by Lisa Ireland
Lots of love and kisses,
Jewels xox
As she read Jewels’ words, Mezz began to sob. She cried out of gratitude and out of shame. How could she have ever doubted the loyalty of these women, these three kindred spirits she was so lucky to have in her life?
Chapter Eighteen
FAT CHAT | Friday Jan. 15 2016 | Jewels
Hi lovely ones,
Just thought I’d let you know Mezz is home from hospital and safely tucked up in our spare room. I’ve taken today off and I’ll be working from home all next week (it’s our quietest time of year at the shop anyway). And of course Matt’s helping out too. He and Mezz are getting on like a house on fire already and they’ve only just met. He’s such a thoughtful soul, my husband. He actually rearranged the spare room so that we could fit an armchair in there, just in case Mezz felt like some quiet time on her own during her stay.
Anyway, if you want to call and talk to Mezz it might be an idea to ring the home number here. That way I can let you know if she’s sleeping or whatever, and of course I get to talk to you guys too!
In other news I’m super excited because the magazine featuring the shop will be out later this month! It’s the autumn issue of the magazine but it goes on sale on January 25. I can’t wait to see it.
How are things with you two? How are you feeling being back on Australian soil, Ellie? Are you over the jet lag enough to have figured out your next move?
Kat, are you ever at home these days? I’m not sure if that’s a gym you’re going to or some sort of social club! Have you heard from Josh recently?
Well, best go get the patient her liquid lunch.
Talk to you soon!
Jewels xox
FAT CHAT | Friday Jan. 15 2016 | Ellie
Thanks for the update, Jewels. Please give Mezz a big hug from me (if it’s not too painful for her!). Thanks for all your texts and calls over the past few days keeping us informed of Mezz’s progress. It’s great to hear she’s doing so well!
It will come as no surprise to you all that Jenn and I have officially ended our relationship. After putting the issue on hold while we were travelling and then being exhausted for a few days when we arrived home, the first real opportunity for a frank discussion came on Tuesday night.
Jenn put on a show of telling me how much she wanted me to come to Washington, but even if that’s true (and I’m not one hundred per cent convinced it is) I’ve decided I don’t want to go. I’ve realised Jenn’s not the woman for me. And I’m not right for her either. At our core we are very different people. We don’t want the same things out of life. Jenn is a brilliant sparkling diamond of a person. She’s intelligent and funny and, it has to be said, pretty damn sexy. And all that’s great stuff. Perfect if you’re a high-flyer or a social butterfly. But these past few months, well, years really – ever since I moved to Canberra – I’ve come to understand that being a butterfly is pretty exhausting, especially if you’d rather stay safely in the cocoon!
I guess what I’m trying to say is I want more from life than Jenn can give me. I want a home, a family, and I want someone who cherishes me and who is happy to put me first at least some of the time.
When I told Jenn all of that she had no answer. She cried and said she was sorry, and then she moved her stuff into the spare bedroom.
So it’s over and now I have to start living the rest of my life.
I go back to work on Monday. I’m not looking forward to it. I have finally decided to hand in my notice. As much as I love Australia, I can’t see myself staying here. I don’t want to stay on in Canberra in this job. I just can’t see a future for me in this gallery. I only took the job in the first place so I could be here with Jenn. Now that’s over I can’t see the point of staying on. I could probably get work in Melbourne or Sydney, but really, all my good contacts are back home in England. I’m going to give a month’s notice and start looking for work in the UK and Europe.
Jenn’s hardly been here since we got home, which is a relief really. She’s been working long hours and, since Tuesday, spending her time in the spare room when she does get home. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is. It’s not as though she’s really even tried to change my mind, so I know I’ve made the right decision. She’s formally accepted the job and will be leaving in a month. We still have three months left on the lease here so there’s no hurry for me to be out by the time she goes, although I can’t see myself living here for too much longer once I’ve left work. I’m not rushing back to the UK though. Well, not unless I get a job in the interim. I might tour around Australia a little bit, give myself a nice holiday here. I really love Melbourne, as you all know, so I might pop down there for a week or two. Jewels and Mezz, I’d love to catch up with the two of you while I’m down there, if possible. And Kat, after that I might cruise on up the coast to hang out with you, if you’ll have me? We’ll see!
Can’t wait to see the magazine, Jewels!
Cheers,
Ellie x
FAT CHAT | Friday Jan. 15 2016 | Kat
Thanks for the update on Mezz, Jewels. I’ll try to call you both tomorrow so we can chat. I’m in a huge rush right now as I’ve just tried on every outfit in my wardrobe and now I’m late for the gym. I’m thinking I might have to give it a miss today. Feeling a bit squirmy in my belly, actually. Don’t worry, I’m not sick. I’m nervous! But more about that in a minute.
Oh Ellie, I’m so sad for you, but I am sure you have done the right thing. This next little while will be hard, but I know you are strong and that you will get through it. I’m sure there is someone fabulous waiting out there for you. You deserve so much more than Jenn was able to give. Please know that I am here for you. Call or text if you need me and of course you are welcome to visit any time.
I have a little news of my own. Ellie, I’m sorry to be announcing this after your sad news but it’s something I’m bursting to tell you all. I hope you understand . . .
Girls, I have a hot date after work tonight!
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned Ben to you before. He’s a trainer at my gym and just the nicest, sweetest guy ever. I’ve seen him quite a few times socially now. He’s part of the group that I often go to the pub with on a Friday night. He’s so easy to talk to and really encouraging at the gym. At first I was a bit uncomfortable around him because he is incredibly good looking. The first time I went to the gym he took me through my session and I had to concentrate on not looking at him because he was sending my pulse rate through the roof. But now I’ve gotten to know him better and I’m much more relaxed around him.
We’ve been on a few casual dates. I didn’t say anything because there wasn’t really anything to tell and to be honest I couldn’t really believe he was interested in me. I thought perhaps he was just being friendly. But our last date was kind of romantic and I think things might start to hot up from here!
He already knows I’m a single mum and he’s great with Ami, so at least I don’t have to worry about that. Not that I’m looking at this as anything serious, of course (he’s only twenty-seven so he’s a bit younger than me!). It’s just so nice to know that someone actually finds me attractive. I have no idea where this is heading, but I’ve decided not to worry too much about that. Ami won’t be affected by me going on the odd date. She already knows Ben so it won’t seem strange to her if he’s here now and then and she’s really too little to think anything of us sleeping together. (OMG did I just write that??? Wishful thinking on my part, but I am so up for a bit of bedroom action. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had any!)
Jewels, no word from Josh AT ALL. He’s still depositing money in my account for Ami, but we haven’t heard from him and she hasn’t seen him since he left. I’m don’t think he wants to be a part of her life anymore, which to be honest would suit me just fine because I’d never have to see him again. But I’m hurt and furious on Ami’s be
half. I know what it’s like to grow up without a dad. And my Tata would have given anything to watch me grow up, this I know for a fact. For Ami’s sake I’ll keep the door open for Josh to have contact with her and hope that one day he’ll come to his senses.
I really have to go now. I still have no idea what I’m going to wear tonight and I have to get Ami to day care. Wish me luck!
Kat x
FAT CHAT | Friday Jan. 15 2016 | Mezz
Hi everyone,
I’m back in the land of the living. I’m sitting with my feet up, being waited on by the lovely Jewels, so thought I’d post to say hi and to let you all know I’m doing fine. I feel great really, but Jewels is insisting that I take it easy and, as we all know, it’s best not to argue with her!
Thanks so much for your well wishes over the past few days and also for the gorgeous flowers. It was lovely to look at them while I was in hospital.
As expected, Sean hasn’t been very communicative since the operation. Apparently he called the hospital to see how I was, but didn’t ask to speak to me. He made sure the boys called every day while I was there, but didn’t speak to me himself. I had hoped once I’d got through the surgery that he’d come around, but apparently not. Hopefully we’ll be able to sort things out when I go home.
Ellie, it must be very hard and lonely for you going through this break-up all alone there in Canberra. Don’t forget I’m available day or night if you need to chat. Once Sean and I have sorted ourselves out properly I’d love you to come and visit. Things might be a bit prickly when I first get home, but I’m hoping now that the surgery is over we can move forward and start working through our issues.
OMG Kat, a toy boy! Go you!!! I’m so happy for you! Promise you’ll post tomorrow with all the details!
Here comes Jewels with a drink for me, and a tea for her. Best go and be sociable.
Love from Mezz x
Jewels handed Mezz the drink she’d prepared and took a seat opposite her friend. ‘I put a bit of diet cordial into your water for you. Hopefully, that’ll make it go down a bit easier. I called your surgeon’s rooms and told them you were having trouble swallowing it and this is what they suggested. Something about breaking the surface tension.’
Mezz nodded. ‘I remember the dietitian saying something about that now. Thanks, Jewels. You and Matt have been so good to me. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.’
‘Don’t be silly. It’s no trouble at all. We love having you here.’
Mezz held up her iPad. ‘You’ll never guess what’s happened.’
‘What?’
‘Kat’s got herself a toy boy! Some bloke from the gym.’
‘Oh. My. God. Seriously? Give me that.’
Mezz passed the device to Jewels so she could read the post in question.
‘This is just the most fantastic news.’ She handed the tablet back to Mezz.
Mezz laughed. ‘Good on her, eh?’
Jewels nodded. ‘Yeah. Shame Ellie’s in such a bad place though. Seems like there’s always one of us with something to worry about.’
‘That Jenn seems like a right bitch.’
Jewels laughed, choking down the mouthful of tea she’d just taken. ‘Bloody hell, Mezz, it’s not like you to say something like that. Maybe there are a few lingering after-effects of the anaesthetic.’
‘You don’t agree?’
‘I’d love to wring the bitch’s neck! It’s just that you’re usually a lot more cautious with your language. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit too out there for you.’
It was Mezz’s turn to laugh. ‘Are you kidding? You’re not “out there” at all. I love your honesty. I guess I come across as quite reserved in the written form.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Maybe in real life too. I don’t mean to be that way. It’s the doctor in me. We’re trained to be detached and not to express personal opinions. But the real me loves to let loose a little. I promise I’m a lot wilder than I come across. Or at least I used to be. I’m starting to think I’ve become so removed from the person I once was that I don’t know who I am anymore.’ She paused and took a tiny sip of her cordial, wincing as she swallowed.
Jewels encouraged her to go on. ‘What do you mean?’
Mezz shrugged. ‘I don’t know who I am anymore – what I like, what I’m good at, what I want. When I was young, I was smart. I was fun to be around.’
‘You’re still those things.’
Mezz shook her head. ‘No I’m not. The closest I’ve come to that recently was when we were at your beach house. It was like the me I used to be paid me a visit. But as soon as I went home that me disappeared and Mediocre Mezz took her place.’
‘Mezzie, you are smart and you are brave. You are anything but mediocre.’
‘Compared to how I used to be I am. When I was younger I was so energetic. I was driven to succeed. I wanted to make a difference in the world. Help people. Change lives.’
Jewels couldn’t believe this woman she admired so much thought so little of herself. ‘You do help people. You’re a doctor.’
‘Not a very good one, though. Not one that makes a difference. During the day I perform pap smears on middle-aged women and write prescriptions for antibiotics and painkillers. “Take these and come back to see me next week.” And the whole time my head is somewhere else. It’s back at my house, wondering if my eldest son will ever be a fully functioning, independent adult, or if my middle son is a bully and whether I should be doing something about that. I spend my days feeling guilty that I never read to my youngest son and that I let him play way too many video games. I wonder if I’m the only mother in town who has never done canteen, who would rather lance a boil than attend Friday assembly, and never remembers to send the notes back on time. But most of all, Jewels, I wonder if my husband truly hates me or if this is just a phase we’re going through.’ A tear slid down Mezz’s cheek.
Jewels retrieved a box of tissues from the kitchen and handed them to her. ‘I’m so sorry, honey. I don’t know what to say. To me you are amazing and I’m always in awe of all that you do. I think you’re being too hard on yourself.’
‘Anyway, let’s move on from the mess of my domestic life and talk about something more cheerful.’
‘Whatever you like, my friend. You’re the patient.’
Mezz smiled. ‘Let’s talk about the future. Did I tell you they weighed me this morning?’
‘No. Don’t tell me you’ve lost weight already?’
‘Yep! Including the pre-op diet: nine-and-a-half kilos.’
‘Oh my god! That’s amazing.’
‘Yeah, I’m pretty happy with that. I keep thinking about how things are going to be different once I’m thin.’
‘Like all the clothes you’ll be able to buy?’
‘Not just that, but how I won’t have to feel ashamed of myself when I’m in public. How I won’t have to worry that people are judging me if I put ice cream in my shopping trolley.’
Jewels shrugged. ‘Really? You think people are looking in your shopping trolley?’
‘Absolutely. And you know how I know? Because I do it too. I’m such a goddamned hypocrite. When I’m being “good” I look in other people’s trolleys and judge what they’re buying. And when I’m not being good I look in thin people’s trolleys and get the shits if I see they have junk food in there. I feel like it’s not fair that they can eat that stuff and be thin.’ She laughed. ‘I have a problem, I know.’
Jewels thought about her weekly shop, her trolley filled to the brim with gourmet goodies and treats, and wondered if the checkout operators, or indeed the other shoppers, were passing judgement on her purchases. ‘You know, I’ve never really thought about that.’
‘That’s one of the things I admire about you, Jewels. You’re so confident, so sure of yourself. You don’t let your weight hold you back. I wish I could be more li
ke you, but I’m not wired that way. I hate my body and I hate myself for letting it get this way.’
A prickle of discomfort tingled in Jewels’ chest. She knew Mezz was trying to be complimentary, so why did her words feel like a reprimand? ‘I guess it just never occurred to me to be ashamed.’
‘Oh, Jewels, I never meant to infer that you should. I’m sorry. This is my hang-up not yours.’
Jewels smiled at her friend in what she hoped was a convincing way. ‘It’s fine, Mezz, don’t worry.’ She picked up her empty teacup. ‘I just have to run up the road to get a couple of things. Back soon.’
In the car Jewels’ stomach gurgled and rumbled. She was starving. It was still hours until dinner time, when she planned to have a palm-sized piece of chicken breast and some vegetables. Hardly a meal worth looking forward to. Surely one little snack at the shop wouldn’t hurt? It wasn’t as if she’d committed to any sort of diet yet. She was only really doing it for Mezz’s sake. She didn’t want to flaunt food in front of her friend when the poor thing could only have liquids, so she’d been limiting herself to small portions of ‘diet-friendly’ foods. Prior to Mezz’s discharge from hospital she’d had every intention of starting on the nutritional cleansing products she’d bought from Shannon before Christmas, but the program was so strict for the first few weeks and the pamphlet that accompanied the products said that she might find herself feeling weak and light-headed. She couldn’t look after Mezz in that state so she put the products back in their box and vowed she’d start the program later in the month. But she didn’t want to seem like a glutton in front of Mezz or appear insensitive, so she’d restricted her normal intake of food.
She started to fantasise about what she might eat at the shop as she crawled along Ferguson Street looking for a car park. From nowhere a figure appeared in front of the car. She slammed the brakes on, narrowly avoiding hitting the pedestrian, a young man. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mouthed, as the man looked at her through the windscreen. He stood there just staring for a moment and Jewels wound down the window to see if he was okay. Before she could say anything he pounded on the car’s bonnet. ‘You stupid cow. Why don’t you look where you’re going?’