She could picture babies born to her and Garrett. Dark curly hair, large eyes, either brown or green. Or maybe their eyes would be a color that was a mixture of the two. Her mother had had the light brown color. Her mother. Could Sasha hope to be as kind and caring as her own had been?
She placed one hand on her flat stomach. Did she now already have a babe of Garrett's in her womb? It was her heart's desire for it to be so. Although she didn't know what signs to look for and wasn't comfortable asking Garrett. Maybe Maryann could advise her.
Douglas kneaded her lap a few more times and flipped his tail before jumping to the ground. Sasha leaned over. "A beetle? That's what has you so excited?" She laughed. Cats were so easily entertained. Douglas batted at it for a minute or two and then pounced on a blade of grass that swayed in the breeze. His tail lashed to and fro as his whiskers twitched. Sasha could again hear his purr, so the cat must still be amused.
A breeze kicked up, stirring the leaves on the tree above the bench. The sun dodged behind a cloud as the temperature cooled. Distant thunder rumbled, indicating a coming storm. "We'd better get inside, Douglas." Sasha hurried to the side door just as a few fat raindrops splattered on her head and shoulders. Was Garrett out of the weather and safe?
Opening the door, she slipped inside, waiting a second longer until Douglas followed her in, his tail high in the air. Sasha laughed. "Any longer, Douglas, and we both might have been washed away. I'm sure you wouldn't want wet fur."
The cat trotted after her as she walked across the entryway, brushing a few drops of rain from her face. She was so grateful to no longer experience even a twinge of pain from her ankle, although she missed being carried around by Garrett. A small part of her had contemplated telling him she still had problems getting around on her own, but she couldn't. As much as she'd have liked being in his arms all the time, she wouldn't tell him a lie, even a small, harmless one. Because they were one now, open and honest. It would always be so.
The door to Garrett's study was half open. Had he returned so soon? Sasha glanced inside, but Garrett wasn't there. Maybe the maid hadn't closed the door all the way after she'd dusted.
Sasha grabbed the doorknob, intent on closing the door. Douglas darted between her feet, scurrying toward the desk. Sasha shook her head. "Silly cat. You don't need to be in here when Garrett's gone. He wouldn't like it." Douglas leaped to the top of the desk, batting some papers that lay there. Several were knocked off, floating to the floor.
"Garrett wouldn't approve of you messing up his office, Douglas." She walked across the room, her boots tapping on the hard floor. First she removed the cat from the desk, settling him on the floor next to the desk chair. Douglas flicked his tail and growled. Sasha bent to retrieve the scattered papers. One had floated under the desk. When she fell to her knees to pick it up, her brother's name caught her eye. Why would Garrett have something with Samuel's name on it?
Sasha stood, holding the paper. She frowned. It didn't make sense. Garrett had never met Samuel. They wouldn't have had any reason to have a connection. Wanting to respect her husband's privacy, she decided not to read the letter's contents. But as of their own volition, her eyes darted to the words printed there. She read quickly, not understanding all the words. A glance at the bottom told her it was from a barrister. Why would her husband receive a letter about Samuel from him?
Determined not to read the rest, Sasha laid the paper down on the top of the stack. Surely Garrett had his own reasons for speaking to a barrister. She took a step away from the desk, intent on leaving the office with the paper partially unread.
She stopped. Why did her heart pound so? There must be a good explanation as to why her brother's name was on a letter to her husband. Without thinking, she found herself once again standing by the desk. With a shaking hand, she grabbed the paper for the second time. Words blurred before her eyes as she located the paragraph where she'd first noticed Samuel's name. Blinking several times, the words came into focus.
"… since you now know the identity of Samuel Douglas' killer, our current business is complete. Once again, it's been a pleasure to serve you, your grace."
Knew the identity of the killer? She shook her head. No, that would mean he'd known before the wedding, wouldn't it? For why would he need a barrister to discover who had killed her brother when Lucien had confessed it out loud to her… with Garrett standing nearby? Her brother-in-law been arrested soon after and carted away.
She checked the date on the letter. It preceded their wedding! Why hadn't Garrett told her? Her body shook, the paper in her hand fluttering as if it were in a strong breeze.
Her husband had withheld information concerning her brother and her. He'd hidden it… lied. No. How could he? They were married. They shared everything. Was their marriage also a lie? If he'd not been truthful about something so important, could she trust him now with anything else?
She had hated Samuel's lies, too. Hated them. She could have forgiven all else of his bad behavior, but not that. Being lied to shook her very core. Dissolved her trust. Yes, she'd loved her brother. He'd been all she'd had. But she hadn't been able to trust him. And now… now her husband had lied to her, too. Despair clutched at her heart, its claws painful and swift, ripping, shredding.
A sob escaped her lips. She released the page as if it were in flames and ran from the room.
Chapter Fourteen
Garrett walked down the path, away from the last tenant's farmhouse on his property. The wind howled, swirling leaves around his feet. A storm must be brewing. His body ached from riding as he'd gone from one house to the next. Business now complete for a time, he was pleased to have found that all his tenants were doing well and thriving. Visiting them and finding them all healthy and happy gave his heart a boost that only helping another person could give.
A knock on the glass of the window pulled his attention from his thoughts. He glanced behind him at the small, weathered farmhouse. Lettie, the youngest daughter of the Smyth family, peered out at him. She waved. Garrett laughed and waved back. Such a sweet, darling little girl, with her brown eyes and curly blonde hair. He hoped to have one or more of those someday himself, with Sasha.
Ah, Sasha. His beautiful wife. He'd been gone for just the day, but had missed her beyond measure. They hadn't even known each other all that long, yet they were now inseparable. Would it be too much to hope that they might already have started on their own family? He'd love nothing better, and hoped it would help Sasha heal from losing her brother. If they had a son, would they name him Samuel?
A dark cloud settled over his mind, matching the one hovering over the area. Guilt tugged at him from every angle. The prudent thing would have been to tell Sasha the truth about Lucien and Samuel as soon as he'd found it out, but he'd wanted her wedding day to be special. Was that the real reason, though?
Deep down, he knew he'd been a coward. And he still couldn't bring himself to say the words to her. Each day, Garrett found himself less inclined to tell her. If enough time passed, would it leave his mind for good? He didn't want to hurt her, but also feared her reaction.
What if Sasha couldn't separate her anger toward Lucien from her relationship with Garrett, since they were related? His heart would break if that happened. Maybe it was best not to tell her. But would she learn it from someone else? A mere acquaintance had mentioned it at the breakfast, beginning the chain of events that had led to Lucien confessing to Sasha. She would hear of it somehow, some way. Better it came from her own husband. Decision made, he was determined to tell her himself. Today.
Ever since the day Garrett had rescued her from the well, he'd considered her his. Not in an ownership kind of way, but his in his heart. She'd taken ownership of it from the first glance. Didn't he now owe her at least the truth from his own lips? Yes, he did. To do otherwise was unfair to her and her brother's memory.
Rumbling thunder boomed as fat drops of rain smacked his head and shoulders. He hurried to Ashe, tied to a nearby tree. "Let
's go, my friend. Neither of us wants to get caught in the storm." Garrett climbed on his horse, grabbed the reins, and gently squeezed his legs. Ashe trotted the first few yards, then whinnied and bucked as lightning struck in the distance.
Garrett tightened his hold on the reins. "It's all right, boy. We're fine." But his words belied his thoughts. Hadn't one of his tenants been struck by lightning a few years back? What a terrible way to die. Garrett had no desire to stay out in the elements any longer than he had to. Grateful he'd finished visiting all of the tenants, he leaned forward and pressed against Ashe's mane, willing the horse to run at top speed. "Take me home, boy. Home to my wife."
Wind whipped about them, grabbing at Garrett's clothing. Ashe's wet mane lifted in the breeze, sticking to Garrett's face. More thunder boomed. Ashe, startled, rose up on his hind legs, pawing toward the sky as if to chase away the storm. Surging forward with a jolt, the horse took off in a run.
Garrett held the reins with a death-grip, praying he could hold on until they'd made it home. He longed to see Sasha. Hold her in his arms and never let go. Releasing the reins with one hand, he wiped wetness from his eyes. The ride home had never been so long. Lightning lit the dark sky, striking a tree just behind them.
Garrett's heart raced. He knew Ashe's did as well, for his horse's breath came in rapid bursts. What if they didn't make it home? What would happen to Sasha? She'd be left alone. Again. He shivered. "Come on, Ashe, just a little farther, boy." The horse bobbed his head as if understanding his master. As the stable block came into view through the torrential rain, man and horse each released a sigh.
Ashe raced the last few yards to his home, finally reaching the stable courtyard. Garrett swung his leg over the horse's back and then slid to the ground, his wet boots sliding in the dirt. As he led the horse into the dry box stall, Garrett nearly wilted. Such a close call for them. So frightening. Thank goodness they were home and safe.
He handed the reins to the stable boy as he gave Ashe a pat on the back. Garrett grabbed a towel from a peg on the wall and wiped moisture from his face and hair. Stepping toward the stall door and peering toward the sky, he was glad that at least the storm was slowing a little. Just enough for him to make a mad dash for the house.
Stomping though wet grass and dodging the biggest puddles, he couldn't wait to be with Sasha. Surely she was concerned about his safety. It wouldn't surprise him if he found her waiting by the door when he arrived, a warm blanket in hand for his comfort.
He pushed open the mud room door. Disappointment cloaked him when Sasha wasn't there. He shed his dripping cloak and boots and then headed toward the entryway. His study door stood open. Perhaps she waited there for him. When he reached the doorway, he peeked in. She wasn't there either. He started to leave. As he pulled the door shut, a paper lying on the floor beside the desk caught his attention. Frowning, he opened the door all the way and walked across the room. Hadn't he left the papers there in a neat stack, with the lists for his tenants' needs on top?
He bent down to retrieve the paper. The heading showed it to be from his friend, the barrister. He glanced down at the page. It concerned Samuel's murder. But why was it lying on the floor? He'd specifically hidden it near the bottom, until he had a chance to file it away in a safe place.
Hidden. Yes, he'd hidden the truth from Sasha. But no more. It was time to tell her. Time to be the honest, caring husband she deserved. Shame enveloped his heart at how deceitful he'd been.
Still puzzled by the barrister's letter on the floor, separate from the rest, Garrett placed it back on his desk, face down. He ached to find Sasha. To hold her close and to try to explain why he hadn't told her the truth before. Please let her understand my reasons for not telling her sooner.
At the doorway, he nearly collided with Maryann. He reached out, steadying the maid when she stumbled. "Maryann, are you hurt?" He peered closer. Her eyes were puffy with tears. Had something happened while he'd been gone? Where was his wife?
Grasping the woman's shoulders more tightly, he frowned. "Maryann, what's wrong?"
She blinked rapidly, as if trying to ward off more tears. "Oh, your grace. I can't find my mistress. I've searched everywhere. And…" Her faced paled.
"Yes? What is it?" Speak, woman!
"The side door leading out toward the common was left open. She's nowhere to be found inside, so she must be out in this weather! Where could she have gone? Why would she leave?"
Garrett's eyes widened. Had Sasha read the letter from the barrister? It had been lying on the floor, out in plain sight. What if she'd discovered the truth about her brother before Garrett had gotten up the nerve to tell her himself?
****
Sasha pushed her wet hair out of her face. Thunder echoed around the distant edges of the common as lightning flashed on a far-off prominence. The ferocity of the weather was lessening, but the pounding rain continued.
She sat beneath the tree with her back pressed against its trunk. Rough bark poked at her skin even through her dress and shawl. She'd had to get away from Garrett, just for a while to collect her thoughts. Lies were something she could not tolerate! Samuel had lied to her time and time again until every word that poured from his lips had been suspect.
"Sasha, I won't do it again."
"I promise I won't spend any more of our money on drink when you need a new cloak."
"I'll stop spending time and money with those women and take care of you, instead."
"I won't leave you alone again."
"Tonight I'll stay home."
"Sasha, it's the last time. I promise…"
She hung her head. Now she was married. To a liar. Yes, it was the one lie, but was it one of many to come? Was she now tied to a man not unlike her brother? Fresh tears mixed with rainwater on her cheeks. How could she have been so wrong about Garrett? Hadn't he seemed trustworthy and kind? Wouldn't only a good-hearted man rescue a stranger from a well? Just the thought of her time beneath the ground caused an ache in her ankle. She once again smelled the mud, its dampness seeping through her bones. If he hadn't found her, she surely would have died. She and Samuel would both be buried below ground, with no one left to mourn them.
She'd been so enamored of Garrett, in awe of the kind, handsome duke. Then to have fallen in love with him so quickly. And she'd given herself fully to him on their wedding day, doing things with a man she'd never dreamed she would have. Yet it had seemed normal and natural when they'd been together. Warmth flooded her core even through her anger toward her husband. How could it be? How could she still desire him after what he'd done? Was that what happened when someone fell in love?
Sadness warred with anger in her heart. Her poor Samuel, beaten to death by her brother-in-law over some woman. And her own husband knew. She shivered. But drawing her wet shawl more tightly around her body didn't seem to bring her any comfort, from painful memories or from the weather. It only caused her bones to turn icy, her skin frigid, as if her body would freeze on that exact spot. Sasha pulled her knees closer to her body and propped her chin on them through her damp skirt. But even that didn't help hold in any body warmth.
It saddened her how quickly happiness had shattered once she'd read the letter from Garrett's desk. That horrible letter, which spoke of the betrayal of a husband to a wife.
Thunder rumbled again, but farther away than before. A glance at the sky told her the storm was letting up. She couldn't stay beneath this tree forever. Sasha sighed. Time to head back, even though she had no desire to see or speak to her husband at the moment. Looking around, everything appeared the same through the gloom. Hadn't she come from the direction to the left? No, it was the right. Wait… No! She was hopelessly lost! Still, she'd not have any chance of finding home if she simply sat in one spot.
But when she stood, she faltered, the common and trees around her moving and twirling. What was wrong with her? Why was she lightheaded? Nausea rose from her stomach to her throat, threatening to relieve her of her last meal.
The common before her tilted, as if thrown on its side. She gasped. Falling to her knees, she clutched her stomach. Sasha lowered her head against the rain, the tall wet grass caressing her face. What was wrong with her?
****
Garrett ran to the stable block, his boots pounding on the ground, not caring where he stepped or how many puddles he splashed. Nothing mattered now except finding his bride. He glanced toward Ashe's stall. The poor horse was still wet from the rain. The groom rubbed him down, cooling him from his run. No, it wouldn't be fair to drag him back out so soon. The poor beast. Cloud, the gray mare, would do. She wasn't as fast as Ashe, but was sturdy and dependable.
Thunder rumbled as a second groom threw a saddle on Cloud's back and led her from the stall. She wouldn't like being out in the storm, but Garrett had no choice. The horse turned her head and whinnied, eyes wide.
Garrett patted her neck before he put his boot in the stirrup and climbed on. "It's all right, girl. The storm is letting up. But we have to hurry. Sasha is out there somewhere. We must bring her home!"
He rode out into the open air, chilled by the icy wind. The temperature had dropped since he'd been out just a short time ago. Had Sasha found somewhere to shelter, out of the cold? Or was she huddled, wet, chilled, and scared?
A jolt of guilt hit Garrett in his chest. It was his fault she'd left. Not his fault, of course, that her brother had died, or even that Garrett's brother had killed him, but Garrett had withheld the truth of the matter from his wife. And for that, he was certainly to blame. Because of him, Sasha was out there somewhere, possibly hurt or ill.
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