by Lisa Ireland
With no other living relatives Kat would have no choice but to leave Ami in state care – even the thought of this chilled her to her bones – unless she could find a suitable person to appoint as Ami’s legal guardian. She was desperately hoping one of her friends would be up for the challenge.
Ellie would be a great choice. Of all the women she was the one who had her head screwed on the best. While the rest of them still fought their body image demons, Ellie seemed to have come to terms with hers. Kat didn’t want Ami growing up hating her body the way she had come to. Ellie would be a fabulous role model. But she was heading back to London to look for work and Kat figured a toddler didn’t really fit in with those plans. She’d talked a little about motherhood but Kat didn’t know if that was something Ellie truly wanted for herself.
Mezz was already a mum so she’d know what she was in for. And maybe with three boys of her own she’d welcome the opportunity to raise a little girl. Archie, Mezz’s youngest, had already fallen in love with Ami and had spent the afternoon pushing her in her stroller, playing peek-a-boo with her and generally being a wonderful companion. It would be nice for Ami to have big brothers. But Mezz’s marriage was all but over and she had a lot on her plate. Expecting her to take on another child was probably too much to hope for.
Jewels wanted to be a mother more than anything, so Kat was more optimistic about the chance of her at least considering taking Ami on. She wondered about Matt, though. In their many discussions about Jewels’ infertility adoption had been mentioned several times. Each time Jewels had said that while she would take that option in a heartbeat, Matt wasn’t so keen. Maybe it would be different because he knew Ami. He’d been gorgeous with her while they’d been guests in his home. He’d played with Ami whenever he had the chance and brought home special treats just so he could see her little face light up. Kat had noticed too that Jewels seemed to get her own way with Matt very easily. They were so cute together. He was obviously besotted by his wife and would do anything to keep her happy. Hopefully if Jewels wanted to take on Ami she’d be able to talk Matt around.
‘Hey, aren’t you getting cold out here?’ Mezz’s question cut into her thoughts.
‘Yeah, I am a bit. It’s been lovely sitting in the sun but it might be time to come inside and crack open one of those bottles of champers we’ve got in the fridge.’
Mezz’s brow furrowed. ‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’
Kat shrugged. ‘I can’t see why not. Unless you think we should wait until after the kids are in bed?’
‘That’s not what I meant. You’re still recovering –’
‘You know what? I feel just fine. What are you worried about? Think it’ll kill me?’ Kat laughed at her own joke but Mezz continued to look concerned.
‘I just know you were feeling bloated and nauseated before the surgery and I’d hate for you to end up feeling unwell again.’
‘Why don’t you let me worry about that? I promise I won’t do anything stupid. If it’s not going down well I’ll stop.’
Mezz gave a reluctant nod.
‘Listen, Mezz, I need for you to do something for me.’
‘Of course. Anything at all.’
‘Just for this weekend I want you to pretend you’re not a doctor. Just focus on being my friend. Okay?’
It was Mezz’s turn to laugh. ‘Strangely enough that might be easier than you think.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Now that’s a discussion for after dinner. And yes, with bubbles. Now come on inside. I’m freezing my bits off out here.’
Kat stood up and walked over to the doorway and socked Mezz on the arm. ‘Bloody tease, that’s what you are.’
★
Mezz was actually busting to tell everyone her news. So much had happened in the short time since she’d last seen them all. But she’d held back so far. It seemed somehow wrong to feel so happy with Kat’s illness hanging over them all.
Dinner consisted of a delicious spaghetti marinara made by Jewels and a loaf of crusty bread Ellie had bought from the local bakery. Apparently Kat had banned Jewels from bringing her cleanse products away on this ‘weekend of fun’. Jewels seemed to be making up for lost time, attacking her serve with gusto and helping herself to a second portion of lavishly buttered bread. Mezz envied her in a way. Most days she was grateful for her weight loss surgery. She wasn’t hungry and she no longer craved chocolate or sweets, in fact anything overly sweet turned her stomach these days. But at times like these, when everyone was eating and drinking merrily, she grieved a little for the old Mezz, the Mezz who could drink half a bottle of wine, eat half a pizza and still have room for dessert. So much of life was based around food and when you couldn’t partake the same way as everyone else it was kind of isolating.
Jewels waved a champagne bottle in her direction. ‘Mezz, your glass is empty. Shall I pour you another?’
She shook her head. ‘I’d love one, but not just yet. Not enough room in the tum.’
‘So what are our plans for tonight? Are we watching DVDs or playing drinking games? Any other suggestions? What’s everyone up for?’ Ellie asked.
Kat took the champagne bottle from Jewels and topped up her own glass. ‘Mezz has something she wants to share with us all, isn’t that right, Mezzie?’
Mezz smiled. ‘Yes it is. So best we get finished up here if you want to hear all my gossip.’
Archie tapped her on the leg. ‘What is it, Mum?’
‘Oh mate, just boring grown-up talk. Nothing you’d be interested in. Besides, Jewels told me she has that movie you wanted to see on DVD. We can put it on downstairs for you once Ami’s gone to bed if you like.’
‘Cool!’
Jewels got up and started clearing the plates. ‘Do you want some ice cream, Archie? I think the grown-ups might have their dessert a little later.’
‘Yes please, Jewels.’
Ellie and Jewels took care of the dishes, while Kat bathed Ami and put her to bed. Mezz offered to help but Kat insisted she was totally fine on her own, so she left them to it and concentrated on getting Archie into his PJs and setting up the portable DVD player in his bedroom. ‘Lights out when the movie’s done, mate. No iPad. Okay?’
Archie nodded his agreement as she kissed him goodnight.
‘I’ll be right upstairs if you need anything.’ Mezz closed the door behind her and made her way upstairs.
Jewels was pouring fresh glasses of bubbly. ‘Are you ready for that drink now?’
Mezz grinned. ‘Absolutely.’
By the time Jewels finished pouring Kat had made her way back upstairs.
Ellie raised her eyebrows. ‘That was quick.’
Kat nodded. ‘I think she must be exhausted. Her eyes were closed almost before her head hit the pillow.’
Mezz took her drink into the living room and the others all followed suit. Jewels plonked herself down in one of the recliners, while Ellie and Kat stretched out on the enormous couch.
Kat raised her glass. ‘Cheers. Thanks to all of you for indulging me and making this weekend possible.’
‘Cheers,’ they all replied in unison.
‘All right, Mezz, you’ve kept us in suspense long enough,’ Kat said. ‘What’s your big news?’
Mezz couldn’t stop herself from grinning. ‘I slept with Sean.’
The room erupted into a chorus of cheers. Ellie was clapping her hands with obvious delight. ‘That is the best news, Mezz. When did this happen?’
‘Actually, it was a little while ago now. The night I got home from Melbourne, in fact.’
Jewels slapped her palm on the table. ‘Bloody hell! Why didn’t you tell us sooner?’
Mezz shrugged. ‘I don’t know. At first I didn’t think it meant anything. I kind of didn’t want to jinx it.’
‘Does that mean you’re getting back togeth
er?’ Ellie asked.
‘And was it good?’ Kat chipped in.
Mezz laughed. ‘One at a time, ladies.’
‘Tell us what happened for starters,’ Jewels said.
‘Okay. When I arrived home from Melbourne, Sean had kept me some dinner. He knew we’d all had a pretty rotten week and he’s kind like that. It’s one of the reasons I love him. We ended up having a few red wines together and we got to talking.’ Mezz paused. She couldn’t tell them about her breakdown, not with Kat sitting right across from her, so she glossed over the next part. ‘You know, since I’ve had the surgery I can’t handle my alcohol as well as I used to, so two wines and I was pretty tipsy. We talked for ages, and for the first time in forever we both listened to what the other one had to say. He told me a few home truths about myself and I was finally ready to hear those things without being defensive. Anyway, one thing led to another and the next thing you know we’re in bed.’
Kat’s smile lit up her whole face. ‘That’s fantastic, Mezz. So what does that mean for your relationship?’
‘We’re taking it slow. I haven’t slept in the house again since that night. We don’t want to confuse the kids in case, you know, things don’t work out. The kids have all had issues since we’ve been separated. Max has been suspended from school. He got in a fight with these boys who’ve been bullying him forever and he won’t talk to either of us about it. We really need to win back his trust. Liam’s been in trouble at school too and poor little Arch is just anxious all the time. We don’t want to give them false hope.’
‘But there’s reason to hope, right?’ Kat asked.
‘I think so. Sean has agreed not to pursue the divorce for the time being. We’ve decided to see a marriage counsellor and to take things one day at a time. Our first session is booked for next week. And, this is the really big news – if we decide we want to give our marriage another go, Sean has agreed to look at moving away from Tildan.’
Jewels’ eyes widened. ‘Seriously? I thought you said he’d never move.’
Mezz shrugged. ‘What can I tell you? We’re both doing our best to work this out. I’ve promised to prioritise him and the kids more. That’s one of the reasons I brought Archie with me this weekend. I’m trying to maximise every opportunity I have to spend time with the kids. I’m starting to realise that every minute we spend together doesn’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, just being together is enough. And for his part Sean has promised to consider making a fresh start away from Tildan. I didn’t think it would be an option but he agrees that we’d probably have a better chance of making a go of it if we were living somewhere else.’
‘Wow, that’s huge,’ Ellie said. ‘So where would you go?’
‘I really don’t know. If it were up to me I’d go back to Melbourne in a heartbeat, but I don’t think Sean wants that. Hopefully we can agree on somewhere closer to Melbourne, somewhere with better access to the services the kids need. I honestly think Max would do better in a school with a proper special education program and that’s just not available in our local area. So it’ll take some research, but already the thought that this might be a possibility has lifted an enormous weight off my shoulders.’
‘What about your job?’ Jewels asked.
‘That’s the very best bit of all. I’ve handed in my notice. I did it on Monday. Three more weeks and I’ll be a free woman.’
Chapter Twenty-nine
Last night had been such fun. Mezz’s news had cheered them all. They all had too much to drink, including Kat, although she’d been careful to drink plenty of water and to eat a few nibbles of food throughout the night. She’d been slightly nauseated when she woke, but who knew if the alcohol was to blame or the bastard cancer? In any case a breakfast of scrambled eggs and crispy bacon had taken care of it. Since the surgery she felt so much better. Her appetite was returning and her energy levels were increasing too. If she didn’t know better she’d think she was cured.
But she did know better, and as lovely as these days were, each one that passed brought her closer to the end. There was no time to waste. It was another perfect autumn day. Warm in fact for this time of year. Jewels and Ellie were packing a picnic lunch for them all to take to the beach, while she got herself ready to go. She decided to put her bathers on even though there would be no going in the water for her. She had strict orders to stay out of the water for at least six weeks and with Dr Mezz keeping a watchful eye on her there would be no chance of ignoring doctor’s orders. Still, she could lie on a towel and enjoy the sun and maybe paddle her feet in the water. She would enjoy today and try not to think about the conversation she needed to have with her friends until after the sun had gone down.
Ellie appeared at the bedroom door with Ami on her hip. ‘Should I put her in the pushchair or will we carry her?’
‘We’re just going across the road, aren’t we? She can walk that far so long as one of us holds her hand. I think the stroller will just be a pain on the beach.’
‘Okay, well, we’re ready. How about you?’
‘Yep. Let’s go.’
It was perfect beach weather. Warm enough to swim, but not too hot to sit comfortably on the beach. They spread their towels out on the flat sand and settled in for the day. Ami divided her time equally among all of them, loving the extra attention she was getting. Archie discovered he could make her giggle by pulling funny faces and he spent ages coming up with new ones to entertain her. They built sandcastles together and he held her hand tightly in his as they paddled along the shoreline under Mezz’s watchful eye. When Ellie decided to take Ami deeper into the water Archie settled himself down on Kat’s beach towel, one of his tanned legs almost touching hers. ‘Ami is really cute,’ he said.
She smiled at him. ‘I’m glad you think so.’
‘You know, we don’t have any girls in our family. Not even girl cousins.’
‘Is that right?’
‘Uh huh. So, I was wondering . . .’
‘Yes?’
‘Would it be all right with you if I called Ami my cousin? Because my mum said you were one of her best friends and that she loved you just as much as if you were her sister. So if you were her sister that would make you my aunty and Ami my cousin. So is it okay if I tell my friends Ami is my cousin?’
Kat’s heart lurched at his innocent words. Mezz loved her enough to tell her son she thought of Kat as a sister, and now that beautiful little boy wanted to make Ami part of his family. Now she knew no matter what happened, Ami would be okay. These women, her sisters, would make sure of it. Her eyes grew hot with tears and she was grateful that her oversized sunglasses meant Archie couldn’t see them. ‘I think that’s a lovely idea, Archie. Ami hasn’t got any cousins at all, so she’ll be so happy to have three big boy cousins as she’s growing up.’
‘Awesome. I’m going to go tell my mum.’
Impulsively she grabbed Archie and gave him a hug. He returned her embrace quickly and then wriggled away. Kat grinned as she watched him running off towards his mum, who stood at the water’s edge. Suddenly she didn’t want to be an observer anymore. She wanted to be in the water too. She stood up, brushed the sand from her legs and went to join Ellie and Ami in the water. She waded in up to her knees before looking in Mezz’s direction. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t go in any deeper,’ she said before Mezz had the chance to chastise her.
The water was cool but not cold. Kat closed her eyes and breathed deeply, filling her lungs with the refreshing sea air. She was transported back to another happy day, years before, when she was just a child herself. She remembered her dad’s strong hands under her back as he tried to teach her to float in the lake near their home. Aleks was already a good swimmer by then and he swam in circles around her chopping up the water to make the job harder. Her father had shooed him away and told her to concentrate on her breathing but every time Tata removed his hands her legs and butt drifted downward
s. ‘You’re too skinny,’ Tata had joked. ‘We need to get some meat on your bones so the fat will keep you afloat.’ But eventually she had mastered it and Tata told her he was proud of her persistence.
She wondered if, perhaps, her father and Aleks would be there to greet her when she crossed over into the next life. The thought of seeing them again made her smile. Perhaps they would all be together again; her, Tata, Mama and Aleks. And Kat could tell Mama that while she didn’t agree with what she’d had done all those years ago she’d forgiven her.
A delighted squeal from Ami made her open her eyes and she laughed at the sight of Ellie whizzing her infant daughter around in the water. She waved at her daughter. ‘Hey, beba. Look at you!’
The rest of the day passed happily, but too quickly. The chill in the afternoon air signalled home time and before long they were back at the house and engaged in the evening tasks: dinner, bath time and bedtime for the younger members of the household. With the promise of the all-seeing, all-knowing Easter Bunny watching from afar, Archie had enthusiastically agreed to read Ami some bedtime stories. Mezz assured him that his generosity, along with an early bedtime was sure to reap benefits when he woke the next morning.
Once the kids were settled downstairs a fresh bottle of wine was opened and everyone sank into the same seats they’d occupied the evening before. Kat smiled at this observation. Something she probably wouldn’t have even noticed a few weeks before.
Jewels noticed her smile. ‘What are you grinning at?’
‘Nothing really. I’m just happy to be here with all of you.’
Jewels returned the smile. ‘Me too. Hey, where’s your drink? Do you want me to get you something?’
‘No thanks.’ She needed a clear head to navigate the conversation she was about to start. ‘Last night was awesome, and I don’t regret it but I think I slightly overindulged. I felt a bit nauseated this morning so I might give it a miss tonight.’