Redemptio Animae

by Sydney Gibson

  I rolled my eyes, the cold unbending walls of the Senator were up. I had fucked up for sure, with oversleeping, detoxing in her house and trying to make a move on her when it now seemed it was a very unwelcomed one. I followed after her, sighing as I spilled the truth, "I was going to go home yes. I overslept again and when I saw that it was three thirty. I thought it would be best if I left and came back tomorrow." I watched the emotionless blonde open the fridge and grab last night's pizza and set it on the counter. "I'm sorry Claire, I screwed up again."

  Claire pulled a plate from the cabinet, filling it with cold pizza she looked at me from the side, "You can go home if you would like Kit, and be back at six a.m. tomorrow. Or you can stay here again tonight eat like you need too and we can go over the itinerary for the charity benefit in two weeks' time. Then call it an early night and start fresh tomorrow." Claire looked in my eyes and I saw nothing but business behind them. A shift had definitely happened between us over the last sixteen or so hours. "We have a lot to cover in the next few days. At least if you are here in the house, I can assume you will be somewhat on time for work." It was a plain statement with no real bite behind it, but it dug at me. She was acknowledging I had screwed up again and it was noted in her perfect genius mind forever.

  I held her gaze trying to not show that her comment hit deep. Maybe this is what I needed, her silent return to being a politician. A particular type of personality I was used too in my time at the secret service and move away from the amazing woman who surprised me every minute I had been around her. I would use this shift to chase away the feelings now that I saw in her eyes that it was in the heat of the moment between us last night.

  Nothing more.

  I walked to the pizza box, picked up one slice and set it on the second plate Claire had removed from the cabinet, "I will meet you downstairs in the office when you are ready. You can show me how to access the itinerary spreadsheet Rebecca showed me on the first day." I smiled tightly, taking my pizza and walking out of the kitchen. If back to business was what she wanted then that's what she would get from me.

  ____________________

  Back to business was the theme over the next few days. I only stayed at the house because every night when we finished, Claire would give me the option. Either stay or come back at a ridiculously early time. Meaning that I would have to be up at two in the morning to just make the three hour drive and be on time. I could tell it was a small way of punishing me or keeping tabs that I would not go home or to a bar and drink my life away again.

  The days were filled with learning the ins and outs of being her assistant. Knowing whose faces where who's in the Senate, who were allies and who were friends. She filled me in on the charity benefit we would be attending right before the winter break was over. A simple cancer foundation benefit where Claire was the guest of honor, receiving an award for her fund raising efforts. It would be a simple dog and pony show with a nice steak dinner.

  After eight or nine hours of boring administrative work, Claire would have dinner delivered to the house and when it would arrive, I would pay the delivery driver and she would take her meal, disappearing into a part of the house I didn't dare follow her unless I was instructed to.

  Gone was the easy and breezy way of the blonde on vacation. The Senator, my employer was in effect and I had to respect that. As much as I hoped she would eventually fire me, I did need this job and the money it gave me. I had begun to pick up on the new cues that were Senator Avondale. She would no longer look at me and smile with her eyes or offer more than the necessities.

  When Claire did look at me with her blue green eyes, they only held determination for the task she was handing my way, and yet it still made my heart jump in the first few seconds her eyes made contact with mine. The feelings were still obviously there, but were receding as the veil she was hiding behind dropped and I was being issued firm, yet gentle instructions of how to do my job properly.

  I also noticed that Rebecca was not brought up or had to return to take over for Claire. It had been almost six days since the small brunette berated me in the office at Pepperdine. I wanted to ask Claire when my trainer would return, but there was never a moment to segue into casual non-work conversation.

  Every day it would be the same. Work, lunch, back to work, dinner and disappear.

  Claire to wherever it was she went to, I to the spare bedroom to sit and think too much while I flipped through the endless cable channels in bed.

  Friday afternoon came and I had spent the after lunch hours responding to multiple boring Senate emails from citizen fans of the remarkable Senator Avondale. Many of them asking for tours of her office, autographs and school visits during spirit week. I had kept looking at the clock on the computer, inching the minutes to hit six o'clock when I could shut the system down and go watch the reality show marathon I had planned for tonight.

  Five to six the office door whispered open and Claire shuffled in. Swiping through her phone, she spoke without looking at me, "Kit, thank you for getting caught up on the emails and forwarding me the new after break Senate schedule." She finally looked up at me, "It's Friday. You have the weekend off as per your contract since I have no special engagements." She folded her arms, "You are more than welcome to stay here or return home until Monday morning at 0730."

  I raised my eyebrows at her, "Are we back on schedule?" I was shocked that it wasn't five am, six am or anything else as it had been over the last few days.

  Claire nodded, "Yes we are caught up on the administrative things. Monday we will begin going over the non-administrative side of things. Your firearm qualifications and I want to take you to a driving course to refresh your evasive driving tactics."

  I stood up, shutting the computer down. I was eager to go home and relax. Being in her house over the last few days had been excruciatingly uptight since neither one of us wanted to talk about anything we needed to outside of the business at hand of Senate emails and being her assistant. "I will be here Monday morning and on time Senator." I smiled tightly and looked in her eyes, hoping that anything would float past her eyes to clue me in on something, anything that would open up the conversation I had been dying to have with her. I waited for a slow minute, and nothing.

  Finally I broke the tension filled air, "I wanted to thank you for helping me out at the beginning of the week. My detoxes are rough and I usually do it alone in my house." I looked over at my briefcase, reaching for it, "I hope that you know it won't happen again and I won't ever put you in the position I did." I swallowed hard as I hefted the briefcase, "I also want to apologize if I overstepped my bounds the night I collapsed in the kitchen. I shouldn't have tried to…" I paused, suddenly losing the language skills to say I shouldn't have tried to kiss you like I so badly wanted to. I took a slow breath in, "Shouldn't have tried to ki…"

  "Kit, you should get going before the traffic gets too heavy and you are stuck on the freeway for hours." Claire's tone was even and lacked any emotion as she interrupted me.

  But when I looked from my hands wrapped around the briefcase handle and up in her eyes, I saw emotion flood back around the blue green eyes. The Senator was gone and Claire was standing in front of me, her jaw clenched tight as she tried to hold back whatever it was my words were doing to her.

  It hit me so hard in my heart I had to look away and back at my hands. The veil she had been hiding behind was just a thin veil. Hiding the same things I was trying to hide from her. I nodded at the floor, "Yes, you're right, I should leave now."

  I brushed past her and as our arms made minimal contact from the walls forcing us together in the small office, I felt her body heat permeate me like I was tissue under a running faucet. The small hitch in her breath as our arms touched made me walk out of the office faster. I ran up the stairs, grabbed my things and quick stepped it to my car.

  Starting the car I raced out of the driveway and away from the house as my heart pounded. There were definitely feelings there, hard, nonnegotiable fe
elings on both of our parts. No matter how hard we both tried to hide them or stuff them away in the name of the job at hand, one genuine look from her, one brush of her arm against mine and everything would crumble like sandcastle walls against the incoming afternoon tide.

  I gripped the steering wheel harder than ever before, pushing the radio volume control up to as loud as I could stand it. I let Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto Number 1 flood the car and help race me back home with every strong note of the music. Back to cheap dark purple sheets and rooms free of the worry Claire would pop in them at any moment.

  Chapter 9

  I moved from Kit's office to mine, opting to not leaving the safe confines of my basement office for the rest of the night. I locked the door and returned to work overload, pouring over Dr. Zehren’s updates on Rebecca. The last regrowth formula I sent seemed to be holding strong through the new run of simulations.

  In between waiting for simulations to run I sat in the chair and stared at a random spot on the desk, thinking of Kit and what was undeniable now. There was something between us that held in the air heavily and it was becoming a constant thing between the two of us. If we weren't discussing work or what was for dinner, the awkward tense pauses would come, filling the air with painful silence. Why couldn't I just say something and ask her? Lay it out on the table like I would a new bill to congress.

  It had been hard keeping the redhead at a distance, changing my attitude towards her was harder. The last thing I wanted to do was be the Senator around Kit, but I had thrown up my Senator façade to keep her at arm's length since the morning after I found her in the kitchen in a ball, and I would continue to do so. I felt that my readings of her and what I saw in her eyes were completely wrong and had been from the start. It was as if that was exactly what Kit wanted, a divide between personal and business where I had muddied them together over the last few days. As a result, I was more than grateful when she seemed eager to return to a business relationship.

  So I did just that, returned to business. Every night I would grab my dinner and hide in the office until I was certain Kit had retreated to the spare bedroom watching those silly reality shows she seemed to be horribly addicted to. I would then quietly go to my bedroom and lay in the dark, willing my heart to stop infiltrating my mind and try to convince me to go to the spare bedroom and talk to her, but I didn't. I sat until I started reciting the periodic table from top to bottom, eventually passing out around hassium.

  That way I could focus on work and away from staring at her dimples and how it would feel if I ever had the chance to run my thumb over them.

  I leaned on the edge of my desk, rubbing at the bridge of my nose. Thinking back to right before Kit left for the day, taking the weekend off I gave her as excuse to not have to confront anything. That caused me to think about how I interrupted Kit on purpose when she went to apologize for the almost kiss. Her apology was the last thing I wanted to hear.

  I tucked away my notes and shut down the computer. The house was completely empty for the first time in as long as I could remember. The eerie biting silence was slightly unnerving as I walked through the house to sit on the patio to watch the last few bits of day drift into night. I knew I was safe in the house with all the security systems and my personal protection in the bedside table, but the deafening silence gave the house a penitentiary feeling. I felt oddly trapped in the safety of the security and completely alone.

  I sat in the large chair outside of my bedroom on the patio, curling up into the expanse of my large sweater, the view capturing my attention as it always did. I tried my hardest to empty out my mind of the day and Kit. But, I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. The ocean and the pale red rooftops would remind me of her and the story she told me about Italy.

  The small bits she told me about Italy was something more than just a sad vacation story. I could tell Italy was where Kit was last her true self. The Kit before the world collapsed down on her and made her feel unworthy of being remembered or cared for. Bringing her to my doorstep like an unwanted puppy that wanted so much to be loved and loved in return.

  I shook my head and laughed, Kit was not a puppy. She was a fierce pit bull that could learn to love if shown the way.

  I sat until dusk became dark, going to bed wondering how long would I be able to hold out not showing Kit how worthy she was and how much I did care for her.

  ___________________

  Then next morning I left the silent house and walked along the beach for hours. I had received an early morning email from Dr. Zehren, informing me that Rebecca was in the third stage of the regrowth simulator and if all went well the first phase of repairing her heart would begin in a few more days. Rebecca herself emailed me, telling me that she would not be returning until a week after we were set to return to D.C., but not to hesitate to call her if she was needed.

  I was worried about Rebecca, but was more worried about Kit. I had not heard from her since the moment that passed between us in the office. I started to have fears the woman would return to the bottle or spiral back down because I had shut her out. Pushing her away like so many had before me.

  I took deep breaths of the ocean air as I walked back up to the house. I had spent most of the morning walking barefoot on the edges of the waning morning tide. Loving the feel of sand under my feet, the gentle push back it gave me with every step then disappearing with the waves. Making me smile at the metaphor it offered up, that mistakes could be erased with ease if you just let things go.

  I had made the decision that I would take a trip out to Paco's and sit with him for a few hours, eat a large lunch of enchiladas with an even larger margarita. Maybe I could talk to Emilana and see how her health was and get a little more insight on how I could continue to help Rebecca.

  I walked up the steps to the gravel driveway, heading to the mailbox when I saw the little red flag was down. I ran my hand over my wind-blown hair, pulling it into a half attempt of a ponytail. My smile returned at how good the sun felt on the gravel under my feet. I was honestly happiest this way and looking forward to the day that I could spend the rest of my days like this, dressed down and barefoot.

  At the mailbox I removed a thick stack of letters and a few envelopes from the black steel box. Only my personal mail was forwarded to this address through the back channels Rebecca had set up years ago. No fan mail, no government mail and best of all, no junk mail.

  I flipped through the envelopes, excited to see the one book I ordered from Germany had arrived. A vintage copy of Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection. I tore open the edge and slid the book out of its thick manila transport. It was a book Dr. Zehren had suggested I pick up to read over. Giving me a better overall picture of how science and religion would always clash and that I should never take it personally when it was thrown my way.

  Turning the book over so I could flip the pages I looked up to see a car roll past. Dragging my eyes with it I stopped on a black van parked under my neighbor’s massive oak tree, doing its best to be discreet and failing horribly. None of my neighbors in this community drove a van. It was all strictly BMW's, Mercedes, Range Rovers, and the delivery vans that came through were all bright white and always clearly marked with who and what services they were providing.

  I held the book up so I could look at the van closer and not make it suspicious. My sunglasses allowed me to scan the van easily in the bright early afternoon sun. The van did not fit the status quo of a government surveillance vehicle, it was far too dirty and dented to be government issued.

  The windows had a dark tint, but not dark enough for to hide from me that there were two people sitting in the front seat trying to hide behind newspapers that were at least three days old by the bold front page headlines. As I watched them through the guise of getting lost in the book in my hands, their eyes would dart every other second to stare at me then dart back to the newspapers.

  I continued to scan over the vehicle, noting the large wooden cross dangling with a Jesus saves cardbo
ard air freshener from the rear view mirror. Moving to the front license plate I memorized the license plate number that was out of California and by the number letter sequencing I was able to place the vehicles origins from West Hollywood. This van did not belong in my neighborhood in the slightest.

  I tucked the book back into the stack of mail and turned. Sliding the pile under my arm I pulled my cellphone out and sent a text to Davey asking him to run the license plate number included discreetly and quickly.

  I had a feeling who the gawkers in the van were. I had been threatened by an extremist group that found my work in science unholy and that I was defying the true nature of humanity in the eyes of the lord. I knew after the incident at Pepperdine I would face more threats or visitors. I just didn't expect it so soon or when I was so alone.

  Inside the house I tossed the mail onto the grey couch in the sitting room and ran upstairs. I immediately went to the closet grabbing my boots and leather jacket. Throwing both on I heard my phone beep, Davey had run the plate and it came back to a small organic grocery store in West Hollywood. The registered owner was linked to the extremist group with a lengthy rap sheet for domestic terrorism threats. He also had a taste for hiring ex-cons for so-called side work. The two men in the van did indeed look like they were fresh out of San Quentin.

  Davey texted me back asking if I had Kit or Rebecca with me, that he was concerned because of some of the chatter he had heard through his network since the Pepperdine incident.

  I texted him back telling him I was more than safe. I then dropped the phone in my pocket and reached for my P99. Tucking it in my waistband, I grabbed the car keys to the Cadillac.

  The only idea I had in my head at the moment was to leave the house and drive to where I knew I would be safe. Kit's house.

  As I pulled the Cadillac to the edge of the driveway I spotted the van still sitting where I had left it. I could hear the van start up through the small crack in the passenger side window when they saw the front end of the Cadillac reach the end of the driveway. I turned right, making my way out of the winding roads of my exclusive neighborhood.