by Iris Gower
And, in any case, Dafydd wanted her, needed her. The thought brought a flush to her cheeks. Dafydd was such a wonderful man, such an ardent lover that he made her feel desirable, even beautiful.
But her moment of happiness was transient. In her room she sank on to the bed and put her head in her hands. What would Lloyd think of her if Joe chose to tell him the truth? He would doubtless take the stand that any man would take, even a young man, that men were entitled to their comforts but wives were expected to remain chaste.
Perhaps for everyone’s sake she should stop seeing Dafydd. She rejected the idea even as it formed. She could not give him up. Dafydd had given her back her joy in life and, more, he had given her back her confidence.
Llinos heard the sound of carriage wheels outside and her spirits rose. Lloyd was home. She went to the window, looked down and saw her son. Graves retrieved the luggage then led the horses away to the stables.
Llinos hurried downstairs and met Lloyd in the hallway. ‘Cariad!’ She hugged him, having to reach up to put her arms around his neck. ‘My darling, you’ve grown so tall I hardly know you.’ She kissed his cheek and the scent of him reminded her of Joe. She had loved Joe so much . . . and perhaps she still loved him.
‘Hello, son.’ Joe opened the door. ‘I’ve poured you a good measure of whisky. I expect you need it after your long journey.’
In the drawing room they sat and talked together. To any outsider they would have appeared to be an ordinary happy family. They talked about Lloyd’s education, about his love of sport, about the time when he would leave college to make his way in the world.
‘And how are you, Mother?’ Lloyd was staring at her. ‘You look a little pale. Aren’t you well?’
Llinos forced a smile. ‘I am very well, Lloyd, but I’m getting to be an old lady, remember.’
‘Never! Not my mother!’ Lloyd said loyally. ‘You look like a girl, without a hint of grey in your lovely hair.’
‘You are not the only one to think your mother beautiful, son,’ Joe said. His eyes met hers and Llinos sent a message to him not to say anything about Dafydd – at least, not yet.
Shanni came into the room like a whirlwind, bringing with her the scent of the outdoors, of the early roses, and Llinos smiled at her in gratitude.
‘Lloyd!’ Shanni hugged him then settled herself on the sofa beside him. ‘How was college, and have you found a lady-love yet?’
‘Oh, here we go.’ Lloyd’s expression spoke volumes. ‘You’re just like a sister, teasing me about my love life before I’ve even unpacked my bags!’ He tilted his head on one side. ‘Mind, you’ve grown up a bit. I might even take a fancy to you – what do you think of that?’
Shanni pushed his shoulder playfully. ‘Oh, yes? You’re so handsome I expect all the girls fall into a faint when they see you, don’t they?’
‘I don’t really know.’ Lloyd was smiling. ‘We college boys don’t get many young ladies falling at our feet.’
Llinos glanced up at the clock. She had only an hour before she must leave to meet Dafydd. Should she send one of the maids to tell him she could not see him? No, Lloyd would have his own interests. He would not sit indoors, not on such a fine evening.
‘Any plans for tonight?’ Joe had caught her glance and read her thoughts.
Llinos faced him defiantly. ‘I have as a matter of fact,’ she said. ‘I have arranged to visit a friend. Do you mind, Lloyd?’
‘Of course I don’t mind. Do you think I want to sit around like a child tied to Mother’s apron strings?’
Llinos swallowed her guilt. ‘I should hope not. Your father and I have brought you up to be a man, and so far you haven’t disappointed us.’
‘Well, that’s a relief! Do you hear that, Shanni? I’m not in danger of being cut off without a penny, not yet at least!’
He rubbed his hand through his hair in a gesture reminiscent of Joe, and Llinos wished the clock could be set back to when they were a happy family.
‘Well, parents, I’m going to wash the dust of the journey away and change into fresh clothes.’
He pulled Shanni’s hair as he walked past her, and she smacked his hand playfully. ‘Stop that, Lloyd, I’m not a child any longer.’
He smiled. ‘Oh, sorry. For a moment I forgot you’re all grown-up.’ He winked at her as he left the room.
‘I’d better go upstairs and change, too,’ Llinos said. ‘I didn’t realize how late it was.’
She hurried from the room and lifted her skirts to climb the stairs. Her head was spinning. Part of her wanted to stay at home with her family yet she could not bear the thought of disappointing Dafydd. Once in the privacy of her room the tears flowed again. Llinos lay on the bed, wondering if she would ever be truly happy again.
Some time later she left the house and climbed into the carriage without a backward glance. Lloyd was quite happy to sit and eat a light meal with his father and Shanni to keep him company.
Dafydd was waiting for her in the hotel bedroom. He opened the door and immediately took her in his arms. ‘I was so afraid you wouldn’t come.’ He kissed her passionately, his tongue probing, his hands warm on her back as he pressed her closer.
She closed her eyes. Whatever happened, she had to keep seeing Dafydd or she would fade away and die.
‘Let me make love to you.’ Dafydd undressed her slowly and, when she was naked, loosened her hair. ‘Perfect,’ he said. ‘You are a perfect woman. Do you know that, Llinos?’
He quickly stripped off his own clothes and stood before her, his arousal clear to see. His skin was not bronzed like Joe’s but lightly tanned. His body was young and strong, his shoulders broad, his hips slim. He was not as tall as Joe but he gave an impression of strength that, if once unleashed, would move mountains.
‘Come here,’ he said, in a throaty voice. She went into his arms and closed her eyes as he trailed his hands across her breasts and down along the flat of her stomach.
‘So lovely, so very lovely.’ He bent and kissed her neck, then tenderly pressed her back against the bed. He bent his head and took her nipple into his mouth. Llinos moaned softly. She wanted him so much, wanted him to possess her, to fill her and drive away pain and guilt and anger.
As he entered her, Llinos cried out in pleasure. He was so strong, so powerful; he aroused feelings she had thought were dead. He was a more vigorous lover than Joe: Dafydd took her with abandon but with great skill. He moulded himself into her. Surely all this joy could not be wrong? Llinos cried out as waves of delight raced through her loins and to her breasts and filled her head with nothing but sensation.
When they lay quietly together, entwined in each other’s arms, Llinos wondered if, in the heat of passion, she had forgotten that the heart must be touched as well as the senses. With Joe everything had been perfect. He was as skilled as Dafydd but with a finesse that Dafydd did not yet possess, Joe had touched her very soul as well as delighting her body. And yet she had not been enough for him.
‘You’re very quiet,’ Dafydd said softly, his breath ruffling the curls around her face.
‘I’m sated with passion,’ she whispered. ‘I am too exhausted by lovemaking to think of anything else.’
He held her close. ‘And love – do you love me, Llinos?’
She felt a stirring of unease. How could she answer Dafydd honestly when she still did not know the answer herself?
‘Dafydd, am I not with you every minute we can spare?’ she said. ‘My son came home this afternoon and I’ve left him to be with you. Isn’t that enough?’
He kissed her gently. ‘How would it be if I bought us a little house, a place where we could meet without fear of intrusion?’
Llinos was suddenly frightened. She had not envisaged anything as permanent as a love retreat. Yet Dafydd was being more sensible than she was. In the hotel there was always the danger of meeting someone who would recognize them. ‘Leave it just for now, Dafydd,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to make any big decisions on the spur
of the moment.’
‘You don’t have to decide anything,’ Dafydd said. He raised himself on one elbow. ‘Look, my little darling, my cariad, I know this love between us might not last. You are married and have responsibilities, but allow us to be together in comfort for as much time as we have.’
‘As you wish, Dafydd.’ Llinos clung to his strong shoulders, pressing her face into the warmth of his neck. ‘Find us a house, if that’s what you really want.’ And even as she spoke the words, she wondered if she had gone one step too far.
‘Well, Lloyd, tell me about your conquests then,’ Shanni teased. ‘How many girls have you taken into secluded spots to make love?’
She was sitting beside him in the sunlit conservatory. The warmth of the spring sunshine was pleasant and the green of the plants hid them from view.
‘Mind your own business.’ Lloyd tweaked her nose. ‘Good thing my parents are both out otherwise you would shock them.’
‘Don’t you believe it,’ Shanni said. ‘Your parents are wiser than you think, Lloyd.’
‘Never,’ Lloyd insisted. ‘My parents are from old stock. They have stronger principles than people of our generation.’
‘Oh, Lloyd, you must know your father kept a squaw woman some time back. Everyone in Swansea knows about it.’
‘I hope you don’t gossip about my family, Shanni.’ Lloyd’s jaw tightened. ‘What my father does is his own business.’
‘And your mother?’ Shanni felt a devil of mischief inside her. She knew she should be careful not to goad Lloyd too far but his smugness was beginning to annoy her.
‘My mother is above reproach,’ Lloyd said, in a hard voice.
‘Do you think so?’ Shanni saw the colour rise in Lloyd’s face and knew he was really angry with her. It would be wise to leave the subject of his mother well alone. ‘I expect you’re right,’ she said mildly. ‘Now, talk to me about your love affairs. There must have been many.’
‘What about your love affairs?’ Lloyd’s good humour returned. ‘How many young lads have you rolled in the hay with?’
‘None!’ Shanni was shocked. ‘I’m a good girl, Lloyd Mainwaring, not a loose woman.’
‘Well, I hear a great deal about the behaviour of the young courting couples.’ He pinched her cheek. ‘I have heard that they share a bed even before the wedding bells ring.’
‘Well, that might be true of some girls, Lloyd, but I’ve never met a young man I’d share anything with, let alone my bed.’
‘And when you do?’
‘And when I do I will keep my own counsel just as you are doing.’
Lloyd sighed. ‘Look, Shanni, enough of this silly talk. What exactly has been happening here in Swansea since I’ve been away?’
For a moment Shanni wondered if he had heard rumours about his mother but on reflection decided to take the easy way out. ‘Well, there’s been a lot of talk about rebelling against the toll prices,’ she shrugged, ‘but then, that’s nothing new, is it? People always object to paying out money, especially money they can ill afford.’
‘From what I hear there’s been more than talk,’ Lloyd persisted. ‘Come on, Shanni, I know you’ve been mixing with Dafydd Buchan’s protestors so don’t play the innocent with me.’
‘How did you hear of this?’ Shanni demanded.
‘That is not important,’ Lloyd replied. ‘What is important to me is your safety.’
‘I’m safe enough.’ Shanni frowned. How did he know so much about affairs of the town yet not that his mother had taken Dafydd as a lover? But folk were guarded about that sort of thing. The Mainwaring family was wealthy and even though the townsfolk did not approve of Joe Mainwaring they accepted that Llinos was born and bred in Swansea so had a right to be respected.
‘No-one is safe when pistols are used indiscriminately.’ Lloyd took her hand. ‘You know I’m aware of the injustice suffered by the farmers, Shanni, and perhaps more aware than you realize.’
Shanni swallowed hard, thinking of the pistols she had borrowed. Well, they were safely back in place now. ‘So,’ she said, ‘are you willing to see good men ruined by the greed of the landlords?’
‘No, but neither am I raising my voice and losing my head over it.’ There was a hint of reproof in Lloyd’s voice.
‘I’m sorry, you’re right, of course. And let me reassure you that Dafydd Buchan is a sensible man. He is also a fine, brave man. I admire him tremendously.’
‘I can see that. And the young potter, Pedr, do you admire him as well?’
He was teasing her again and Shanni’s shoulders relaxed. ‘That is my business, Lloyd Mainwaring. And you are not my father so don’t try to lecture me about the company I keep.’
‘I am your brother, by choice if not by blood. I care about you, Shanni. I have seen your intelligence, your spirit, and I don’t want you to throw everything away on a man who is not worthy of you.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’ Shanni avoided his eyes.
‘Yes, you do, you know very well.’ Lloyd sat back in his chair. ‘Don’t lie to me, Shanni, I can read your mind. You’ve fallen in love.’
‘I like Pedr, of course I do, but as for love, I don’t know what that is any more.’ She did not fool Lloyd, but it was easier to let him think she had a fancy for Pedr. He was hardly likely to approve of how she felt about Dafydd Buchan.
‘Now, to serious matters. When is the next meeting?’
‘Why do you want to know?’ Shanni could have bitten back the words even as they were spoken. ‘What meeting are you talking about?’
‘You know very well, and if you don’t tell me I’ll go and see Pedr. Or maybe I’d better speak directly to Dafydd Buchan.’
‘How would you find him?’
‘I happen to know he is spending the night in an hotel in the town.’ He smiled wickedly. ‘With a lady-love, so I’ve been told. There is nothing stopping me seeking him out, is there?’
Shanni caught her breath. She could not allow Lloyd to intrude in Dafydd’s private life. Lloyd would have murder in his heart if he caught Dafydd with Llinos.
‘All right, I’ll tell you.’ She sighed heavily. ‘But I don’t want anyone else knowing. Do you understand?’
‘I am not a child, Shanni,’ Lloyd said evenly. ‘I am not simply curious either. I want to help fight injustice, just as you do.’
Shanni nodded. ‘I know you mean well so, if you must, you can come with me tonight.’ She looked over his well-cut coat and the straight woollen trousers. ‘You’ll have to borrow some clothes from the stable-boy, otherwise you’ll be taken for a landowner and shot.’
‘I agree to your terms, madam. And I won’t mention Buchan or Madame Isabelle outside this room.’ Lloyd bowed his head then looked up and met her eye.
Shanni realized then that Lloyd knew more than she had imagined. It seemed that the only thing he did not know about was his mother’s affair with the leader of the rebels.
When he did find out, would he still be so keen to fight for justice with the Daughters of Rebecca? Well, it was all in the hands of the fates now, but Shanni had the feeling that Lloyd’s presence did not bode well for the cause. She stared at him, her feelings mixed. Should she warn him now about his mother’s involvement with Dafydd? But her mouth was dry and the words would not come.
The spell was broken when Lloyd took her hand and pulled her to her feet. ‘Come, let’s go outside and enjoy the lawns and the lovely sunshine. For heaven’s sake, take that worried look off your face. Everything is going to be all right, you’ll see.’
Somehow, Shanni doubted it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘I WAS ONLY trying to help, Dafydd, I hoped to prevent bloodshed.’ Ceri was lying against the pillows, his face ashen. ‘I don’t know how you could allow yourself to mix with the rabble that call themselves Rebeccarites, troublemakers to a man.’
‘Others call it fighting for justice.’ Dafydd concealed his irritation. He had already felt the sharp edge of Hilda’s
tongue. Ceri’s wife was a martinet and her personality had provided Dafydd with a good enough reason to move out of the house and find one of his own. He felt warmed by the thought of the house where he and Llinos could be private, could indulge in their romance without prying eyes watching them.
‘In any case,’ Dafydd said, ‘the men are usually more restrained. The use of firearms is rare.’
‘No-one was restrained at the Dwr Coch.’ Ceri spoke wryly. ‘It was razed to the ground, and if I had not intervened the toll-house would have been burned down with the keeper in it.’
Dafydd patted his brother’s hand. ‘I know you mean well, Ceri, but do try to think of the rights of the poor wretches struggling to make a living out of the land. Times are hard enough for them as it is because of the Poor Law.’
Ceri waved a dismissive hand. ‘The Poor Law! The blame for anything and everything is placed squarely on the back of the Poor Law.’
Dafydd was tempted to tell his brother that people like themselves suffered no hardship from such laws but he took a look at Ceri’s face, shadowed with fatigue, and got to his feet. ‘I’d better be going,’ he said, with forced joviality. ‘Things to do, you know.’
He moved towards the door and Ceri’s voice halted him in his tracks. ‘Some foreigner came looking for you. Did Hilda tell you?’
‘No, she didn’t. What did he want?’
‘Hilda didn’t ask. She felt he didn’t look best pleased, whatever his mission.’ Ceri frowned. ‘You haven’t been playing with the wrong lady again, have you? I certainly wouldn’t like to think of you with a foreign woman.’
‘Don’t you think it better if I decide for myself on that sort of thing? I wouldn’t want you and Hilda to be involved.’
‘It seems we are involved.’ Ceri’s tone was dry. ‘You’ve dragged me into more trouble than any of my children ever did.’ He smiled suddenly. ‘But you’re not a bad brother for all that. Go on with you now. See to the pottery, make sure everything is running smoothly. And, Dafydd, look after yourself. I don’t want you killed by an irate husband.’