by Cora Seton
“A camp for wanna-be SEALs.” She nodded.
“How about you? Where do you want to go after the military?”
She shrugged. “I kind of like it here.”
Dan stilled. Here. He tested the idea. Would he like to remain in Chance Creek with Mason, his brothers, and their wives? Could he become part of this community? Montana was a good place for survival training.
He turned the thought over in his mind. Montana was a great place, actually. He could run different types of programs in the different seasons. Winter survival was a whole different ballgame than summer survival, after all. He remembered the way he’d felt as the plane touched down at the start of his visit, how the small town and the surrounding countryside had intrigued him.
He liked the way the people worked together here, too. The way Mason and his brothers shared the ranch chores, and their wives were best friends. He liked the poker and pool night at the Cruz ranch and all the men and women he’d met there. He liked their easy joking and serious work ethic. He liked the pace of the days on the ranch, as well.
“I kind of like it here, too,” he said.
“We barely know each other.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. He wouldn’t let her slip away now. “We’ll know each other a hell of a lot better before the night’s through.”
Chapter Ten
‡
When she woke beside Dan, Sarah stretched and savored the delicious knowledge that she could most likely enjoy him inside of her again before breakfast if they didn’t dawdle. When she turned to glance at the clock, she had to chuckle at the ache in her arms. She wasn’t sure how soon she could manage upside down sex with Dan again, but she figured if they didn’t try it again sometime, it would only be because they’d come up with a crazier idea.
“Morning, sunshine.” Dan slid an arm around her and pulling her in tighter.
“Morning.”
“That was something last night.”
“It really was.”
“That backbend was really sexy.” He ran a hand over her hip. “Who knew you were so flexible?”
“And strong. Don’t forget strong.”
“As if I could forget.”
Sarah smiled to herself. Finally, a man who could admit she was strong too. Dan might have started off as biased as her brothers against women in uniform, but she’d showed him he was wrong, and he’d been willing to change his mind. “Tell me more about your business.” Surely Dan would invite her to become involved now that he’d seen how capable she was. He must want to spend as much time with her as she wanted to spend with him.
“I will in a minute,” he said, bending to kiss her neck, “but first I need to feel you again. All of you.” He rolled on top of her and gathered her into his arms, kissing her until her head spun. “I can’t get enough of you,” he groaned, and dipped to take one nipple into his mouth. Wrapping his hands around her wrists, he teased and laved her sensitive skin with her tongue until she gasped and surrendered utterly to him. She had no problem laying back and letting Dan take charge in this department. She loved the way he made love to her. Dan moved over her with a mixture of strength and grace that turned her on as much as anything else. He explored her as if she were something precious that required every bit of his attention. When he had kissed her all over she felt thoroughly known and understood.
When he settled in between her legs, and pressed into her she opened for him, welcoming him inside. She shut her eyes and surrendered to the feelings he was stirring up inside her.
“Look at me,” he said and she met his gaze, seeing the desire in his eyes. She wondered what he saw in hers—the longing for a true connection? For love?
He watched her as he moved inside her, increasing his tempo until she was moments away from losing control. “So beautiful,” he said finally, still gazing into her eyes. She came with a cry she couldn’t have stifled. As ecstasy pulsed through her, he came too, bucking against her and grunting his own release. By the time they collapsed together she felt like she’d been stripped bare and her every hope and dream exposed to Dan.
Did he feel that too?
He gathered her close again, still joined to her. “I’m not going to let you go. You hear me?”
“I hear you.”
He ran his hands through her hair. “Who knew how sexy a regulation haircut could be?”
“I knew,” she teased, running her hand over his barely grown-out crewcut.
“Always a jokester.” He pulled out of her, and snuggled close. “I hope you weren’t joking about what you said last night—about settling here. I think this is the perfect place for a training camp.” He propped himself up on one elbow as he talked, still running his fingers through her curls now and then. “It’ll be for men who want to pit themselves against the best ex-SEALs around—to see if they have what it takes to survive the kind of brutal situations SEALs find themselves in when they serve. Mixed in to the craziness will be hiking, survival skills, camping—you name it. Real men doing real men things.”
“Pitting themselves against SEALs?”
“Hell, yeah. I’m going to ask Mason if he’d like to take part now and then, and I bet he’ll know some other guys we can ask. There are one or two guys I’ve served with who might like to join me.”
He sounded pleased as punch with the idea, but Sarah was reeling. Real men things? What about real women things? And what was this emphasis on SEALs? The Army had plenty of primal knowledge to offer anyone.
She shivered when a breath of cool air touched her skin, and waited for his invitation to become a partner in his business as her heart rate slowed.
None came.
As he talked on about wanting to build an obstacle course just like the one the Halls had, reality crashed over her. After everything they’d been through, after everything she’d shown him, he still didn’t think she was good enough.
Sarah moved to climb out of bed, but Dan’s arms tightened around her. “Hey, where are you going? We’ve got plenty of time.”
“For what?” Sarah shoved him away and climbed out from under the covers. “For more screwing around?”
“Well, yeah.” Dan sat up. “I’m always up for that.”
“Well, I guess I’m not. Back to reality, SEALman.” She pulled her clothes on as she spoke, nearly ripping her dress in her attempt to pull its sleeves right side out. If she’d been smart, she never would have left reality. She’d have known that all Dan’s words about respect and equality didn’t mean a thing.
She grabbed the rest of her things and swept out of the door, slamming it behind her. She didn’t care if she woke up the whole house. She was done with Dan. Done with every military man. Done with all of it.
It didn’t matter how hard she tried or how good she was, it never counted, simply because she was a woman. She stomped back to her own room and began to pack, dashing a hand over her eyes when they began to burn with unshed tears. Tears? She hadn’t cried once during her tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. She certainly wouldn’t cry over a stupid SEAL. It was her own damn fault she’d let him worm his way into her heart, the better to smash it the minute she relaxed and let her guard down. How many times did she have to learn this lesson before it took?
A light knock several minutes later announced Regan’s arrival. “I heard a door slam. Are you all right?” She glanced around. “Are you going somewhere?” she asked softly after letting herself into the room.
“I’m going home. I’m going to start the paperwork to leave the Army. I’ll serve out my time and do the best job I can, and then that’s it. I’m putting the military behind me.”
Regan sat down on the edge of the bed. “Does this have anything to do with a certain rather enthusiastic ex-SEAL?”
“Maybe. Partly.” Sarah shoved a pile of clothing into her suitcase. “He’s just the tip of the iceberg, though. It’s all of them. It’s everyone—the whole damn world.” She whirled around, spotted her comb and brush on the bureau an
d grabbed them too.
“It must be hard to be a woman in the military.”
“It shouldn’t be.” Sarah rounded on her. “It’s the twenty-first century. Why on earth is it still hard?”
“I don’t know.” Regan was sympathetic. “What I do know is that it’s Christmas Eve. I wish you’d stay.”
Sarah stopped her frantic packing. “I’m not mad at you. I hope you know that. You’ve been a terrific hostess.”
Regan nodded. “I know you’re not mad at me. You’re not mad at all, really, are you? You’re sad. Did something happen between you and Dan?”
“Dan happened,” Sarah said darkly. “It’s like he doesn’t see me at all.”
“Are you sure? He’s been staring at you all week.”
“At my body, you mean. He hasn’t noticed who I am, or what I do, or what my skills are.”
“What is it you’d like him to notice?”
“That I’m one of the best soldiers who ever lived!” Sarah exploded.
“You don’t think he knows that after these past few days? My God, Sarah—it’s amazing what you can do.” Regan smiled at her. “Anyway, I thought you two were getting along pretty well yesterday. Did you have some kind of lover’s spat?”
Sarah bit back a spate of angry words. “We’re not lovers.” Her face heated at the lie. “So we had sex. So it was fun. It didn’t mean a damn thing.”
A sharp intake of breath from the doorway was her first indication they were no longer alone. Both women whirled around to see Dan’s face darken with anger. He hesitated there, his gaze hard as he searched Sarah’s face. Then he turned on his heel and shut the door behind him.
Sarah let her hands drop, the paperback and toiletry kit she’d gathered to pack forgotten. Dan had come after her. Did that mean he cared for her?
“Go after him,” Regan urged. “Now he thinks you don’t like him.”
“He’s right. I don’t like him.” Her voice wobbled with the lie. The truth was, she didn’t like herself. She was always fighting against her circumstances—always at odds with everyone else. Always trying to fit into a system that wouldn’t accommodate her. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. Why was it so important that Dan acknowledge her strengths and skills when she knew how much she’d accomplished? When would she stop waiting for her brothers or father to pat her on the head and tell her how good she’d done when she’d proved to herself over and over again how capable she was?
She was an amazing soldier. One of the best she’d ever met, and the real truth was that the pain she’d been feeling had little to do with the Army, and everything to do with her fear that she wouldn’t be good at anything else.
The time had come for her to leave the military and try something new. She just didn’t know what it was. For one moment she’d thought it was to join forces with Dan, both in his business and in their personal lives. To create a life with him. Maybe even a family someday.
He didn’t want to share his dream with her, though.
“Sarah.” Regan touched her arm and Sarah realized despite her resolution, tears were streaking down her cheeks.
“I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know who I am if I’m not a soldier. I don’t ever seem to fit in anywhere.”
“Oh, honey.” Regan didn’t try to give her an answer, or tell her what to do. She waited patiently until Sarah got herself under control again.
“I’m so lame.” Sarah scrubbed her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.
“You’re not lame. You think Mason didn’t go through something like this? And Austin too? And Zane?” Regan lifted her hands. “Transitioning from the military to civilian life has got to be one of the trickiest things I’ve ever seen. Give yourself time to figure it out and the space you need to try a few things before you settle on any one of them.”
“In other words, I shouldn’t marry the first SEAL who asks me, especially if he won’t even let me work with him.”
Regan stared at her. “Is that what’s going on? Did Dan ask you to marry him?”
“Not exactly.” Sarah turned back to her packing. “He might want a wife, but he sure as hell isn’t looking for a partner.” Her heart squeezed painfully as she acknowledged the truth of that. As much as she was attracted to Dan, she couldn’t be happy on the periphery.
“You’re still leaving?” Regan sounded bereft.
“I’ll catch the first flight out.”
“She won’t stay. She’s totally pissed.”
“Can’t you tell her that all SEALs are assholes?”
Dan halted on the stairs when he heard Regan and Mason talking in the kitchen. From the delicious smells wafting from the room, breakfast would soon appear and the rest of the household would join them. He needed to make his apologies and get out of here quick.
He should have known better than to fall for a female soldier. Now he had ruined everyone’s holiday. He’d thought Sarah was different, though. He’d thought she might make a real partner for him—a woman both beautiful and brave.
In the end she’d only slept with him to prove a point—that she was better than him. He’d seen it before; female soldiers so intent on proving their equality they ceased to care about the fun that could come from there being differences between the sexes. Not that this was about sex. Far from it. If things between him and Sarah had only been a fling it would have been easy to walk away from her. But he’d opened his heart to her. He’d let her in.
She’d taken what she could get and turned her back on him. So it was fun. It didn’t mean a damn thing.
It had meant something to him.
He stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Mason, Regan—you’ve been great hosts and I’ve enjoyed my time here, but I think I better head out today.”
Mason exchanged a look with his wife. “Not you, too. Sarah’s bailing on us as we speak.”
“I can’t believe you two are going to spoil everything for everyone.” Regan crossed her arms over her chest.
“I really apologize. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
Regan shook her head. “For a couple of elite warriors, you’re the biggest cowards I’ve ever seen.” She flounced out of the room, leaving Mason to shrug at him.
“Sorry, man. She’s pretty upset. She wanted the holidays to be special.”
“I don’t blame her. I thought they were pretty special until today.”
“What happened between you and Sarah?”
“Crossed signals.” He didn’t trust himself to say more.
Mason opened his mouth to say something, but Regan strode back into the room, waving her phone. “I called a cab for you. It’ll be here in fifteen minutes and take you straight to the airport.”
Dan blinked. He hadn’t expected Regan to kick him out of the house quite so quickly. But why wouldn’t she? He was being a lousy guest.
“Regan,” Mason began, but Dan cut him off.
“It’s okay. Thank you, Regan. I’d better go and pack.”
Chapter Eleven
‡
“Are you angry at me?” Sarah asked when Regan came upstairs and informed her the cab would arrive soon to take her to the airport.
“I think you’re being an idiot.”
Sarah suppressed a smile, despite the awkwardness of the situation. “I probably am, but I can’t stay with Dan here. Not now. We—” She couldn’t tell Regan what they’d gotten up to last night, and she struggled to express her feelings. “I should have held back, but I didn’t. Now it’s just too uncomfortable.”
“I hope you aren’t making a huge mistake.”
“I’m not.” But she wasn’t at all sure about that. Maybe she was making a colossal mistake. After all, what other man had ever made her feel like Dan had? For a few short hours she’d felt closer to someone than she ever had in her adult life. She’d thought Dan understood her through and through.
She’d been wrong.
Now the future stretched before her empty of all meaning. She al
ready knew the military couldn’t give her what she truly wanted; the chance to be a part of an elite group. The chance to lead. She’d have to find a new career where she could shine. She hadn’t the faintest idea what that might look like.
The honk of a horn had them both moving toward the door.
“I’ll miss you,” Regan said as they went downstairs. “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you.”
A pang of regret pierced Sarah’s heart as the smell of a delicious breakfast wafted over her. She’d miss the boisterous meals here at the ranch. She was being an idiot, just like Regan had said. She was sabotaging a wonderful vacation with a friend to avoid the embarrassment of being near Dan. “We’ll have to get together again soon.”
She knew that wasn’t likely, though. She doubted she’d get another invitation to the Hall, and she had no home to welcome guests to.
She nearly collided with Dan in the front hall and frowned when she took in the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He was obviously leaving too.
“That’s my cab,” he said. “I’m going to the airport.”
“That’s my cab,” she retorted. “I’m flying out on the next plane.”
They only hesitated a second before they both dashed for the front door.
“Oh, for God’s sake!” Sarah heard Regan exclaim behind them, but she was too engulfed by the need to win this final race to care. They both hit the doorway at the same time, struggled through it while doing their best to slow the other down and then Sarah pounded down the front steps and dashed through the snow toward the yellow cab. She got a flash of the driver’s face as he took in their headlong race to reach him. The man’s eyes widened and he flinched back as both of them crashed into the vehicle at top speed.
“I won!” Sarah cried. “I won! Get away from my cab.”
“Your cab? Bullshit—it’s mine!”
The cab’s engine roared to life beneath them. When it started to move, Sarah jumped back in shock. “What the hell?”