by Lucinda John
One day all that was snatched from me.
I had just finished putting both Elijah and Elias to sleep when I heard a loud banging on the door. When I opened the door I was face- to- face with a beautiful older woman. Even with the scowl on her face her skin was still radiant.
“Is Elias here?” she asked placing her hand on her protruding belly.
“Why?” Not liking the way this conversation was heading.
“Listen here little girl, I can still smell the Similac on your breath, you are a child I am a grown woman. Therefore, I will not answer you. Go find my husband and tell him his wife is ready to call the police on his child molesting ass if he doesn’t present himself this moment!” she yelled causing tears to well up in my eyes.
I was aware of his ex-wife, but I had no idea he was still married to her and that she was pregnant. He was spending most of his nights here with me, and he no longer wore his wedding ring. I tried my best to hold in my tears, but the hurt and pain that pulled at my heart made it difficult. I allowed him back into my life again, fell in love all over again just for him to turn around and hurt me again. I could hear my mother’s words playing in my head making me feel stupid.
“I thought you two were divorced.” I whispered.
“Is that what he told you? And you believed him? How cute!” she chuckled. “We are very much married and expecting another baby, now go on and get MY husband.” she rolled her eyes. She used the hand she wore her wedding rings on to rub her stomach further adding more salt to my injury.
“Baby what’s going on here…” I head Elias say before his eyes fell on his wife.
“Elias you have three seconds to get your shit together and walk out of here with me before I call the cops on your ass. I will drag your ass down for lying up with this underage girl. Did you forget that my father is your boss?” she said with his index finger waving around in the air.
“I’m starting to feel sick. I will be in the car waiting for you. Tell your fling goodbye.” she looked me up and down before walking to her truck. A truck that cost ten times more than the Honda he had me driving in.
“Elias, how could you lie to me like that? You told me you were divorced.” I cried.
“Listen baby don’t do that I will be back later to explain.” he said walking out of our house fully dress.
He never came back. I called but just like last time his number was changed. I tried looking for him when I received the final notices and eviction notice, but came up empty. I was told he got transferred to a new county.
When the pain became too much for me to bear, I resorted to the only way I knew how to survive. I took Xanax and popped my pussy in order to survive. My son needed me, and I would be damned if I had him sleeping on the streets.
I was going hard for my son, but the pain I was dealing with alone caused me to depend on the drugs. I was so strung out that I ended up coming late to pick him up from the daycare three times in a row. The fourth time the teacher contacted CPS, and they took him from me. I ended up going to jail for assault that same day because I fucked that teacher up for doing something so stupid.
The court ruled me as being unfit and took him from me. Instead of him going to strangers, my grandmother stepped in and took him. Although she didn’t approve of me and my mother’s lifestyle, she hated to see her great grandson suffering by the hands of the system. I wanted to get my son back, but the monkey on my back was too big to shake. I was broken and hurt. The only way I was able to deal with my problems is with sex and drugs. I was in too deep, and it was best that my grandmother kept Elijah. She was stable and able to give him the life I couldn’t.
Taking a Xanax, I calmed my nerves and walked up the path to the three- bedroom house I purchased for her and Elijah. Even though the state gave her money for being his foster mother, I made it my business to take care of them. I had supervised weekend visits, but my grandmother was ok with letting me drop in and see him anytime.
When I walked in the house, Elijah was sitting on the couch watching TV. His sixth birthday was coming up, and I was sending him and my grandmother on a Disney cruise. Even though I was fucked up in the head, I loved my son and did anything to make sure he was straight.
“Hey Tiny.” he smiled once I sat by him.
“Hey Snook.” I smiled trying my best to hide my pain.
I hated how my son called me Tiny. I wasn’t worthy to be called ‘mommy,’ but that didn’t stop my heart from breaking every time I heard him call my grandmother mommy and me Tiny.
“You ready to get this hair braided.” I said running my fingers through his thick hair.
“Do I have to?” he pouted.
“Yes, don’t you want to look handsome?” I asked pinching his chunky cheeks.
The older he got the more he w started looking like me, something I thank God for. He now had my dark skin complexion, deep dimples, with a head full of nice hair. He was very tall for his age, something he got from his father. People often confused him for being eight instead of five.
“Hey.” My grandmother said walking in the living room.
“Mommy, Tiny is going to braid my hair.” he said taking a seat on the pillow I placed on the floor in front of me.
“Nice. You gon’ look real sharp in church tomorrow.” she said before reverting her attention back to the inspiration book she had in her hand.
She sat to the side in silence, while I braided Elijah hair engaged in a full conversation. He was very excited about starting basketball Monday. When I presented him with tickets to see the Miami Heat game he flipped out. He started jumping around ‘hitting the Quan’ all over the living room floor.
“You should take him to that game.” My grandmother said as we stood in the kitchen watching Elijah play outside.
“Really?” I asked perking up.
“Yes, go ahead you do more than enough for him. Plus basketball ain’t my thing.” she laughed. “Tineah when are you going to get yourself together and get full custody of your son.” she stressed.
“Grandma, I would love to have Elijah back, but I keep fucking up. I’m a fucked up person fighting all these damn demons. I ain’t stable enough to take care of Elijah. I ain’t tryna fuck his little head up by exposing him to the life I live.” I replied. “Sorry for the language.”
“Tineah, I don’t blame anyone but your mama for the way you are. If she would have just let me raised you, you would have been fine. I don’t...”
“Grandma please stop. He is fine here with you. I rather love him from a distance so I won’t corrupt him. Take this money and put it up for him. The bills are paid; so, you don’t have to worry. I’ll be back later on this week to take him shopping for new shoes.” I said grabbing my oversized shades to cover my now teary eyes.
“Tineah I wish you could see how much of a beautiful person you truly are underneath all this hurt you’re harboring. Come to church with us tomorrow.” she suggested.
“I’ll probably burst into flames if I walk through those church doors. Church ain’t a place for a heathen like me.” I replied preparing myself to leave.
“Tineah baby, you are not your mother.”
“Grandma please, I love you. I’ll call you later.” I kissed her on the cheeks and went to say my goodbyes to Elijah.
When I was back in my car I was an emotional wreck. One Xanax wouldn’t be able to do the trick so I took two. Feeling calm and mellow, I sent Neesha a text letting her know I would be in the building tonight. I needed to dance, have sex with multiple men to have this void I was feeling filled.
*****
All my life I hustled just to get that moolah
And stack my change up and go see the jeweler
Standin' in the kitchen I whip up that work
Young Greatness, Moolah vibrated off the walls of Tasty’s as I stood on stage and did my thing. Most girls liked stripping to twerking music. I, on the other hand, would rather shake my ass to trap music. I considered stripping trapping for me; so,
I needed music to match how I was feeling when I came and got this money.
Just as Neesha promised there was a full house of ballers in the building. Tonight everyone was celebrating Mayhem’s homecoming. It was all about those Godfrey brothers. The way them motherfuckers ran in here running up a check, had me ready to pop my pussy for one of their asses.
When I finished my set, I along with a few other girls was brought up to the Godfrey brothers VIP section. Those niggas was banking so hard that they cut off the second and third floor just for them. Neesha’s extra thirsty ass immediately climbed out of her clothes and was popping her pussy everywhere; the moment security cleared us to into their section.
Dressed in a red unwrap me bow teddy with nothing underneath I was confident that I would be walking away with twenty stacks tonight. All I had to do was find the right nigga to pull the strings of my teddy, and I would fuck his ass until he went bankrupt spending on this kitty. My tight high gold stiletto boots clicked as I walked around the VIP section making my ass do a dance of its own to the beat of the music that blared from the speakers.
“Ayo ma come here, I want you to dance for my brother.” A sexy mixed looking brother said grabbing me by the waist.
The signature TGB (The Godfrey Brothers) diamond encrusted medallion he wore behind his neck made my pussy jump. If he wanted me to dance for one of his brothers it meant I was about to get mad paid. I followed the sexy brother to the back area mentally preparing myself to put on the show of my life.
“He just got out, make it good for him.” The brother said smacking me on the ass before walking away.
I smiled when the DJ decided to spin Akon, “I Wanna Fuck You”, as the throwback joint. Straddling my victim’s lap, I was lost for words. This nigga was sitting there with a blunt between his lips, a cup in his hand, and a smirk on his face. He was the definition of a Greek god as I studied his muscular frame.
“You gonna sit on my lap and just stare at me?” he licked his lips causing me to wet the seat of the thin fabric that did it’s best to cover my fat pussy.
Instead of replying, I started to gyrate my hips in his lap. Spreading my legs, I allowed him to get a clear view of my fat monkey before popping it in his face to the beat. I could feel his dick stand and applaud me as I continued to dance as if my life depended on it. For some reason I felt like I had something to prove, so I made sure to jiggle and bounce my ass faster.
The top three buttons of his dress shirt was unbuttoned giving me a clear view of his Mayhem tattoo. This was the nigga Neesha was going crazy over bagging, I thought to myself as I continued to dutty wind on his dick. He must have had enough of me teasing him because he used his thick fingers to massage my clit. The thin fabric clung to my wetness, and his strokes had me on the verge of an orgasm.
This was out of the ordinary for me. When I danced I was always in control, but this nigga had me ready to run to the locker, and hand him over all my earnings. His fingers weren’t even in me, and he had me on the verge of hitting those Mariah Carey high notes.
Sitting on him I grabbed a hold of his broad shoulders in attempt to regain control of this situation, but he wasn’t having that. He got up with me still in his lap and carried me to the top floor of the club. I could hear my heart beating hard against my chest as I anticipated seeing what was going to happen next.
He laid my body down on the burnt orange sectional while he stood over me examining my body. There was more light in this area so I was able to check him out more myself. His light brown eyes were very tantalizing as I got lost in them. He was standing before me like one of those big buff football players dressed in a black dress shirt, dress pants, and loafers. He had the matching medallion around his neck as his brother along with the two diamonds in each ear and a big face diamond watch. His hair threatened to have me sea sick as I studied his deep waves that was neatly taped up. When my eyes fell on his beard it was over, I was convinced that it was my destiny to fuck him right here on this couch.
My soul jumped out of my body when he laid his large body against my small frame. R. Kelly, “Bump and Grind”, started playing as he ran his huge hands all over my body causing me to suck in a deep breath. How did this man take over my private dance? I had no idea, but I was glad he did. Instead of ripping my teddy off like I was hoping he would, he kept studying me. His eyes were deeply trained on mine as if he had the ability to enter my head, and see everything that was going on in my head.
When the song finished, he got up and left me laying there speechless. Pulling out two humongous wads of money, he placed them down next to me and disappeared down the circular steps. I was left with a wet pussy and anticipation of feeling his big dick in me.
If I was able to return this money just to have him buried deep in me, I would. For the brief moment we were together, I felt safe for some odd reason. The way he looked at me told me that he didn’t look at me like all these other niggas did. It was as if he knew this wasn’t the real me.
Looking over at the stack of money, I pushed aside the thought of Mayhem and decided to call it a night. This was well over my goal for tonight so there was no reason for me to stay until closing. I had plans on stashing my money, quickly taking a shower and heading to Cash’s before he came looking for my ass. I knew he was pissed by the threatening texts he was sending me, but I figured I could just tell him I was with my sick grandmother. No one knew about Elijah but Neesha, and I preferred to keep it that way. He was too innocent to be exposed to the life I was living.
Removing my teddy, I walked to the bathroom to clean off. I never used the locker room showers after work, since these hoes was coming to work with their pussy smelling like last week trash. Bathing after these nasty smuts was a health risk I wasn’t about to take. Using the sink, a rag, and my soap, I gave myself a hoe bath making sure to clean off as best I could before I could get in the shower. I pulled my boy shorts over my ass, and an oversized Nike hoodie over my body. My hair was now a mess, but I did my best to comb through my signature fire engine red short cut. Once my black Nikes were laced up on my feet, I grabbed my things and headed out through the back door that was authorized for employees only.
As I walked to my car I noticed two guys standing a few feet away, but I paid it no mind. Before I could hit my locks, I felt myself being pulled from behind. I was then hit with a blow to the face that instantly had me daze. My attacker yanked me up against the wall where I was able to see his face.
“You think you can just come hoeing around and make money off my pussy without my approval.” he said smacking me to the ground.
Folks stopped and pulled out their phone to record what was going on, but nobody stopped him. I was outside getting my ass beat, and these motherfuckers were worried about adding me to their Snap Chat timeline. Cash had me on the floor stomping me, then I heard a gun being cocked. Closing my eyes, I said my last prayer begging for the Lord to look after Elijah once I left this earth.
“Get the fuck off her pussy and bump with a real nigga.” I heard a voice say causing me to look up.
Mayhem was standing there looking sexy with a unit on his face holding a gun to Cash’s head. His once light brown eyes were now the color of coals as his chest rose and fell displaying his anger. Handing his gun to his brother he drew back and punched Cash so hard in the face that one of his teeth flew out his mouth and landed right next to me.
“Fight me pussy!” Mayhem yelled hitting Cash with a right hook that sent him flying into my car.
“His soft as ain’t worth it kid you just got out.” Another guy that resembled them said.
The three of them stood next to each other with their matching TGB medallions all looking alike. These three brothers were so fine that you couldn’t help but want all three of them. It was as if God took his time when he created the Godfrey brothers, all three of them screamed sex appeal; yet, they all were so thuggish and dangerous.
“You good ma?” Mayhem asked helping me up.
“Yes.
Ouch!” I yelled as I tried to place my right foot on the ground.
Lifting me up in his strong arms Mayhem carried me to a big sexy black truck. He sat me on the hood of the truck and removed my shoe to get a better look at my ankle. The way his hands felt against my soft skin hand me tingling all over.
“Where is your car?” he asked.
“The Benz with the broken window,” I pointed to where the commotion took place.
“Fuck Imma fix that, but first let me bring you home.” he replied.
“I don’t know…”
“You were just popping your pussy on my dick now you wanna act all shy and shit.” he chuckled.