“She wanted you to sell drugs right?” Phoenix prompted.
“Yup. See, her girls were rocking all the high-end labels ‘cause their men were living the street life. She wanted the same. She didn’t ever think she should get her education, work, and earn those things. She just wanted the easy life. She sat back collecting my check, collecting her government check, and doing her little hustles on the side. She didn’t work, go to school, or nothing. She used to do hair at the house sometimes, but even stopped doing that. All she did was sit home and complain about how I wasn’t bringing home enough. I realized she was just like my mom, my grandmother, and my aunts.”
“Basically every woman you’ve ever known.” Phoenix was exhausted and figured the more she helped Cedric speak, the faster his story would be over.
Cedric nodded. “So I left her. I realized I had to do something or I would end up making a wrong move. Either I was gonna let her talk me into some foolishness or kill her for draining me. After I broke up with her, I kept bringing her stuff for my son every single week. I brought her cash too, but when I saw how she would use it for her hair and nails, I stopped bringing her cash. I would bring groceries, clothes, shoes, toys, whatever she needed. I didn’t save receipts because I never thought I would ever need them.”
“Is that when she brought you to the child support court?” Phoenix prompted, wondering why she was hearing this story for the umpteenth time.
“Uh huh. That heifer wanted revenge ‘cause I broke up with her. She also hated how I stopped giving her cash money, even though I brought everything for my son. So she walked right in there and told those white folks that I never took care of my boy in five years. They turned around and said I owed like eighteen thousand dollars in back child support.”
“But you did go back to court, right?” Phoenix asked, stifling a yawn.
Cedric suddenly swung his legs down and sat back up on the couch. He was tense, as the muscles tightened in his neck. His eyes were bloodshot and droopy, but he was wide awake. “Right. And those people said unless I could bring by receipts—receipts from years, that I didn’t keep—I had no proof. Even though I brought witnesses, people from my job to verify I used my discount to buy him clothes and sneakers every other week, the judge didn’t want to hear it!”
Phoenix heard the fury in his voice and was startled. “Okay, Cedric, calm down, okay? I already know this so we don’t have to rehash it. I know you’re hurt about it, but getting worked up—”
“Worked up?” Cedric gave her a withering look. “Please I’m beyond worked up! I had tried to take care of that broad and she used me! She just wanted me to finance her nights at the club and pay for her hair and clothes. She doesn’t take good care of my son. Do you know what happened after she dragged me to court, huh? She left me with less than two hundred dollars a paycheck each cycle. They gave that ho’ six hundred dollars every two weeks because she went in there and lied! I came home with one hundred eighty-nine dollars! My rent for my room at the time was like one hundred twenty-five a week. I could not even feed myself. Funny thing is, after all that money, she still never paid for his hair cuts or when he needed new shoes. She got twelve hundred a month and public assistance paid her rent in the projects! What did she do with my money? She spent it on weed, nights at the club, and Coach bags!”
“I know, Cedric, and—”
“And when I couldn’t afford extras for my son, she stopped letting me see him. For two years, she let me see him only on Wednesdays from three to five after school! For two years. I tried to show her that I didn’t have the money. I tried to tell her that she practically had my whole check. I tried to get legal aid and they refused to help. I couldn’t do anything!” Cedric howled his rage and started slamming his fist into his palm.
“Cedric,” Phoenix walked gingerly over to him and tentatively placed a hand on his quaking shoulder. Before she could react, he grabbed her and buried his face in her middle. He sobbed against her stomach as she froze in position, afraid to move an inch. With a trembling hand, she awkwardly patted his shoulder, still fighting the compassion she had building in her heart for Cedric.
God, I don’t know what to do, she thought.
After several minutes, Cedric took a cleansing breath and continued. “Sorry. I just get so mad at that whore. So I couldn’t hold it together anymore and I started doing dirt again just to make ends meet ‘cause I had to see my son. I did a few stick ups and a few robberies. I sold crack. She didn’t care that I could end up in jail. She just wanted that dough lining her pockets. And even when I gave her what she wanted, she still held my son over my head. She still refused to let me spend time with him the way I wanted. She would call me and say, ‘your son needs a coat.’ I would ask her, ‘what happened to the five hundred I just gave you in cash, on top of what child support gave you?’ and she would say, ‘oh you don’t want to buy the coat? Then you don’t have to see your kid until you do.’ I mean, what kind of mess was that?”
“I know, Cedric. What makes it worse is that so many women just want the father to be involved and you were trying your best,” Phoenix surprised herself with her kind words.
“Exactly! So you know the rest. I couldn’t hold my job with all the mess I was doing so they let me go. I kept getting her cash but it wasn’t as much as before, and she finally didn’t let me hardly see him at all for about six months. That’s when I met you.” Cedric looked up at Phoenix with such tenderness that she almost flinched.
“Yeah,” she answered, ruefully, “then you met me.”
“And you saved me,” Cedric continued. “I met you and I was saying to myself I would never let another woman use me ever again. If anyone was going to get over, it would be me. First it was my mom, grandmother, and aunts sending me out there to hustle. Then the mother of my kid. I’m thinking no woman out there is worth anything. They are all selling their souls for cash. So I said to myself, I ain’t going for the same type of high-maintenance chick. I am—”
“You’re going to find an ugly, desperate woman who will take care of you for a while, right?” Phoenix asked through clenched teeth.
When Cedric gave her a sheepish look, Phoenix had to resist the urge to rip his eyes out all over again.
“But you know what, Phoenix? I know you wasn’t my physical type. I can’t lie. You were big and you didn’t carry yourself good. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
“I know Cedric. Please don’t go there again or this evening is going to turn in an opposite direction really quickly.”
“No, Phoenix,” Cedric held up a hand. “Hear me out.”
Phoenix rolled her eyes and huffed. Now he’s going to flip from street dude to intellectual, analytical man. Somebody please shoot me.
Cedric continued in a serious voice. “You weren’t my type. And I didn’t say I would set out to use you. I just knew that you were not the type of woman that would use me! I could tell right away from how you spoke that you were educated. I figured you were hard-working. I knew that you could help me get ahead in life. I didn’t mean to use you, Phoenix. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. You just kept giving and giving and solving my problems. I just kept accepting it because it felt good to have someone, a woman in my life, handle business for me for once. I know it wasn’t right, but it felt so comfortable. You wanted me for me. You took care of me when I needed you ‘cause you honestly loved me…” Cedric became choked up as his face collapsed again. “I am so sorry, Phoenix. I am so sorry that I am so shallow. You are the best person I’ve ever met. You are nice and giving and supportive. I took advantage of you, Fe. I did want to fall in love with you so much. I tried. I wanted to be attracted to you, but I couldn’t get past—”
This time Phoenix jumped up out of her seat. “If you think I am going to let you insult me one more time out of your mouth—”
Cedric caught her hand when she tried to move past him. “Please. Wait. I am sorry. I had no right to use you, Baby—”
She snatched
her hand away as tears sprang to her eyes. “Don’t call me that!”
“Okay, Phoenix. I am sorry. I am so sorry for hurting you. You didn’t deserve that. I used your kindness and generousness—”
“Generosity,” Phoenix snapped.
“Okay, generosity, because I had been used all my life by the women in my life. I didn’t know what love was. Love is about sacrificing. When I did sacrifice before for a woman I loved with all my heart, she took it and smashed it under her Jimmy Choos for a few dollars. When I got ready to sacrifice again for a woman, she dumped me, and killed my baby, for her parents’ money.”
“And you smashed my heart over for a few pounds,” Phoenix snapped. “Don’t forget that.”
“I know, Fe. But I am here, owning what I did. I had no right to use you. I am so sorry. I have been thinking about it all week. Yes, a sneaky part of me thought, maybe I could crash here ‘cause, yet again, I am in a bind. But there was another part of me reminding me of all of this. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I hurt you. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I let myself use you and let the relationship go further than it should have for my own selfish gain. When I saw how this new chick turned her back on me ‘cause her daddy told her to, killing my baby, not even fighting for our relationship, I knew. I realized how you always fought for me. When your family and friends didn’t like me, you never let them put me down. And when you asked me for a baby, I refused to give one to you—”
“Never mind that. That was the one gift you ever gave me,” Phoenix smirked.
“Ouch! But what I am saying is please, Phoenix, forgive me. What I did to you for those two years was wrong. I am so sorry.”
“I can’t believe you’re apologizing,” Phoenix said in awe.
Cedric shrugged. “And you know what? After Shia left to go to Shanghai, I knew right then what you must have felt like. I finally got it. I was like, wow. God sure got me back for hurting His daughter, man!” Cedric gave her a look. “I ain’t messing with God, yo! No more! I think I am going to church with my coworker tomorrow afternoon. He’s been inviting me for two weeks. I’m all messed up. I need to go to God, man.”
And just like that, Phoenix realized.
The light that had been slowly creeping around the darkness in her heart suddenly shined so bright that the darkness withered in its presence.
And she burst into tears as she stood in awe of God’s truth.
She realized so many things that came rushing to her all at once. God was in control. He had not allowed Cedric to get away with hurting her. He had not allowed Cedric to use her, she had. God had told her, just that evening, that vengeance was His. He had meant it. He had already worked out His vengeance for the pain this man had caused. But being the Sovereign God, who loves all His children, He did it in a way that worked for Cedric’s good. He allowed Cedric the pain of facing how he had been used and abandoned in his past, and allowed him to feel it again in his present. But God chose to use that pain to lead Cedric to grow as a man.
Phoenix cried because she realized that she never had to repay Cedric for his actions. Not only had the Lord shown her what He could do, but He’d gotten Cedric to truly apologize. Most amazing of all, as enraged as Phoenix was, the Lord had used her to comfort the very man—her enemy—that she was on a mission to hurt back.
Phoenix, to Cedric’s amazement, continued to cry as she marveled at the Lord.
She cried because God had shown her that it was not too late for her after all.
She cried because neither she nor Cedric had good intentions, both intending to go against God’s will, but He had still found a way to use their failures to help them.
She cried because her heart of stone was being softened into flesh.
She cried because God had taken all of their evil and turned it around for their good.
She cried as she walked over to Cedric to give him a hug.
After they cried and hugged for a time, Cedric surprised Phoenix by saying, “I know you not really in the church anymore, but you still know more about this God stuff than I do, so—”
Phoenix felt proud when she responded, “Paulo’s been taking me for the past few months actually.”
Cedric raised his eyebrows, and with shining eyes, said, “Aww man. I can’t compete with that. That dude really loves you. He was really there for you in the way I should have been after all you did for me. He helped you lose that weight and got you back into church. That’s what love does. It brings out the best in you when it’s real. Man! You know what? I came here trying to see if I could get you back. But now, I see that the best way I can repay you for all you have done for me, after all I’ve done to you, is leave you alone, and get out of your life.”
Phoenix smiled as she let God lead.
Cedric smiled back and went to retrieve his jacket.
“But, Cedric, what were you saying about church?”
“Oh,” Cedric said, putting his jacket back on the couch. “I wanted to know if you could pray with me. I want to, I don’t know…”
“Introduce yourself?” Phoenix said with a smile. “You want to talk to Jesus?”
“Yeah. I don’t know all the details but the dude at my job said He died for people like me—the thieves, liars, users, and abusers. He said I can ask Him to forgive me and be in control of my life, so…”
“Oh my God!” Phoenix shouted as fresh tears flooded her cheek. “I had no idea this is where this whole thing was going to end up. We had our intentions and all along God had His own intentions! Can you believe I was just praying that prayer earlier when you got back? You interrupted me when I was in prayer!”
“For real? That’s crazy…” Cedric’s voice faded away as he suddenly became very, very aware of the living God.
And they stood, overcome, in the presence of the Lord, who had been waiting patiently for both of His children.
Pray. I am waiting for your return, The Spirit of God lovingly nudged His daughter.
Pray. I am ready for you to come to Me, The Spirit nudged Cedric. Cedric jumped and looked around. “You hear that, Fe?”
“I bet I did,” Phoenix smiled, now used to the quiet, still voice within. “Yeah, I think we ought to pray.”
And together, they kneeled in the center of the room. Phoenix panicked for a second, not sure what to say. But the prayer she had prayed four years ago, when she had first given her heart to Jesus, came rushing back into her memory.
She grabbed Cedric’s hand. “Just repeat after me, I guess.” When Cedric nodded, she continued. “Father God, we come to you together thanking You, God. We are so sorry for the mess we have made in our lives and in our relationships. We ask You for forgiveness as we confess our sins to you. I ask for forgiveness for my bitterness, anger, and spitefulness. I ask You to forgive every sin I have committed in my life. Jesus, I believe You died on the cross and rose again for my sins. I accept You right now as my Lord and Savior. Please come back into my heart and take control of my life. I want to live Your way, for You, and for Your glory. Please give me Your Holy Spirit. Thank You, Jesus. In Your Name, I pray, thanking You for all You’ve done this evening. Amen!”
And the angels in the room, and in Heaven, rejoiced that the victory had been won.
Satan roared and gnashed his teeth.
And he was still punching and kicking the minions that had failed when they disappeared.
Chapter 28
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God (1 Corinthians 4:5).
In the morning, Paulo woke up on his bedroom floor.
He was sweaty, had a pounding headache, and a crook in his neck.
But he was filled with joy. He did not know what had happened exactly, but had felt the exact moment the Spirit of God had released him from his intercessory prayer battle for Phoenix. Words of praise had stil
l been on his lips when the Lord led him to sleep.
Now, he could not wait to get ready to go to church to further his worship. First, he needed to call the woman he loved to determine if things had, in fact, changed.
Clapping, he sang a song of praise for the Lord for several moments and uttered very simply, “Lord, thank You. I love You, Pai. Please take control of this day. Order my steps and order Phoenix’s steps. I pray she accepts You back into her life on this very day. Please protect us and let Your perfect will be done for myself, for Phoenix, and for James and Cara. In Jesus’s Name. Oh! One more thing, God. Please confirm for me that Phoenix is the wife You have for me. I already believe it is so, but I just need one more confirmation. Thank You! Thank You!”
Paulo, noticing that it was half past seven, jumped into the shower. He planned to surprise Phoenix early with flowers and apologies, and escort her to church, whether she wanted to go or not. He prayed she would forgive him for their disagreement. He was anxious to find out how her night had gone, considering he had spent almost six hours in prayer on her behalf.
Most of all, he could not wait to see her eyes again.
He whistled as he got dressed, already planning a nice lunch for them in a restaurant in Westchester County. He wanted to go shopping with her at a mall in Yonkers, New York. He loved that the outdoor mall had a Macy’s, a Zales, and a couple of small family-run jewelry shops. Valentine’s Day was quickly approaching and he wanted to oh-so-casually take her to jewelry counters and stores to determine what she liked in jewelry.
And of course, if the Lord confirmed his question as requested, Paulo knew he would present Phoenix with a ring very soon…maybe on Valentine’s Day, even if it was a cliché.
The Makeover Page 39