by Diane Duane
His hand went through it...
Nathan breathed out then; he went to a chair nearby and sat down, looking at the image. Even if it should just seem to breathe—
"I've been workin' on a motion device," said a voice from behind him.
Nathan looked over his shoulder. Lucas was standing there.
"I haven't been able to nail down the mechanics yet," Lucas said. He sounded very subdued, looking at Bridger; Nathan wondered exactly what it was in his expression that might be causing this... The door was open," Lucas said.
Nathan nodded. Slowly Lucas came in, gazing at the image. "She's pretty," he said after a moment.
"Yeah," Nathan said softly. "She was."
Lucas looked hesitant, twitchy. "I just came by to tell you that I thought it was... effective—the way you handled the situation today."
Nathan had to smile. "'Effective? Thanks."
There was an awkward pause.
"So," Lucas said, "you gonna stay, or what?"
Nathan was vaguely astonished. Why should he care, one way or another? More to the point, why was he having such trouble simply saying no and sending the kid about his business?...
"It's not that simple," Nathan said.
"Why not? You like it here, don't you? I mean, this is your ship!"
And so it was, heart and soul. Physical and real—much more physical than this image which the ship had made possible... "I made a promise to somebody," Nathan said softly.
"Her?" Lucas said.
Nathan nodded. "Her name was Carol," he said.
Lucas stepped up beside him and, to Nathan's astonishment, sat down and looked at the image for what seemed a long while. Then, very quietly, he said, "Were you two happy?"
Nathan was surprised at the seriousness of the question—even more surprised that Lucas was capable of being so serious. "Yeah," he said, the understatement of the century about his lover, his best friend, his wife of twenty-seven years, "we were."
Lucas shook his head, disbelieving. "My parents were never happy," he said. "I mean, they can't even stand to be in the same room with each other. They were always tearing each other up, making each other feel like crap. I remember wishing that they'd just get divorced and get it over with...”
"Why didn't they?"
Lucas let out a sigh. "They said when they got married, they made a promise to stay together forever." He shook his head. "I guess they didn't count on things changin'...”
Nathan looked over at Lucas. Out of the mouths of babes, he thought. Change—it comes for us all. Which is the better part of valor? To back away from new and dangerous things, invoking old promises? Or to remake the promises... and try to do better, be wiser, the next time?...
Above them, the allcall loudspeaker said, "Captain to the bridge! Captain to the bridge!"
Nathan sat where he was for a long moment, looking at the image of Carol. Beside him, Lucas looked at it too, wanting... who knew what?
But Nathan knew what he wanted... finally.
He stood up slowly, took a breath.
"You know," he said, "I think that's me."
He headed for the door.
* * *
The bridge was very quiet when he got there: only minimal crew were on post. Just after he crossed the threshold, the lights went abruptly dim.
Oh no, he thought. But Hitchcock was heading for the hatchway as he came in, and she saw his expression and smiled.
"Don't worry, sir," she said. "It's the night canopy. We dim the lights six hours out of every twenty-four."
"To give the crew a sense of night and day," Nathan said, and nodded. "Very good. Thank you, Lieutenant."
She nodded back. "Good night, sir," Hitchcock said, and went out.
Nathan wandered in, relishing the emptiness of it all, the peace, and paused there in the middle of the room, looking at the forward screens, and the darkness of the sea. Ford came up beside him and stood with him, silent a moment, gazing out into the dark. Then he said, "We are in contact with UEO Command, sir. Admiral Noyce." Ford paused, then said, "He's asking if Captain Bridger is available."
Nathan spent a moment more gazing at the dark sea—several moments. Then he turned to Ford.
"Yes, Commander," he said. "Tell him Captain Bridger is aboard."
Ford smiled and moved off to his station. Bridger, for his own part, stepped over to the command chair, looked at it for a moment—then slipped down into it, taking his place at last. He sat there a moment, then reached out to the link to communications, and punched it.
"You and your goddamn licorice ice cream," he said.
* * *
A shadow among the shadows, at depth, and at peace, seaQuest swept on toward Pearl, and the oncoming morning.