by Anne Mercier
"Yes you will."
"Okay. See you later."
"Later, Fee."
I hang up and try to ignore Jace’s penetrating stare and I’m successful, then I notice the IV’s already in and I felt nothing.
"Wow, that nurse is magic," I murmur, then lie back on the bed.
"You should have told him," Jace scolds.
"I will."
"When?"
"Tonight?"
Jace nods. "You better because I’m pretty sure Ben and Xander both suspect you’ve got a bun in the oven."
"Oh. No. That’s not good. Xander’s fine. But Ben? Damn it. He can’t know. Not before Cage. What if he tells him? You know how Ben is about things like this. Nothing is to be kept separate from your significant other—if that’s what Cage is." Funny, we haven’t even discussed that. I’m sure that’s coming too.
"Sera, you’re not stupid. You know what you and Cage are."
"It’s never been said. I don’t assume. Assuming gets me hurt."
Jace nods. "Then it seems you need to have more than one discussion."
I nod. "I know. Can you go out and let Frank know I’m going to be a while? I don’t want them to worry."
"Sure. Want me to bring you some magazines?" he asks.
"Nah. I’ve got my ebook reader and I’ve got you to keep me company."
"Truth. I’ll be back."
Jace exits the room and I close my eyes. Everything’s come to a head so it seems it’s time to face the facts and lay them all out for Cage. I just hope he understands. I don’t even know if he wants children. What if he won’t accept this one? I sigh. If that happens, I’ll deal with it. I think the baby conversation should come before the relationship one considering the circumstances. I mentally nod to myself. The ache in my side is back and I hope it gets better soon. I’m sure I just pulled something with all the violent puke-fests I’ve been having lately. Good times.
I WALK INTO THE HOUSE and it's quiet. I just want a long, warm shower and to put on some comfortable clothes.
It’s so weird being here without him. Quiet and empty. It’s just not home without Cage.
I head back to the bedroom and I hear a feminine moan. Oh God. My heart drops and my stomach churns. I know what I'm going to see before I even get there.
I walk further down the hall and look inside one of the bedrooms, the door is open, and there she is. The devil.
Carina’s on someone’s cock, head thrown back in ecstasy as she nears orgasm.
The vomit is creeping up and I have to try to stave it off. I’m just so glad I can’t see Cage’s face. I couldn’t handle seeing the same look of pleasure on his face he has when we’re having sex.
I have to get out of here. Jesus. God. How.... why? Why? Knowing I’m coming here? Maybe this is his way of telling me there’s no chance for us.
I breathe through my nose and out my mouth, struggling to keep my emotions in check—at least until I get to the car.
I set the key on the table by the door and leave the same way I came in. I should have known.
I get into my car and punch the steering wheel when the tears start sliding down my cheeks.
"GOD DAMN IT!" I scream.
Why, why the hell did I have to fall in love with someone who can't love me back? Why would he do that to me? All he had to do was say we weren’t a couple.
I drive home on autopilot and when I walk into the foyer, he's standing there.
"Oh, baby doll," he croons and hugs me close. "What happened?"
I shake my head as a sob bursts forth. He leads me up the stairs to his room and holds me until my sobs turn into hiccups.
"I-I went t-to his house," I gasp for breath, "after the d-doctor and I heard her. Oh God, I heard her! And it was like a train wreck," I tell him, calming down while he runs a hand down my back.
"I looked and there she was in her naked glory. Fucking him. I wanted to puke right there but I didn't. I left the way I came in, but I left the key behind. I kn-knew taking it was a mistake," I sob-hiccup.
"I'm sorry, Sera," he whispers, then kisses the top of my head.
"Why do I have to be in love with HIM? Why not someone else? Anyone else. I can't... it hurts my heart so bad. He told me to come over after the doctor. Why would he do that? Why not just tell me?"
"You're strong, you're tough, and you've got me and Luce. We'll get you through this."
I nod. He's right, I know he is, but until that day when it's alright again, when I’m alright again, it's going to hurt like a motherfucker.
"I need you, Xan. Make me forget. Wipe that memory from my mind."
"Okay. But what happens in this room, stays in this room," he reminds.
I nod and sniffle. "Okay." I take the clothes Xander hands me, my clothes I’ve left here for this very reason, and quickly change in the bathroom.
When I walk over to him, he reaches for my hand, then leads me across the room. He lets go of my hand and I stop. He walks over to the shelf that holds the stereo remote, picks it up, and walks back over to me.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I know you were hurting a little after last time."
I blow out a breath. "I’m sure. I need this. Please don’t tell me no, Xander."
"I won’t tell you no, but you need to remember the rules. I really don’t want to be the reason you’re hurt," he says, trailing a fingertip down my cheek.
"I’ll be fine."
He nods. "Alright." He points the remote and the stereo comes to life. After setting the remote on the table, Xander grabs my hand again and leads me deeper into the corner. He rubs my shoulders and neck, my arms and hands. He works his way over my back. He smacks my ass and I snort, bending over at the waist, reaching down to touch my toes.
"You’ve got a fucking perfect ass, Sera. Damn." He runs his hands over said ass then down my legs, kneading, before standing back up. I straighten as well and turn to him. He kisses me softly, chastely. The rules.
He picks up the remote again and switches the CD.
When Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit comes on, I bounce and shake out my arms before rounding a kick on the dummy in front of me. No, not Xander—one of those dummies you can buy to practice self-defense or kickboxing on. And right now, I’m kicking the fuck out of it.
Sadness has turned to anger, as it usually does with me. Normally it takes longer, but not this time. I’m hurt. I’m beyond hurt. I’m destroyed from the inside out. I grab the gloves Xander holds out to me and don them quickly.
Then I punch and kick, and punch and kick some more, circling and jabbing. I start using the moves I was taught by my grandpa—the martial arts mixed in with the kickboxing makes for an amazing anger release.
The music switches over to Korn’s Twisted Transistor.
I don’t know how long I’m beating the life out of the dummy, imagining Carina’s face and Cage’s balls, but I only stop because of the knock on the door. My breathing is labored, sweat pouring down my face and body, and when Xander opens the door a sneer curls my lips.
"Oh fuck, Cage dude."
"Xander. The guys said they saw Sera headed this way."
Xander steps back and lets Cage in. Cage smirks when he sees me with the gloves and sweating. My eyes narrow and he raises a brow. I just stand there, heart pounding out of my chest and not just from the exertion. Oh no, right now I want to kill a motherfucker. I want to beat him until he’s black and blue and bloody. Then he can feel on the outside how I feel on the inside.
"What’s going on?" he asks.
"What’s it look like." It’s not a question, a statement.
"Looks like you’re beating the hell out of a dummy. What’s wrong? And should you be doing that being as ill as you are?" he asks. Seriously. He asked me that. I’m not kidding. I snort and Xander hisses out a breath.
"Xander, can Sera and I have a few minutes alone?"
"Cage, dude, I would, but right now I fear for your safety," Xander tells him.
"What?"
"What the fuck, Sera?" Cage asks incredulously.
"What the fuck? What the fuck?!" I shout, then swing again, this time going for the abs. Damn him for his quick thinking. He tightened. I kick out and hit his side and he lets out a grunt.
"Sera, I don’t know what’s going on but—"
"You don’t know what’s going on." I nod, gloved hands on my hips. "Want me to tell you?"
"Please. Enlighten me as to why you have murder in your eye and I, apparently, am the victim."
"Dude," Xander mutters, shaking his head.
"Victim, funny you should use that term—"
"Cage, I feel the need to interject here," Xander begins. "Where were you this afternoon, man?"
I start to protest but Xander cuts me off with a look and a plea for patience. I hold back, barely. I want to throat punch this asshole. Granted we made no promises, but it was fucking implied and he knows it.
"I had a meeting."
"Oh, I bet you did," I snort.
"Sera," Xander scolds and I hold up the glove, giving him the finger. Yeah, not the effect I was going for. Damn it all to hell. Can nothing go right for me?
"A meeting you said?" Xander asks. "Can you be a little more specific?"
"I can’t tell you where I was and I really shouldn’t be telling you who I was with either, but since it seems my life is on the line, I’ll forego the usual rules."
"Please do," I mock.
Cage raises both his eyebrows and rubs at his jaw. That’s going to leave a mark. Hell yeah!
"I had a meeting with Giovanni until about twenty minutes ago," Cage says, staring directly into my eyes, and I know he’s not lying. He never lies. Ever. No matter the cost. Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck me.
"Dude. Sera. It seems you’ve got some communicating to do—and not with fists or kicks," Xander chides, exiting the room, leaving only Cage and me. Awkward. Shit. Do I have to apologize now? No. I’m not going to. To hell with that. I can’t quite meet his gaze so I do the next best thing—I start pulling off the gloves.
He steps forward and my head snaps up. He immediately raises his hands.
"What’s going on, Fee?" he asks, unlacing the gloves.
I blow out a breath. "What are you doing here, Cage?"
"I asked first, but I have a feeling your answer is going to have something to do with mine, so I’ll go. I’m here looking for you. I went home and found your key on the table." He pulls the first glove off and tosses it aside, then begins unlacing the other. "What’s going on that you left the key, Fee? It’s yours."
He’s starting to sound like a parrot, asking the same question over and over and, God, he doesn’t deserve any of what I just gave him.
"I’ll start from the beginning," I say, rubbing my hands against my yoga pants when he pulls the other glove off.
"Seems like a good place." He reaches for my hand and, damn it, I’m an asshole.
"I’m an asshole."
A lift of a brow is his only reaction. "Why are you an asshole?"
"Besides the fact that I punched you twice and kicked you?"
His lips twitch. "Besides that, yes."
He leads me over to the sofa and pulls me down onto his lap after he takes a seat. My back is resting against the armrest and I start plucking at invisible lint on my yoga pants with the hand he’s not holding.
"Fee."
I sigh. "Alright. I went to your house after the doctor’s appointment."
He nods. "Okay. I don’t see the problem. We planned on that."
"Well," I cringe.
"Go on, Sera. You know I won’t judge you," he soothes, rubbing a hand over my sweaty back.
"I should shower—"
"After we talk."
I nod. "As I said, I went to your house like we planned. I was heading down the hallway to the bedroom to shower and get comfortable."
He nods.
"Well, when I started heading down the hall, I heard it."
"Heard what?"
"Her."
"Her, who?"
"Uh, Carina."
"Okay. I’m not sure what she was doing in my house while I was gone and that’s something I’ll definitely be discussing with her since that’s twice today she’s let herself in without permission, but that’s another matter. So you heard Carina."
I nod. "I went down the hall. The green room—you know the one. Of course you know the one. Duh. It’s your house."
"Relax, Fee. It’s just me." He calms me by rubbing my back.
I nod again, trying to just breathe and tell him. I am so horrible at apologies and admitting my mistakes, but this man, he deserves every bit of groveling I’m about to do.
"I heard her while I was just outside the green room so I looked inside. The door was open a bit, just enough to see, and, uh, she was—uh..."
"She was?"
"She was having sex with someone in the green room."
"What? Who?"
I shrug. "I dunno."
Then it must click because his face softens.
"You thought it was me."
I look down again, picking at my pants, then shrug.
"Sera."
"Hmm?" I ask, not looking up.
"Look at me, Fee."
"I’m good, thanks." I can’t. I just can’t. I’m a jerk. I—God.
He chuckles. "Fee. Look at me," he reaches out and tips my chin up and in his direction. I reluctantly meet his gaze.
I sigh. "I’m an asshole."
"Stop. You’re not an asshole."
"I am. Majorly. Big time asshole."
He smirks. "I don’t want you thinking you’re an asshole, Fee."
I sigh and look down.
"And I don’t want you thinking I’m one either."
My head snaps up at that.
"What? I don’t—"
He nods. "You do. You thought it was me fucking Carina. Right?"
I can’t deny it. It’s the truth.
"Yes."
"Fee. We haven’t talked about this, but I’m not involved with her. I haven’t been for a while," he tells me, running the backs of his fingers against my cheek.
"But, she came to Denver."
He nods. "She did. Not for the reason you’re thinking."
I snort. "Please. What other reason could she possibly have to come all the way to Denver to meet you?"
"Business."
"Huh? Say what now?"
He chuckles. "Business."
"She’s—no fucking way."
"She is."
Part of the business. I think I’m going to be sick. This can’t be. She should not be associated with la Famiglia.
"Ugh. I need to talk to gampy about firing her. She’s—just yuck."
"Fee. You know that’s not how it works," Cage chides softly.
"Hmm. I bet if I use my ‘Lucy’ eyes on him it’ll work. I’ve got that look down to a T. That look will get you anything you want from gampy," I boast. Hell yeah, I’m bragging about that shit. That is epic. Lucy’s ‘look’ is golden.
"Likely that’s true, but it’d upset the balance of business."
"Well, when you put it like that... Damn it."
He chuckles again. "Sera," he says softly.
"Yeah?"
"You know I mean what I say. I won’t ever lie to you. I’ve told you this. I also know that trusting doesn’t come easily for you, but we’ve known each other for six-plus years now. I’ve never given you reason to doubt my word, have I?"
Well, maybe his actions but not his word, no. I mean, he made no promises to me when we slept together that first time. And God, that night... Amazing.
"We never talked about it," he says, knowing exactly where my mind went.
"No, and I think it’s best if we don’t."
"We’re going to have to at some point, don’t you
think? It’s part of the reason you don’t trust me, Fee." He gently squeezes my hand.
I nod. "Then now’s as good of a time as any."
Cage
What I Did For Love by David Guetta feat. Emeli Sande
Bring On The Rain by Jo Dee Messina
Raining On Sunday by Keith Urban
"THAT DAY, WHAT YOU SAW, it wasn’t what you thought, just as today wasn’t what you thought you saw."
She looks up at me through her eyelashes. Her eyes showing her vulnerability. A vulnerability I helped bring to life. That doesn’t sit well with me. Not at all.
"After I dropped you off here, I barely pulled out of the gates when she called. Her car broke down and she couldn’t reach her guard."
"Who was her guard?"
I press my lips together in frustration and anger. "Aleo."
"Oh boy."
I nod. "As you know, Aleo was killed that day, which we didn’t find out until later."
She nods, her small, delicate hand holding mine, her thumb circling just above my thumb trying to calm me. She’s so much more than she knows.
"Carina’s tire went flat and it wasn’t like a normal flat that happens suddenly. It was like a slow leak. Anyway, she called a few others before me but they were assigned and couldn’t go to her, so it was up to me."
"But you’re second, Cage. Why is it allowed for you to put yourself at risk like that?" She asks the question most don’t understand.
"No one outside la Famiglia knows who I am. They know me as Cage Nichols, business man and record mogul, and others know me as Giovanni’s second. Only those inside know I’m both."
"You mean, they’ve never seen your face and have never been told who you are—the other families, I mean?"
"No."
"Well, that certainly explains it."
I smirk. "It does. We got soaked when the sky decided to open up and let a deluge fall down on us. I didn’t want her to go home alone with Aleo unable to be reached and the way her tire went flat."
She nods again. "I can understand that. Never take any chances. First rule of survival via Giovanni Russo."
I smile. Smart lady. "A very important rule to follow. Instead of having her sit around in her soaked clothes, I offered her a shirt and a pair of boxers. The only other clothes in the house were yours and I wasn’t—I won’t be sharing any part of you with her—or anyone."