by Arizona Tape
"You tired?"
"Hmm-hmm," I hummed, finally realising how exhausted I was. Had all this really happened in one day?
"You need sleep. Actually, we all need sleep," Ashleigh ordered gently. "We can keep the big reveal for tomorrow, right?"
Everyone nodded, more yawns going around. Everyone was worn out. Today had stretched us all far too thin.
"Goodnight, guys. We're calling it a day." She waved at the rest.
Danny happily waved back. "Night, girls. Behave!" She grinned, making me roll my eyes. Of course, she’d be over the moon about this. But I was far too tired for any funny business. I just wanted to sleep. Undisturbed sleep. Endless sleep.
Ashleigh steered me towards the middle tent and I gladly let myself fall down on the heap of furs and coats. My mate closed the tent flap and curled up next to me. With her arms wrapped protectively around me and my head rested on her collarbone, I finally left all my earthly worries behind. Just like Ashleigh, sleep became mine.
Chapter 18. Mirror
Expecting the next morning to be awkward, I crawled out of the tent, hoping that Darren's heavenly food would break the tension. Following my nose, I found myself standing next to a row of people. Both Aspen and Ashleigh were already staring hungrily at the big pot warming on the fire.
He’d regained some colour and didn't look nearly as ghostly as yesterday. Sleep must've done him good. He seemed like a person who actually belonged on earth again.
"Cook faster, Darren," he whined, licking his lips as he eyed the hot stew simmering away.
"Maybe just a little taste," Ashleigh mumbled, trying to steal a spoonful, but Darren wouldn't have any of it. He tapped both the twins on their heads with the handle of his ladle and positioned himself between the food and the siblings.
"Down, you crazies. We'll eat when it's ready."
Both grumbling under their breaths, Ashleigh and Aspen sat down on a stump, muttering to each other. I only caught a couple of words, but it sounded like an elaborate plot to lure Darren away from his pot and claim all the food for themselves. I smiled in relief. They were still their crazy selves. I hadn't ruined their relationship
I waved gratefully at Darren, who seemed a bit confused. That was okay. From all the things he was great at, cooking seemed to be his soft spot. He'd probably blush bright red if I told him how his food really brought people together. So instead, I sat down next to the dancing fire, settled for a cup of hot root tea, and patiently waited for breakfast. Honestly, how I'd found myself in such luxury in the middle of nowhere, I'd never really understand.
Only after Danny appeared from their tent with more twigs sticking out of her hair, Darren pooled a thick, rich stew in my bowl that made my mouth water. Without wasting one second, I dug into the delicious hot food that chased away the hunger and warmed my belly.
"We still have to tell Akira the secret," Danny mumbled in between bites, shoveling the stew so fast into her mouth I was surprised she didn't choke on it.
"R-Right. I think Ash s-should tell her, n-no?" JP agreed, never even looking up from his plate.
I felt a thrill of excitement travel through my body. Now this was something to delay eating for. I was finally going to find out the secret behind their shifting. With everything going on, I’d almost forgotten how abnormal it was. They had made it feel so normal I'd forgot that I wasn't the strange one. They were.
Without missing a bite from her plate, Ashleigh dug Aspen's necklace from her pocket and held it up against the faint morning light. "The secret... Is this…"
So the necklace was really the secret? Well hot taco, if I’d known you could only shift while wearing jewellery, I'd have gotten my ears pierced or something.
"And?"
My mate shrugged, scraping her bowl for the last of Darren's delicious food. "That's it."
"That's it?" This was their big secret? How was that even a secret? Did they really need to hold a big council meeting for that?
With her plate empty, Danny strung more words together. "That's it. We'd tell you more, but we don't know how it works either. Sorry to disappoint."
I groaned. Typical. They were hopeless.
"You still get to wear it though. And for it to really stop answering to Aspen, you should connect to the magic inside."
I perked up. Now that was more interesting. "Oh?"
"Right now, Aspen can't fully use it. But the magic in there is still aching to return to him."
"If you want to shift, you need to make the magic obey."
Ashleigh placed the amulet in my lap, her fingers brushing over my thigh. "It's yours now."
I tried to catch Aspen's eyes, hoping he wouldn't harbour any resentment for having his heirloom taken away. He smiled at me and nodded encouragingly. "Put it on."
The necklace slipped around my neck and the moment it fell on my chest, nothing changed. It was still just a piece of horn on a string. "Ummm..."
Darren scratched the top of his head. "Still nothing?"
"Nope."
"Do any of you remember how you got the magic to react?" Danny asked the rest, braiding her hair. "Sixteen feels like ages ago."
Ashleigh snorted. "It would for you, grandma."
"Oi!" The redhead aimed her spoon at my mate and threw her hair over her shoulder. "You teach her then!"
Catching the utensil midair, Ashleigh turned to me. "I would, if I remembered."
"Isn't it enough for me to have it? I can keep it away from Aspen?"
"No. I can still feel wisps of the magic. The tendrils are beckoning for me. My wolf wants it," Aspen weighed in, staring longingly at my chest. I hoped it was because of the necklace, but then again, you never knew with men.
"I remember some of the exercises my uncle did with me," Darren chimed in, cracking his fingers one by one. "I could try them with you? We'd need some peace and quiet for it, though."
I glanced at Ashleigh, unsure if she was okay with me spending time alone with Darren. I wondered why. It's not like I'd do anything wrong. But after my altercation with Aspen, I didn't want to mess anything up. "That alright?"
She tilted her head to the side. "Of course."
"I'm done with breakfast. We can start right now?"
"We'll break camp while you do," Regan suggested, the rest nodding in agreement.
"You sure you don't want me to help with the tents?"
Danny waved dismissively. "No, we got it. You go unlock your magic, that's more important."
"Back to the waterfall?" Darren proposed, making me nod enthusiastically. The water wasn't to blame for me jumping on Aspen, I'd love to see the waterfall again. And that place felt more magically charged than anywhere I'd been before. This seemed like the perfect place to unlock my wolf. Yes, I was ready for some action.
Except that there was no action. Back down in the valley, Darren made me sit in strange positions and kept saying weird things about my breathing. Somehow, none of his instructions made any sense.
"How can I breathe in, and both arch my back and flatten my stomach? That makes no sense?" I groaned, annoyed at his vague way of explaining things.
"You just, you know. Push your back out, and then you suck in your stomach. And then you breathe. It's not hard."
"Like this?" I asked, sucking my stomach in and pushing my behind in the air.
"You're not breathing."
I took a deep breathe, praying Darren would finally deem my downward dog acceptable, but all he said was: "You're forgot to keep your stomach flexed."
I screamed and let myself fall down on the ground. "That really doesn't help. I can't do that at the same time. Your exercises aren't working."
He pouted. "But I need you to relax and be in control of your breathing for the next step."
"The only reasons I'm stressed is cause I can't get your stupid poses right!" I yelled in frustration, ready to pull the hair from my head. This was going nowhere. What a waste of time. Downward dog? If he kept giving me vague instructions like this,
there would be no downward dog. Instead, I'd show him outraged wolf. I imagined that would involve moves like me biting his arm and kicking his leg.
No, that's not nice, Akira. He was trying to help me after all.
I took a deep gulp of air and tried to push my irritation down. "Can we just move on to the next phase? Please?"
He scratched the side of his face. "Ummm... I don't know the next phase. This is all I can remember."
I clenched my jaw, refusing to let angry words come out. "Perhaps this isn't working after all."
He sighed. "Maybe not."
I stood up to stretch my limbs and tried not to feel too disappointed. After all, he had warned me that it might not work the first time around. Maybe if I tried again on my own later, it might turn out differently.
Back at the broken campsite, everyone looked expectantly at me. With a sigh, I shook my head and watched all their faces fall.
"No luck?"
"Nope..."
Ashleigh stood up from her stump to hug me. "You'll get it, I'm sure of it."
I sighed as I let myself melt into her embrace. "I hope so too."
A sharp voice close to my ear suddenly chirped in: "I'm sure you'll figure it out!"
It took me a moment before I could place the voice, but when I did, I immediately turned in Ashleigh's arms, hoping I was mistaken. It couldn't be.
Out of thin air, a shape took form and before me, long waves of hair appeared. Cece. No. Chesca. Unmistakably Chesca.
How could this be? I thought she was dead? No, I didn't just think so. I knew so. I’d seen her corpse. I watched the life drain from her eyes. I'd been there when she lost her life.
"I... But... What..." I stammered, staring at the young girl who was happily waving at me. "Huh? I thought... Wait... Huh?!"
"Hi, guys! It's me again!" Chesca chirped, grinning broadly as she threw her hair over her shoulder. Very Chesca like. Definitely the real deal.
"I thought you were dead... I know you’re dead. I watched you die!"
The girl in front of me giggled. "Yes, oops, that did not go over well. I was a bit careless there."
"Not you again!" Ashleigh exclaimed, protectively wrapping her arms around me. The Puma's appearance finally elicited a reaction from Aspen. He jumped up and strode towards her.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just kill you all over again," he growled darkly, his lips curled up in an angry snarl. A small shiver ran down my spine at his display of anger. So even without his necklace, his Alpha hadn't completely disappeared.
Chesca giggled. "Because you could use my help?"
Danny threw her own hair over her shoulder. "What makes you think we'd even listen to you?"
The young girl turned towards me. "I can teach you."
Ashleigh growled. "She doesn't need your help. You can't teach her a thing."
The Puma laughed out loud, her head thrown back. "Oh, but that is where you’re mistaken. I think you could use my help. I watched you down at the lake, Akira. That didn't really work out for you, did it?"
I felt my cheeks heat up. Damn it. Why was I such a failure?
"We've got it covered," Darren argued, but I could tell from his voice that he wasn't so sure of himself.
"You haven't got a clue on how to manipulate magic," Chesca teased, raising her eyebrow.
Darren scoffed loudly. "If we can't, how would an outsider like you know?"
Chesca snapped her slender fingers, a little puff of smoke appearing. "You might possess magic, but I know how to use it. Not just that. I dance with it. I play with it. Magic is my mistress."
I could hear the group collectively grind their teeth down as they realised Chesca was right. If they couldn't teach me, the necklace would keep corrupting Aspen. Nothing would change and he desperately needed it. We all looked at him, waiting for his answer. With or without his wolf, he was still the Alpha of the group.
He clenched his strong jaw. "Just this once. But we'll be watching."
Chesca clapped her hands. "Lovely! Akira, I can't wait to teach you all my tricks. Let's go down to the lake again."
I sighed. I really had no other choice. So once again, we descended down to the secluded valley.
"Let's sit here." Chesca pointed at a small patch of moss and made me sit down. "Look at the water. What do you see?"
I stared down at the blue mirror, the constant stream rippling my reflection. "I see me. And rocks."
Chesca sighed. "Look further. Imagine your wolf. What does she look like?"
I peered down at the water again. "I don't know. She has ears, I imagine. I hope?"
"Channel her. Call her to the surface. Imagine her emerging from underneath the water, breaking the surface."
"Okay, let me try again."
I stared back down at the lake, watching the ripples flowing through my face. A face I had seen so many times before. But this time, I was looking for something else. For someone else. My wolf. I stared and stared, but the image didn't change. The only person looking back at me, was me. Akira. The girl with the boring, grey eyes.
This wasn't getting me anywhere. How would I ever see my wolf, if I kept getting distracted by my own face? "It's not working," I muttered in disappointment. Maybe I just wasn't meant to release my wolf.
"Try closing your eyes then. If you have a good imagination, you can just envision your own lake."
I nodded. That might be easier than being constantly reminded of my mediocre self. I drew in a deep breath and let my eyelids fall shut. Darkness momentarily filled my mind, but as I drew the lines of a calm lake, images appeared.
Dark trees surrounding a valley like the one I was in. Instead of the morning sun, a silver moon cast faint rays on the surface of a white, still, lake. There was nothing and nobody around. Only me. The wind danced almost soundlessly through the blackened leaves as it guided me towards the lake.
With every step closer, I imagined being greeted with a reflection that was and wasn't my own. I imagined strong paws and an elegant snout. A playful tail and deep eyes that held more wisdom than I could ever possess. I envisioned looking down in the water and being greeted by a familiar stranger.
Almost too afraid to look, I held my breath for a brief moment, making the world stop. The leaves froze, the wind disappeared. This was it.
I bent over the lake, opened the eyes of my mind, and looked in to the calm water. I was ready to meet my wolf.
Reflected in the crystal mirror, familiar grey eyes stared back at me, yet, they were different than usual. They weren't mine. Instead of being met with my face, a wolf stared back at me. Her fur white as the freshly fallen snow on the first day of winter. Her eyes deep and wise, but furthermost, kind.
My wolf.
I recognised her immediately. How could I not. She was inside me. She was part of me. She was there, always watching over me. Patiently waiting for this very moment. For me to release her.
Scared that I would ruin the moment, I brushed my fingers over the surface of the lake. Instead of rippling the water like I had expected, I bumped against a hard glass-like wall.
My wolf tilted her head slightly and stared at me, sadness clear in her eyes. So this was her cage. This was where she'd been for the past twenty-one years. If only I knew how to get her out.
Chesca's voice suddenly echoed in my head. "Break it."
I bit my lip and focused back on the glass mirror. I swiped my fingers over the surface, trying to find a weaker spot. I just needed one crack. My fingertips glide over the mirror, as I felt for it.
And as if I'd always known. I found it. It was small. Almost unnoticeable. But it was here. With all the power I could muster, I slammed my fist hard into the mirror.
Shards flew, light flashed. Pain like I’d never felt before suddenly flooded through my body. It felt like being electrified, suffocated, stabbed and broken all at the same time. I wanted to go back in time. I wanted to fix the mirror. I wanted it to stop. But it was too late. Shards of glass tore
my skin to shreds as I felt myself drown in blood. In my own blood.
My bones cracked, my skin tore. My eyes rolled into the back of my skull as every part of my very being hurt. I was in pain. Excruciating pain.
I clawed at my own skin, wanting the pain to stop. Needing it to stop. I couldn't take this. This was too much. It had to stop.
I threw my head back and as I tried to cry out for help, a bone-chilling howl filled the air. Not just any howl.
My howl.
I was free.
This is the end of Book 1 in the My Winter Wolf series. To stay up to date on book 2, sign up to my Newsletter. There will be random ramblings, free books, recommendations, and updates about all the stories I write.
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An awkward thank you
Soooooooo, you're probably expecting a little word of thanks, right? Ummm...
Thank you?
I don't know. I'm not very good at saying thanks. I'm always afraid I'll forget someone and then they'll be sad.
So I'll just thank everyone who had a hand, a foot, or anything else to in the making of this story. If you helped me in someway, then I'm most grateful!
About the author
Arizona Tape is quite a chaotic, young adult that shares her house with a cactus plant and has sleep dates with her bed. She makes up stories in her head all the time like a crazy person and occasionally writes them down too.
But only if the mood is right.
In her spare time, she enjoys discovering new places with her friends, making all kinds of food as she waltzes through her kitchen like a tornado or likes relaxing on her couch with a movie and a cosy blanket.