by Jamie Begley
Dear Mom,
I don’t know what to do. Dad and Tracy are fighting so much it scares me. I take Aubrey to my bedroom and hide under my bed when their fights are getting too bad. Tracy said Dad stole money from her sister and her mother, and she wants it back. I don’t know what to do. I expect Dad to make us leave at any time, and I don’t want to leave Aubrey behind, but I know Tracy won’t let her go, and I don’t want her missing her momma the way I do you.
Can you please help? Call Dad and make him give back Tracy’s family’s money. I don’t know what to do. Please help. I’m begging you. If you do, I promise I’ll quit bugging you, and I won’t write anymore.
I have no one to turn to now that school is out for the summer, and Dad won’t let me leave the house unless I’m with him.
I asked Tracy to mail this letter for me so I know you’ll get it. Please don’t let me down this time. I don’t care about the other letters you didn’t write me back after Dad mailed them. We can make a secret pact never to talk about it if you want.
Tracy promised me that, if you write back, she won’t tell Dad, and she’ll let me have the letter. We can all be in the pact together. It will just be our secret.
I’ll be waiting for your letter. Please, Mom, don’t let me down. I told Tracy you wouldn’t. I told you that you would like her. I hope you can meet her one day, and Aubrey, too. I know you’ll love them as much as I do.
xoxo
Love,
Zoey
Stretching her arms high in the air, she then bent to touch the top of her toes as she waited for Stump to arrive.
It was six fifteen when she had come out to warm up, expecting him to pull up on his motorcycle at any minute. He was never this late.
She would give him another minute before she texted him, not wanting him looking at his phone if he was driving. He was going to be angry at her for coming outside without him being there, but she hadn’t been able to resist after her anxiousness at his strange behavior last night.
She still couldn’t understand why he had been smiling at her indulgently like a big brother one minute, and the next, she felt frost dimming his aura.
At the sound of a motorcycle coming toward her, she looked down from the sky eagerly. As the motorcycle grew nearer, though, she realized it wasn’t Stump. The man getting off the bike was one she recognized after he took off his helmet, laying it on the seat.
Worriedly, she met Jackal before he could step onto the sidewalk.
“Where’s Stump? Is he okay?” she asked before he could get any words out.
“Ice has another job he needs Stump to take care of. I’ll be taking over for him.”
“I don’t understand. You mean, he won’t be watching me anymore?” She bit down on her bottom lip at the thought of not seeing Stump every day.
“You’ll see him when he visits Penni’s office.”
“But not every day?” Her stomach started twisting in knots so badly that she was having trouble catching her breath.
“No, not every day. Maybe once every few months or so. Are you okay? You don’t look like you feel so hot.”
“I’m fine. Is he mad at me? Did I do something last night? He was acting strange when I left….”
“Zoey, Stump was watching you because Ice ordered him to. Now, Ice has another job for him. It’s as simple as that.”
“But, is he still my friend? Can I call him?”
“I would give him a couple of days before you call…. He’s kind of busy.”
She unconsciously started rubbing her belly, trying to ease her stomach’s painful clenching. “Okay, I’ll get dressed so we can go to my office.”
“Don’t you want to take your run? I brought an outfit to change into—”
“I better not. My stomach is acting up.” She doubled over at the vicious cramp that struck her.
Jackal reached out, taking her arm. “You want me to take you to the ER?”
“No, it’ll pass. I need to meditate. That always makes me feel better.”
“Meditation isn’t going to help if there is something seriously wrong.”
“If I don’t feel better after lunchtime, I’ll make an appointment with my doctor.”
“I’ll wait out here, then. Don’t be long, or I’ll come in and check on you,” he warned.
“Give me thirty minutes.” Zoey hastened inside, calmly closing the door.
As soon as Jackal could no longer see her, she took off at a run to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. Running water in the sink, she then silently chanted to herself, trying to find the calm to relieve the anxiousness that was tearing her stomach apart.
Putting her hands under the water to wash her face, she realized she was crying. It took several minutes to get herself back under control and find the energy to leave the bathroom and get dressed.
Putting on a flowery wraparound dress that fell past her knees, she went to her dresser to do her hair. Braiding her hair into several braids, she placed a braided leather band across her forehead, tying it behind her head. Sliding on her purple wristlet because the dress didn’t have pockets, she then went outside.
Assuring Jackal that she was feeling better, she drove to work without turning on her radio. She had to force herself to press on the brakes when she would have run a red light, strumming her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, waiting for it to turn green. When it did, she floored it, wanting to get to the office.
In the parking garage, she was out of her car and walking to the elevator when Jackal pulled in. Pressing the button, she was tempted to go ahead, but from his angry expression that she could see from where she was standing, she decided to wait.
“What’s the hurry? You nearly ran down that old man at the crosswalk.” He punched her floor button as if he wanted to punch her instead.
“I waited until he was back on the sidewalk. Cecil has a bad habit of ignoring the crosswalk signs. I’m going to talk to him about it when I see him at the gym again.”
“Why were you going so fast? Stump says you usually drive too slow.”
“Did you call and tell him I was driving too fast?”
“No.” He gave her the same look Stump gave her when he thought she had lost another card out of her deck. “He’s probably still asleep.”
“I thought you said he was too busy to run with me because he had a job to do for Ice?” Dejectedly, she walked hurriedly down the hall, disappointed that neither Grace nor Penni were in yet.
“He has to do it today, not this morning. He slept in.”
Turning from Penni’s door, she raised her hands to her hips. “Why didn’t he want to run with me?”
Jackal opened his mouth to reply, but she stopped him before he could.
“And please don’t tell me it was because he has a job to do for Ice. He could have run with me if he wasn’t still sleeping.”
Jackal gave a long sigh, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Call him.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m going to do better than that.” Storming back down the hallway, she pressed the down elevator button.
“Where you going?”
“I have an agreement with Stump. If he’s going to break it, I want to know why face-to-face, not over the phone.”
Going into the elevator, she didn’t care if Jackal followed her or not.
He managed to get in before the doors slid shut.
“You can’t go to the clubhouse.”
“Why not? I was there last night when I was watching Hannibal.” She crossed her arms over her chest, impatiently waiting for the elevator to go down.
“No one was there last night. The club is full now. Some of The Last Riders spent the night there.”
“I’ll be quiet. I’ll make sure I won’t wake anyone.”
“It’s not that—”
Zoey took off from the elevator, walking toward her car as Jackal tried to catch up.
“Wait, Zoey!”
She got in h
er car, slamming and locking the door before he could reach her. When he tried to open the car door, she started the car.
“Sorry!” She took off, leaving him no choice but to jump back.
Turning her music on to give her courage, she gunned her tiny car, afraid he would stop her before she could get to the clubhouse.
She ran three red lights, and her car went on two wheels when she turned sharply into the parking lot. Looking over her shoulder, she couldn’t see Jackal, yet she didn’t slow down.
Chanting for courage, she tried the door, relieved it was open.
It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dark room. Trying to remember the room she was in last night, she took a step toward the hall that led to Stump’s room.
A loud grunt came from the floor when her foot came into contact with someone’s back.
“Excuse me!” she whispered loudly.
“What the fuck! Watch where you’re going!”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. It’s so dark. I can’t see.”
“Then turn on the fucking light!”
“I don’t want to wake anyone else up. Go back to sleep. I won’t bother you again.”
Zoey gingerly slid her foot forward, hoping she wouldn’t step on anyone else. She carefully moved another step, cringing when she heard glass breaking.
“What the hell!”
The angry voice had her freezing in place. If she didn’t hurry and find Stump, Jackal would get there and toss her out.
She heard movement and several more grunts before she was blinded by the overhead light. Blinking, she saw a half-naked man furiously glaring at her from the other side of the room.
Licking her lips, she started wringing her hands when the mass of men lying on the floor raised onto their elbows, staring at her.
She began looking away from the bare-chested man that she had woken. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“I heard. Can you see where you’re going now so we can get some sleep? Or do you want to stand there, apologizing until you wake up everyone in the bedrooms, too?”
“Yes—I mean, no. Thank you.”
Rushing down the hallway, she found Stump’s door. She was about to knock when she saw the club door open and Jackal come in.
“Zoey, dammit! Wait!”
Not listening, she jerked the door open, running inside and throwing her back against the door so Jackal couldn’t come in.
“Stump!” she called out as she brought her hand to the wall, looking for the light switch. “Stump! Wake up!”
A light from the side of Stump’s bed came on, and Zoey owlishly stared as Stump half-raised up on the mattress, his hand still on the light switch.
“Zoey, what…?”
“Stump, turn the light back off. I’m not ready to get up.” A feminine hand came out from underneath the covers as a woman raised her head to rest her chin on his shoulder while sliding her arm across his waist to lay intimately on his abs.
“Cool it, Crush. We have company.” Stump flipped the blanket off to get out of bed.
Zoey turned to press her forehead against the door. She then pressed her hands into the wood to hold herself from slipping to the floor.
Shuffling movements told her that he was getting dressed, but she wasn’t brave enough to turn around, nor did she want to answer Jackal’s knocks.
“You can turn around.”
Zoey turned to face Stump, seeing he had his jeans on and was putting on his T-shirt. Her eyes moved away from him toward the woman who sat up in bed. Her breasts were bare while her bottom half was covered by the blanket.
Zoey’s eyes flew toward Stump. “You slept with her?” she whispered accusingly. “In front of Hannibal?”
“Is she fucking serious?” The woman sat up farther in the bed to lean back against the headboard.
“Leave, Crush,” Stump ordered, sitting down to put his boots on.
“I was here first! Why are you putting your boots on? We have all day to hang together since you quit.”
“Crush! Out! Whoever’s knocking, stop!” Stump roared.
“It’s Jackal.” Zoey kept her hands on the door, afraid Jackal would open it and drag her out before she got her explanation.
The woman rose angrily from the bed then bent down to grab her clothes off the floor. She didn’t bother to dress, stomping across the room. Zoey helpfully held the door open for her, seeing Jackal’s startled face when she jerked the door wide open.
“Sorry, brother.”
“It’s cool. Can you close the door?”
“No problem.” Jackal gave Zoey a hard glance as he closed the door.
“Why are you here, Zoey?”
“I wanted to ask why you didn’t go running with me.”
“Jackal didn’t tell you?”
“He said you had a job to do for Ice, but when we were at the office, I asked him if he called you when he saw me speeding, and he said you were sleeping. If you were sleeping, why didn’t you go running with me?” She lowered her eyes as he stood to his full height, overwhelming the room with his size. She pressed back against the closed door, wanting to run, but she wanted to hear his explanation more.
“I think it’s pretty explanatory why.”
“Not to me.”
Zoey licked her bottom lip as he strode across the room, and then was startled when he pounded his fist against the wall beside her head.
“Stop it, Zoey!”
“What did I do?” She quivered, unaware tears were escaping from the corners of her eyes.
His gaze softened like they usually did when she was upset, yet they bore down on her, pinning her in place. She was unable to make a move to escape his overwhelming presence.
“What haven’t you done? You’ve been twisting my nuts into knots since I first met you. I’m not your best friend.”
Zoey nearly jumped out of her skin when he pounded the wall again.
“I am not your fucking student!” He pounded the wall yet again. “I’m a man who wants to make love with the woman he loves! You might be celibate, but I’m not!”
“You’re in love with me?” she asked him shakily.
“That’s what I’ve been telling you for the past five minutes, and that’s what I’ve been trying to show you for the last month and a fucking half!”
Her hand went to her churning stomach. “You don’t love me. No one ever loves me.”
“That’s not true!” Astounded, he jerked his head back as if she had struck him. “I love you. Penni loves you. Grace loves you! Hell, even Hannibal loves you more than me!”
“No… it won’t last. I’ll do something to make you mad, and you all will stop loving me.”
“I can’t speak for them, but my love will last.”
Stump quit yelling at her, lowering his voice into a tone she had never heard from him.
“You’re not afraid my love won’t last. You’re afraid it will. You don’t want anything tying you down that you can’t carry with you. If you love someone, you can’t take it with you. That’s why you don’t carry a purse. You carry your IDs and keys in a pocket or a wristlet. You live with the bare minimum around you, not because you want to live simply but because, if you have to leave, you don’t want to leave anything behind.
“You don’t have to run anymore, Zoey. The state isn’t going to drag you away from everything you love. If you want to leave, it’s your choice, not because you have to.”
“I know that.” She used the sleeve of her dress to wipe her tears away.
“Do you? I don’t think you do. When Penni saw us kissing, she told me you’re special. I didn’t understand at the time that it was a warning until yesterday at work when I asked her what pink auras meant. You told me what red means but not pink. People with pink auras are very sensual and romantic. That’s why you touch everything. You can’t help yourself.”
Stump took her hands, placing them on his chest. Closing his fist, he then stroked her tear-sta
ined cheek with his knuckles. “Pink auras are very sensitive. They have to be handled very carefully or they can become hurt very easily. Baby, as God as my witness, I would never hurt you.”
She stared up into his eyes, seeing the promise glinting from deep within and knowing he meant every word.
“I don’t know if I can… I don’t know….”
“Make love with me?” he finished for her.
She mutely nodded, then started crying again. Unable to bear looking at his sad expression, she lowered her head, pressing her forehead against his chest.
“Zoey, has anyone hurt you that way?”
“No,” she mumbled. “But I just can’t.”
He tugged her hair back. “Baby, look at your hands.”
She raised her head to stare at what her hands were doing. She was unconsciously stroking his chest.
“I think you’ll be fine when the time is right. I can wait. I can’t wait forever, but I can wait until you’re ready. Do you love me, Zoey?”
Confused thoughts swirled in her mind. “I think so, but I can’t be sure.”
“Then I can wait until you are,” he said, stepping back from her. “I don’t want to take your beliefs from you. I know how important they are to you. Is your stomach feeling better?”
She nodded.
“When you get upset, it affects your stomach, doesn’t it?”
“It used to be bad when I was younger. Julian taught me how to chant. Since then, it hasn’t been as bad until today.”
“Because I didn’t go jogging with you?”
“Yes, I could tell you were upset with me last night, and I couldn’t understand why. When Jackal showed up this morning instead of you, I was worried I wouldn’t see you anymore because you were mad at me.”
“I would never be so mad at you that I would stop seeing you, Zoey. I would have been back tomorrow. It hurt when you called me your best friend and student. I want to be more than that to you. I can wait to be together with you, as long as we’re on the same page as to where we’re going.”
“You don’t want any mixed signals.” Zoey took a deep, shuddering breath. It was the deepest breath she had been able to take in a long time. It was as if her lungs had just let her take small puffs of air, and suddenly she could take a freeing breath that filled every ounce of her body with oxygen.