by Keren Or
However, the more Martín became aroused, the more scared it made Eli, and she kept pushing him away “inconsiderately”... changing her mind. She was attracted to Martín, but at the same time, a strong sense of guilt was piercing her inside. Feeling like a traitor, that somehow she was cheating on Tomás, Eli was thinking that without love... she would be unable to do it.
On the third day of seducing her, Martín grew tired feeling that his whole body was aching after so many frustrated attempts. From afar, he watched how Eli danced barefoot, while her feet sank into the golden sand, and the afternoon sun caressed her. Even her ankle bracelet... excited him. He looked at her bikini-clad body... her waist movements, so elegant and sensual, that damn transparent fabric hugging her hips, and if it were up to him... he would tear it off her... right then and there.
Until eventually... he could take it no more...
Martín went off... to find his pride. No other woman before had dared to say no to him. The challenge is great, but not impossible, thought Martín, who had never failed in a conquest. And this one... will not be the exception.
They arrived at the VIP section of the best nightclub in the area, ushered by the security guard, where Daphne’s cousin was already waiting for them with her husband, who owned the hotel, and a friend who turned out to be... the manager of the club.
Sitting on a black leather sofa while snacking on salted peanuts, Eli spotted Martín dancing near the bar, surrounded by women willing to go along with him. He was fondling and kissing them, ensuring out of the corner of his eye that Eli was watching him and could see him well.
Without having any plan or intentions of any kind, she suddenly felt jealous. She was not happy with the image of Martín at all, let alone the thought of being about to miss the only opportunity... for an unusual adventure.
Who knows what future awaits me with Tomás? she thought. Perhaps I’ll never see him again... Perhaps he’s doing now the same thing as I am... And perhaps... I should think less...
At that very moment, and before it was too late, Eli decided to forget who she was, where she came from and what could happen... She simply allowed herself to be carried... by the night, by life and by Martín...
“Can I speak to you?” shouted Eli from behind him, trying to exceed the volume of the music.
“I’m busy,” said Martín, playing hard to get.
Eli took him roughly by the arm, removing him from the nucleus of piranhas.
“I didn’t need salvation,” said Martín, laughing.
“Yes, you needed it! They were about to feed on you,” Eli said, smiling falsely with a touch of what she imagined was seduction.
“That was the idea... Or do you have a better one?” Martín was teasing her as he pulled her towards him.
“Yes, let’s get out of here,” whispered Eli in his ear… “before I change my mind...”
Without wasting time, Martín took the keys to the Jeep and they left for the hotel.
It took them five minutes to get there, but for Eli... it was twenty. Her mind was torturing her... as always. What will Tomás say? Would he get back with her knowing that she was with another? Will he… come back? And what if I go back and we get married and this is the only opportunity I have to know what it feels like to make love to another man? And what if…?
The contradictory thoughts were driving her crazy, but Eli’s mind... was already made up.
On entering Martín’s room, Eli took a deep breath; forcing herself... she blocked her doubts, turned off her memories and also the light...
Martín closed the door and began to kiss her desperately, pinning her back against the wall.
Everything pent up for the last three days burned in flames inside his veins and raised his excitement to new levels.
Eli was trembling from fear and emotion, from pleasure and the unknown, and from everything at once.
“Relax... let yourself go…,” he whispered between one kiss and another.
The zipper of her dress down her back opened slowly, and Eli... could feel the cloth sliding little by little, exposing first her shoulders, then her hips and finally her legs.
Shyness was threatening to stop her, but Martín kept doing his thing, willing to fight... against any challenge.
Without removing his lips, he pushed her gently until she reached the edge of the bed, while Eli, one by one, undid the buttons of his shirt, then worked on his belt, while he meticulously tried to loosen her bra.
After passing through “first base,” kissing her, at last Martín managed to reach “second base” and discover her breasts. Now, the only thing left was to reach “third base,” and the unstoppable batter was already on his way...
Feeling his hand roaming over her belly and heading downwards, Eli stopped him. It was one thing to commit the act of madness of having sex with a stranger and another quite different to risk her life by becoming infected with some disease or getting pregnant. Therefore... Eli was willing to continue only on the condition that Martín protected himself.
That... was no problem. To him, her wishes... were commands. At that moment he would have tolerated any demand... in order to finish his race...
The darkness prevented her from seeing what was to come, but Eli... could smell his fragrance coming closer as his lips climbed up her skin.
In a few seconds, his body wrapped around her... marking ground and taking over her being. Martín... was already inside her, but she... was not with him.
At the beginning it hurt. Her delicate body was trying to adjust to the new sensation.
Eli could not remember movements so rough and fast, but where tenderness is lacking... compassion is not sought...
It was hard for Eli to surrender. Her tense state... did not allow her to feel pleasure. And when she finally thought she could relax... Martín jumped the gun, putting an end to her plan...
Upon completing the lap, he had achieved his goal, discharging his pride at the finishing point.
He waited a couple of minutes to settle his heart rate and turned over to go to take a shower. And as for Eli... to hell with her…
From the bathroom he shouted to her to come lather his back.
Eli remained silent... without the strength or the motivation to respond. Clinging to a corner of the bed, disappointed with herself, she bore her sadness and could not understand what the devil was she still doing there...
She felt humiliated, alone, far from home and bereft of love.
She dressed hurriedly, maintaining her silence, thinking that the night... could not be worse...
Unfortunately... she was wrong...
On opening the door to flee, she found three extremely happy women, celebrating the crazy life and looking for Martín... A very demeaning situation...
Eli escaped, leaving the door open and her guilt behind.
Thankfully, Daphne was awake and alone. Eli told her all that had happened in abundant detail, and cleansing her soul along the way... at last she fell asleep.
After that day, she never saw Martín again. Moreover... with the passing of the years... she would not even remember his name... In her memory there would only remain the vague reflection of a man... with whom she had...
A casual encounter…
11
All roads
A few days after returning from her vacation, Eli held back no more... The longing to hear Tomás’s voice and to know if he still loved her was stronger than any vow, and more so after learning that he had been seen with another woman. Locked in her room, she dialed his number... but hung up immediately. She was paralysed by the fear of what he might say to her or of him getting angry with her for having broken her promise. She tried once more... but being afraid to discover that she had lost him forever, again she interrupted the call. Finally, she had enough courage to wait.
“Hello, Tomá
s?”
A long, acute silence resounded in Eli’s ear... but she could hear the heaviness of his breathing at the other end of the line.
“Tomás...”
“Eli? Is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me...”
“How are you, kiddo?” he asked, referring to her the usual way, funnily enough in the masculine form, as if he still loved her...
Eli burst into tears immediately. Only God knows how much she wanted to be with him at that precise moment... protected and loved by him.
“Forgive me for calling you, my love, but I was dying to talk to you... I need to see you...”
“I’d like to see you too, but I can’t...,” replied Tomás, breaking down inside but listening to his logic.
Tomás felt they had to give themselves more time to reflect and mature. Apologising, he explained to her that meeting at that point would be to go back and he could not bear to say goodbye to her... one more time.
Eli could understand, but his words... burned. Then she answered, consumed with sadness.
“I’m not as strong as you, but it’s okay, Tomás. At least, after so much time... I got to hear your voice. I’ll try not to call you again, although this time I won’t make promises...”
Eli said goodbye, wishing him love and happiness, when suddenly, just before hanging up, she heard him whisper:
“I still love you, Eli...”
How was she not going to fall in love with him again, if with distance Tomás was finally treating her the way she had always dreamed? Taking her seriously, talking like an adult and being a responsible, mature man...
Eli wanted him with all her soul, but at the same time respected his reasonable decision... so she hung up without a reply.
Eli had been working for a month as an administrative assistant in a law firm—and four months without Tomás—when Ema, her best friend, came to work by chance two floors above. Eli could not be happier! In the mornings she would work and in the afternoons she studied, filling her hours... trying to forget. Occasionally, at night she would go out to have a drink at some pub and sometimes to dance, but never going anymore to where she used to go… with Tomás.
Another year was nearing its end and with it the different festivities. But on receiving an invitation to the end-of-year party organized by the university where her friend Nicole was studying, her first reaction was to decline. She was not short of excuses: she said she was tired... depressed... concerned that she would not know anyone... that the party would end too late and she did not have a car... that it was very far away...
However, all her attempts failed... And when her friends’ preaching exhausted her, finally... she was convinced.
Eli got ready as usual... straightening her hair and applying makeup delicately. She put on a pair of jeans and a new black shirt she had bought on her last vacation, and with a group of friends left for the event, looking forward to having... an unforgettable night.
And God... listened to her...
The place was packed with people. Trying to make her way on the grass, Eli stepped on paper cups, beverage cans and even some people. The fresh air and the background music pleased her, some acquaintances greeted her. The night had started very well.
As she continued moving on through the garden, she thought she heard a voice far away shouting her name. Turning around, among dozens of people passing each other at the same time… was Tomás.
The earth under her feet trembled, or perhaps her legs were trembling. The only thing she had clear at that moment... was that her strength was failing her and she was about to lose her balance. In merely a few seconds, Tomás crossed the distance between them and squeezed her against him, holding her tightly. Then Eli... let herself melt into the embrace. So joined together were their bodies that they could not even look at each other. For several minutes they remained that way... accompanied by the background music. Knowing that everything would end there and at that very moment, neither of them attempted to let go.
Unfortunately, the moment had a mind of its own...
The friends surrounding them, witnesses to the turbulent beginning, the strong feelings, the surprising breakup and the sad separation... on seeing them immersed in each other moved away, understanding the difficult moment and the complex situation.
Shortly afterwards, Eli and Tomás found a secluded, quiet place to talk. She told him about her deepest feelings, her most honest thoughts and how much she still wanted... to try again. Her words tenderly caressed his exposed soul, breaking his heart in two... and then... into a thousand pieces.
Tomás still loved her, and his whole being was calling out for her, because for a long time he had dreamed of having her in his arms.
But this... did not help Eli. The indestructible shield that Tomás had built came between them. He continued with the same old song, that they still needed time. Eli was listening, in tears, to her sentence... until she took a step back:
“There’s something else I want to tell you...,” she said, crushed but needing to clear her conscience.
“Tell me, Eli...,” said Tomás, sitting on the grass and imagining the worst.
“I met someone on my last vacation and... I was with him...,” she confessed, drying her wet cheeks again and again.
The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, and her tired eyes... were burning with pain. Tomás, for his part, lowered his eyes and held his head with his hands. His silence hit her hard.
“It hurts me to the bottom of my soul...,” he said at last, looking up. “But who am I to demand anything of you, Eli? We are separated and... we knew this could happen, didn’t we? Besides, I am not a saint either.”
Eli sat beside him on the grass so as not to fall. Looking at him in silence, giving up... she let him continue.
“I was with another woman... I met her at the dance class, we dated for a while, but it’s now over.”
“Did you sleep with her?” asked Eli, torturing herself.
“Yes, Eli, but I couldn’t fall in love with her; although I won’t deny that in fact I tried. She simply kept me company when I was going through an overly difficult moment. But she was asking for more than I could give her, and so I preferred to end it.”
“The moment was difficult because of me?”
“If not you, then who?”
Eli needed air. Her world was spinning, and she wanted to vomit. Tomás tried to soothe her pain, but knowing full well that after that night... nothing would be the same.
“Let me hold you,” he told her, “At least for me, that experience meant nothing.”
“For me too,” replied Eli, knowing she was as guilty as he… or even... a little more. “What are we going to do?” she asked, looking for salvation.
“For now, nothing. I don’t think we’re prepared. We still have a lot to process.” Tomás said this, unsure of his words and struggling internally with himself. “I know that I’m risking losing you, but I have no other... I’m afraid of failing again...”
“Take me home, Tomás...,” asked Eli, trying in that way to amputate the end in one stroke, since by herself… she could not dance that tango...
The ride was silent. And once at her door...
“I don’t want to say goodbye, not yet,” said Eli, refusing to get out of the car. “I need to be with you, to feel you for the last time... I’m begging you... please...”
Obeying her moving request and his own hidden desire, Tomás took her to his apartment. Each step she climbed took her back to old times, and there, in his old room—which remained just the way she had left it—they made love, reliving its taste... lost in time, though conscious of the pain that, in the end, would await them when everything was over.
And everything, in fact...was over.
Tomás took her home. Neither of the two could or wanted to talk.
Giving him an innocent kiss goodbye, Eli took leave without saying anything and ran off, without looking back, foregoing the discussion of the why and the maybe...
However, and without a doubt, she had obtained what she wanted: an unforgettable night...
As time went on, the memory of Tomás kept retreating. Nevertheless, his scent, the taste of his kisses and the feel of his caresses remained, like a seal, branded on her skin. She still loved him and at the same time it hurt her to agree... to continue living without him. Despite everything, she was grateful; she knew that Tomás still loved her, and that... made her stronger to go on. The conviction that “nothing in this life is coincidence” relieved her pain...
Returning to her routine, Eli focused fully on her work. Her co-workers loved her, her superiors valued her and life seemed peaceful, though devoid of love.
One morning, after crossing out another day on her calendar, Eli sat down to review some contracts. Outside, it was cloudy and the wind was roaring, but inside, the heater was giving off a cosy warmth. Suddenly, the temperature increased when Adrián, a new lawyer, entered her office. He was trying to find forms, various office supplies and some friendly faces on his first day at work. The look in his eyes, virile and seductive, raised her hopes for a few moments, but the brief illusion did not take off: his ring finger bore a pretty gold ring, the kind worn by those who have gone to the altar.
Eli passed him the material he was searching for, calm and formal, but friendly at the same time. Conscious of the danger, she pretended to be busy, with very little time and zero interest.
However, apparently, not everything depended on her.
Day after day Adrián would surprise her, coming through her door with cookies and a cup of coffee. He sat, without being invited, finding conversation topics that would continue via e-mail throughout the day.