It was a voice I didn’t think I’d heard before. But he called me Lace…
I turned expecting to meet the face of the one person who called me that. But the man before me wasn’t my boyfriend.
I saw my eyes, but the irises were a hazel instead of a deep brown. My nose, though wider from my mother, had the same slant as this man’s. Finally, I saw my mouth. I had the same laugh lines. His laugh lines.
My dad.
I scurried to my feet, stepping back from the man who ripped my mama’s heart out, as well as my own, tearing it into tattered pieces.
“Please don’t go.” In his hand, the Caucasian man held a bouquet. Lilies. He raised them and his other hand, silently telling me he was no threat.
But he was a threat. He was. Though, I had to admit he gave a good illusion not to be. He wore a clean, long-sleeved button-down shirt and crisp tanned pants. His sandy brown hair was styled, cut and kempt, and his face was clean-shaven, also aiding to the fantasy of a man who was put together. But the aging around the eyes of the handsome face that once fooled my mother told of his past. He and my mama had me young. He was barely forty, if that, but the stress was there on his face. The years of addiction. That couldn’t be hidden with nice clothes and a clean-shaven face.
“What are you—” I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice. “What are you doing here? What do you want?”
Slowly, he lowered his hands, but didn’t dare come closer. “I came to see your mama.”
My throat threatened laughter, but it wasn’t because I found anything funny. I raised my finger, realizing I was shaking. “How dare you. You didn’t even come to Mama’s funeral. How dare you be here now and claim you’re here to see her. Like you even gave a shit about her. About either of us.”
“I was serving time when your mama passed. When I got out, I heard and—”
He stepped closer, and I tensed. I pointed at him. “I swear to God you come one step closer I’ll bolt.”
Calmly, he raised his hands again and even took a step back for good measure. It was only after he did, I kept myself from running. But my body was still tense, my heart racing in my chest.
Very slowly, he lowered his hands. “I did care about you, Lacey. Do. I do care. About both of you. You two were all I thought about when I was locked up. How I let things get so bad. When I got out, the first thing I tried to do was find you both.”
I couldn’t be hearing this. This had to be a dream. A nightmare. I lifted my hands to my head, attempting to block out the words. He was lying to me. He was lying. “Stop bullshitting me. Quit trying to convince me you cared. Stop acting like you wanted anything to do with us. With me… You left us. You left us!”
“I was sick, Lace. So sick, but I’m not anymore. I loved you both so much. I just… I was so messed up, but I fixed that, Lacey. I’ve been sober for almost year.”
I lowered my hands. “You have?”
When he got closer this time, I didn’t retreat. He only moved a few steps and kept his hands in front of him, always where I could see them.
“Yes, Lace. I’ve been working really hard. Trying to get myself together. I knew I couldn’t come back until I did. After I found out about your mama, and realized you were all alone, I had to get better. For you. When I felt I was okay, I came back to the old neighborhood. I asked about you, but your Aunt Gladys wouldn’t tell me anything. It was going around the neighborhood you were coming home last month. I came to your welcome home party, but your auntie… she wouldn’t let me see you.”
I put my hand to my head. He was at my party?
“I was going through a really rough time around then, Lace. A real rough time. I guess I don’t blame her. I didn’t look as put together as I do now. I felt myself relapsing and ended up checking into a sober living house. I’ve been there ever since.”
I gazed away. Was he telling the truth? Had he tried to see me? Could I believe anything he said?
“I know it would take some time, but I want to be a part of your life again if you let me.”
I looked up, and he was reaching into his pocket.
“Here’s where I’m staying.” He pulled out a card and pen. “We’re having a party for family and friends to celebrate the end of the program. I’d love it if you’d come.”
I watched hesitantly as he wrote something on the back of the card.
“This is the date and time,” he said, scribbling. “The address is on the front. ” He recapped his pen then handed the card to me.
Tensing up, I simply stared at it. I couldn’t bring myself to move. I could neither leave nor accept the card from him. I was frozen. Frozen in front of the man who had been the source of so much heartache in my life. I couldn’t react. I couldn’t even release a breath.
I jumped when my cell phone rang, breaking the silence between us. Swallowing hard, I retreated from him by taking a step back. I pulled out the phone, seeing Drake’s number on the screen.
“Please, Lace,” my dad whispered.
I gazed up. He was still holding the card. With the way his fingers gripped it, the blood pressuring his fingers, I could tell it took a lot for him to keep his hand from shaking. He didn’t waver. He stayed strong with the card in his hand.
“Just give me this one chance,” he pleaded, his hazel eyes scanning mine. “After that, if you want me to leave you alone I will. I promise. Just a chance.”
My phone still rang, the melody playing through the air. This ringtone I chose for all my incoming calls because it reminded me of Drake. He once called me his angel of song, but the truth was he was my angel. My strength and my lifeline. So I chose a song that reflected that. One about angels and love. It was because of that song I was able to lift my hand and reach out to the man standing before me. The light tune gave me the will because it once again reminded me of my strength.
After I accepted my dad’s card, I turned without words. I left him standing there, answering my phone as I walked away.
Chapter Forty-Five
Drake
“Hey. You okay?” I glanced over at Lacey from the driver’s seat of Derrick’s car. Apparently, he’d let her borrow it so we could go out to dinner tonight, but she’d been pretty much silent since she met me at the Y with the car.
She flinched, turning from the window like my words had released her from a daze. Her face settled into a small smile. “Yeah. I think I’m just thinking about food. I’m pretty hungry.”
“Well, you’re in luck. This place we’re going to is great.”
She lifted her head, nodding once, before gazing out the window again. Her gaze was so concentrated, studying the buildings as we passed them by.
I grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it. “I really missed you today. What did you do all day?”
She panned from the window and stared at me blankly.
“Lacey?” I questioned, my voice edged in worry. What was wrong with her?
She blinked. “I’m sorry. What did you say, baby?”
“I asked what you did today.”
“Oh, I went to see Mama.”
My brow twitched up. “You did? I thought you might wait. I really wanted to go with you.”
“It’s okay. We can go another time.”
The passing night scenery took her attention again, and I decided to leave her alone. Perhaps she was just hungry like she said.
*
The waitress led Lacey and me through the restaurant. Natalia said she was renting our group a party room for karaoke. I had no intention of participating, but it would be fun to watch.
Natalia waved at us when the waitress let us into the room. “Hey, guys. We got two seats right here for you.”
We told the waitress water for our drinks, since the group already had theirs, then took the empty two chairs next to Natalia. Luc was already up, rapping in Korean to the symbols projected on the screen in the room. The whole thing had me wishing I’d stayed for his last performance. It was freakin’ hilarious. He had his finger out and ever
ything, flowing to the beat like he was Jay-Z. When Lacey smiled at him as I pushed in her dining chair, I was really happy he was up there. She seemed kind of down, and I was happy she was cheering up.
“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m feeling a bit star struck,” Natalia said, picking up her menu. “I mean, we’re eating with the Lacey Douglas.”
Lacey’s cheeks went their familiar pink, as they always did at recognition. That was one thing I loved about her. Her humility.
“I’m nothing special.” She shied into herself.
“Nothing special?” Natalia’s jaw dropped. “I beg to differ. I seriously love your show. I got the DVD of it when it debuted. I’ve even showed it in some of our youth music programs at the Y. The kids love you.”
Lacey dipped her head at that.
“How was working in Paris?” Natalia leaned forward, her chin propped on her palm.
“Better yet, how was working with Jason Harrison?” Mina’s lips pursed after the statement, and she received an annoyed glare from Kyle. She squeezed his arm. “You know I only have eyes for you, oppa, but it’s Jason Harrison.”
I raised my hands. “Ladies, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be loaded down with questions before she’s eaten.”
“No, it’s fine, Drake.” Lacey’s words came out meek, and I didn’t think it was okay, but since she wanted to speak I didn’t intercede.
“I learned a lot and working with Jason was great. In the end, I think here is where I need to be,” she said.
“They say home is where the heart is,” Kyle said before taking a sip of his soda.
She smiled. “Very true. So how was the carnival today? Did you all have a good time?”
Lacey’s redirection of the topic off her definitely went noticed by me, but the group didn’t seem to catch that. They immediately filled her in on the details, but she only seemed to be half hearing it. She blinked rather often, revealing she was losing focus. I wanted to take her to the side and ask her if she was up for tonight, but our appetizers came. It was the usual tiny bowls with the addition of a large platter of raw meat.
“I hope you guys don’t mind, but I ordered some samgyeopsal for the table to start,” Natalia said. “It’s like a thick bacon. Really good. We cook it here at the table.”
Luc zoomed over from the mic. “Oh, yes. It is.” He immediately tended to the meat, laying it strip by strip on the table’s center grill.
Something told me the meat wouldn’t be there for long.
As the party room filled with the smell of grilling meat, the waitress set out small plates to go with the samgyeopsal. When she was done, she held up her order paid. “Can I take your order now?” she asked.
I picked up my menu. “I think we’ll need a minute. Thanks.”
She nodded and left us.
I studied my menu. “Lacey, do you need help ordering? I’m sure Natalia can offer some suggestions.” Though the English descriptions were below, everything still looked intimidating on the menu.
She didn’t answer, and I gazed her way. She had her menu in hand, but she wasn’t looking at it. Staring ahead, her eyes were on the samgyeopsal. Her face scrunched up, and she placed her hand on her stomach.
I placed my arm behind her seat, leaning over to her. “Are you okay, babe?”
She drew a breath through her nose. Swallowing hard, she nodded. “Yeah. I just feel a little nauseous. I think it’s the meat. I’m not used to the fried smells yet. I didn’t eat a lot of fried food in Paris.”
That transition wasn’t hard for me at all, but everyone’s bodies were different. That was proven when her hand went to her mouth. Her eyes twitched wide. “I’m sorry. I have to go to the bathroom.”
Before I knew it, she was out of her seat and bolted out of the room. I followed her without acknowledging what was going on to the group.
Lacey went quickly through the restaurant, and I couldn’t catch her. I watched her back as she slipped into a single bathroom.
Placing my hand on the door, I heard purging behind it. “Lace? Lacey, is there anything I can do?”
“What’s going on?” Natalia came into the hallway. “Is she okay?”
I shrugged, listening. She wasn’t letting up. “Lace?”
“Drake, I think I need to go home.” Lacey’s small voice came from inside.
“Okay. I’ll wait.”
“Please, don’t wait by the door. This is really embarrassing.”
Frankly, her being embarrassed was the farthest thing from my mind. She was sick, and I wanted to take care of her. I didn’t want to make her feel worse, though, so I said I’d wait for her by the car. Natalia followed me to the parking lot.
“She said it was the smell of the food because she wasn’t used to it yet being back,” I told Natalia when she asked about Lacey again by Derrick’s car. “But she’s been acting off since she met me at the Y. I hope it’s not something else.”
“It’s probably just what she said. I wouldn’t worry too much.”
I hoped so. “I’m sorry we have to take off.”
She moved around me and rested against the car on the back of her hands, crossing her ankles. “Don’t worry about it. There’ll be other times.”
I was happy she was being so understanding. “Hey, I never got to tell you good job. Your speech was great today.”
The applause seemed to never stop after Natalia’s speech concluded and for good reason. She really had a gift for helping people, inspiring others. I was happy to say I was one of those people she touched. She made me take a look at my own life so many times since meeting her. Made me want to be better and possibly aim to reach others as she was doing already at such a young age. Maybe one day.
Her cheeks painted a rosy red. “Thanks. I messed up a bit in the middle, though. I’ve spoken so many times, but I still get nervous.”
Her admittance surprised me. “I couldn’t tell you were nervous at all. It really was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. You’re brave. I could never do that.”
She tilted her head, smiling warmly at me. “Never say never. I bet you could. I think you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Pushing my hands into my pockets, I shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I still can’t seem to bring myself to open that envelope.”
She reached out, placing her hand on my arm. “I told you everyone’s journey is different. When you’re ready to actively search for your birth mom the information will always be there. Don’t try to force it. You’ll know when you’re ready.”
I understood what she said. I did, but I still couldn’t understand why something as trivial as opening a file was such a challenge for me. I wanted to know about my past. I wanted to search for my birth mother. Despite that, I couldn’t find it in myself to make the first leap. Perhaps my uncertainty had something to do with what I’d been doing since my sister handed me the records, and that was using an awful lot of the word “I.” This journey of diving into my past wasn’t one to be taken lightly, and so far, I had. I wouldn’t be the only one affected by the decision to search for my birth mother. Maybe I wasn’t able to move forward because I wasn’t considering the others involved. More specifically, the one person in particular my sister mentioned, the one whose heart could potentially be shattered by the choices I was choosing to make by myself.
I had a lot to think about regarding the decision to search for my birth mother. Until then, I was unfortunately at a standstill in the process.
I was taken from my thoughts when Natalia jolted. She pulled her hand away from my arm, staring uneasily over my shoulder.
I turned around, seeing the dark brown eyes of my girlfriend. Lacey stood ahead of me, her hair mused and small bags under her eyes. The way she stared at me I didn’t quite understand. Her expression was tight, yet her eyes were downcast.
I moved toward her. “Lace?”
Her lips pursed tight before she spoke. “You’re thinking about seeking out your b
irth mother, Drake?”
My mind flashed back to the conversation I was having with Natalia, and I sighed. This wasn’t how I wanted her to find this out.
“Yes,” I said to her. Standing there, I internally cursed myself, wishing I’d told her sooner.
“And you didn’t tell me.”
“I wasn’t sure if I was going to. I’m still unsure if I will.”
She nodded once. “But you told Natalia?”
Her words made my heart stop. Fuck… “Lace, it wasn’t like that. I needed Natalia’s help and—”
She placed out her hand. “Can I have Derrick’s keys please?”
That was the last thing I wanted to do. Let her leave like this. Upset and hurt when that wasn’t at all my intention. Rather reluctantly, I pulled the car keys out, hoping I could reason with her. “Let me take you home. We can talk about this.”
She stepped forward. “I’d like to be alone.”
She snatched the keys and passed me, moving toward the car. Natalia shot out of the way, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but here. Lacey didn’t pay Natalia any attention. She hopped into the car and started the engine. I could do nothing else but let her go.
Chapter Forty-Six
Lacey
Can you call me please? I really think we should talk about what happened, Drake’s text message read.
He’d sent a couple of these in the last couple of days. All with the same instructions: to call him about what happened. That statement was more loaded than he knew. If I called him I’d have to admit how much he hurt me, whether intentional or not, by confiding in Natalia about seeking out his birth mother. It didn’t matter to me that he told her because he needed her help. He allowed her to be a part of the process and not me. When I had my suspicions he was looking for his mother, I assumed I would have been the first he went to about his search. That I would have been the one he confided in, but I wasn’t, and that didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel good at all.
If I called him I also knew I would have to deal with what happened before the incident by Derrick’s car. My sickness at the restaurant would no doubt be brought up as well as the reason behind it.
The Dividing Line Page 26