“Do you know what that’s like, to live with so many barriers? To be your own barrier? And no matter what, I can’t go around it, can’t rise above it, can’t knock it down, or walk through it. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. And I can’t do it anymore, P. I can’t keep trying, or keep fighting. What I wouldn’t give to have someone fight for me—”
God is fighting for you and so am I, Paulo silently responded.
—“and what I wouldn’t give to have someone love me enough to put up with me, to deal with my mess, just like I would for them. I can see what people think of me in their eyes. I can see they cannot believe how unattractive I am to them. There is disbelief there when they start out with my nappy head and work their way down to by overgrown, flat feet. Before I can open my mouth to explain myself, to introduce myself, they’ve already decided that I ain’t worth the time to hear what I gotta say. No one wants to give me a chance. No one wants to give me five minutes to find out if I’m worthy of being around them.”
“Phoenix, those types of people are not worth being around you.”
“Naw, Man. You don’t get it, standing there in your tall, chiseled physique. Your skin is like golden silk. Your curly hair isn’t nappy. I bet if you were a female, you would be beautiful too. You don’t know what it’s like to be me. To be ugly. To be rejected. To be alone.”
Paulo wanted to correct her in so many ways, to warn her against jumping to conclusions about him, but the Spirit kept him silent.
Phoenix shook her head. “You’re gorgeous, Man. You have no idea what’s it like not to be. To be alone because of it. For years I’ve felt alone. I’ve felt like I was trapped in a room with the rest of the world. They are all on one side of the room and I am on the other. I reach out to them, but there is some invisible line I can’t cross. The rest of the world is loving each other, hugging, partying, hooking up, making friends, chit-chatting, being fabulous with each other, and I stand on the other side, unable to cross this invisible line. Can anyone see me on the other side of that room? I mean really see me? No, ‘cause all they see is that my skin is broken out, that my complexion is too dark, and that my belly is bigger than the rest of me. No one wants to take a closer look.”
Paulo stepped closer to Phoenix and looked down into her face. She looked away.
“And no one wants to hold me, Paulo.”
He reached for her arm, intent on folding her into his arms again. But she again eluded his grasp, trapped in her world of defeat.
“What I wouldn’t give, Paulo, to have someone take a look at me. What I wouldn’t give for someone, anyone, to even glance at me without disgust or repulsion in their eyes. What I wouldn’t do to be able to start a conversation without being dismissed before the very first word…” she trailed off and looked at the fading Indian summer light out the window. “But I can’t cross the invisible line, Paulo.”
I am right here for you, Phoenix, Paulo thought sadly. Out loud, he said, “Yes, you can, Hun. Because God is that line. If you walk to Him, He will get you over to the other side of that lonely room. God may actually put you in a more beautiful room, filled with better people.”
“How is He going to do that?” Phoenix turned from the window to look at the man whose eyes were suddenly downcast and weary. “How, Paulo?”
“I’ve already explained it all to you six weeks ago. It’s up to you now to accept His help.”
“So if I do this, again… if I really try, are you promising me that I will not fail?”
“With God on our side, doing things His way, I can promise that He will not fail. But you have to decide to trust Him. You have to seek Him. You want healthy relationships? Start with a healthy relationship with God. He’ll do the rest.”
When Phoenix did not answer, Paulo asked his Father, How am I doing, Lord?
You are my son, in whom I am well-pleased, the Lord whispered, giving Paulo a spiritual pat on the back.
Satisfied that he had finally done what God had called him to do, Paulo began to relax. The tension peeled away from his shoulders like the browned skin of a ripe banana. He quietly began to clear the dishes from Phoenix’s table and went into the kitchen to clean up.
When he returned, Phoenix was sitting on the couch with a wavering smile on her face. “You did so much for me. You didn’t have to clean up.”
“Unlike some people, I like to finish what I start,” Paulo smirked good-naturedly. “Besides, I think you’ll need more than a teaspoon of ginger to put a pep in your step.”
Phoenix laughed, glad that the heavy conversation would not end on a bad note. “So what are you about to do for the rest of the evening? We’ve been trapped here for five hours.”
“I have a lot to do before tomorrow evening’s Bible study. I also have several clients to see in the morning. I wish I could say you would be one of them, but…” Paulo shrugged and stared at Phoenix, praying for her as he did.
“Yeah, okay, I’ll be there.”
“You’ll meet me downstairs at five in the morning?”
“Yup.” She paused then groaned. “Five? Really?”
“Five, Hun. Are you sure? I don’t want to be buzzing your door for a half hour every day, like I did when I first tried to help you follow through on this plan to get you in shape.”
“I know. I’m sorry I avoided you. I’m sorry that I left you out there for so many mornings. I was surprised you kept coming back for two weeks, but I couldn’t face you.”
“You’re facing me now.” Paulo walked over to Phoenix and gave her another hug, again marveling at how soft she felt against him. He pulled her close, enjoying how relaxed and comfortable she made him feel. It reminded him of the full, strong hugs he received from his avó, his short and stout grandmother, as a child.
Yet…
Yet, these hugs were not a grandmother’s hug. And Paulo knew it because his heart never thumped as wildly when he pressed against his avó’s frame.
Paulo closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of this beautiful woman against him.
And she was.
She was beautiful, wasn’t she?
Paulo pictured her even as he held her. He thought about the beautiful, dark almond eyes shaded by layers of long, thick lashes. Her pert nose made her look like a young girl even as her full, wide mouth was all woman. Her teeth were even and white, able to light up her face and those poignant eyes.
Paulo wanted to tell Phoenix how much he loved the color of her dark skin. Her skin was the color of his own Afro-Brazilian mãe, whose skin was the color of the near-black guarana syrup from the fragrant berry that grows in his region of Brazil. He knew that Phoenix did not know he was pardo, of mixed ancestry. His father was European and caboclos, of indigenous Indian ancestry. She did not know that most of his mother’s people were as dark as her, and he had always loved running his gold-hued fingers against their chocolaty skin, marveling at the contrast.
And Phoenix was round, yes. Soft. Pliant. Cozy. And yes, she was overweight. But her weight did not scare Paulo. What did concern him was the fact that Phoenix carried weight around her middle, which made her more likely to experience everything from diabetes to reproductive disorders. She needed to become healthy. That was Paulo’s main concern. What Phoenix also did not know about Paulo was that he had found his calling from his own struggles with weight and overall unhealthy living for many years. God had turned his pain and suffering around to use him to help others who struggled with obesity, poor nutrition, and poor self-image. Paulo thought about how his beloved wife had struggled. He remembered how even helping Elizabeth lose over sixty pounds, after losing his own seventy, still did not save her life.
And Phoenix believed he didn’t understand.
But he would not say a word about any of it right now. He would allow God to use that information at the right time for His own good purpose. He would allow God to get the glory.
So for right then, he would enjoy the feel of her in his arms, and not question where this…arrangement
was heading, because he was beginning to understand.
And he was afraid.
But he knew God was in control.
So he fought the urge to release this broken woman and run because he knew right then God had as much a plan for him as he did for Phoenix.
“Paulo?” Phoenix murmured, with her eyes closed against his chest.
“Si, Querida?”
“As much as I enjoy you holding me like this…as, uh, friends…don’t you have things to do?”
“Yes, but we have something more important to do right now,” Paulo said, releasing her.
“What’s that?”
“We’ve got to get over to Sleepy’s and buy you a new bed.”
Two hours later, Phoenix supervised as the delivery men delivered her new bed and removed the old one. Paulo had convinced her to allow him to purchase a brand new queen sized frame, mattress, box spring, and oak headboard. It cost him nearly seven hundred dollars, the clearance price. Phoenix protested at first, knowing that she didn’t have money to contribute to the bed, or pay him back. But she wanted it more than anything. She tried to tell him that she would be satisfied with a new mattress but he wouldn’t hear of it.
“If we’re going to let God change your life, and your lifestyle, you’ll need plenty of rest. You don’t need any reason to remain on floors or sofas. I need you in bed early so you will wake up in time to come out at five. Please don’t argue. I know it seems strange that I’m doing this, but trust me. You deserve someone to take care of you for a while. Let me help you. Let me be your friend.”
So he whipped out his credit card and haggled with the salesmen until he agreed to deliver the new bed that very evening and remove the old. Phoenix did not know that Paulo paid extra in cash to have Phoenix’s nearly brand-new queen bed delivered to his friend Cara, who lived in the same building. Cara had often complained that her full-size bed was too small for her and her hulking husband.
Later that night, after Phoenix had put on the sheets, and laid in her new bed, she let the tears fall. For the first time in a long time, she did two things she had not been able to do…
She thanked God…
And she slept like a baby.
Chapter 14
Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper (Proverbs 13:4).
At four-forty in the morning, Phoenix sat on the stoop of her building, excited to get started on the newest plan to change her life. Although she had only slept five hours, she’d practically did two handsprings and a somersault out of bed. Visions of Paulo’s gentle hugs and obliging words fueled her. She quickly brushed her teeth, washed her face, and located a pair of shorts and oversized tee shirt to wear. She wanted to be comfortable during the work out, but she also wanted to look halfway decent.
For Paulo.
Bounding down the six flights of stairs to get a head start on her workout, she hummed as she made her way to the front steps of her building. The dawn’s light was slowly cracking through the mid-September dawn sky. The breeze invigorated Phoenix. She breathed in and counted the minutes until she saw Paulo again.
She felt alive.
Several minutes later, Paulo arrived with two bottles of Fiji water and a smile. “Well, well, look who’s all ready for me! I didn’t even have to send out a search party.”
Phoenix blushed. “Yeah, I’m motivated. Thanks for the bed, Man. I was out like a light the minute I hit the pillow.”
“I’m glad. Praise God for that.”
Together they walked towards Broadway in silence and headed south to West One Hundred Forty-Third Street.
“Are we going to go straight into working out?” Phoenix asked with an eager smile when they reached the fitness center.
“No, first we are going to pray, then we’re going to conduct a detailed analysis of your history. My nurse practitioner is going to examine you around six, since I can see you forgot to bring a copy of your physical exam.”
Phoenix’s face fell. “I’m sorry about that. You did ask me for it weeks ago, but—”
“No worries, Phoenix. I’m just glad you came today. I was afraid if I asked you to go up to get it, you’d change your mind again.”
When Phoenix rolled her eyes, Paulo chuckled.
“We’ll just give your doctor a call later. During your exam, I’ll be completing a nutrition plan and exercise plan based on your specific needs and lifestyle. I already started working on it, but since we didn’t do the analysis or have the physical, I couldn’t finalize it. Once you’re done with the nurse, we’ll start you off.”
“Then what happens?”
“Then, if you’d like, I’ll treat you to a nice healthy breakfast, walk you home, and you go off to work.”
“Great! Sounds fantastic,” Phoenix nearly swooned. Is it a date?
“Don’t you wish you came to me sooner?” Paulo chuckled as they stepped off the elevator.
God, yes, I wish I met you two years ago before I allowed Cedric to destroy my life.
Two and a half hours later, Paulo and Phoenix were back in his office.
“Wow, I feel like I’m enlisting into the army. Your nurse left no stone unturned, believe me.”
Paulo laughed and saluted. “Well, Private, we have to be sure you don’t get hurt. I did get a copy of your last physical exam from your physician, by the way. Turns out, they have early office hours today and opened at seven this morning. They faxed me the results of your last physical. I want to make sure I come up with the best, most realistic plan for you. The thing is, I don’t want you to be on a diet. Diets don’t work. I want to help you change your entire lifestyle, so that you can be healthy for the remainder of your life. The weight loss is a bonus.”
“I see,” Phoenix said, settling into the comfortable arm chair. “So what did you come up with?”
“Based on Nigella’s evaluation, your blood pressure was little elevated. Your physical indicates the same thing. I am going to recommend we begin limiting your sodium and red meat intake. Your physical also indicates other health issues like elevated blood sugar count, but I suspect that is weight-related. We’re going to limit your processed sugar intake as well. I want to help you get into eating simple carbs, like fruit. Again, it’s not the sugar that is dangerous, but how you ingest it. I want to introduce more whole grains into your diet—you’ll need lots of fiber to regulate your digestion. Now, being a person of Caribbean heritage, I know starch is a huge part of your diet. I am not saying you have to give up the rice, bread, or potatoes. We just have to agree on a healthier way for you to eat the foods you love. Since you gain weight in your middle, I want to suggest some supplements that will also help.”
“Like what?” Phoenix tried to ignore the heat spreading across her cheeks. She hated it when her belly fat was mentioned.
“Have you heard of probiotics?”
Phoenix shook her head.
Paulo continued. “They are microorganisms that regulate digestion and help the body absorb nutrients into the digestive track. They also fight some illnesses. I am also going to recommend some holistic remedies as well. Rosemary oil is also good for breaking down abdominal fat. Just a few drops a day in your water will make a huge difference. I am also giving you a multivitamin, multimineral supplement to boost your metabolism and give you energy. Right now, because of your poor diet and lack of exercise, your metabolism has grown sluggish. We’ll give you something to revive it.”
Phoenix wrinkled her nose. “I hate popping pills.”
Paulo smiled as he tapped his pen against his lip. “Would you feel that way if they were candies?”
Phoenix rolled her eyes. “Guess not. Continue.”
“Thanks,” Paulo answered drily. “So you’re getting the multivitamin, rosemary oil to drink, and probiotics. Lastly, even though you are still young, I would like to suggest calcium supplement to strengthen your bones, something like Viactiv…and don’t worry, they taste just like candies.”
Phoenix l
et out a breath. “Okay.”
“I want to ask you to please drink lots of water throughout the day. I don’t mean Vitamin water or flavored water. I mean good, old-fashioned water as God made it. I don’t trust enhanced water. I mean, seriously, why would anyone think God needed help making something He already made?” Paulo huffed, making a face. “If you are one of those people that just can’t stand the taste of water, then flavor it with slices of lemon. Believe me, it is refreshing, and is also good for digestion.”
“Okay, lots of water, got it. How about my coffee?”
“Ahhhh, coffee. Listen, being from Brazil, I love the taste of extra sweet café con leite just like the next guy. Still, I want to recommend that you lay off the caffeine for a variety of reasons. But if you must have it, have one cup in the morning. Use Stevia or Truvia to sweeten it. If not, then pure cane sugar.”
“I never heard coffee with milk sound so sexy,” Phoenix said, playfully fanning herself. Then she froze, marveling at the boldness Paulo brought out in her.
Paulo grinned, liking that side of Phoenix. “I am sure you are used to needing coffee for that boost of energy. My goal is to help you eat right and exercise so that you get restful sleep and wake up revived. By the time we’re through, you won’t even need the coffee.” Paulo grabbed a set of papers. “I know I don’t have to tell you to stay away from the sodas and sugary juices, right?”
“And no alcohol, I bet.”
Paulo smiled and shrugged. “It does bloat you. I rarely drink myself, but the occasional glass of wine is okay, red wine especially since there is a proven antioxidant benefit to it.”
Phoenix pursued her lips. “I used to rarely drink.”
“It doesn’t solve anything. Also, we’re going to focus our workout in phases. In the first phase, we’ll focus on cardio and strength training—with weights—at the most basic level. We’ll do this for the first three weeks. We’ll just get your body moving in fun ways and build up your energy and strength, get you used to exercise. In the second phase, we’ll do a more advanced cardio workout regimen, introducing activities like kickboxing and Latin dance, things that will really get you moving, as well as the strength and endurance training. This is the phase that will last a total of eight weeks. It is our goal to see you lose at least twenty pounds by the end of this phase. Once some of the weight is off, we will really begin a workout. It will be our goal to work on a combination of the cardio, strength training, and toning—or sculpting—the body.”
The Makeover Page 16