her clock. Time to let him in and wait for Johnny to show. Did Lara really believe Johnny seeing them together would make him so enraged he’d realize how much he loved her?
She’d give Johnny’s friends credit for thinking the best of him. Personally, she wanted to brain him with a frying pan, then kiss him all better. Then kick his ass all over again.
A nurse probably shouldn’t want to cause harm, but he was being dense, so she felt entitled.
More banging. “Hold on,” she yelled to Lou.
She looked through the peephole but saw no one there. Great. He’d probably walked away.
She opened the door and stepped out, and something slammed into her jaw.
Stunned, she was draped over someone’s shoulder and forcibly carried back into her apartment, too dazed to function.
The door slammed shut. Then she heard it lock, and her heart raced a mile a minute.
“You little bitch.” Ron Howell was a lot stronger than he looked. He dumped her on the floor, and she landed hard on her hip. “Did you really think I wouldn’t get what I want?” He unbuckled his belt and removed it. “You and your friend aren’t the only ones who can make up an alibi.”
What the hell was he talking about?
“I reported your boyfriend to the police. But guess what? Apparently the assholes at Ray’s didn’t remember anyone bloodying up my face. Well you know, I’m pretty sure I’m at my country club right now, having a drink in a private room with friends.”
He tossed his belt to the floor, apparently not planning on beating her with it. She
knew she should be more scared than she was, but after all her emotional drama over Johnny, she felt nothing but a building rage for all Y-chromosome-related stupidity. Ron’s hands went to the snap of his trousers, and he paused.
So he meant to rape her? Oh, bring it on, little man. Yeah, Kristin had shared. And none of it had been good.
Lara stared up at him, pretending confusion. “Ron?”
“I put an app on your phone to find your location, and a friend of mine with spy software disguised it as a ring tone.” He scoffed and unzipped his pants, showing an erection beneath silk boxers. “You really are stupid. Get on your knees and blow me, and I won’t hit you again. Or maybe I will…if you’re not any good.”
She cowed while feeling murderous. Best not to let him see her eyes. “P-please, Ron. Don’t h-hurt me.” She didn’t have to force angry tears and crawled toward him.
Yes, Ron kept in shape. But like most men of his ilk, he didn’t see women as a threat. Just as pawns he could use to do his bidding.
“That’s right.” His lust was impossible to miss, especially when he pushed his meager member through the slit in his boxers. “Suck me dry, bitch. You know you want to.”
“I w-want to.”
“Yeah, say it. You want to.” He widened his stance and held himself out to her.
“I w-want to…” And then she did what she’d so wanted to do for such a long, long time.
* * *
Johnny took a deep breath and let it out. He’d finished climbing the steps to Lara’s floor, and with each footfall closer, his heart threatened to leap out of his chest. Fuck, she loved him. He’d believed Del more each time he thought about how compassionate she’d looked sitting on his couch with Foley. Del knew what it was to almost throw something away. Or at least, her moron of a fiancé did. Johnny knew the story, of how McCauley had almost let fear of losing her cost him the woman he loved.
At the time, he’d wondered how McCauley could be so foolish.
“And now I know.” He had to make this right with Lara. With his last breath, he’d be sure to—