by Lisa Ireland
‘So what made you stay?’ Jewels asked.
‘He didn’t want me to come.’ Kat fought hard to keep her voice from wavering. She wanted to get the whole story out without breaking down this time. ‘He came up with a whole bunch of piss weak excuses of why it wouldn’t be a good idea.’
‘Maybe he was worried about you uprooting yourself in case his job didn’t work out,’ Ellie said.
The lump in Kat’s throat was growing by the second, but she ignored it and kept talking. ‘Yeah, that’s what he said and I really, really wanted to believe him, so I let it go. But once he started the job he started talking about all the other contracts on offer. When he told me it looked like he might be there for a lot longer than he initially thought, I suggested that I’d start looking for work over there and would come once I’d found something that suited. He kept fobbing me off. Then his phone calls started becoming less frequent. The first week or so he called every night before Ami’s bedtime so he could say goodnight. Then he missed a couple of nights. Then he stopped answering my calls. I haven’t heard from him in over a week, except for one text. I left him a message saying Ami and I were going to Melbourne for the weekend. He sent a text back saying, ‘OK. Have fun,’ on Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him since. He didn’t ask why we were going, where we were staying. I mean, in the whole time I’ve known him I’ve never left Emerald River. Wouldn’t you think he might be the tiniest bit curious about where I was taking his daughter?’
Jewels took her hand and squeezed it. No one said anything and Kat knew why. There was no excusing this behaviour, no plausible reason for Josh’s silence. Even though deep down she’d known this, part of her had hoped she was being ‘a drama queen’ as Josh would have said. She hoped one of her new friends would say something like, ‘Oh that’s just men. They get caught up in their own stuff and forget to call. It’s perfectly normal. My husband does that all the time.’ But nobody said that. Instead a sympathetic silence filled the room.
Eventually Ellie said, ‘You need to have this out with him, Kat. Find out once and for all what’s going on, because if it’s over you need to know.’
‘How can I, when he won’t talk to me?’
‘He’s obviously listening to your messages, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent the text,’ Ellie said. ‘Maybe you should leave him a message or send him a text spelling out exactly what you’re worried about. Tell him you need him to respond.’
‘What if he doesn’t?’
Ellie raised her eyebrows. ‘If he doesn’t respond to that I think you will have your answer. But I think you’ll find he will. Either this is a huge misunderstanding that he’ll want to clear up, or now that he realises you’re onto him he’ll admit that it’s over. One way or the other, you need to know.’
Kat could no longer hold back the tears. ‘I know you’re right,’ she said, dabbing at her nose with a tissue, ‘but I’m afraid to ask. What if it really is over? What will I do?’
Mezz picked up Kat’s cold cup of tea. ‘Let’s deal with one thing at a time, eh? Why don’t you text him now? It’s only seven o’clock in WA. I’ll make you a fresh tea while you do it.’
Kat’s heart began to thump. What if she sent the text and he confirmed her worst fears? She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. ‘I don’t know. Maybe it’d be better to wait until I get home . . .’
Jewels shook her head. ‘No it wouldn’t. Look, if you get bad news all of us will be here to support you. We can look after you, help you with Ami, get you through the first couple of days. And if it’s good news then you can stop worrying about it and enjoy yourself.’ She squeezed Kat’s hand again. ‘What do you think? Does that sound like a plan?’
Kat nodded. ‘Okay.’ She picked up her phone. ‘I’m just going to go out on the balcony and do this, if that’s okay?’
Jewels nodded. ‘Of course that’s okay. Go right ahead.’
While the others fussed about in the kitchen, Kat stepped out into the crisp, cloudless night. She stood for a moment with her hands resting on the balcony railing breathing in the sea air. The scent of the bay was different to the familiar sea air of Emerald River, and the calm water didn’t break in spectacular waves the way she was used to, but the sound of the gentle ripples lapping the shoreline was oddly comforting.
★
Mezz’s stomach churned as she watched Kat staring out to sea. The thought of Kat’s relationship dissolving right in front of them all was terrifying. She thought about Kat’s beautiful little daughter, possibly now destined to be shunted between two parents, two homes, two sets of rules . . . two sets of everything. She was so little she’d never remember a time when her parents were happy, when they loved each other.
How would her kids feel if this were to happen to them? Max was barely coping as it was. She couldn’t begin to imagine what a shared custody arrangement might do to him. Liam was so quiet. She never knew what he was thinking at the best of times. Who knew how he would process his parents splitting up? And Archie? He was still only a baby, really. Could she and Sean tear apart his childhood for their own selfish reasons? Mezz shuddered at the thought.
The problems she and Sean were experiencing boiled down to a lack of communication. She needed to try harder. Sean’s complaints revolved around not seeing enough of her. Surely that was a good thing? The trouble was it was a problem without a solution, at least while they lived in Tildan. Being one of the area’s only two doctors was time consuming, especially now that Barry was working fewer hours. She’d known about his retirement plans when she’d started at the practice five years ago. At the time it had seemed like a golden opportunity. She’d learn the ropes, grow a patient list, and then buy the practice from Barry when he was ready to retire. Sean had agreed with her decision. They’d figured that as the kids got older they’d be easier to manage and she’d have more time to work. They’d both been naïve.
As it stood their lives were chaotic. She and Sean rarely had time alone together, and what time they did have was often spent bickering over whose turn it was to put the bins out or why there was never any milk. It was a far cry from the days when they’d stayed up until the wee hours of the morning just talking. Or spent whole weekends in bed together. Of course that was harder once they’d become parents but they’d managed to keep the spark alive when the kids were little. They’d often cracked open a bottle after the kids were in bed and spent time talking to each other, watching a movie together, or making love.
Now she couldn’t remember the last time they’d had a decent conversation, let alone sex.
Looking at Kat’s lonely figure out on the balcony she decided she wasn’t ready to let go of her marriage. When she got home she would tell Sean the truth about what was going on in her life. She would tell him what she needed to make her happy and she’d ask him to do the same. Maybe they’d need a marriage counsellor. Whatever it took. She was ready to commit to making things work. She only hoped it wasn’t too late.
‘How’s that tea coming, Mezz?’ Jewels asked.
‘I’ve boiled the kettle about four times so far,’ she said. ‘But I thought it best to wait a bit when it didn’t look like Kat was coming in anytime soon.’
‘Well, she’s just put the phone down and if her body language is anything to go by, I’m thinking a strong brew might be in order.’
The three of them exchanged worried glances.
Mezz walked over to the sink and picked up the teapot. ‘I’ll make a pot now.’
‘Do you think I should go out there?’ Ellie asked.
Mezz shook her head. ‘Let’s give her five minutes to compose herself. If she doesn’t come in after that, then maybe one of us should check on her.’
Jewels retrieved a Tupperware container from the walk-in pantry. ‘I think this situation definitely calls for chocolate.’ She pulled back the plastic lid and selected a block of Lindt and a bag of M&Ms.
By the time she’d poured the M&Ms into a bowl and broken the chocolate into squares, Kat was coming back in through the sliding glass door.
Mezz looked up at her calm face and wondered if things had gone better than they’d anticipated. ‘I’ve made a pot of Earl Grey tea if you’d like a cup?’
Kat nodded as she walked back to take her seat on the couch. ‘Yes, that’d be nice. Thanks, Mezz.’ There was no hint of emotion in her voice. Her eyes were dry.
Mezz poured the tea while the others resumed their seats. Once everyone was seated, beverage in hand, Kat began to speak in an eerily calm voice.
‘Well, that’s that sorted,’ she said. ‘I wanted to know and he told me.’
‘Is everything okay?’ Ellie asked.
‘Everything? No, not everything.’ There was a touch of hysteria in her voice now. ‘It’s over between us. He’s found somebody else.’
Jewels coughed and spluttered. It appeared her coffee had gone down the wrong way. ‘Sweet Jesus!’ she said. ‘He doesn’t muck around, does he?’
Mezz focused her attention on Kat, whose composure was beginning to crumple. ‘He’s been seeing her for a while. She was in Emerald River as part of a year-long backpacking holiday and they met at the beach. He said it started as a fling, but it’s more than that now. They’ve been emailing each other this whole time, which explains why he was so freaked out every time I spent any time on the computer. He must have been worried I’d catch him out.’ Fat tears streamed down Kat’s cheeks. ‘He said he’s in love with her.’
‘In lust more like it,’ Jewels said.
Kat shook her head. ‘No, I believe him. I could hear the tenderness in his voice when he spoke about her. I haven’t heard him use that tone in a very long time.’
‘What an arsehole.’ Jewels scowled. ‘Here you were working your butt off, looking after his kid, making a nice home for him and all the time he was running around behind your back with someone else.’ She turned to face Kat. ‘You didn’t suspect anything?’
Mezz looked at Kat’s defeated face. ‘You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. We’re here to listen, but if it’s all too much for you right now just say so.’
Kat shook her head. ‘It’s okay. In a way it’s a relief to talk about it.’ She directed her gaze at Jewels. ‘I’ve known for a while that something wasn’t right. Things changed after Ami was born. I noticed things were different, you know . . .’ her cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson, ‘in the bedroom. We didn’t do it as often and, when we did, it wasn’t like it used to be. At first I thought that was normal. I read lots of stuff online about new parents having problems in the bedroom, so I figured it would get better with time.’
‘But it didn’t?’ Mezz prompted.
She shook her head. ‘No, it’s been getting steadily worse. He only wants to make love these days if he’s been out drinking and the sex is . . . well, it’s sort of angry.’
Ellie shot a glance Mezz’s way before asking, ‘Has he hurt you, Kat?’
‘No, nothing like that. He’s never hit me or hurt me in any way.’ A wry smile settled on her face momentarily. ‘At least not physically.’ The smile faded. ‘What I mean is hard to explain. The sex wasn’t tender like it used to be. It was quick and, I don’t know . . . it was almost as if he was angry at himself for wanting me.’ Her whole body convulsed with sobs. ‘And who could blame him? I mean, look at me. I’m disgusting.’
Chapter Eleven
Mezz woke the next morning with a fuzzy head and a parched mouth. Long after she’d settled Kat into bed with a couple of Panadol and a big glass of water, she, Jewels and Ellie sat up talking. And drinking. She’d finally staggered to bed around one thirty and according to her iPhone it was just seven thirty now. She could hear noises in the kitchen above her, so at least one of the others was up. So much for her anticipated sleep-in.
She threw the covers off and made her way to the bathroom where, after a quick wee, she examined her face in the mirror. She shuddered at the sight of the mousey coloured bird’s nest atop her head. And the panda eyes weren’t doing her any favours either. She needed coffee. Badly. But there was no way she could let another human being see her looking this awful. She filled the sink with warm water and splashed her face, rubbing at the grime around her eyes with a soft pink washcloth she found in the bathroom drawer. With her face now at least devoid of last night’s makeup, she grabbed a hair-tie and pulled her hair up into a stubby ponytail. Why had she let the hairdresser cut it so short last time? She couldn’t wait for it to grow out of this hideous not-quite-shoulder-length in-between stage. The crappy ponytail would have to do for now; she’d attempt a more sophisticated style after her caffeine hit. Taking care of the headache was next on the agenda. She grabbed a couple of painkillers from her cosmetic bag and swallowed them down with a big gulp of water. She grabbed her soft woolly grey cardigan from the armchair where she’d flung it the night before and pulled it on over her PJs. Hopefully this get-up wouldn’t terrify her housemates too much, because she didn’t think she could survive another minute without coffee.
Upstairs Jewels was pottering about in the kitchen. She was already dressed in black capris and a crisp white t-shirt, topped off with a hot pink cashmere cardigan, which perfectly matched the pink ballet slippers on her feet. Her hair was pulled back in an immaculate ponytail and she’d even applied a little makeup. Mezz felt like a complete slob in comparison. Little Ami was there too, sitting up in the highchair, contentedly eating fingers of buttered toast. At least she was still in her pyjamas.
‘Good morning, sunshine,’ Jewels chirped. ‘I hope we didn’t wake you?’
Mezz shook her head. ‘No, I think my need for paracetamol and caffeine woke me.’
‘Hangover? I’ll make you a coffee right away. There’s Panadol in the first-aid tub in the pantry if you need it.’
‘Already taken care of the painkillers but a coffee would be fabulous. Thanks.’
Jewels smiled and handed the toddler a sippy cup filled with milk before turning her attention to the coffee grinder. Ami pounded the highchair tray with her fist and giggled. ‘Ju-ju,’ she said.
Jewels’ eyes widened. ‘Oh wow! She’s learned my name. You’re a clever girl, Ami,’ she said, turning her attention back to Mezz. ‘Did you hear that?’
Mezz nodded. She thought it more likely that Ami was referring to the drink she’d just been handed as ‘juice’ rather than suddenly spouting Jewels’ name, but she wasn’t about to burst her friend’s bubble by sharing that opinion. Instead she asked, ‘Have you seen anything of Kat this morning?’
Jewels nodded her head towards Ami. ‘I heard this one crying about an hour ago so I raced downstairs to grab her. Kat was awake but she looked awful. I think she’d been crying again. I scooped up this gorgeous girl and told her mum to go back to bed for a few hours. Hopefully she’s sleeping.’ Jewels popped the freshly ground beans into the coffee machine, grabbed two cups and placed them strategically on the machine base. ‘Latte or espresso?’ she asked. ‘Or would you prefer a long black?’
‘Long black would be great, Jewels. Thanks.’
Moments later Jewels placed a steaming hot coffee in front of her. After one sip she could feel herself coming back to life. ‘Do you think we did the right thing last night?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Pushing Kat to confront Josh like that. I mean, now it looks as if it’s all over, I hope we didn’t make things worse . . .’
‘Pfft,’ Jewels said, then laughed as Ami mimicked the sound. She made a funny face, which Ami giggled at and immediately tried to copy. ‘Look, the bloke’s quite obviously an arsehole. Kat’s better off without him. And better to know now than for him to keep stringing her along the way he has been. I swear, if I could get my hands on him I’d wring his bloody neck.’
Mezz nodded. ‘I guess so. I just wonder how sh
e’ll manage on her own. I was thinking about it last night. How I’d cope if Sean and I split up.’
‘You’d be fine. You’re a smart, independent woman. Of course you’d be all right.’
Mezz shrugged. ‘I don’t know how I’d cope with the kids on my own for starters. And then there’s the kids themselves to think about. I wonder what a split would do to the three of them?’
Jewels stopped making faces at the baby and looked directly at her. ‘You’ve given this quite a lot of thought. You’re not thinking of leaving him, are you?’
‘No,’ Mezz answered automatically, but Jewels’ gaze didn’t falter. ‘Well, maybe . . . I had contemplated . . . I don’t know . . .’ She was about to spill the beans, to tell her how she’d lied to Sean about this weekend and all the other things that’d been bothering her lately, but before she could speak, Ellie bounded up the stairs, wearing a stylish black tracksuit and looking way more energetic than was acceptable at that hour of the day.
‘Morning,’ Ellie said. ‘Do I smell something delicious cooking up here?’
Jewels smiled. ‘I have mini breakfast frittatas baking in the oven. They’re just about done. Do you want a coffee while we wait?’
‘No thanks. I’m more of a tea girl first thing in the morning. You keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll make myself a pot.’
‘Great,’ said Jewels. ‘I’m just about to get this little miss out of her highchair and pop ABC Kids on for her, if no one has any objections to the TV being on? Hopefully we can keep her amused long enough for Kat to have a decent sleep-in.’
‘I’ll sort her out,’ Mezz offered. ‘You worry about getting brekkie sorted.’