by Niles, Abby
As a terrible realization came to her, her entire body shook from grief, shame…and horror.
She’d done this to him.
…
Liam stalked across the front yard, having no destination in mind. As long as it was far away from Ava. He scrubbed his fingers across his mouth, wanting to wipe away the feel of her lips pressed against his. The desperation, Dea, the horror.
He could still taste the saltiness of the tears she’d left behind. The ones that had streaked down her face as she gazed up at him, stunned, aghast.
It had happened. The one thing he feared most besides her death.
She’d seen him at his weakest, most pathetic.
He’d rather have been shocked a thousand times with the Splycer than have Ava ever witness him in the throes of Bahrraj.
But she’d made him believe. Made his beast believe. That she really didn’t love him. Would never want him back. Leaving him defenseless.
Jaylin had been right. The episode had come on instantly. He hadn’t even felt a spike in her emotions. All it had taken was that man wrapping his arm around her so naturally, easily, as if she was his, not Liam’s. And he’d been lost, suffocated by her regret.
Regret for what, he wasn’t sure. But as he’d been drowning in that awful emotion, another had come over him. Fear. Panic. For him. He’d heard her distorted voice calling his name, begging him to return.
For all the good that had done.
A cement block might as well have been strapped to his ankle, so quickly he’d sunk into Bahrraj’s depths, chained to its mercy.
While his mate watched.
Fuck!
He stormed onto the road and kept going. Not looking back. Wanting to forget.
Knowing he never would.
Never forget her trembling lips pressing against his while she begged him to come back to her. Or the way the episode had lifted, as instantly as it’d come on.
From a kiss. By his mate.
Like a fucking fairy tale.
Only, for him there would never be a happily-ever-after.
Chapter 10
Ava stumbled out of the garage, seeing only Liam’s emotionless expression before her, the deathly stiffness of his body…the certainty that she’d done that to him…somehow.
Deserted.
Had she just witnessed what he’d meant by that word?
Needing to understand, she glanced around the yard, searching for him, and spotted him storming down the road. Away from her. Back rigid, his steps stiff.
She wanted to chase after him, demand answers, but decided to let him go for now. He’d been horrified when he’d come to, had skirted around her as if she had a contagious disease that he might catch.
The door to her house yanked open and Jimmy came sprinting outside. “Got it.”
Got what? She slowly blinked at the fabric he waved above his head. Her bathrobe. God, she’d forgotten he was even here, and that she’d sent him after such a ridiculous item. She had to pull herself together. Jimmy couldn’t know anything about what had just happened. What he’d already seen was bad enough, and damage control wouldn’t be easy. Dashing the back of her hand across her cheeks, she walked up to him as he hurried onto the lawn.
“He’s fine. Just upset.” She pointed behind him. “See for yourself.”
Jimmy glanced toward the road, where Liam was getting smaller and smaller, and made a surprised noise. He turned back toward her, cocking his head to the side. “He’s not the only one who’s upset. You’ve been crying. What happened?”
“I’m fine. I’ve just never seen him that upset before.”
“I’ve never seen anyone that upset before. You sure he’s okay?”
“Yeah, he was—” she cleared her throat “—in deep thought. The minute you left, we had it out.”
Jimmy held up the bathrobe. “What was the deal with this?”
“Panic.” She forced a smile.
“I’ll say. Thought you’d lost your mind there for a minute.” He sighed. “Ava, you love him. From what I saw, he feels the same. Why can’t you really be together?”
“There is a lot of past there, Jimmy. A lot of hurt I’ve inflicted on him.” And she was just now realizing the true extent of it. “I don’t know if it’s something we can ever work past.”
“Okay.” He kissed her cheek, and handed her the robe. “But, I think you two need to have a very long heart-to-heart, so I’m going to skedaddle.”
“I’ll call you later.”
“You better,” he said, then hurried to his car and drove off. As she turned toward the house, a female voice from behind her said, “You handled that well.”
She spun back around to find a very attractive dark-haired woman standing there.
Ava narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Handled what?”
“The human’s confusion about Liam’s condition.”
Liam’s condition? How did this woman know Liam, much less know things about him Ava didn’t? “Who are you?”
She stepped forward, offering her hand. Ava eyed it, but didn’t take it. The woman flushed. “Distrustful, I see. Considering what you’ve been through, it’s understandable. I’m Dr. Jaylin Avgar. I’m Aidan’s mate. After you called Britton, he called me for help.”
Some of the tension eased out of Ava’s shoulders. She knew Aidan, had heard he’d recently gotten involved with someone. “What kind of doctor?”
“A therapist…for shifters.”
Ava’s breath caught. “Please, I have so many questions that no one is willing to answer. Would you answer them for me?”
“Being surrounded by a world you don’t understand must be frustrating. You’re filled with all kind of emotions, aren’t you? Some that contradict themselves and only confuse you further.”
“So you’ve dealt with a lot of human patients, as well, huh?”
The woman smiled. “I’ve had my fair share. I’m willing to listen and answer what I can.”
Finally, someone who would answer the questions Liam refused to. She took a careful step forward. “Liam was completely unresponsive. What was wrong with him?”
The woman tsked. “I see he didn’t take my advice and talk to you about his condition.”
There is it was again. His condition. As if he had a disease.
“Is he sick?”
The woman studied her for a moment before inhaling deeply. “He should’ve told you himself, but since he refuses, and his silence is detrimental to his well-being, I get the honor of explaining it to you. Why don’t we go inside and sit down?”
Detrimental? Oh, God it was bad news.
“Ava—”
She shot Dr. Avgar a glance, brows lifted in surprise. “How do you know my name?”
“Liam’s therapist, remember?”
Her face heated. “And he talked about me?” Ava walked into the living room, the woman at her side.
“You are the reason he had to have therapy.”
The words weren’t said harshly, but they might as well have been, from the way they cleaved straight through her heart.
“He’s not sick, is he?” She sat on the edge of the couch, not needing confirmation, knowing deep down he wasn’t, at least not in a human sense. “I did that to him, didn’t I? When I…deserted him?”
“Ah, he has used the word in front of you. Yes, Ava, your Dsershon caused this.”
Ava closed her eyes, pain erupting inside her. The unfamiliar word didn’t matter. She had made this terrible thing happen to him. “And if I hadn’t left him?”
She knew the answer to that already, too. She just needed to hear it.
“Then he never would’ve been Dserted.”
The reasoning for the madman’s demand made more sense now. He wanted to hurt Liam, and had known her leaving would hurt him the most, in more ways than she’d ever imagined. It sickened her to know she’d aided in this man’s twisted plan to hurt Liam simply because she’d been clueless about the bond.
She wouldn’t be clueless anymore. She’d never be clueless again. And that bond would never again be used against her, to hurt the man she loved.
“He said I lived inside him, that he could feel me. How?”
“When he marked you, he bonded himself to you. That bond opens a channel inside him where your essence lives. When you left, you didn’t leave just Liam. You left the bond, as well.”
God. His connection to her was as strong as he’d claimed…stronger, even. But—
“He also said he could feel my emotions, but that’s not always accurate, is it?”
The woman hesitated before finally saying, “That’s correct.”
“Why does that come and go? If he is bonded to me, shouldn’t he feel it all the time?”
“A shifter does not feel his mate’s emotions, only her life. It’s complicated. When you rejected Liam, you traumatized the bond, which caused that abnormality.”
God the words these people used were horrible: rejected, abnormality, traumatized…deserted. Was there nothing happy about this bonding thing they did?
“When does he actually feel my emotions?”
“Hard to say. The spikes have no rhyme or reason.”
That explained the inconstancy. She rubbed her forehead. “So those marks he put on my thighs caused all this.”
“No, what caused it was you walking away from the bond without putting your marks on him.”
Ava froze mid-rub, then slowly turned to look at the doctor. “My marks?”
Her lips pinched together. “He hasn’t told you anything, has he?”
“Apparently not.”
And yet...he was trying to win her back, despite everything she’d put him through. Despite the fact that she was still pushing him away. Maybe it wasn’t so strange he didn’t want to tell her things she could use against him—however unintentionally.
“What exactly was happening to him a few minutes ago?” Ava asked.
“Liam was no longer in this time or place. He was unaware of his surroundings, or the people around him, because he was taken hostage by your emotions.”
Taken hostage by... My God. It was worse than she thought.
The dead look. The unfocused eyes. The stiffness. “H-how often does he have these...episodes?”
“There is no way to determine how often a Dserted shifter will go into one, but that was not the first one he’s had.” She paused for a moment. “Or even his second.”
He’d been like that before? Completely locked down, unaware that the world was revolving around him? No wonder he refused to tell her about his condition, had gotten so angry when she’d pressed. Liam didn’t want her to know what she’d done to him—probably never wanted her to know. “What’ll happen to him if he keeps having them?” she asked hoarsely.
Dr. Avgar’s gaze dropped to the floor, before it lifted to meet Ava’s. Sad. Regretful. What was she about to say? Ava’s lungs ceased to draw breath as she waited.
“He’ll no longer be Liam.”
Air gushed from her mouth as Ava jumped to her feet. “That’s crazy. How can he no longer be Liam?”
“This session is over.” The deep angry voice came from the kitchen doorway.
She whipped around. Liam. And boy, was he pissed. His body shook, eyes bright with fury. He spun and stalked from the room into the garage. She stumbled after him, finding him already bent over to lift the garage door to leave.
She grabbed his arm before he could, and he tried to jerk away, but she held on. “Liam. No more evading, tell me the truth. All of it!”
“Why don’t you go find your boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” When that asshole had forced her to end their relationship, she hadn’t just hurt Liam. She had broken him. And by God, she would fix him.
“Don’t even try.” His eyes narrowed. “I outweigh the guy by fifty pounds and he punched me over you. He said you mean the world to him. And...I felt your love for him.”
He’d felt that? Out of everything he could’ve felt, every other time, he’d felt that?
“It’s not what you think, Liam.” She touched his arm. “Jimmy is my best friend. That’s it.”
Liam halted, his gaze shooting to hers. “You really don’t love him?”
“Yes, I love him, but not in the way you’re thinking. It’s love for a very dear friend, nothing more. I’m so sorry I let you believe otherwise. I never—” She placed her hand to her chest. “What did she mean by you would no longer be you?”
“Jaylin never should’ve talked to you. She crossed a line.”
“At least I finally got some answers. You refuse to tell me anything!”
“It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, Ava.”
“It sure as hell didn’t look like that to me. Seems to me you’re all kinds of messed up, Liam, and it’s all my fault. What is happening to you because I deserted you?”
A threatening growl erupted and he stalked back across the garage, away from her.
She fisted her hands. He was shutting her out again. Letting her remain ignorant—as if she were a child. She marched after him, grabbing his arm. “Damn it, Liam, stopping growling and start talking!”
“What do you want know?” he yelled, spinning around, his eyes flashing between dark brown and light caramel. “That you killed a part of me the day you left? That I couldn’t smile? Couldn’t laugh? Couldn’t work? That I was incapable of being anything more than a pathetic loser who had to be babysat because no one knew when I would have another episode? That I became someone everyone wanted to avoid? That I was a reminder to every fucking unbonded shifter out there that what happened to me was their possible future, too? That that is my future because my mate didn’t love me enough to stay with me?”
She stumbled back, slapping her hand over her mouth, staring at him, horrified at everything he’d just revealed. He hadn’t smiled since she’d left? Hadn’t laughed…worked? He’d changed that much?
He snarled at her reaction. “You asked for answers and there you have them. Happy now?”
She hadn’t just broken the man’s heart, which was bad enough, she’d ruined his entire life. Taken away the parts of him that made him Liam. The parts of him she loved so much, she’d destroyed. She closed her eyes against a pain so potent it threatened to consume her. And knew one thing with dead certainty. She would no longer help that fucking psycho destroy Liam.
When he spun away from her and started to stalk off again, she said softly, “I love you, Liam, so much, but he said he’d kill Emma if I didn’t leave you.”
He froze, his back still to her. “What are you saying?”
“It’s why I left you that night.” She inhaled, leaning back against her car, suddenly losing all her strength. “It’s why I’m pushing you away now. He— It was him on the phone earlier. He saw us together and he was reminding me of my place.”
Liam slowly faced her, shock on his face. “Who?”
“The bastard who took us and tortured us.”
“He threatened Emma?”
“Almost nine months ago. A few days before I…dserted you.” She swallowed, saying it for the first time with a clear understanding of what it meant, and why Liam hadn’t felt her anguish as she went to meet him. Understanding the sentence she’d handed him when she’d chosen her sister over him.
“Threatened how?”
“He showed me how far he’d go to get what he wanted.” She closed her eyes and inhaled. “I didn’t tell you everything about the night I went to help Emma. We got into that argument over her as soon as I got back, and I decided I wasn’t going to tell you about it because I didn’t want to hear your mouth anymore.”
“I remember how heated that fight was, probably the worst one we’d ever had. What didn’t you tell me?”
“When she called me, she was hysterical and babbling about hitting something with her car on the way home. I didn’t want to wake you, and just slipped out to see what was happening, thought I’d be back in a f
ew minutes. I found Emma standing on the side of the road, about a mile away from where she’d wrecked. She was convinced she’d hit a man.”
Liam took a step forward, arms splayed wide at his sides. “Jesus, Ava, and you didn’t call me immediately?”
“I didn’t believe her. She was completely strung out on something. I put her in my car and we drove her back to hers—she’d taken mom’s. Yeah, the car was dented on the side and there was some blood. But, there wasn’t a body. I figured she’d hit a deer or some other kind of animal that had run off into the woods, and I convinced her of that. She was hallucinating pretty badly anyway, so it didn’t take much convincing. Hell, I was convinced. A week later, I received a video in my email.”
“Video?”
“Of squealing tires, a loud crunch, and a body rolling into the frame. A human body, not an animal, a human. Emma got out of the car, stood right over that body, stared at it before running off. The video ended there. But she’d been right the entire time. She had hit someone.”
Liam swore softly.
Ava exhaled. She’d kept this bottled in for so long, had been afraid for so long. “Just minutes after I watched the video, I got a phone call. I still remember the voice. Distorted. Something out of a horror move. A man asked if I appreciated his handiwork. I didn’t understand at first, felt like someone was playing a cruel joke. But then he told me how he’d been watching my sister for months, had become familiar with her rebellious behavior, how every Friday night, after our parents went to bed, she snuck out, took my mom’s car and went to the same park to meet her friends to get high.” Ava hugged herself tighter. “He knew so much, Liam. I didn’t doubt a word he said. It was so typical of my sister’s behavior at the time. And he knew things about me, too. Where I worked. Even what I was wearing as I stood there on the phone. He was watching me at that very moment. It was the creepiest, most unnerving, sickening feeling I’d ever had in my life.”
Liam took another step toward her, then stopped. “Did Emma kill the man she hit?”
“No. He took responsibility for that. Said he’d killed him, then tossed the body in front of her car.”