by Niles, Abby
She tugged her arm, but stopped when his grip tightened. Lifting her gaze, she was stunned by the fear she saw in his eyes. “Liam,” she breathed. “What won’t you tell me?”
His eyes flashed caramel before returning to normal. “You want truth? Here’s some truth. If you don’t want to completely ruin me, you have to live. Now get in the damn house,” he roared.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Groaning, he hoisted her over his shoulder. The crutches fell from her grip to the ground. He squatted and snatched them up, then stalked across the yard.
“It means: You. Have. To. Live. That’s pretty fucking clear.”
He yanked open the screen door. As he lowered her, her body slid down the length of his, her breasts puckering as hard muscles scrapped against her nipples. Arm holding her tight to him, Liam stared down at her, his breathing ragged. Caramel lightened the dark brown irises causing her heart to stutter.
Before she could even blink, both of his hands grabbed the side of her face and his lips were on hers. Angry. Possessive. Punishing…desperate.
As quickly as he started the kiss, he ended it, ripping his mouth from hers. Anger still tightened the contours of his face. He leaned down until he was eyes to eye with her. “All you have to concentrate on is breathing. So do it.”
The screen door slammed as he backed out.
She pressed her fingers to her tingling lips, still reeling from the fury that had been behind his kiss.
Ruin him?
What wasn’t he telling her?
Chapter 8
The weeds had taken over.
Liam sat in Brit’s Jeep the next morning and stared at the cabin he hadn’t stepped foot in for almost a year. It looked abandoned now. Definitely not how he’d always kept the place. He’d prided himself on keeping the landscape groomed. Even when he’d been living with Ava, he’d come out here every so often to mow, weed the flowerbeds, and dust inside. If the overgrown grass and beds weren’t a testament to how badly the Dsershon had fucked up his life, he wasn’t sure what was.
Man, it was rough seeing the evidence of how little he’d cared. He really had changed after Ava left. He’d known he had, but he’d been so caught up in his own downward spiral, in the damn despair the Dsershon created, he’d been oblivious to how much—until now.
The sad condition of his cabin was a rude awakening. If he hadn’t reconnected with Ava, he still wouldn’t care. That was a hard pill to swallow.
What was even harder to swallow was the possibility he could return to that state. That he’d be trapped again in hopelessness, with no way to emerge from it.
He shook himself. No. He wouldn’t go back to that. Ava would be his again.
And he had to win her back, get her to bond to him, before she made good on her vow to learn the truth. She’d been so goddamn determined last night to get answers, it had scared the shit out of him. Before Val had left, he’d made her promise to keep Ava abreast of any and all developments in the case. She hadn’t been happy about it, but had finally agreed. And he would continue to slake Ava’s need for knowledge by telling her anything she wanted to know about his world—except the true meaning of Dsershon.
She would never learn that horrible truth. Never know what she’d done to him when she’d left. He knew Ava. It wouldn’t matter that she hadn’t known at the time, she’d never be able to forgive herself. Then she would give him everything that he wanted, and he’d rather not have her at all than have her like that.
Liam slipped out of the Jeep. When Brit made to follow, he shook his head. “I’ll only be a minute. I’m not going inside, just grabbing a chest out of the workshop.” He didn’t want to go inside and see the layer of dust coating the furniture or smell the stale air of an uninhabited home.
He walked around the side of the cabin to his workshop. Using his key, he opened the door and stood in the entrance. The smell of wood wrapped around him, welcoming him home. Taking a step inside, he looked around. Everything was exactly as he’d left it. Different types of lumber were stacked on the shelves mounted on the wall. On another wall, paints and stains sat neatly in rows in an open cabinet. Even his drill was exactly where he’d placed it, as if waiting for him to return.
When he’d left that day, he hadn’t known it’d be almost a year before he came back.
He pocketed his keys as his gaze fell on the large workbench in the middle of the room that displayed the last project he’d worked on. As he stopped beside it, he ran his hand over the unfinished red cedar wood. A few hours of work were all that was needed to complete it. A bit of sanding, lacquer gloss, and hardware. He’d been so close.
He still remembered the joy he’d felt when he’d left this room for the last time. He’d been on his way to meet Ava, ready to start their future as husband and wife, mates for eternity. Never imagining his life would be destroyed instead.
Since then, he hadn’t thought about this chest and what it was meant to symbolize.
But he was now.
His secret project. She had no idea it existed. Had no idea he’d spent countless hours picking out the perfect wood and gloss. The meticulous time he’d spent cutting and shaping the wood until it fit perfectly together.
As he and Ava did.
It was time to finish what he’d started—in more ways than one.
After wrapping the chest in a blanket, he carried it out to the Jeep, and placed it in the backseat. Then he returned to the workshop and put the sander, lacquer, and wrought-iron hardware into his toolbox. Just one more thing. He looked around, his brows drawing together. Where was his wood burner?
The piece wouldn’t be complete without it. Then he spotted it sitting on a table. Relieved, he lifted it up. What if it no longer worked? He couldn’t check it here. The power was shut off. He’d have to wait until he got back to Ava’s, and hope the lack of use hadn’t killed it. Without this final step, the chest would only be a chest.
And that was far from what it was.
He quickly added the burner to his toolbox and returned to the Jeep.
After setting it in the backseat, he looked up to find Brit watching him. “What?”
“It’s just good to see you wanting to work again.”
Liam only nodded, knowing even his friend didn’t understand the significance of this piece. But what he’d said was true, he wanted to work, and just having that desire again spoke volumes. Before the Dsershon, Liam had become the most sought after woodworker across the southern states, making everything from cabinets to rocking chairs to cribs for an exorbitant amount of money. Even after the Dsershon, he’d had people hunt him down, begging for a Liam Doyle original. But his passion had gone. And over time, they’d stopped asking, which had suited him just fine.
But it didn’t anymore. The need to take a simple piece of wood and craft it into something magnificent urged him to pick up his tools again. How long would that last if Ava kept pushing him away?
Why did her rejection keep coming back into his thoughts when he didn’t want to concentrate on that, but on her—on them? Probably because it was the dark, ominous cloud that loomed over him, threatening to steal his future again, no matter how much he wanted to pretend it wasn’t there.
He needed to talk to his therapist. Trevor would let him know what future he faced. Once he got back to Ava’s and had the chest stored away, he’d give him a call. If his time truly was running out, he needed to stop dawdling and initiate his plan of attack.
He climbed into the Jeep, and took one final look at his cabin as Brit backed up, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time he saw the place.
When they pulled onto the narrow mountain road, Brit looked over at him. “Did she ever let you in last night?”
“Nope.” Unlike what was portrayed in the movies, shifters were just as affected by the cold as humans were. Though it would’ve been nice to saunter around shirtless twelve months out of the year, especially in front of Ava, doing so would have meant certain fr
ostbite and not sensual foreplay. “I huddled under the quilt she gave me.”
“You want to stop at Aidan’s and grab a few things? Like maybe a jacket?”
“Yeah. Let’s do that.”
He still kept most of his stuff stored at Aidan’s since Brit’s place was the size of a shoebox. Besides, this would mean he wouldn’t have to call Trevor, after all. Aidan’s mate, Jaylin, had actually been Liam’s first therapist—until her tumultuous relationship with Aiden had gotten in the way. Luckily, the couple had been able to work things out. Liam had been worried his friend was going to wind up Dserted right along with him.
Brit veered off the street and up a dirt road that led to thecabin, and stopped in front of the house. As they climbed out, Aidan came out to stand on the porch. Liam hadn’t seen his friend since the night he was kidnapped, though they’d spoken on the phone.
He owed him a lot. If Aidan hadn’t sought out Jaylin to start treating his Dsershon, there would be no telling how the last six weeks would have gone. He could very well be locked in a never-ending Bahrraj episode he would never come out of.
As Liam approached, Aidan’s brows drew together. “You’re different.”
He couldn’t help but smile. Unlike Brit, Aidan had no problem butting his nose into his business, and would most likely be full of unwanted advice.
“Is your gorgeous mate around?”
His friend jerked back, eyes wide with suspicion. “What the hell is up with you?”
Brit chuckled. “See, I told you I felt like I’d entered the Twilight Zone. Seems I’m not the only one. It’s weird, isn’t it, Aidan?”
“Yeah, freaking bizarre.”
Liam ignored the ribbing, actually enjoying that it didn’t fester any ugly emotions inside him. Before, he would have chewed their heads off. “Seriously, is Jaylin around?”
“I’m in the living room, Liam,” came a feminine voice from inside.
He looked at Aidan. “I need to talk to her and grab a couple of things.”
“No worries. You want me to make myself scarce?”
Liam clapped him on the shoulder. “Nope. The curiosity would kill you if you weren’t in the room.”
When he entered the cabin, he saw Jaylin standing before the leather couch with her game face on. She studied him, arms crossed, brows knitted together. Without preamble, she said, “You kissed her.”
Geez, did he really look that different? “Yeah.”
“And from the way you’re now carrying yourself, she kissed you back.”
“Yes.”
“Yet you’re here, wanting answers. Did she reject you again?”
Liam’s shocked gaze turned to Aidan, who had sat down in an armchair in the corner. “How the hell does she do that?”
He lifted his arms in the air, an amused expression on his face. “Annoying, isn’t it? She drove me mad with that crap the entire time I pursued her. I’ve since deemed her Miss Know-It-All.”
Worried he was about to start a fight, he glanced back at Jaylin, but her lips were tilted in humor. “It’s an easy deduction, my love. Liam wouldn’t be here unless he was worried about being Dserted again. The only reason he would be worried is if his mate was pushing him away again.” She looked at Liam. “Am I close?”
“Pretty spot on.”
Seriousness came over her face. “Liam, sit down.”
Ah hell, this wasn’t good. But he sat on the couch, anyway, and waited for her to take her place beside him.
“I know a little about what happened from what Brit told Aidan. I know you and Ava were held captive. I assume that is when you kissed.”
“Yes. And afterwards, I felt different. Why?”
“Just as the kiss awakens the Drall in a shifter, a kiss from a rejected shifter’s mate can lull a Dserted shifter’s Fewshon. If she had fought the kiss, we’d be dealing with a different ballgame. But Brit said you shifted, therefore you’re reconnected to your beast, and that she gave her kiss willingly, which means you’re back to normal…for now.”
“For now?”
She ignored the question. “What kind of contact are you having with her?”
“I’m sleeping on her front porch. She’s trying to make me leave, but I’m refusing.”
“She’s trying to make you leave? So she doesn’t have herself shut up in the house, but is having heated interactions with you?”
Not the kind of heated interactions he would like, but… “So far, yes.”
“That’s good.”
“No, it sucks, but why do you think that’s good?”
“Most exchanges with a mate after a Dserted shifter is re-kissed by his mate help keep the rejection from forming again.”
“So, as long as we keep fighting, I’ll be fine?”
Jaylin grimaced. “That’s not exactly what I said. I said most exchanges. It will depend on the type of exchange you are having with her. This kiss has given you a temporary reprieve from the Dsershon, but she is trying to reject you again. Think of the contact you have with her as nothing more than a compression to a severed artery. Once that compression is released, you’ll bleed out.”
“What the hell are you saying, Jaylin?”
“This is only a temporary fix. If she makes you believe the rejection, you’ll be Dserted again.”
“Okay.” He inhaled deeply and released it. “The first time, it took a few months for me to really get into the grip of Dsershon, so that gives me some time to change her mind. Right?”
A sad smile came to Jaylin’s lips. “No. You don’t understand. This will be your second bout with Dsershon. There won’t be any build-up like last time.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “Liam, you’ll go into an instant Bahrraj episode. Instant. You need to prepare for that and put everything you’ve learned into action.”
Horrified at what he was hearing, he yanked his hand from hers. “Instant? Do you mean Ava could potentially see me that way?”
She held his gaze and nodded. “You need to be very careful. I’m not going to tell you not to pursue this, since a reunion with your mate is the only cure for Dsershon, but it is also very dangerous, and you could lose every bit of the progress you’ve made. How much does Ava know about what you’ve been through since she left?”
“Nothing.”
“Maybe it’s time to tell her.”
“Have you lost your mind? I never want her to know what happened to me.”
“Liam, pride isn’t going to help you here. She needs to know.”
He sprang up on unsteady legs. No. Ava would never learn how he’d stopped living. How when she died, he would, too. It was bad enough she already knew he could feel her death. He sure as fuck didn’t want her knowing she’d leave him here on this planet as a living breathing, carcass of a person. Hell, no. He didn’t want her to want him simply out of pity, out of some self-righteous sense of obligation. He wanted her to want him because she loved him, to come back because she couldn’t live without him.
“I’m ready to go,” he said to Brit, who stood there with a stunned expression on his face.
Not waiting for a reply, he strode out and climbed in the jeep. A few minutes later Brit came out with a duffle bag and tossed it in the backseat.
“Thanks,” he mumbled.
His friend only nodded, tension radiating from him, but he remained silent on the drive back to Ava’s, and Liam was thankful for that. He had a lot to process.
But one thing was clear, he had to make Ava love him again.
The sooner the better.
When they pulled up, she was standing on the porch talking to Val. She turned her head in their direction, a scowl on her face, before she hobbled across the yard. Even with the crutches he saw the determination in her approach. When she reached him, she poked him hard in the chest. “Where in the hell have you been?”
The anger vibrating in her voice swept away all the feelings from the bad news he’d received. She’d been worried. His beast hummed in pleasure. At her conc
ern, he pressed his lips together to suppress a thrilled smile, and almost lost that ability when Brit mumbled low enough that only Liam could hear, “Seems someone missed you.”
Liam leaned a hip against the front of the Jeep and crossed his arms. “I had some work I needed to get.”
She looked in the backseat and saw his toolbox. “Oh. Well, don’t do a disappearing act again without telling someone where you’re going. Detective Calhoun didn’t even know where you were. We were about to call in reinforcements.”
She could make it sound like it was because they were all worried, but he knew the truth. She was the one who really cared.
“Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to use your garage.”
“Don’t you have a workshop?”
He lifted a brow. “Your reception just now made me think you want me here.”
Her gaze darted around, and she threw her shoulders back, thrusting her chin high in the air. In a louder voice, she said, “Stop reading into everything I do, Liam. You disappeared. We didn’t know where you were. I don’t care where you go, just tell someone before you do.”
“Liar,” he whispered.
Her entire body shook before she spun around and toddled back into the house, the front door slamming.
He couldn’t hold back the chuckle anymore. When he caught Brit watching him, he asked, “What?”
“So, that’s how it works.” Brit almost said it to himself, but the look of understanding couldn’t be ignored. “Not a minute ago you were sitting in stony silence. Now you’re all light again. It really is her.”
“I tried to explain that to you last night. She gives me peace, Brit.”
But she was also the one who could sentence him to hell.
“Aidan says the same thing about Jaylin.”
“That’s because she does the same for him.”
“How can this instinct be so good and so damn bad at the same time? What I just heard from Jaylin is all kinds of fucked up, Liam.”
“I guess there has to be some serious repercussions for something that’s supposed to last an eternity.”