by Carrie Macon
He tried to hide his smile. “Zhaniya it doesn’t work like that baby. When you have a party you can and should dance with everyone. It’s the polite thing to do.”
“But that’s not right daddy. You should only dance with the people you love. And you love me and Zaria and grandma and Miss Shyla. Is that right daddy? You love Miss Shyla too?”
Out of the mouths of babes, he thought. “Yes Cupcake. I do. But honey, Connie is my friend and I can dance with her too.”
“She made Miss Shyla sad, daddy. She made her stop dancing with you. I don’t like Miss Connie, daddy.”
“Zhaniya, Connie didn’t make anyone do anything and as far as you not liking her, you don’t have to but you do have to respect her. Do you understand me?”
“Yes daddy,” she pouted. “Can I go back and sit with Miss Shyla and Zaria, please?”
“You don’t want to dance with daddy anymore?”
“I’m tired and I need to go to the bathroom daddy.”
“Do you want me to take you?”
“No daddy. Miss Shyla can take me. She’s a girl.”
“Okay. I love you, Niya.”
“I love you too, daddy,” they kissed and hugged really big then he put her to her feet. She ran to Shyla with tears in her eyes. Shyla picked her up and kissed her forehead.
That use to be what he would do to her to smooth her fears. Now she wanted Shyla.
“Zaria, want to dance with daddy?” he asked.
“Yes.” She jumped into his arms and yelled, “Woohoo,” pumping her fist. Everyone laughed. This was the quiet twin. They danced through three songs.
“Daddy, are you sad?”
“No baby. What makes you think that?”
“You look sad. Why did Miss Connie make Miss Shyla stop dancing with you?”
He sighed. How could he make them understand? “That’s not what happened, baby. The song was over, that’s all.”
She shrugged her tiny shoulders then responded, “Oh.”
Until then Zackary hadn’t realized just how much small children observed and how much they make you look at your mistakes. He realized that things aren’t always as they seem. Instead of trusting Shyla, all he saw was Gloria’s infidelity, her jumping out of his bed into another mans. Without realizing it, he had put a label on Shyla that she didn’t deserve. He had to find a way to make things right. She had made it clear that she didn’t want anything to do with him but he still had a day to make things right. He only prayed that he could.
He placed Zaria back at the table with her sister and Shyla. He knelt down and kissed both his girls. He reached for Shyla’s hand but she jerked it away and looked at him as if to say, “That’s not what I want.” He nodded as if to say, “I understand.” He slid his hands down her dress along her thighs, then he looked into her eyes and mouthed the words, I love you, all of you.
This time when he reached for her she didn’t pull away. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips where he placed a heated lingering kiss in her palm. He held it there for seconds and then released it and placed it back upon her lap. Again he said I love you. Tears were in her eyes. He wanted to kiss them away. But tonight was not like last night. He knew she would slap him senseless. He wiped the one tear that escaped, got up and walked out. He needed fresh air. Fresh air would do him good.
Shyla turned and followed his retreating back onto the covered patio. She had given it her best and that wasn’t good enough. She was too exhausted to try again.
The celebration had come to an end. The girls had fallen asleep in Shyla’s arm and on her lap. She was ready for a bed herself. Today had been stressful and exhausting. She was sure glad that it was over.
Shyla continued to stay with Big Zack and Mama V. She was also able to keep her promise. Zaria and Zhaniya clung to her like little baby tabbies to its mother. When she took a nap, they napped, when she wanted a bowl of ice cream, so did they. It was like they were her children. She read to them stories and after church on Sunday, she and the girls had their picnic under the apple tree that stood between Zackary’s home and his parents.
They were listening to music and dancing when Zackary walked out his front door onto the covered porch. He looked over in their direction and sat on the step watching the girls take turns performing for Shyla and sitting on her lap. They looked like a real family, without him. He felt terribly left out of the fold. They hadn’t noticed him. He was just about to get up and walk over when a horn blew behind him. Shyla and the girls looked up to see Connie jumping from the car and running to Zackary and planting a hard kiss on his lips. Zackary looked and new that Shyla had seen her. He couldn’t win for losing. He pulled Connie’s arms from around his neck and asked what she was so happy about.
“Baby we have some celebrating to do.”
“What are we celebrating?” he continued to glance over at Shyla but she was paying no kind of attention to them. She and Zaria were clapping while Zhaniya was bowing after her performance.
“I got a call, from Mr. Kirby. I made partner.” she screamed.
“What?” he picked her up and swung her around. “That’s great babe. I am so proud of you.”
Felton and Essence heard the commotion and came running.
“What’s going on?” Felton asked.
They stopped yelling enough to tell them the news and they all congratulated her.
“That’s wonderful news. Seems like today is a great day for celebrating.”
“Are you two celebrating?” Connie asked.
“Yes! We’re having a baby.”
“You’re pregnant. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” Essence said before rolling her eyes at her husband. She would have liked to tell her cousin first.
“I’m hoping for a child one day,” Connie said looking over at Zackary. “Maybe sooner than later,” she bumped her hip against Zackary’s. All he could do was smile. Essence said she was going to talk with Shyla. She congratulated Connie again and took her leave.
For a moment Felton and Zackary forgot Connie was standing there. They were watching Essence go to Shyla and hoped that things would work out, at least for the two cousins.
“What’s going on fellas?”
“Nothing Connie, why don’t you go let my parents in on your good news. You know mom will want to do something special.”
“Alright I’ll be back shortly.”
She kissed Zackary on the cheek and went on her way. Essence was too busy with her good news to wonder what was going on with someone else.
“Shy?”
“Hey, Essence.”
“Hi girls.”
“Hi Auntie Essie. Do you want to join us?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“We don’t mind. Do we Miss Shyla?”
“No sweetie.” Shyla looked at Essence and said, “Can we please not get into anything right now? I don’t want to do anything in front of them.” She whispered.
“I only came because I wanted to share my news. The test was positive, but I still want to get a second opinion.”
Shyla smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “That’s wonderful Essence. I know you’ve wanted this for some time. Do you know what you want?” Shyla asked with no enthusiasm at all.
Essence smiled big. “Yes. A girl, then we could keep our promise to one another.” Shyla didn’t respond because maybe she didn’t remember the promise. “To name our daughters after one another.”
“Ess that was just a childhood fantasy. We only had each other back then.”
“We still only have each other, Shyla.” Essence put her hand on her shoulder but she shied away from her touch.
“No Ess. You have your husband,” she looked towards Felton and Zackary. “He’s good for you. You also have your friends and extended family. I have me and that’s all,” she smiled.
“You have us, Shyla,” the twins proclaimed. She hugged them both.
“So what are you saying?” her hope plummeted.
“I’m stating the obvious. I can only rely on me to take care of me and to care for me. I can love and take care of myself better than any one person can and that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Shyla, I love you. You’re like a sister to me and I’m going to need you throughout this pregnancy.”
“I wish I could believe you. I feel that you’re only going to want me there when others can’t be.”
“Shy, that’s not true.”
“I believe it is. I saw firsthand this weekend how you’d do me, how you spoke to me and treated me, and I won’t allow that anymore. I have to take care of number one. I’m sorry,” she turned back to the girls. “Whose turn is it to sing?”
It was like a dismissal to Essence. She had gambled and lost now she would have to pick up the pieces of her life and move on without her cousin.
That evening after the fireworks and the girls were asleep, Venice and Braxton took Shyla to the airport where her flight would take her back to Los Angeles where she felt she belonged.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” she said to Venice and Braxton.
“It was nothing. Are you going to be okay?”
“Of course I am. I’m going to miss everyone especially the girls and Mama V, but I’ll be okay.”
Venice gave her, her number. “Will you keep in touch? Maybe when I come to town we can get together and do some stuff.”
“I’d like that.” They each gave her a hug.
“I just want to say that my brother is a damn fool,” Braxton said. “And I’ll continue to remind him of that fact, every day.
Shyla smiled. Braxton should have been her brother. “I agree and thank you. I had a wonderful time despite the misunderstandings and accusations.”
“You’re welcomed to come to our place anytime. You hear?”
“Yes. And I’ll take you up on it one day, just not anytime soon.”
“We understand. Well they’re calling your flight. Love you sis,” Braxton said and he meant it.
“I love you both, too. Kiss my girls for me.” Every day she heard Braxton say.
She walked to catch her plane. She couldn’t wait to get away from there. If she didn’t hurry the entire airport would see her fall apart.
Chapter Eighteen
It took Zackary exactly three weeks to decide that enough time had passed from the time he accused her of getting busy with his brother and her walking away not looking back. He was more than ashamed of his actions. He was mortified with himself and knew he had acted stupidly. Zackary had driven by her house a few times after work, when he came back into town but he didn’t have the determination to stop and walk up the stairs. Besides the house was pretty dark and he hadn’t seen her car in the adjoining drive either time. The best he could hope for was that she was home this morning when he got there. It was a quiet Saturday morning and she didn’t work on Saturdays. He turned on her street and knew immediately that something was wrong. He slowed his pace as he drove down the street and saw a moving van across her drive, furniture was being carried out. He stopped the car and jumped out to go investigate.
“Can you please be careful with that crystal while you’re wrapping it?” he heard a voice say. It wasn’t Shyla though. It was Kemah.
“The owner has had that in her family for years and if one piece is even chipped she’ll have my butt and then I’ll own yours,” Kemah yelled. She turned around and ran smack into Zackary’s chest.
“Why can’t you watch-” when she looked up, surprise not fury settled in her eyes.
“Hi.”
“Hey. What’s going on here? Where’s Shyla?”
Kemah walked back out onto the porch. “What’s going on is that Shyla is selling her house.”
“What? Why? She loves this house.”
“And she can get another one. Her words not mine. She wants a fresh start, away from this city, this state.”
“Away from me?” he asked.
He wasn’t surprised when Kemah turned away. He already knew it was true.
“As for where, I can’t tell you. I’m only here to supervise.”
“What about work? I’ve called a couple of times but she’s never in, or at least that’s what I’m told.”
“She’s not there. She took an indefinite leave of absence, put me in charge.”
He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets. “Will she be returning?”
“Shyla hasn’t decided on anything. I would hope that she does. That place is her baby but she’s still hurting. We don’t talk about what happened much. She’s much closed mouth. I only got bits and pieces. If she ever wants to talk to me about it, I’m here for her.”
“All I can say is that everything was a mess and it was my fault.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe how civilized you’re being to me right now.”
“As I’ve said she’s been closed mouth about it all and I don’t want to get involved with something I know nothing about. It would serve no purpose.”
“Well thanks for telling me at least that. I was hoping that she would let us talk this thing out. It was a long shot, right?”
“Yes. But now really isn’t a good time to talk things out. She’s going through some things right now she’s even blaming herself for getting involved with you. She put her guard down for one second and you pounced. Again her words, not mine.”
“She really feels that way?”
“Yes. More and more, every day. If she’s not crying about one thing or another, she’s crying about your daughters.”
“They’ve been crying about her too. They ask me when I am going to bring Shyla home to them. How do you tell your children that you hurt the woman they love like a mother, that love them right back? They hadn’t spoken to me in two weeks. So now I have three crying females to worry about. Can you let Shyla know that the girls miss her, very much? I know it won’t do any good to tell her that I miss her just as much.”
Kemah shook her head in the negative.
“Kemah I know this is asking a lot but I need to know. Can you please tell me where she’s headed?” he pleaded.
“I wish I could, Zackary. She’d really hate me. This isn’t like when we were in Jamaica. I’d give in, in a split second. But now, she’s just hurting too bad to just say, okay you can make things alright. I just can’t do it.”
Zackary took his hand from his pockets and rubbed them across his face. “I understand. For what it’s worth, I do love Shyla and I would give anything if I can make her aware of that.”
“I believe you, wholeheartedly, but there’s nothing I can do. She’s not even contacting Essence and that’s blood.”
“I know. According to Felton, Essence is devastated. I just hope that the two of them can patch thing up.”
“We’ll see. As you can see we still have a lot to do, but I have your number just in case.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it. Look after her for me. Please?”
“You already know I will and will do my best.”
He pulled Kemah into a soft long brotherly hug then he stepped off the porch into the hot summer sun well aware that he had lost the woman he loved.
Kemah felt for him and Shyla too. They had both been through so much but she couldn’t betray her best friend, not after all they had been through.
That afternoon Zackary drove to Napa Acres. He knew that his children would be asking non-stop questions regarding Shyla. He had gotten full the weekends before. They were throwing questions at him so fast he had to make a special date for them to go see the new Ariel movie. That proved to be a mistake.
They began crying about the mother dying, and then asking if that was the reason Shyla hadn’t called them or come to visit them. He had a time trying to console them. They didn’t finish the movie nor did they want to go to the beach the following day. Nothing had been the same when Shyla left. Zackary wasn’t sure that it ever would be again.
It had been close to six months now, since Shyla last had any contact wi
th Zackary or Felton and her cousin Essence. But she kept in contact with Mama V and the twins until three months ago. Sending them gifts and just calling because she missed them. She had missed them all very much, especially Zachary and the girls. She had instantly fallen in love with them.
Shyla had now reached the middle of her second trimester of pregnancy. She had tried relentlessly to contact Zackary on more than one occasion to give him the news; that was over two months ago. Things didn’t go as she had planned.
Shyla drove to Zachary’s house one day to speak with him and that’s when she saw that he wasn’t alone. He had a big bay window in the front of his house and you could see all the activity inside. He and the girls were playing and laughing. Shyla missed that. When she went to get out of the car she saw another figure come in view. It was Connie. They wrapped themselves around one another and then gathered the children with them. They looked like the perfect family.
It wasn’t until after she left that she realized things aren’t always what they seem. She could have misunderstood the hug and the gathering. For all she knew other members of his family could have been in the area. Or it could have been that Connie was the one to bring the children down for the weekend. It was a Saturday afternoon. But when Shyla called the following Thursday she got her answered.
A sleeping Connie answered the phone, stating that Zackary was showering. They had an early flight out to his parents and would be unavailable for the next few weeks. If she wanted to leave a message she could. She’d see that he got it. Shyla declined and gave up all hope.
For the last couple of months Shyla has had to deal with wondering if she was going to get through the next few months without any incident. She was pregnant with twins and her doctor informed her that she was a high risk pregnancy. She had lost weight which was normal in early pregnancy but she lost twenty pounds and it was very noticeable. She continued to be under a tremendous amount of stress but it had gotten better over the last month. Her best friend had been there with her throughout the whole ordeal.
She worried about her parenting skills. She had never been a mother before but she could be a good one, with the help of Kemah. She knew what not to do as a parent. She would love her children unconditionally. She also knew that she’d have to be mommy and daddy. It was only fair.