by Kathryn Moon
Ten
Lola
I was curled up on the daybed in the green balcony—possibly my favorite room in the house—reading beauty blogs on my tablet when Matthieu found me. He joined me on the bed without a word, rearranging me to lean against him, our hands linked and resting over my stomach, my tablet discarded to the side.
“You follow the sun through the house like a cat,” Matthieu said.
I grinned at the description. “Interesting, coming from the man who purrs louder than my old cat, Oatmeal.”
Matthieu scoffed, but already I could hear him thrumming behind me. All it took was us together, touching, and Matthieu ran like a motor. Quiet followed our teasing, and my eyes drifted shut. Maybe it was time for a nap in the sun after all, feline accusations or not.
“You know, I was nervous at the thought of meeting your parents,” Matthieu said.
I flinched and swallowed. I supposed I had to know that wasn’t going to just fly under the radar. And I couldn’t reasonably go on forever without telling the pack anything about my family, could I?
“You don’t have to worry about it,” I said. “My mom died a few years ago, while I was still in college. Lung cancer.”
Matthieu’s hands squeezed mine. “My mother’s was pancreatic. About…hmm, a decade ago, I suppose.”
He kissed the top of my head, and I brushed my thumbs over the back of his hand. Cancer was a bitch, and that’s all that needed to be said. Except I knew we weren’t done.
“And your father?”
Fuck. I really didn’t want to get into this. And to be fair, if I’d said so, Matthieu would drop the subject. He made things easy for me that way, always trying to smooth the path ahead of me to offer me a little peace. It was just there was a part of me that knew this was kind of important, and sharing it with Matthieu…well, maybe he needed to hear it.
I sighed and wiggled out of his arms, patting his hand at the soft sound of protest. He sat up as I shuffled and turned to face him, and then his worried face relaxed as I planted myself over his lap. I looked Matthieu dead in the eye and told him what I had never shared with anyone. At least not anyone that didn’t already know, like David or my aunts and uncles. Not even Baby.
“My dad was—is an alpha,” I said. “He left when I was little. Really little, I don’t remember him.”
I held Matthieu’s stare and watched it sink in, a little mystified by what I saw there. Surprise was first and I’d expected that, but I hadn’t expected the anger and outrage that followed.
“He left?” Matthieu growled.
A deep weariness sank into me when I thought of my dad, and it made me sag on Matthieu’s lap as I nodded. “My mom got pregnant when they were both super young, and my dad met his pack after that. And then his pack found their omega. It messed my mom up,” I said.
Don’t lie. It messed you up too.
I didn’t remember much of my dad from the time—I was too young—and it was a long time in my childhood before my mom spelled out for me what our family was missing. But when she had, she made sure to do so in the ugliest of terms. We were only betas, and that wasn’t worth enough to a man like my father. An alpha.
“Lola,” Matthieu said slowly, sitting up straighter as his hands reached to hold my face. “Is this…?” His brow furrowed, and I tried to steel myself against any assumptions.
“Do I seek attention from alphas to cope with my dad leaving?” I asked, watching Matthieu wince. “Probably. I don’t know. Yes. I hate thinking of myself like a stereotype, but all the signs point to ‘daddy issues.’”
Matthieu growled, and then his arms bound around me, gripping me to his chest. “Finding a pack or an omega is a very complicated pull on oneself, but it’s no excuse for abandoning a child or a bondmate,” Matthieu said.
“She wasn’t his bondmate.”
“But you are his daughter,” Matthieu bit out. He loosened his hold and pulled me to sitting up so he could look at me. “Do you know him? Know his name?”
“Matthieu…”
“I’m not…” Matthieu shook his head. “I’m not saying I would do something, I just…” His hands tightened over my shoulder and then soothed down my arms to take my hands in his. “I don’t like the words 'daddy issues,’ although I see the…” He blushed and shrugged.
“The resemblance in our relationship?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah. Me too. I’m not saying I look at you or Caleb like my dad,” I said, turning bright red.
“But to know that an alpha values you and puts you first is a reassurance,” Matthieu finished for me, thankfully undaunted by the awkwardness of the conversation. He hummed and drew our hands up to his chest. “I’ve been told that I need to be needed in a relationship.”
My brow furrowed. “That doesn’t sound like a bad thing to me.”
Matthieu smiled and tugged, and I leaned in to drape myself over his chest. “I never thought so, but I suppose it might be seen as an inadequacy to some. But if what I need is a partner who desires my care and focus and attention, and what you need is a partner who can offer you those same things, then we are not ill-matched.”
I turned my head and hid my smile against Matthieu’s chest. “Thank you.”
Matthieu made a soft dismissive sound, and his hands stroked my back. This was nice. We did a fair amount of post-coital cuddling, but this was affection at a simple and base level, and it was nurturing a different part of me.
“Back to your father…”
“Yes, I know his name. He…he started emailing me after my mom died, and he ended up covering college for me. I never answered, and when I graduated I changed my email,” I said. “He’s…he lives in the city.”
Matthieu rumbled under me and I couldn’t tell if it was a purr or a growl, but I was leaning to the latter.
“On a reactive level, I appreciate your resistance to letting him in your life. I think he deserves that. But I wonder if you wouldn’t find some reassurance in having some point of contact with him,” Matthieu said gently.
My nose wrinkled, but I rolled to my side so Matthieu could see my face. “I’ve considered it, I just…haven’t made the leap yet. What if…” I swallowed hard and squirmed with discomfort. “What if he has kids? Or another daughter?”
What if he had that perfect omega daughter I’d always wanted to be?
Matthieu nodded and let me hide my face again. “I understand. I’m here regardless. We all are.”
I sighed and nodded, and Matthieu and I fell into an easy quiet together. Maybe some people would see the sensational end of our relationship—our age difference, his position at Voir, my vulnerable background—but I felt more at ease with him than I ever had been with anyone. We were probably both flawed, but at least we were a matched set.
I settled, ready to nap, when Matthieu spoke up again. “Do you…do you want kids?”
His voice had the slightest wobble in it, like he was nervous to ask the question, and my own stomach dropped. Was he nervous I would say yes or say no? Did he want kids? Realizing I was stiff as a board and Matthieu was starting to get twitchy himself, I forced myself to relax. Better to be honest, I decided.
“I do, yeah.” The pack didn’t have any kids, although I wasn’t sure how Rake and the others would feel going through a surrogate. But they had the option and…
“I do too,” Matthieu said, and then rushed to continue. “The whole pack does, but Rake’s much younger than I am. And I think he’s been waiting to be ready to leave modeling before making any decisions.”
I wondered for a moment why Matthieu hadn’t already had children, and then remembered his shock at my own father. He’d assumed my mom had been a bondmate, that my dad had some expectation of permanence before getting my mom pregnant, because that was the kind of man Matthieu was.
“You’ll be a good dad,” I said.
Matthieu purred and relaxed, squeezing me a little closer. “It will happen when it’s time.”
“You nervous?�
�� Wes asked as I fidgeted in his front seat outside the Stanmore.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and he laughed lightly. Of course I was nervous. I’d just been fired a week ago, and now I was coming back to the entire office knowing that I was in some way responsible for the major upheaval of the magazine.
“Just remember this isn’t your only opportunity for work,” Wes said.
I nodded and released one long breath. “I know. But I think it’s my favorite one.”
Wes hummed with agreement, and I shifted on the bench seat to look more closely at him, struck again by the pure strength that Wes was made of. He was so calm and quiet, not to mention built like a boulder. Warmth slipped through me and I leaned across the seats, noting the second that Wes stiffened, his pupils growing just the slightest bit as I got closer.
I paused and grinned. “Are you scared of me?”
“Not the word I’d use, sweetheart,” Wes said, words throaty and deep.
I slid across the bench seat just an inch or two. “You know you don’t have to hold back quite so much?”
Considering our scorching kiss in the gym, and the handful of sweeter ones I’d grabbed in the week since, I’d expected Wes to make a little more forward motion with me. Matthieu and Caleb had both thoroughly unraveled in a fairly quick amount of time, but Wes’ control seemed to be far stricter.
His eyes narrowed a little bit, almost like he knew I was trying to tempt him. And god, I totally was. Except I didn’t feel like such a shit about chasing this alpha. He deserved to have a woman panting after him, and if no one else was going to do it, I would gladly take on the responsibility.
“I think I like you in the driver’s seat of this, Lola,” Wes said, cocking an eyebrow at me. “So maybe you’re the one holding back.”
Well, that was just a challenge. I closed the distance between us, grabbing Wes’ broad face in my hands and dragging his mouth to mine for a fierce, deep kiss. His purr thrummed immediately, heavy hands grabbing me by the waist, but he didn’t pull or push. Wes just held me as I licked and kissed my way into his mouth, the vibration of his chest growing louder by the second as I arched against him.
A car honked behind us and I jumped in my seat, pulling away and getting a full look of Wes’ hungry expression, his eyes hooded and nostrils flaring slightly.
“Get to work, sweetheart,” Wes growled.
“You get to work,” I volleyed back, grinning.
“I will when you’re done with me.”
Oof, that really made me not want to be done with Wes. But the taxis would probably riot, and the Stanmore might have us towed.
“For now,” I said, laughing as Wes’ tongue flicked over his bottom lip, catching a taste of me. I slipped back to the car door, grabbing my purse.
“It’s gonna be Danny who picks you up today. And Matt too, if you’re ready for that,” Wes said.
Ready to be seen leaving work with the CEO of Voir? Ehn, fuck it. It’s not like it wasn’t what everyone was already whispering about. I shrugged, and Wes nodded as I left the car.
I was getting stares as I entered the Stanmore, although to be fair, that might’ve had more to do with my vivid blue trench coat than any notoriety. But when I walked into the office, there was no mistaking it. Every set of eyes were turned in my direction. Daze was gone—she was one of Wendy’s pets, and I knew she’d been looking at a better position than receptionist—and in her place was the only unfamiliar face who didn’t pay more mind than to glance up. New hire. Well, at least for the next couple hours there was one person who didn’t know who I was.
“Hi, Lola!” A young man with fire orange hair and black gauges in his ears waved with a tight smile as I passed him in the hall.
“H-hey!” I answered too late. Did I know him?
Every window I passed, people corrected their expressions into some kind of smile. Oh my god. Did these people think I held some kind of power over their jobs because I was dating Matthieu and the pack? Did I have some power? If I did, it would be a violation of my relationship to even try using it, and totally uncomfortable for me.
Although, you kind of assisted Zane in keeping his job, didn’t you? I’d promised myself I’d be walking into the offices with my chin held high, but now I wondered if it wouldn’t have been better to adopt some kind of disguise. This was awkward as hell.
I took a deep breath, returned smiles and waves as demurely as I could, and hauled ass to my own office. Please let it not be weird. Please let it not be weird. Please—
“Woman, you have created some kind of storm in here,” Anna greeted me with wide eyes. Corey laughed nervously at her own desk, and I glanced to the far end of the room. No sign of Zane.
I shut the door behind me, the one we usually left open, and sagged against it. I couldn’t quite read the tone of the room yet, and I made a rough guess at how to greet them.
“It honestly wasn’t entirely my fault,” I said, raising my hands up in surrender.
Anna smirked. “No, I know. There’s a lot going around, but the only one that actually makes any sense is that Wendy scouted you for her new project thing without realizing you were dating the fucking CEO of Voir’s pack.”
“Not the whole pack,” I hedged. Not yet at least.
Anna laughed at that and shook her head. Thank god for Anna. She was cool as hell.
“I’m glad you came back,” Corey said, simple and sweet as ever.
I sighed and nodded. “I am really glad to be back actually. Not super excited about everyone looking at me like they think I could get them fired, but—”
Anna raised an eyebrow. “Couldn’t you?”
I pulled my trench coat off, leaving the safety of the door and heading for my usual desk spot. “Not as far as I’m concerned. I work at Designate. I am in a relationship outside of Designate. All I did was take information to my boss.” That was mostly all I did. “Zane’s not in yet?”
The door opened and I turned to find Zane, pale and nervous, visibly gulping at the sight of me. He stood, frozen, eyes darting between the three of us, and I hesitated.
“Anyone seen Maureen yet?” I asked, settling on ignoring the elephant of Betty’s absence for the moment.
Zane stepped inside and left the door hanging open. “I just saw her walk in. Literally shaking in my boots.” Maureen probably wasn’t the only reason.
“You met her at fashion week, right?” Corey asked me.
“Yeah. She’s…like abrupt, but in a good way. I’m excited to see how she’s going to jump into this setting.”
Zane slid into his own usual chair, leaving one empty space between us where Betty would’ve been. He kept looking at me out of the corner of his eyes, and I realized that between the two of us, he was probably sweating harder than I was right now.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said, with as little extra meaning added to it as I could manage.
Zane sighed and rolled his shoulders, loosening in his seat. “Me too. Corporate espionage is all fun and games until it comes time to jump a ship, and you realize you actually kind of liked where you were. Like, god, working from home? I don’t need to see that much of my roommates. And what am I going to do for lunch? Cook?”
I snorted and rolled my eyes, and Zane cracked a half-smile before the tiny and terrifying Maureen stepped into our office, eyes glaring through thick glasses. She gave me a brief nod, more like she was accounting that I was actually here than greeting me, and then turned to the others.
“Okay, we’re getting started immediately. Every morning until I say otherwise come in here, drop your things off, and then get to the conference room,” Maureen said in a quick snap. She shook her head at Zane, who’d started to rise from his seat. “Not now, obviously, I’m already here. We’re scrapping these three projects, I hate them,” she said, raising three of our recent mock-ups. “I want at least one of these replaced with a strong men's look. Talk amongst yourselves here for…forty minutes should be enough, and th
en come to my office with solutions.”
Maureen turned and left after passing a stunned Corey the mock-up copies.
Zane turned to me with enormous eyes. “I thought you said abrupt in a good way?” he whispered.
I laughed and pushed my rolling chair over to Corey so we could start working.
Okay, one last phone call, but I’m almost done. Meet you in the car.
I glanced at the text from Matthieu, lips quirking. Maybe I should’ve planned to ride home alone. I had a feeling that ‘almost done’ for Matthieu was probably longer than he realized. I hadn’t seen much of him at work yet, but I got the impression that for as relaxed as he could be when he made it home, he was as much a workaholic while in the office.
I slid my messages closed as I walked out of the Stanmore lobby and toward the black car at the curb. As I neared the car, my eyes looking up from my phone screen, I started to slow. Something was off. The car waiting for me looked like one of the usual company cars, except this one was ever so slightly dated and not nearly as shiny as they usually came. Even more unusual, there was no driver coming to greet me at the backseat.
Wow look at you, all used to being chauffeured. It was just that that was their policy and—
The driver's seat door shut, and a younger man jogged around the car. Danny was a beta, in his fifties and this was definitely not him. He was wearing a black suit, but it didn’t fit him right, and there was something kind of…scruffy about it. New hire maybe?
“Uh… here,” he said, his head ducked low as he reached for the back seat, standing on the wrong side of the door. I would have to pass between him and the door to get inside.
Warning bells rang in my head at the same moment that the first whiff of cigarettes and caramel hit my nose. The cigarette stench was on his clothes, but the caramel…
Alpha.
I stepped back, and his head jerked up. “Where’s Danny?”