Fling Confessionals: NICK
Fling Confessionals: NICK
Midpoint
fling confessionals:
NICK
a novelette by
G.C. XOXO
fling confessionals: NICK
Copyright © 2017 Grace Charles
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means-except in the case of quotations embodied in articles or reviews-without written permission from its publisher.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
ONE
All I've ever wanted was to exist for someone. Not be their friend or the shoulder for them to cry on, but to actually exist. And in one day, my whole life changed when I finally did. But sometimes you have to be careful of what you wish for, because existing for another could very well spell your own doom.
* * *
I sat all alone in the cafe and simply watched her. She was sitting with her friends and laughing. It was such a beautiful laugh, the most beautiful I'd ever seen. Her hair was long, brown and wavy. She was pale, but not sickly. There were hints of rose blush in her cheeks, but that only happened when she was laughing.
She was talking with her friends, joking and drinking her drink. I sat all the way in the back of the cafe with a cup of coffee, trying not catching her attention. She was too beautiful for me to approach. Besides, she had at least four other people with her, three guys and another girl. And there was no way I was just going to walk up to her in front of them.
Still, I couldn't help but wonder if one of the guys with her was her boyfriend? It was a logical question, especially since it was impossible that any guy could stand around someone so beautiful and not have hit on her at least once. But I didn't care whether one of them were. I kept staring at her whenever I could, and all I kept thinking was how beautiful she was.
Just staring at her, I could already see us being together, going to the movies, shopping at the supermarket, making passionate love. Bottom line was I wanted her, and I hoped everyday that we'd somehow be together.
I'd been seeing her for the past three weeks. I'd first noticed her when she was walking her dog in the park. I should've approached her then, but I was too scared.
What would she possibly see in me? I was skinny, I'd never really been told that I was a good looking guy and I just wasn't a ladies man. I didn't know how to talk to them and just didn't have that macho bullshit chicks seem to like so much.
I was sensitive. I liked to read. And my idea of going crazy was sitting in a bar on a Friday night instead of just staying home watching T.V. It was nothing to write home about, and I doubted the vision of beauty sitting away from me would ever be down for a guy like that.
She probably partied a lot? I'd seen a tattoo of a phoenix on her shoulder once, and I think she even had a tramp stamp of the word 'love'. I didn't think of it like that on her though. But she obviously liked ink, and those sorts of people aren't really the shy type, at least, to me they're not.
Anyway, I'd seen her at the park and immediately thought she was absolutely amazing. Her body, her hair, the way she walked, looked; everything about her was absolutely amazing.
I'd only gotten close to her once. It was when I was at the laundromat once, and she just happen to be there. I'd made up my mind to go up to her and ask for her number. But just as I got close, another guy showed up and started talking to her. I even think she gave him her number, and God only knows what happened when he called her.
I often thought about that, like, how many guys she'd been with or when was she having sex. I didn't want to. But on the those nights when I was alone, tucked away in bed and just waiting for the next day to come, I often wondered what she was doing, and her having sex always became part of it.
Maybe it was because I wanted to have sex with her? Maybe that's why I always thought she was doing it, and it drove me crazy. Just to know that somebody else was touching her, making love to her, getting to be inside her, it usually made me want to kill myself. I didn't even know her, but that didn't matter. I didn't want anybody else touching her, and it killed me every time I thought of somebody doing just that.
I wanted to be the one to make her laugh, to hear her troubles, to wipe away her tears. I wanted to be her best friend, to sit next to her in a car while we drove to only God knows where. And on those nights when nobody else was around, when the world was slumbering, I wanted to be the one in bed with her, holding her, kissing her, making love to her.
I wanted her.
Even then, sitting in the cafe, sipping on my coffee and just staring at her, all I could see was the two of us together. I would've done anything for her. I'd be the best man she'd ever met, and I'd make her so happy. I knew I would've. And all I wanted was a chance to do that. But watching her gather her trash and all her friends getting ready to leave, I knew that night wasn't going to be that chance.
She was walking out of my life again, and all I could do was stare at her. The way she walked. The sound of her voice. Her smile. Everything about her was amazing, and I so wished I could make her mine. But putting that behind me, I did the only thing I could. I packed up my shit, hurried to the parking lot and kept my eyes on her to see what she was doing and where she was headed to next.
She stood in the parking lot for a little while saying goodbye, and then she got into a car with one of the guys. He was one of the better looking of the three, and I could only guess he was the one fucking her. He must've been the one who got to kiss her, the one she was in love with. And watching them pull out of the parking lot together, all I could wish for was his death.
I really wished something bad happened to him, not with her in the car with him, but when he was alone. Then maybe when he was out of the picture, I could finally walk up to her and let her know just how much I really loved her?
I followed them to where they were headed, but I wasn't all up on their ass. I just kept a normal distance, all the time catching sight of them inside the car whenever they past by a store or something that shed light on the two of them. And though I didn't see them kissing or anything, I could tell they were having a good time. The way she was throwing back her hair to laugh, the times when she'd start dancing in her seat, or even when she jokingly hit the asshole driving.
I could only guess what stupid shit he was talking about? I bet it was the sort of things he only said in order to get into her pants? He didn't love her. He didn't care about her. He didn't want to make her the happiest woman in the world. He just wanted to fuck her, and she was letting him.
It was sickening and I tried not to dwell on it for too long, but it was so damn hard not to.
Anyway, they finally pulled into the parking lot of a small apartment complex, finally stepping out with nothing but smiles. One of them must've lived here, because they made their way up the steps and to an apartment on the second floor. But before they went in, I caught sight of the guy she was with slapping her ass, and she laughed about it. That's when they vanished into the apartment, and the pain really started hitting me hard.
I could already see them kissing, touching each other. She liked him touching her and didn't even know I existed. And he was probably breathing all hard, just waiting to put his dick in her?
Goddammit, I thought punching my dashboard.
I wanted her, needed her even. And this asshole was getting to do the things that I wanted. But he really wasn't, was he? I mean, he didn't ask her about her dreams. He didn't know her deepest desires. He wasn't that type of guy, and all they shared was sex. At least, that's wh
at I kept telling myself every time I thought of her with another guy, that the moment we were together, she was going to tell me that no other man ever cared for her as much I did...would.
I kept my car parked at the end of the street all night, waiting and praying that he'd leave soon. But he never did, and I just fell asleep. And by the time I woke up, it was already 2:48 in the morning.
I'd been parked there for over four hours and probably missed when he left the house, or when she left? But it wasn't good enough for me to guess, I needed to know. I needed to know that she was alone when I got home, that no other man was touching her.
I needed to know that she was alone.
So making sure the coast was clear, I climbed out of my car and carefully made my way to the building. I then climbed the steps and stopped in front of the apartment I'd seen them go into. And just standing there, I tried listening for something, some sort of sound that would let me know what was going on. But it was dead silent. And all I could think was that she was asleep already. But like I said...I needed to be sure.
That's when I made my way to the window and tried looking in. There was a crack in the curtains, but the apartment was too dark for me to see anything. But that didn't stop me from trying, peering in as best as I could.
“Hey!” shouted someone stepping out of their car.
My heart jumped into my throat, and I turned to see who it was. But it was just some guy across the street handing a woman her purse. He wasn't talking to me after all, but that was my cue to leave before I got caught peeping through her window.
So I eventually made my way back to my car and decided to just head home. But I didn't stop thinking about her all night, and I never would. In the end, I needed to talk to her. I needed her to notice me, to realize that I existed. And after three weeks of creeping around, staring at her when she wasn't looking, it was about time that I actually went up to her.
I knew where she worked, where she hung out, and almost everything else about her schedule, so I figured the next day I'd do just that. I was going to walk up to her the next day, and I was finally going to exist for her. And it didn't matter to me if that guy she was with that night was her boyfriend or not. He wasn't going to be in the picture anymore, and I was finally going to have her...
That or I swear, I was going to go crazy.
* * *
The next day, I called out sick from work and got to her job before she got there. I then took a seat at the bus stop across the street from the hair salon she worked at, and waited for her to show up. She finally did a little after nine, and the asshole she was with the night before was the one who dropped her off. That's when I realized he'd spent the entire night with her after all.
That meant that when I was standing outside the window of the apartment, he was lying next to her, holding her. I only figured it was a good thing that I hadn't known or I might've not gotten the four hours sleep that I had.
Still, it hurt to know that he'd been with her all night, and I couldn't help feel mad, jealous, even saddened by the fact. But at least he was gone once he dropped her off, and now it was only her and me. All I had to do was wait for her to go on lunch around one o'clock and I'd go up to her. For now, all I had to figure out was what the fuck I was going to say to her once I did.
I was only going to get this one opportunity and I couldn't mess it up. I needed to come with my 'A' game and floor her with something romantic, something funny, and something that would make her want me. I needed to do this right or I'd never get with her. And that's when all the doubt started coming in. Like, why would she even want to talk to a guy like me when she had a guy like the one she was with the night before? The guy did look like he worked out every freaking day, and no doubt he had that macho shit going for him too?
Me, I was this lanky motherfucker that looked like I would know everything there was to know about Quantum Physics. I mean, at least that would've been a plus, but I didn't even know that shit. I just looked like a nerd, and I didn't even have the brains to go with it. At least that would've been something to offer, but I didn't have brains or brawn. All I had was the love that was festering in my heart for this girl, and I'd do anything in my power to make her see that.
Anyway, around one, like clockwork, she walked out of the salon and made her way to the small diner two blocks away. It must've been her favorite place to eat, because she ate there everyday, not that I saw her there everyday. It's just that the times when I was able to get off work and come watch her like I was doing then, she always went there for lunch.
The veggie melt sandwich and a large passion fruit tea; that's what she ordered every time she went there. And shockingly enough, it wasn't a bad combo, and I often ordered it myself. Of course, it was because she did, but I always enjoyed it to the last bite. However, that day wasn't the day to admire her diet, not if I wanted her to know that I existed.
So making my way into the diner, I got behind her in line and tried mustering enough courage to say something.
She was dressed in a pair of faded jeans and T-shirt, and her feet looked so cute in the open toed shoes she was wearing. Her hair was beautiful as usual and she smelled of vanilla. Oh, my God, how I wanted to touch her right then, to hold her, to kiss her. But I didn't. I just stood there and waited for the perfect opportunity. And if it didn't come soon, I was going to miss my chance...again.
But what was I going to say to her? I mean, what could I say that would make this beautiful woman notice me, fall in love with me for that matter? There was nothing I could think of. I was drawing a blank, and I caught sight of her sandwich just about ready to get wrapped up. So taking a deep breath, I said the only thing I could think of to get her attention.
“Can I have a veggie melt and passion fruit tea?” I asked in a loud enough voice for her to hear.
I'm sure I said it loud enough to get her attention, but it only helped when the cashier called it out too.
“Follow up order!” she shouted. “Veggie melt and large passion fruit tea!”
I didn't actually turn to see if she turned to look at me, but I still caught sight of her staring from the corner of my eye. It then took everything inside me to look over. And when I did, she actually smiled at me.
“Great choice,” she complimented with the voice of an angel.
I just stared at her for a second without saying anything. I mean, what was going to say? The woman I was in love with had for the first time said something to me; she'd finally noticed I existed. It was more than I could've ever wished for and decided it best to say something quickly.
“It's my favorite,” I said with a cheesy smile.
“No way,” she smiled. “Mine too.”
“Really?” I said finally facing her. “Great minds, I guess?”
She laughed at that, and I felt like my heart was about to explode.
“Hi, I'm Nick,” I said offering a hand.
“Heather,” she said taking it.
And that's all I needed in order to feel like I was cloud 9.
I was actually talking to her. And on top of that, I was touching her hand. It was so soft, and I could only imagine that she felt the same way all over.
“So, Heather,” I said with a hard swallow, her name rolling off my tongue in absolute glee. “You work around here?”
“Yeah, two blocks away,” she said holding on to my hand for a split second longer than I'd expected. “I work at a hair salon.”
“Wow, a hair stylist,” I assumed with a grin that I couldn't get rid of. “Maybe I should stop by for a cut?”
“Definitely,” she said all excited. “I could absolutely do something with your hair.”
For a second there I thought she meant my hair looked bad and ran my hand through it trying to get it to look better.
“I'm not saying anything's wrong with it,” she giggled at my attempt. “I'm just saying, I could definitely see you in something of a pompadour or don jon.”
“I have no idea what th
ose are,” I admitted with a chuckle.
“Don't worry,” she said rubbing my arm. “You come by my place and I'll hook you up.”
I know what she said, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy focusing on her hand on my arm and tried my beast not to take hold of it so that I could adore it.
“Veggie Melt up!” shouted the guy at the end of the counter.
“That's me,” she said glancing back.
“But I ordered the same thing,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, but I ordered first,” she winked jabbing me in the chest.
She then made her way over to the guy, grabbed her food, and just stood there after wards.
I immediately made my way over and waited to be called next.
“So, when should I stop by?” I asked.
“Anytime.”
“Well, how about we have lunch together and I just head over there with you?” I almost begged.
She looked at me for a second, and then nodded with this subtle grin.
“Okay,” she agreed. “I can fit you into my schedule today, I guess.”
It was the best news I'd ever heard in my life. I mean, it even topped the time I survived cholera while volunteering with post earthquake efforts over in Haiti a few years back. This was more than just surviving something that could've killed me, this was being given new life.
Anyway, after grabbing my food, we found a table outside and sat down.
“So, tell me about yourself?” she said starting on her sandwich.
Even the way she ate was perfect, wiping her mouth after every bite. The way the sun shined through her hair, basking her eating habits in splendid radiance. I was falling in love with her even more, and nothing else in the world seemed to even matter.
“Well, I, uh, work for a cleaning company,” I started out answering.
“You're a maid?”
“Uh, no,” I corrected her with a chuckle. “The company I work for cleans, uh...crime scenes.”
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