Our Numbered Days

Home > Other > Our Numbered Days > Page 5
Our Numbered Days Page 5

by Neil Hilborn


  coming back to earth. When the nickel

  stars settle in the dust, we hang upside-down,

  dangling like marionettes from our seatbelts.

  We unbuckle them, fall to the ceiling

  that was never meant to be a floor.

  Her collarbone is broken, the same one

  she fractured at six years old.

  The glass is flung around the car

  in a perfect halo orbit, we’re freezing

  in our own solar system.

  As I’m blinking in and out

  of consciousness, she speaks

  to me in a voice that comes from

  just behind my ear, she says:

  "All that has ever mattered is volume

  and if you turn up the speakers

  past the point of sound, to deafening

  silence, you will hear me again,

  I will whisper your name

  from the cracks in the canyon rocks

  and you will know that this is heaven,

  knowing that someone will always remember

  your irises and where you hid your love

  letters and why you could never speak

  in anything but short sentences.

  It’s not a golden escalator

  or a glowing choir conveying you

  into the sky. The hand of God

  does not reach down and pluck you

  from your earthly shell, no,

  the way to heaven is here, in your

  last moments, these last half-seconds

  before your soul shivers out of your bones.

  You will see the candle on your first

  birthday cake, the brush of your mother’s

  braids, smell your father’s shaving cream

  on the day he taught you there is a tornado

  in your throat. You will hear our whispered

  phone calls, our entwined I love you’s

  and their softness will weigh down on you.

  Heaven is an exhausted horse

  laying down to die, it’s you and your

  ceiling fan conversing in whispers, Heaven

  is floating to earth in this already-shattered car.

  I will lie here forever and sing to you all the things

  I stopped myself from saying when we were alive."

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to the editors and staff of the publications in which the following poems, in various versions, have appeared:

  Orange Quarterly: “Our Numbered Days”

  Viral: “OCD”

  I would like to thank Anny for always being my best friend; Sam, Dylan, Michael, and Riley for knowing where I need to be and what I need to be doing; my mother Marilyn for being the best mother; my brother Paden for being the best brother; Hieu for being the best Hieu; Ryan for being dope at producing my record; Sue and everyone at The College Agency for keeping me in shoes without holes; and everyone who has ever bought my books, listened to my poems, edited my poems, booked me for a show, or laughed at one of my stupid jokes. You are why this book is something you can hold in your hands.

  About the Author

  Neil Hilborn is a College National Poetry Slam champion, and a 2011 graduate with honors from Macalester College with a degree in Creative Writing. Neil was a member of the Macalester Poetry Slam team which ranked first at the 2011 College National Poetry Slam. He co-coached the 2012 Macalester team, leading them to a second place finish nationally. He was also a member of the Minneapolis adult National Poetry Slam team in 2011, which placed 5th out of 80 teams from cities across the country at the adult National Poetry Slam. He is the co-founder of Thistle, a Macalester literary magazine, and he runs writing workshops and performs at colleges and high schools around the country.

  Other Books by Button Poetry

  Aziza Barnes, me Aunt Jemima and the nailgun.

  J. Scott Brownlee, Highway or Belief

  Sam Sax, A Guide to Undressing Your Monsters

  Nate Marshall, Blood Percussion

  Mahogany L. Browne, smudge

  Sierra DeMulder, We Slept Here

  Danez Smith, Black Movie

  Cameron Awkward-Rich, Transit

  Jacqui Germain, When the Ghosts Come Ashore

  Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib, The Crown Ain’t Worth Much

  Aaron Coleman, St. Trigger

 

 

 


‹ Prev