A rosy blush crept over her cheekbones and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. Was it because she had noticed the kind of Altoids he preferred?
“Thanks,” he murmured.
She perched in the chair opposite him and sipped at her cocoa. He obediently tried his. Though he usually preferred the liquid jolt of coffee, he had to admit there was something comforting about sitting here in the night by a flickering fire sipping cocoa, despite the tension in his gut and the turmoil in his heart.
After a moment, she let out a sigh. “I don’t know where to begin.”
He set his mug down on a coaster on the coffee table. “You don’t have to say anything, Lauren. The past is done. Let’s forget it.”
She went on as if she didn’t hear him, as if she had a script in her head and was going to get through it, no matter what.
“I’m very sorry I rejected you that summer. The truth is, I would have turned down any man who asked me out. But especially an athlete like you, someone big and tough and…overwhelming. It wasn’t anything personal, I swear.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said again. “I just figured you weren’t interested. No big deal.”
“Any other time, I would have been.”
He watched color rise in her cheeks again. She cast him a sidelong glance, then quickly looked away.
“Any other time except that summer I would have definitely been interested.”
Chapter 12
At her words, he swallowed hard, a hundred different thoughts racing through his mind. He finally focused on the words that proceeded her stunning declaration.
“What was different about that summer?”
“Everything. Everything.”
She paused, both hands wrapped around her cocoa mug. “You have to remember, I was young, barely seventeen, when I started college. Young enough and stupid enough to think I could handle any situation. I was wrong. Seriously wrong.”
He knew with sudden certainty he didn’t want to hear this.
“Near the end of my second semester, I had an…incident that threw me off. Oh, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
Grim premonition in his gut, he wanted to tell her to stop right there. But if she could be tough enough to talk about it, he damn well could hear her out.
She sighed. “I was attacked. Date-raped. He was an athlete, the captain of the rugby team and I can remember feeling so flattered when he asked me out. He walked me back to my dorm and my roommate was gone for the weekend. I let him in. I knew it was stupid, but I did it anyway. So we were talking and before I knew it, he was pushing me to do things I didn’t want to do. He was bigger than I was, stronger than I was, and…wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
His hand fisted around his mug so tightly, it was a wonder the thing didn’t explode into shards.
“Did you file charges?” the cop in him compelled himself to ask.
She shook her head. “I told you, I was young and stupid. I was so embarrassed that I’d allowed him in when my roommate wasn’t home, that I had been stupid enough to think I was worldly enough to handle anything. I just wanted to come home to Moose Springs, to my mama. I thought everything would be okay if I could only come home. Somehow I made it through the last few weeks of the term and came back for the summer to work for my dad and try to get my head back to normal.”
She blew out a breath. “And then I missed my period.”
He jerked his gaze to her and found her cheeks pink and her eyes determinedly fixed on the fire. “As you can guess, it was a pretty terrible time. I was terrified to tell my parents, terrified of anybody with a Y chromosome who dared to talk to me. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me and I just wanted it all to go away.”
His throat tightened, imagining her as an eighteen-year-old girl, traumatized and frightened and alone. Like Rosa, he realized, with only a few more years under her belt.
Suddenly everything made sense. Her compassion for the girl, her insistence on bringing her home and caring for her, as Lauren probably wished someone had done for her.
That summer when he had burned with embarrassment at her blunt rejection, he convinced himself she was just some rich bitch, a country-club baby who didn’t want to dirty her hands by being seen with somebody like him.
Now he was ashamed that he had even entertained the thought for a moment.
“What happened?” he asked gruffly.
“I had a miscarriage. Less than seven weeks gestation. In retrospect, it was a blessing but I felt terribly guilty at the time, as if I had somehow wished the pregnancy away. I ended up having to tell my mother and she got me help—a good doctor and a good therapist.”
He didn’t know what to say, what to do. What man would, after finding out some bastard had done such a thing to the woman he loved? His first instinct was to demand the man’s name so he could find him and mete out some long overdue justice.
Finally, he said the only words he could. “I’m so sorry, Lauren,” he murmured.
“I’m not a victim. Please don’t treat me like one. I promise, I don’t even think about it much anymore.”
She paused. “That’s not quite true. Last week after I was attacked in the hospital, I dreamed about it again. About him.” She smiled a little. “This time was different. In my dream, I stabbed him with a scalpel and, it felt great. I suppose that makes me sound vicious and bloodthirsty, doesn’t it?”
“I’d like to do that to the bastard and more,” he said quietly.
She stared at him for a moment and then she took a deep breath. “He was a bastard but I refuse to let a few moments out of my life a dozen years ago define me. I’m not a victim,” she repeated. “I’ve had years to deal with what happened and I’m fine now. I wouldn’t have even mentioned it except I wanted you to know why I was messed up that summer and why I treated you so coldly. It honestly wasn’t you, Daniel.”
“Good to know. I guess I can spend the next decade or so trying to heal my battered ego.”
Her eyes widened with distress.
“Kidding, Lauren. I was kidding. I was a college jock way too full of myself back then. My ego could certainly stand being knocked down a peg or five or ten.”
She smiled, then shifted her gaze back to the fire. “I don’t know if this helps the healing process at all, but I should tell you that if you had asked me out any other time—before that summer or after I came back to Moose Springs—I would have jumped at the chance.”
“You don’t have to pretend anything, Lauren.”
“Who’s pretending? Why do you think I stutter and stammer and generally act like an idiot around you most of the time?”
“What are you talking about? You’re never anything but professional and courteous.”
“Is that what you call it when I all but jumped you in my kitchen?”
“Hey, I’m a big fan of professional courtesy.”
She laughed, then rubbed her hands on her jeans. “So now that I’ve spilled all my secrets, where do we go from here?” she asked.
She might have spilled all hers, but he still had a few to go. He knew this would be another good opening to tell her about the investigation, but he couldn’t seem to form the words. Not yet. He had to give her the truth but he couldn’t bear the idea of that trust and affection in her eyes changing to hurt and anger.
“Uh, where would you like this to go?” he asked instead.
“That’s up to you. If you asked me out again, I promise, I wouldn’t say no this time.”
“I’m afraid I wasn’t very original back in the day. I think my master plan probably would have been pretty boring—to take you to dinner and a show and hopefully sit in the back row during the movie and neck.”
She swallowed and that adorable pink flush crept over her cheekbones. “We’ve already had dinner. But I suppose we could watch a DVD.”
His heart pounding like crazy, he stepped forward. “Or we could skip the movie and just head right on to the go
od stuff.”
She smiled a little tremulously. “I was really hoping you would say that.”
She sighed his name when he kissed her and he found it the most erotic sound he had ever heard.
Her mouth was soft and warm, and tasted like rasp berries and chocolate, rich and sweet and addicting. He couldn’t seem to get enough, especially when she sighed again and wrapped her arms around his waist.
This was as close to heaven as he had ever imagined, Lauren in his arms, the fire popping and hissing in the background, this seductive heat swirling around them.
He kissed her until his blood jumped wildly through his veins, until they were both breathing hard and it was all he could do not to press her against the couch and rip her clothes off.
He pulled away to give himself a little room to catch his breath, but she wasn’t having any of it.
“Don’t stop,” she murmured. What man could resist an invitation like that? Certainly not him. With a strangled groan, he kissed her again, lost in a haze of desire.
He wasn’t aware of any conscious movement but before he quite realized how it happened, they were in her bedroom.
She had left a lamp on in her room and it illuminated a wide bed covered in plump, luxurious pillows and a downy comforter in salmon and pale green. Like the rest of her house, this room was warm and comfortable, a haven from the stress and tension outside her doors.
Her room smelled like her, that subtle scent of jasmine and vanilla that made him think of warm, moonlit nights. He kissed her again just inside the door, intensely aware of the bed just a few steps away, how easy it would be to carry her there and do everything he had ever dreamed of, and more.
“I like the necking part of your dating strategy,” she murmured against his mouth, sending heat shooting straight to his groin.
“I’m pretty crazy about it, too, right about now. A guy’s got to go with what works.”
He felt her smile against his skin and his heart swelled. He wasn’t just crazy about the kissing. He was crazy about her.
“What comes next?” she asked. “I hope you’re not going to tell me this is the part where you drop me off with a kiss at my door.”
He loved this playful side of her, especially because he had the feeling she didn’t show it to many people. He was about to answer when she pressed her mouth to the curve of his jaw and he had to lean against the door just to keep from falling over at her feet.
“Are you kidding?” he said hoarsely. “I don’t think I could go anywhere right now, even if your house caught on fire.”
“Good,” she murmured. “I want you right here.”
She pulled him closer and he surrendered to the heat and the hunger. He didn’t know if she led him to the bed or if he guided them both there. He only knew he wanted to be closer to her.
He wanted everything.
Her mouth was warm, welcoming. He slid a hand to her skin just above the waistband of her jeans. She had the most incredibly soft skin and he couldn’t seem to get enough.
He dragged his mouth away from hers and trailed kisses down her neck, pausing just above the first closed button of her shirt, just a breath away from the slope of her breast. He could hear the rapid beat of her heart as he cupped her through the material and she arched against his fingers. He pressed his mouth to the exposed skin as he worked a button free and she shivered.
He paused, surrounded by her softness and the delectable scent of her and tried to catch hold of his wildly scrambling thoughts. “Everything okay?”
“Yes. Oh, yes.”
She kissed him fiercely and his fingers fumbled with the rest of her buttons like some stupid, awkward kid in the backseat of his dad’s car.
She wore nothing beneath her shirt but skin, a discovery he found as surprising as it was incredibly sexy.
He didn’t pull her shirt off, just unfastened it, then eased back so he could see her. He didn’t think he had ever seen a more arousing sight than her soft, pale curves against the dark comforter.
“Touch me,” she begged. “Please, Daniel.”
The entreaty in her voice seemed to wake him from a dream, some hazy wonderland where reality didn’t exist, just the joy and peace he found in her arms.
A few more moments and they would both be naked, bodies entwined as they tangled up her pretty bed. That’s exactly where this was headed. He wanted it, she wanted it.
But he couldn’t do it.
He swallowed and felt like he had just taken a mouthful of glass shards.
He should have told her long before now about her father and his. Though he wanted to make love to her as he had never wanted anything in his life—with a hot, heavy ache in his gut, with every iota of his heart, body and soul—he knew it would be wrong.
Before they took this most beautifully intimate of steps together, his damn conscience demanded he had to give her the truth, no matter how painful the consequences.
It was the right thing to do. The decent thing. But right now he had to admit he wouldn’t mind having a little more ruthlessness and a whole lot less conscience.
It seemed a Herculean task but he slid his hand away from her skin and rolled over on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling fixture.
“We can’t do this, Lauren. We have to stop.”
With her shirt undone and her breasts full and achy from his touch, Lauren gazed at him in the glow from her bedside lamp, baffled and disoriented.
Why had he stopped? Had she done something wrong? He was as aroused as she was. She could see it in the slight unfocused look to his eyes, in the rapid, ragged edge to his inhalations.
She sat up, pulling the edges of her shirt closed and wishing she could pull her composure around her so easily. She didn’t exactly have a lot of experience with this sort of thing.
“Is this because of what I told you? About what happened to me in college? I swear, I’m absolutely fine in that department. No lingering hang-ups whatsoever. Daniel, I want you to make love to me.” She gave a rueful smile and held up a hand. “Look, I’m trembling with it.”
An odd, pained expression twitched across his features, and then he stood up. “I want you, too, Lauren. More than I have ever wanted anything in my life. More than I want to breathe. You are the sexiest, the most incredible woman I know.”
He sighed. “This has nothing to do with what happened to you. Or not what happened to you in college, anyway. That you had to endure such a thing makes me furious and sad and sorry. But it doesn’t make me want you any less.”
“I’m sorry. I missed something here, then. We both are obviously on the same page, so why did you stop? Are you worried about Rosa?”
He blinked as if he had forgotten all about her houseguest and the reason for his presence here.
“Not until you said that,” he admitted. “That should tell you a little of what you do to me. I’ve never forgotten the job before. It’s not Rosa. It’s…there are things you should know before we take this any further.”
He sighed and took her hand and a vague premonition curled through her. “Lauren, I care about you. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you.”
Her hand trembled in his. “But?”
“Earlier tonight I tried to tell you something. Something important. You said you didn’t want to hear it. And while I can understand your reluctance, I can’t in good conscience kiss you like this, touch you, until you know the truth.”
More than a little nervous now, she worked the last few buttons of her shirt, wondering what this was all about. “So tell me.”
He sighed. “I can’t do this in here. You and a bed are too potent a combination in my mind. Do you mind if we go back in the other room?”
She shrugged and walked out into the living area. The fire had burned down while they had been in the bedroom and Daniel paused to toss another log on and stir the coals. She had the feeling he was trying to find the right words, and her nervousness ratcheted up a level.
Finally he turned to
face her, his beautiful features shuttered, and their intimate embrace seemed miles away.
“I read a quote somewhere once, something about how the past lies upon the present like a giant’s dead body. That’s what I feel like right now, that I can’t even move until I try to pry free of this heavy deadweight of the past.”
She didn’t have any idea what he was talking about, but she could see by the solemn set to his features that this was serious.
He sighed. “I need to tell you what happened five years ago, things you have every right to know before this goes any further. Once you have the information, you may very well decide you don’t want to see me again. I hope to God that doesn’t happen. But whatever you decide, I have no choice but to deal, just as I’ve had to live with the consequences of the wheels I set into motion.”
Five years ago. She didn’t have to do the math to know what he referred to and a grim unease started in her stomach and spread. “I assume this has something to do with my father, then.”
“Everything.” He let out a breath. “It has everything to do with R.J.”
To her surprise, he sat down on the sofa beside her and took her hand, absently holding her fingers as he spoke. “I have to start the story with my own father. You said you remembered that he was always smiling. He was. My father was a good man—a great man—who came to this country with nothing but a dream of making a better life for his family. That might be a cliché but it was absolutely true for Roberto Galvez. He was the most humble, hardest-working man I’ve ever known. He could find the good in anyone, no matter how poorly they might have treated him.”
“I always liked him,” Lauren said. “I was sorry to hear he died.”
His fingers tightened on hers. “He was killed the summer before I came back to Moose Springs. I think you were starting your residency. How much do you know about what happened to him?”
She frowned, trying to remember. Those had been hectic days and she had been two thousand miles away in Chicago. “Not much. It was some kind of accident, wasn’t it?”
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