by Lisa Ireland
In the meantime I have some advice for each of you.
I’ll start with you Kat. Excellent that your partner is involved. Support is our best weapon against failure! Don’t be afraid to ask for support here too. I pretty much know the program inside out, so if you want to know anything just ask!
Mezz, I hate to be a Negative Nelly, but it seems to me you are setting yourself up for failure. You need to tell your husband the truth and then work through the preparation tasks properly. Disorganisation is a sure path to dieting disaster. Get to work, girl!
Ellie, sounds like you are very organised. Gold star from Shelley! You go, girl!
Belle, lovely to see you here, hon. I know you know what you’re doing. Good luck for this round.
Jewels, I’m a little surprised to see you back. I remember you complaining that the program just wasn’t working for you. Glad to see you’ve decided to give it another go, because as I explained to you in the last round, the program only works if you follow it—
Jewels slammed her hand onto her hardwood kitchen table and then immediately lifted it to shake out the resulting pain. ‘Ouch! Stupid freaking cow.’
‘Is everything okay?’
‘Shit!’ Jewels’ heart jumped into her mouth. She turned to find her sister standing in the kitchen doorway. She’d been so engrossed in the forum she hadn’t heard Sofia pull up in her driveway nor let herself in the back door. ‘God, Sof, you startled me.’
‘Sorry. I knew you’d be working so I thought I’d let myself in. So what’s making you thump the table?’
‘It’s just the super bitch Shelley, carrying on like she’s Queen of the WON forum. As usual.’
Sofia sighed. ‘Honestly, Jewels, I don’t know why you bother with that forum. I don’t think it helps. Why don’t you just follow the program and talk to me if you’ve got a problem? Or Mum.’
‘Because you don’t know what it’s like to be fat. And you don’t understand the program. That’s why. Besides, participating in the forum is compulsory to stay a WON member. If I don’t comply I’ll get booted out and if I’m not on the program I won’t lose any weight.’
‘But you don’t know those women. How do you even know they are women? For all you know they could be sixteen-year-old boys sitting in a basement taking the piss. Or . . .’ Sofia’s eyes suddenly widened, ‘rapists! How do you know there’s not some psychopath in that chat room taking down all your details, just waiting to pounce?’
Jewels laughed. ‘Don’t be so melodramatic. For starters it’s not a chat room –’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘Don’t worry, it’s safe. I’m not an idiot. It’s not an open forum. Only people who’ve shelled out the three hundred bucks to do the program for that round can access the forum. I’m sure there are cheaper ways for sixteen-year-old pranksters and psychopathic stalkers to find their victims.’
‘You pay three hundred dollars for every round?’
Jewels bristled. She could see her sister mentally calculating the cost per kilogram lost. ‘Don’t start, Sofia. I don’t want to hear one word about “return on investment”.’
Sofia had the good grace to blush. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything about that.’
‘You were thinking it though.’
Sofia shrugged. ‘I just don’t like to see you being taken advantage of.’
Jewels rolled her eyes. Sofia was such a bloody know-it-all. ‘What are you doing here anyway? Isn’t it your Mothers’ Group day? And what have you done with Mia?’
‘Mia’s asleep. That’s why I didn’t call out when I let myself in. Didn’t want to wake her. I came in the back way and popped her in the port-a-cot in your spare room. That’s what I came to talk to you about. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment this morning, and I’m just wondering if you can look after her for an hour or two.’
Jewels’ pulse quickened. Something must really be wrong for Sofia to make an unscheduled appointment. Her baby sister was super organised and booked check-ups well in advance. And it wasn’t like her to miss Mothers’ Group either.
‘Sorry for springing it on you like this. I know Monday is your day to focus on marketing and promotion, and I wouldn’t ask but Mum’s visiting Nonna and –’
‘Don’t be silly. You know I’m always available to babysit my favourite niece. What about the boys? Will you be back in time to get Felix from school? I can pick up Luca from kinder if you like.’
Sofia shook her head. ‘It’s okay. I’ve organised one of the kinder mums to take Luca to her place for a play-over and I’ll definitely be back by school pick-up. Mia’s really tired after the weekend so she’ll probably sleep the whole time I’m gone.’ Sofia walked towards the door.
‘Hang on a minute. What’s wrong? Why are you going to the doctor?’
‘It’s nothing, really. Just a check-up.’
‘Bullshit. If that’s all it was you’d have scheduled childcare weeks ago. I’m your big sister. I demand you tell me the truth.’
Sofia’s eyes flashed defiance. ‘I don’t have to tell you everything.’
A softer approach was needed. Sofia always arced up when she was worried. Jewels put on a more cajoling tone. ‘Come on, don’t be like that. You can tell me. You know I’m just going to imagine the worst if you don’t.’
Sofia blew out a long, slow breath. ‘Jewels, I’m so sorry. I really don’t know how to tell you this but I guess you’re going to find out eventually.’ Sofia paused, seemingly unable to form the words she needed to say.
Oh shit. She had cancer. She was going to die. Jewels felt the tears welling in her eyes. She pulled out her chair and moved quickly across the room so she was standing right in front of her sister. She was ready to envelop Sofia in her arms the moment she uttered those dreaded words.
‘I’m pregnant.’
The statement hit Jewels like a physical blow to her gut and for a moment she thought she might vomit. She backed away from the doorway and sat at the table once more.
Sofia crouched before her and laid a hand on her knee. ‘I’m sorry. I know how hard this must be for you to hear. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner.’
‘Sooner? How far along are you?’
‘Almost three months.’
‘But . . . but I don’t understand. I thought you were done. When you had Mia you said your family was complete. I thought . . .’
Sofia’s face blushed a deep red. ‘I know. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy. We weren’t trying for a baby. I was still breastfeeding Mia and I was on the minipill. We never expected this to happen.’
Jewels didn’t trust herself to speak. It was so fucking unfair. Her sister didn’t even want another baby and yet she fell pregnant at the drop of a hat. Sofia and Pete had three kids already, whereas she and Matt had been trying desperately for two years without success.
It was so typical of Sofia. Everything she touched turned to gold. It had been the same their whole lives. Jewels was the eldest and for three blissful years the much loved only child of Maria and Giuseppe – Joe – Cavallo. But from the minute her parents had brought Sofia home from hospital Jewels knew she’d been usurped as the apple of her parents’ eyes. Jewels had no doubt that her parents loved them both, but she was the problem child – the fat one, the one who didn’t do well in school, the one they always had to worry about. By contrast her little sister was a ray of sunshine in their lives. Sofia was the smart one, the pretty one, the one they bragged about to their friends.
‘I’m sorry. I honestly wish things were different, that it was the other way around and you were the one announcing your pregnancy. If I could change things I would, but I can’t. If you don’t feel up to having Mia, I can take her with me. It’s okay. I understand.’
Jewels slowly shook her head. She squashed down her inner toddler who wanted to pummel her sister with fists while screa
ming, ‘It’s not fair!’ Instead she said, ‘No. Of course I’ll have her. It’s just a bit of a shock, that’s all. I’m fine. Congratulations.’ Her words were flat but it was the best she could do.
Sofia squeezed her hand. ‘Thanks. I won’t be long, I’m sure.’
‘Hang on a minute. What’s the appointment for? It’s unscheduled so does that mean something’s wrong?’
Sofia shrugged. ‘I’m spotting. It’s probably nothing. I had some spotting when I was pregnant with Felix too, remember? But it’s better to be safe than sorry.’
‘Of course.’
‘I’ll just quickly check Mia’s settled okay and I’ll be off.’
Jewels nodded and went back to staring at her computer. She didn’t move or speak again, not even when Sofia called goodbye as she was leaving.
Today was supposed to be a fresh start. The first day of a new round and a new attitude. Only an hour ago she’d been completely confident that this time she would lose the weight. And of course once the weight was gone she would fall pregnant immediately. Instead of updating the shop’s Facebook page or analysing the weekly website statistics, she’d been looking at baby clothes online and dreaming. She’d planned on going to her personal profile and posting some pictures to her ‘At Goal Board’. Visualising yourself at your goal weight was one of the ongoing activities suggested by the program. Jewels hadn’t bothered to do it in her previous rounds, but this time she was determined. She would do everything right this time and hopefully by the end of summer she’d be pregnant. If not, definitely by this time next year.
An hour ago she’d been dreaming of her perfect future. But then Shaming Shelley and Sofia had tag-teamed to deflate her balloon full of hope. Now all she could think about was baking. She needed to create something of her own. Something that no one else could do as well as she did. More than anything she wanted to drown out the stench of failure that seemed to fill the kitchen. She needed to cover it up with something good. Sugar and spice and all things nice.
When she was a child Nonna kept a special tin filled with biscotti for occasions like this. Whenever she was sad Nonna would reach into the tin and soothe her with the gift of a sweet biscuit. The Firenzini were her favourites. Just the thought of the delicious combination of fruit, nuts and chocolate brought her comfort. She could make a batch and send some home with Sofia for the kids. And one or two for herself wouldn’t hurt at this stage of the program. She could easily make up for one tiny indiscretion before weigh-in next Sunday. And she deserved it. It wasn’t every day that you found out that your sister was about to have a baby that she didn’t plan. A baby that, if the universe was fair, surely belonged to her and Matt. If her sister had desperately wanted another child then it would be easier to bear this news without bitterness, but Sofia was always complaining about how much work the kids were, how tired she was and how she should never have had more than two. Why would God choose Sofia’s womb to be fertile while her own remained barren?
Dio lavora in maniera misteriosa, Giulia. God works in mysterious ways, Giulia. That’s how Nonna would explain a perceived injustice like this one. Many times she’d implored Jewels to be patient because when the time was right her turn would come. But Sofia’s latest news made her wonder if her time would ever come. It felt like God had forgotten all about her. Even in His eyes Sofia was the favoured child.
Jewels stood filled with new purpose and began grabbing the ingredients from her pantry. She was pleased to find everything she needed – almonds, glacé cherries, candied orange peel, dark chocolate, almond flour and even Demerara sugar, which she preferred over the more traditional caster sugar. She turned the oven dial to 180 and got out two baking trays and lined them with paper, before gently closing the kitchen door to prevent any sounds waking Mia. Being the third child, her niece was used to background noise while she slept, but this morning Jewels didn’t want to take any chances.
After finely chopping the almonds and fruit she melted the butter and added the sugar and began to stir. Once the sugar was fully dissolved she removed the pan from the heat and added it to the dry ingredients, creating the perfect biscuit batter. She dropped teaspoons of the mixture onto the prepared trays leaving plenty of room for each biscuit to spread. Jewels slid the trays into the oven and smiled as she remembered sitting on the floor in Nonna’s kitchen peering in through the oven door as she waited impatiently for a new batch of treats to be ready. Making the Firenzini had worked. Her frustration and disappointment at Sofia’s baby news had begun to dissipate. Sofia having a baby was good news and she needed to treat it as such. It didn’t mean she and Matt wouldn’t be parents. There was no need to be jealous.
Jewels broke the chocolate into a bowl and was about to start the melting process when her iPad pinged. She glanced at the screen to see an alert for a new post on the WON forum.
User: Mezz / Location: South West Victoria / Rank: Newbie
Monday August 31 2015
Hi everyone,
Sorry for posting this here, but there’s no post on the Update page yet and I didn’t want to start our first update thread with a negative post. I know it’s only the first day and we’re supposed to be all fired up and ready to go, but I’m really worried I’m not going to be able to do this. I didn’t quite finish all the preparation tasks – I still have to do the fitness test, which I’m hoping to get to tonight.
Shelley, maybe you are right. Perhaps I am setting myself up for failure. But I just can’t tell my husband. Things are a bit strained between us right now. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a wonderful husband, an amazing dad and super supportive in lots of ways. I’m sure if I told him he’d do his best to help out. I guess it’s more about me. I just feel so ashamed that I’ve let myself get this big. I feel like such a failure already. If I tell him about the program and then don’t lose the weight, that’s just one more way I’ve let him, and myself, down.
Sorry, that’s probably too much information. This might sound pathetic but I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to about this stuff. I guess I’m wondering whether it’s even worth starting this program. As Shelley rightly pointed out I seem to be behind already. I’m wondering if anyone else feels the way I do? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Mezz
A lump formed in Jewels’ throat. Poor Mezz. That bitch Shelley was messing with her head already. How awful that there was no one else Mezz could talk to other than some strangers in an internet forum. Jewels’ life mightn’t be perfect but at least she was surrounded by people who loved her. Maybe her family didn’t understand what it was like to be fat but they supported her the best way they knew how. And despite her feelings of envy towards Sofia, in her heart she knew her sister hadn’t done anything to purposely hurt her. As much as it felt otherwise, Sofia’s pregnancy wasn’t about her.
And Matt, well, Matt was her rock. His love was unconditional. She could tell him anything and he’d listen. She was so lucky to be married to her soulmate. When things got tough she could always rely on Matt to make her feel better. He showed her he loved her in so many ways. Sometimes his love came in the romantic form – flowers, chocolates and candlelit dinners were in no short supply. But other times he demonstrated his love in more practical ways. For instance, on Saturday he’d come home with a bright pink yoga mat and matching hand weights because he understood how hard it was for her to get to the gym. He was always doing little things like that. But he wasn’t pushy about it. If she gained weight he was ready with a cuddle and some kind words.
It didn’t sound like Mezz had anyone to cuddle her.
Well now she did. Jewels would be Mezz’s rock. They would do this together.
User Princess Jewels: Private Message to User Mezz
Monday August 31 2015
Hi Mezz,
Jewels here. I hope you don’t mind me PMing you, but I just wanted to tell you privately not to let that cow, Shelley,
mess with your head. Honestly Mezz, she thinks she’s an authority on weight loss, but don’t be taken in by her. Do you know how much weight she’s lost in total? Ten kilos! Yep, that’s right. She’s lost ten kilos in three rounds and now, because she’s at goal, she thinks she’s got the right to boss the rest of us around. I, for one, am not going to put up with her crap this time. When she gives me ‘advice’ I’m going to tell her to mind her own business.
Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you not to give up. Don’t worry about not doing the program perfectly. Just do the best you can. That’s gotta be better than doing nothing, right?
I’ve got your back, Mezz. We can do this together. Please don’t leave the forum because of one insensitive twit.
Love Jewels xox
Chapter Three
W.O.N! (Weight Off Now!) Member Forum
30+ to Lose
Spring Round – Update Page
User: Ellie Phant / Location: Canberra / Rank: Newbie
Sunday September 6 2015
Happy Sunday everyone! I’m so excited to announce I lost 2.5 kilos this week. You know, the first week wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be! I’ve tweaked a few of the recipes in the database to make them a little more flavoursome, so if anyone would like a copy feel free to message me.
It’s a beautiful sunny day here in Canberra. J was called into work early this morning, so I think I will just spend a relaxing afternoon rugged up in a blanket on the balcony with a book in my hand. First I’m going to get a little exercise in, though. I think I’ll take myself to the lake for a bit of a walk.
How did everyone else go?
Cheers,
Ellie
User: Joy Belle / Location: Perth / Rank: Old Hand
Sunday September 6 2015
Good morning everyone.
Congratulations on your loss, Ellie. You’ve made a great start.