by Jo Ann Brown
“Henry has been interested in the results I’m getting with the Brown Swiss herd,” he said as if they’d been talking of nothing else, “and he’s thinking about starting his own herd. He says as long as he can’t sell his milk for a decent price to the bottling plant, he should consider cows that give milk with a higher cream content.”
She nodded, though she was curious at how he suddenly changed the subject. Maybe he was right. They had been wandering into very personal territory, and it was better not to do that.
Leah rested one arm on the metal rail at the top of the gate and stared at the farm buildings, too. She knew Henry had decided not to put a refrigerated tank in his barn. With the milk being kept cool in cans that he set in water pumped from the deep pond behind his barn, the only place he could sell it was to a cheese-making plant.
“Does he want to make cheese on the farm as you do?” she asked.
“I don’t think he’s thought that far ahead yet. You know Henry. A chicken cowering in the coop to evade a fox isn’t any more cautious than Henry is about making a move.”
“But won’t his youngest son take over the farm soon?”
“Lemuel wants to, but Henry can’t let go of the reins.” He grabbed the latch on the gate and lifted it. “C’mon. What I want to show you is this way.”
As Leah stepped past the open gate, a gust of wind swirled around them. She clapped her hand on the black bonnet she wore over her kapp. Her kapp strings snapped out to the side. She caught them before they could strike Ezra in the face, but the back of her hand brushed against his cheek.
Heat seemed to leap from his skin to hers. She froze, unable to move in any direction, as his warmth coursed through her. Memories she’d tried to bury flooded her. She jerked her hand back and turned her head so she couldn’t see his expression. She didn’t want to know if he’d felt that spark like flint on steel, too.
But his voice had a raw edge to it, as if something was stuck in his throat...or he was trying not to say what he really wanted to say. “Let’s go.” He stepped around her and strode toward a thicket of trees.
She started to follow, then stopped, realizing they were walking in the direction of the stream where he had kissed her. Going there would be foolish. What had happened that night was so long ago it seemed like someone else’s life, not hers. Yet she could recall his gentle lips and the way his breath had tasted of the soda he’d brought for them to share.
“It’s just a little farther,” he said, pointing to the left.
The spot on the stream where he’d kissed her was to the right. Maybe he didn’t even remember that night, which remained special for her. For all she knew, he’d kissed plenty of other girls since she went away with Johnny. Just because she hadn’t looked at another man with interest—not even the few plain men she’d met at the Reading Terminal Market in the heart of Philadelphia—didn’t mean that Ezra hadn’t spent time with other women. Maybe he even had a special one now.
When Leah stepped past the trees, she stared at a pond she didn’t recall. Then she saw what appeared to be a pile of tree debris that had clogged the stream, creating the pool of water.
“It’s a beaver dam!” she exclaimed. “How long has it been here?”
“A couple of years. Shortly after they built it, the water began backing up into this pond. Around the same time, the bank collapsed out along the edge of our fields.” He put his finger to his lips and whispered, “Listen.”
Leah strained her ears. She could hear only the wind’s murmured song and her own breathing. Holding her breath, she released it slowly as she heard what sounded like mewing kittens hidden in the trees on the far side of the pond.
When she said that, he nodded. “You’re hearing a litter of beaver kits inside the dam. Even though their parents sleep during the day, they’re awake day and night like human babies. And like human babies, they cry when they’re hungry. Let’s go before daed and mamm beaver hear us.”
“All right. Danki for bringing me here. I—” Her voice caught as his hand cupped her elbow. Every word she knew raced out of her head. Time collapsed to the moment when he’d held her that one night and kissed her. Then she’d been little more than a kind. Now she was a grown-up woman, and she must not make the same mistake again.
When he turned her to face him, they stood so close she was aware of every breath he took. Was that his heart pounding or hers? She started to close her eyes as his fingers rose to stroke her cheek; then she pulled away. No, she must not make the same mistake again.
* * *
Ezra knew the instant he touched Leah that he was being foolish. His plan had been to ask her out to the pond to see the beaver dam as an excuse to get her alone so he could ask if she planned to stay in Paradise Springs or return to Philadelphia as her niece seemed to expect. Now, none of that seemed to matter as much as his yearning to bring her into his arms.
Before he could let that temptation completely overwhelm him, she had drawn away and was walking back toward the farmhouse. He matched her steps but took care not to let even her skirt hem brush against him as he held the gate for her again. She said nothing, and he didn’t know how to bridge the abrupt chasm between them.
Back at the house, she hurried to join her parents and Mandy in the family buggy. He considered waving as it drove away, but she didn’t look in his direction as she spoke with her niece.
You made a complete mess of that.
Ezra sighed as the chiding thought bounced through his mind. He leaned his shoulder against a tree and looked across the fields toward the western sky where the bright red color of the clouds closest to the horizon forecasted fine weather tomorrow. It would be the perfect day to begin the first cut of hay in the field on the far side of the barn. Usually he couldn’t wait for the spring day when he hooked up the mules and headed out into the lush grass. The fresh, green scent of the scythed hay was as sweet and heady as the aroma of watermelon rind on a hot summer day.
But he couldn’t imagine losing himself in the pleasure of being out in the sunshine and quenching his thirst on Mamm’s lemonade. Not when his thoughts were topsy-turvy.
Not just his thoughts, but his life.
Chapter Six
The next morning, as Leah helped Mandy twist her braids into place for her first day at school, she couldn’t keep Ezra out of her mind. She should never have gone for that walk with him. Oh, how she wished she could go back to the time when she and Ezra were best friends and they could say anything to each other without worrying about a misunderstanding! Then he could put his hand on her arm, and it was nothing more than the amiable connection between two people who’d grown up next door to each other.
“Ouch!” complained Mandy. “You pulled my hair.”
“I’m sorry.” She loosened her grip on the braid. She’d become wound up and hadn’t noticed that she’d tightened her hold on it.
Suddenly sharp barking came from downstairs. A loud thump reverberated. She exchanged a glance with Mandy in the mirror, then tossed the brush on the freshly made bed. Her niece was right on her heels as she raced down the back stairs and into the kitchen.
She stared. Daed sat at the table, his hand pressed to his forehead. Blood seeped between his fingers. More crimson was streaked across the edge of the table. Mamm stood by the stove, the oatmeal ladle in one hand, the fingers of her other hand pressed over her mouth.
Without a word, Leah ran into the bathroom and got the first-aid kit. She opened it as she returned. Pulling out squares of gauze Mamm kept in the small metal box for times like this one, she shoved the box into Mandy’s hands. She offered the bottle of iodine and the gauze to Mamm, who shook herself out of her shock. Her mamm put down the ladle and stepped around the oatmeal that had dropped in thick globs onto the floor.
“Danki,” Mamm said as she asked Daed to lower his hand so she cou
ld clean the blood away enough to allow her to examine the cut on his forehead.
“What happened to Grossdawdi?” asked Mandy, fear sifting into her voice.
“Let’s get your grossdawdi fixed up first before we ask questions.” Leah smiled gently at her niece as she added, “Will you keep these supplies close by, so we have what we need?”
“Ja.”
Leah was startled at Mandy’s reply, but the girl had begun using other Deitsch words. Was it a sign her niece was willing to stay in Paradise Springs? God, please help me show her that her place is here with her family.
Her prayer was cut short when Daed yelped. She remembered when Mamm had used iodine on scrapes and small cuts she and her sisters and brother had ended up with after climbing trees or playing ball. It always stung.
Shep rushed around the table and sat beside Leah. She glanced at him, astonished. With the raised voices and tension in the kitchen, she’d expected he would continue barking and running around the room. Glad that he was behaving, she reached down to pat his silky head, and he lapped her hand quickly with his smooth tongue before giving her a proud doggie grin.
She recognized his actions. He’d learned them as part of his service dog training. Why was he acting as if he’d used his skills this morning? Maybe he believed he’d alerted her to Daed’s accident as he had to Johnny’s seizures.
Before she could give it much more thought, her daed said, “Enough! I am fine. I don’t need you fussing around me, Fannie.”
“You are not fine!” Mamm argued. “You stumbled hard, and you’ve got a lump the size of an egg on your forehead, as well as that cut. Fortunately, it isn’t very deep. For once, your hard head served you well.”
He started to reply, then winced. He remained silent while Mamm worked. When she stepped back, a small white bandage was taped over his left eye.
Mandy rushed to her grossdawdi and took his right hand in hers. He withdrew it, then grasped her hand with his left one.
“Are you all right, Grossdawdi?” she asked.
“Your grossmammi is right. I have a hard head. I’m fine.”
“But it must hurt.”
“Maybe it’s God’s way of reminding me to be more careful and watch where I step.”
Leah bit her lip as she heard how gentle her daed was with Mandy. Even if he hardly spoke to Leah, he had welcomed his granddaughter without hesitation. The little girl needed their love and patience as she became accustomed to living a plain life. Yet... Leah couldn’t help wishing that Daed would show her the same little signs of affection.
“But what happened?” Mandy’s question shredded Leah’s moment of self-pity.
Just as well, because she had no right to feel sorry for herself. Nor should she blame Daed for being angry with her. Leah had broken her parents’ hearts when she vanished along with Johnny. She’d betrayed their trust in her to make the correct decision and to hold tight to what she knew was right. That she had made every effort to live a plain life in Philadelphia meant nothing to them. Somehow, she must earn her daed’s forgiveness for her foolish hopes that she could bring Johnny to his senses.
“It was that dog.” Daed pointed at Shep. “He was barking like he’d lost every sensible thought in his little head. When he jumped in front of me, I tried to move aside. I tripped over him. I don’t know why you had to bring that foolish creature here. He doesn’t belong in this house.”
“Because he’s my daddy’s dog!” cried Mandy, yanking her hand out of his. She ran over to the dog and scooped him up. With him held close to her heart, she moaned. “Shep is the only thing I’ve got left that belonged to my daddy. If you make him go away like you made Daddy go away, I’m going, too.” She burst into tears. “I wish we’d never left Philadelphia. I want to go home. Leah, can’t we go home?”
Putting her arms around her niece, Leah leaned her head against the top of Mandy’s. She saw her parents’ shocked expressions. She wondered exactly what Johnny had told his daughter about why he and Leah had left Paradise Springs. They’d had plenty of time to talk while she was out of the apartment, running errands. Whatever Johnny had revealed hadn’t soured the relationship Mandy had begun to build with Daed, but clearly he’d said enough for his daughter to know that he hadn’t been happy while he lived in his parents’ house.
Leah forced a happy lilt in her voice, hoping that it didn’t sound as insincere as it felt. “Today isn’t a day to go to Philadelphia. It’s a day to go to school. Why don’t you put Shep down and give him some milk?”
“But if they make him go away like they did Daddy—”
“Grossdawdi is hurt, and when we’re hurt, we can be angry and say things we don’t mean. Like you did when you dropped the iron on your big toe last summer.”
Mandy nodded but didn’t raise her head or release the dog.
“Why don’t we have our breakfast now?” Leah added in her far too perky voice. “You don’t want to be late for school.”
“But Shep—”
“He’ll be waiting for you when you come home.” Mamm put her hands on Mandy’s shoulders and turned her toward the table. “Come and sit. Your breakfast is getting cold.”
“You’ll give Shep some eggs, Grossmammi?” Mandy asked.
“Ja, and maybe a bite or two of sausage.”
That brought a smile to the little girl, and as quickly as that, it appeared all was forgiven. Leah hoped that was true.
As soon as Mandy was perched on her chair, Leah and Mamm took their own. They prayed in silence, then began eating. Mandy remained subdued in spite of Mamm’s efforts to draw her out.
Leah was never so glad to be done with a meal. After finishing her hair and setting her kapp on her head, Leah went to pick up her bonnet off the peg by the back door.
Mandy petted Shep’s head, told him to be a gut dog and ran outside to climb into the waiting buggy that was set to go. As soon as she left the room, Daed dropped his face into his hands. He gave a groan, but Leah couldn’t guess if Mandy’s words or banging his head against the table hurt him more. Beside him, Mamm was struggling not to cry. He said only that he’d be out in the barn as he pushed himself to his feet. His steps grew steadier as he walked to the back door, but his hands continued to shake.
“I’m sorry, Mamm,” Leah said as silence settled on the kitchen again. “It hurts to see your face when Mandy talks about going back to the city. Each time, it’s another reminder of how I caused you and Daed such pain by leaving like I did. It hurts me, too, but I can understand why God would punish me. I don’t understand why He would punish you because of my stupid mistakes.”
Mamm put her hands on either side of Leah’s face. Compassion filled her eyes as she said, “My dear kind, you know that isn’t how God is. We live according to His will, but He doesn’t punish us when we make mistakes. He loves us, in spite of our human failings, and He wants us to learn from our mistakes.”
“I’m trying to.”
“I know you are.” She kissed Leah’s cheek, then stepped back. “Hurry and get Mandy to school, or she’ll be late on her very first day there. Don’t forget to ask Esther how her family is doing today.”
“Daed—”
“I’ll keep an eye on him and on Shep. Stop worrying, Leah. It’ll be fine.”
Leah wished she shared her mamm’s optimism. After she tied her black bonnet under her chin, she went outside. She heard Shep’s anxious whine when she shut the door, but she didn’t want to make it a habit to have the dog in the buggy. Daed had already complained about cleaning dog hair off the seats.
She had a smile firmly in place by the time she climbed into the buggy and sat next to Mandy. Feeling the smooth rhythm of the horse’s gait through the reins and listening to the whir of the metal wheels on the asphalt as they turned onto the road soothed Leah. She’d become accustomed to taking a
bus, and the crowded, noisy, smoke-belching vehicle hadn’t been as satisfying as the steady clip-clop.
She glanced at Mandy, who was chewing on one of her kapp strings. Gently, Leah drew it out of her hand and let it fall back against her niece’s new black dress. Like Leah, Mandy would wear only black dresses and capes for the next year as they mourned for Johnny.
“Maybe I should go another day,” Mandy said in little more than a whisper. “I’m sorry I upset Grossdawdi. I need to tell him that.”
“He’ll be glad to hear your apology after school.”
“I’ve never been the new kid in school before. What if they don’t like me?”
Leah stroked her niece’s arm. “How could they not like you? And it’s not like there will be only strangers there. Esther Stoltzfus will be your teacher.”
“I like Esther. She makes gut cookies.”
“You know her niece Deborah Stoltzfus,” she said, hiding her smile at Mandy’s response, “and I saw you playing with the younger Burkholder girls—Anna and Joyce—at church yesterday. I suspect you already know all the girls who sit in your row in the school.”
“That’s only three!”
“Someone mentioned there are twenty scholars attending school this year.” She smiled. “That’s what we call the kinder who are in school. Scholars. You are a scholar now, too.”
“There are only twenty kids in my class?”
Leah shook her head, realizing anew how great the changes were that her niece was facing. When Leah had arrived in Philadelphia, she had been astounded at every turn by the ways that were different in the city. She had gratefully left, bringing Mandy with her, without understanding that the life they lived in Paradise Springs would be almost as alien to the little girl as the city had been for Leah. Some things Mandy knew about because Leah had tried to live a plain life even in the city, but how much did the little girl truly comprehend?