by Kol Anderson
“Why’s this happening to us?” I blurted out.
I know. Not my finest moment. But watching her suffer like this always got to me. I couldn’t bear to see her this way after I’d seen her at her best, after I’d seen her enjoy every damn moment of her life so much.
She pressed my hand again and tried to kiss it. “It’s life, Trey. People die.”
“You’re not dead,” I reminded her.
“Sometimes I really question that.”
“Aubrey, you’re not that weak.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you,” she said with tears in her eyes.
“Don’t say that.”
“I couldn’t let them put me through chemo again,” she explained. “You know that. Maybe that’s weak but it’s what I want.”
“So, you opted to die here instead?”
“I would have died either way.”
“There was a chance…”
“Come on, Trey. You’re not that naïve.”
“I can’t watch you die!”
“Then don’t.”
She paused.
I realized she meant it.
I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “I’m not leaving you alone like he did,” I said. “There’s no way.”
“Don’t be angry at him, Trey.”
“How can I not be angry?” I said. “That guy toyed with your emotions all your life! He took you away from me, from us! And then… he fucking split the minute he smelled trouble? Would you have done that to him?”
“I don’t know what I would have done,” she said. “All I know is that he’s weak. And that’s fine. That’s who he is. We all have our faults.”
“A marriage is about commitment. It’s not some magical thing that is hard to understand! It’s about making a promise and keeping it.”
“Trey?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you promise me something?”
“Sure.”
“I don’t know what’s going on in your life,” she said. “I know you made some sacrifices for me. You did before when I got cancer for the first time and you did it again this time… and I love you for that, Trey. But I’m dying. In some time, it’s all going to be over. And whatever that horrible man has been holding over your head, I want you to be free. You can’t live your whole life in slavery. You’re my brother, Trey. I want you to be happy. Even if I look down on you from up there, I want to see that. I don’t you want you working for the man who ruined our lives.”
Suddenly, she went silent.
It wasn’t regular silence, there was something wrong I knew it. The machines around her started beeping as her vitals went out of whack and slowly the room was filled with an army of hospital staff that had gathered to help and I had been pushed way behind to the back of the room. No matter how much I hoped for a different outcome I knew what was going on when I saw their faces before they even said a word. I’d been around enough deaths to know what was happening. My heart was heavy and my body wanted to sink to that floor but I forced myself to stand. I forced myself to go through the motions, and I forced myself to touch her one last time before she left.
I want you to be free.
JAKE
The first time my life changed was when my father asked me to give a blowjob to some guy we barely knew. I was fourteen. We were in that same house where we grew up, watching my mother get tortured and beaten until cancer took her from us. Maybe God thought it was enough. Maybe cancer was merely an excuse and she had given up a long time ago and didn’t wish to carry on. But she was gone and we were left behind, Colton and me and of course the man we called ‘Dad.’ I don’t know how it all started. I just remember coming back late from a friend’s birthday party and finding a bunch of strange men in the house. It wasn’t the first time it was happening so I wasn’t too concerned. My father was always having people over even though he couldn’t afford it.
Most of his friends were alcoholics or junkies, people who cared nothing about their own families but then I started noticing all kinds of men coming over and I noticed them being nice to me and I didn’t know why until much later. Some of them, I liked, others, not so much. The first time I had to go down on a guy it was disgusting and I puked but he didn’t seem to care and when he came in my mouth I was sick for days. The first time it happened it caught me off guard. When Dad saw that he had a possible lucrative business on his hands, he stopped doing even the few hours of work he did and he would just roam around drinking and being generally pathetic all day with his friends, who were no different than him, or he would be home, cursing and drinking and being a nuisance to me and Colton.
The only thing I was looking forward to, was Colton finishing high school. I knew what uprooting would do to him. After everything that he had been through, everything we had been through I wanted Colton to have some form of stability. He had friends, and he always got good grades. I kept this whole shit away from him where I always thought he’d be safe from it. Maybe I was wrong to think that the random blowjobs and groping were the only limits my father would cross. I heard him talking to this guy once and when I confronted him of course he hit me and after he had calmed down a little, he told me I was going to lose my virginity to some guy he had lined up. I knew about it, but like most things in my life I was in denial. At least Dad was following the one thing he said he would, he wasn’t coming near my brother and that was good enough for me.
Cross that bridge when we come to it, I kept telling myself but that bridge came sooner than I had ever imagined and everything that came with it meant my brother had to get involved so Dad didn’t keep his end of the bargain. I’d moved too slow. It was my fault Colton was here and I had to fix this for him.
The door opened and they walked in, Stoll and the other guards with him and they dragged me out of that room and took me outside. But instead of taking me to my room, they dragged me to the next room and pushed me inside without a word of explanation. But when I saw Colton, I needed none.
“Colton!” I almost ran toward my brother who was on the floor on his back, and his eyes were closed. I went up to him and tried to see if he was awake. “Hey.”
He fluttered his eyes open and stared at me in that strange way. “Colton, it’s me.”
He started crying and I hugged him, and took him in my arms and we sat on that floor like that for a long time. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it, Colton.”
But he didn’t respond.
I didn’t even know if he was okay. But maybe if we could just get through this night alive, we’d be fine. Well, not fine exactly, but we’ll be alive. And Alive is not Dead. I can still help him. I kissed his head repeatedly, and the smell of his damp hair calmed me down. My brother would shiver and go cold, and then he would become warm all over as though he was feverish. I saw what they did to him. He needed medical attention. But it was obvious Weldon wasn’t even letting him have that.
Alive is not Dead.
Just live through this, Colton. Please. I can’t live without you.
TREY
No matter how much I drank I couldn't get her out of my mind. Or the way she died, miserable on a hospital bed. Rotting. Alone. Yes, I was there with her but I knew I wasn't the one she wanted around. She wanted some asshole ex-husband who left her because he couldn't handle the illness. He left her and a part of her died. The other part, the one riddled with cancerous cells took over and I was left with nothing. I don't think she realized how much I loved her. I don't think she understood that I remembered every tiny gesture of her love and her company growing up. I don't think she knew that guy was a monster. I don't think she knew I was a monster. I always kept this part of my life a secret because I didn't want to disappoint her.
I couldn't bear to look her in the eye if she had known the kind of things I have done for a monster. Weldon. The same monster who ruined us...
But that's a story for another day.
I finished the bottle and found myself still sitting in my c
ar. Right above me, the building Weldon owned, stood intimidating and ominous. It looked like a fucking fort. It was a fucking fort! There were people in there, alive and breathing who hadn't seen the sight of the outside world in years. Who were trapped inside it's vacuous walls...
I slammed my fists against the steering wheel until my hands hurt. I let myself cry.
She didn't know I was a slave to a monster because of her. She didn't know that everything I did was because I would do anything for her, see her alive for one more breath. She left anyway and it hurt and it made me mad. I was angry. At Aubrey for not fighting hard enough and to God for taking her away when he knew how much she meant to me. The thing is that I would happily do it again if it meant I could have her back.
But she was gone.
She was never coming back, I realized miserably.
I looked up at that gloomy building. Jake and his brother were still inside. I don’t know how Jake had survived this long to be honest, the first time he came to me in that messed up state I thought he was going to die. I never voiced my concerns aloud because I didn’t want to believe that one more person I cared about might leave me. I couldn’t bear the thought of Jake being tormented anymore and I couldn’t stand anything happening to him or his brother.
I unlocked the car and got out to stand on the deserted street.
I glanced up one more time and saw the light in one of the barricaded windows turn off. It looked like Weldon’s special wing but I wasn’t sure because no one was allowed to roam about in that part of the building.
It wasn’t going to be easy but nothing in life worth doing ever was, so there’s that. And after a long time, I found myself making decisions for myself instead of having to make them for Weldon. I couldn’t be there for my sister, but I can still do something for the ones who were still alive and still trapped. Maybe I couldn’t save everyone but I could save Jake and his brother. I had been a monster for so long it would take time to be something else but I had to do it. their lives depended on my convictions and my actions could help decide the course of their lives. It was not an easy decision to make. Going against Weldon meant going against this fort and the army waiting within its walls, but it was about time someone went in guns blazing. It was about time I became something more than a monster’s slave.
I want you to be free.
I knew what I had to do.
JAKE
I don’t know when I dozed off but I was jolted awake by Colton’s screams. I saw them, dragging my brother away from me and I tried to stop them and didn’t even care about the firearms pointed directly at me.
“Jake!” Colton yelled but they hauled him off the ground and there was nothing I could do. But then I saw the strange looking gun in one of the guards’ hand and a strange feeling washed over me. Something wasn’t right. They hauled Colton out of the room and I was left with all those new faces. I didn’t recognize a single one of them even though I’d started to remember most of the guards and their faces.
When one of them quietly walked up to me, I killed an urge to attack him. “You’re Jake?”
Stranger.
“Yes.”
“Weldon wanted you to know that you’ll be going on to the next level,” he said. “You might not see your brother for a while—”
The words hadn’t left his mouth when I grabbed the man’s jacket and tried to hit him but he ducked, and the man with the strange gun shot me.
I was right.
This was no ordinary gun. It looked like a tranquilizer dart and felt like a dozen, hot knives piercing through my shoulder. “No, please…”
Don’t let me sleep.
I have to be awake. I have to be awake! I have to see him…
I heard a huge thud and realized it was me falling to the ground on my face.
The minute the pain left I was dreaming.
Colton and me on a Caribbean beach with the sand and foam and the green skies that looked like they were holding a million secrets. But when I tried to touch him, I couldn’t do it. His hand kept slipping away and when I glanced down, I realized it was because of all the blood...
TABOO 5
KOL ANDERSON
© KOL ANDERSON 2017
COVER DESIGN BY LOUIS STEVENS 2017
WELDON
PRESENT DAY
“Mr. Huntington, here’s your coffee.” The nurse said, handing the cup to the weak, old man I could barely recognize as being my own father. It was strange, the odd mix of thoughts that went through my head, thoughts that were at the same time memories of love and reminders of anger as well as hate. If it was up to me, I would have gotten rid of the old man but Jackie and her children seemed to like him and I tried to maintain composure throughout our meetings that were sparse at best. I took the hot cup from my father’s hand and the nurse left, probably relieved she was leaving him safe with me. I picked up a teaspoon and emptied a pack of sugar into Dad’s coffee and stirred. I placed the spoon next to a line of empty food cartons from Chinese Hut and handed the coffee to Dad.
“If I didn't know any better, I thought you might be trying to poison me,” Dad said as a joke and I almost started to laugh.
“Not going to lie, the thought did cross my mind. But then it occurred to me I'd hate to get blood on my new shirt. Besides, if your new test results are any indication, that pack of smokes you hide from Jackie might do the job for me, so I decided to wait instead.”
“A man’s gotta die from something, Son.”
“How about you make a little more effort for your grandkids, Dad?”
Dad quietly watched the contents of the cup that he still hadn’t touched. The whiff of Jackie’s perfume hit me before her voice reached my ears. “Weldon!” she said, kissing my cheek. “Nice of you to drop by.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I said, but I knew Jackie was going to write that down as a definite win.
“Where’s Jake?”
I rolled my eyes. “For the last time, Jackie we’re not together!”
“Don’t tell me you pushed him away too!” Jackie said, and thankfully her attention was needed by my father when a line of spittle ran down one side of his face and Jackie rushed to wipe it off. My father was still silent. It would have been awkward but my sister was quick to speak. “So, who’s hungry?” she asked. “I bought Chinese!”
“I’m not feeling so great,” my father said and I noticed he was sweating. Jackie set the Chinese Hut cartons aside and went to check on him. “Do you want me to call the nurse?”
Something fell out of her purse.
I picked it up.
It was a receipt from Randy’s, a local grocery store but that wasn’t the unusual thing. The receipt was for some specific items. “Did you meet Trey?”
Jackie didn’t accept it but eventually she was intrigued. “How’d you…”
“This receipt is from his cousin’s store,” I said. “That you haven’t visited in years.”
“It’s a store receipt Weldon, what’s the big deal?”
“You met him, didn’t you?”
“So, what if I did! He’s an old friend…”
“No, he’s not, Jackie! He’s an old flame! You still carry a fucking torch for him, don’t you?”
Her face told me all that I needed to know. “No.”
“He was bad news then,” I said. “And he is bad news now!”
“It was a one-time thing, okay? His sister just died…”
The words jerked me out of my present and threw me way into the past and all kinds of things started coming back to me, memories about Trey and Jackie and Ryan…
I could barely make myself form words. “Aubrey’s dead?”
My sister looked at me as though I was lying about being in shock over the news. “I… I thought you knew…” she paused as I did my best to recover from the news. “Trey didn’t tell you?”
The receipt was dated for a week ago. “The sugar packets,” I said. “They’re not hospital provided?”
&nb
sp; “That’s not sugar,” my sister explained. “It’s actually a substitute. You know how particular Dad is about getting the right one. Thought he’d prefer it…”
I grabbed the remaining packets and destroyed them. Then, just before Dad was about to drink from his cup, I pushed it away and the cup shattered on the floor, spilling warm liquid everywhere. “What’s the matter with you!”
But I didn’t have time to respond to my sister’s concerns. “Dad’s symptoms,” I said. “When did you say they started?”
“Roughly a week ago…”
The same time she saw Trey and bought that stuff. I was angry at Jackie but more than that I was angry at Trey. “What kind of symptoms?”
“Unexplained headaches, dizziness, disorientation, vision disturbances… some digestive trouble,” Jackie said, and then seemed to remember something. “It’s kind of strange when you think about it…”
“What is?”
“He’s having the same symptoms that Ryan had before he…”
My rage knew no bounds. Someone was going to have to pay for all this. Jackie was suddenly looking at me like I was the suspect in a murder investigation. “You loved Ryan, didn’t you?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“I just don’t understand how he had the same symptoms as Dad…”
It was my turn to perspire. But before Jackie could grill me further Dad started shaking and we watched the shaking turn to full on convulsions and Jackie rang for the nurse which gave me the chance to escape the room.