FILTHY (Reckless #2)

by HJ Bellus

  “What the hell happened?” he growls, pulling me from my own spiraling thoughts being absorbed in vodka.

  “I can’t even.” I take another long chug of the burning liquid.

  “Think that shit will help you?” He points to the bottle on my lips.

  I only shrug, not knowing the fucking answer.

  “Well, let me tell you something. It won’t help you in the least, that much I do know.” He eyes me waiting for the full confession from me.

  “Darby stripped at the club tonight to teach me a lesson. I got it, but I also said some things that can never be taken back. She rushed from the club and when she came back in for her car keys, the dumb blonde club slut jumped up in my lap naked and Darby walked in then.”

  “She stripped tonight?” Ava asks before Zane can even respond. “And what did you tell her?”

  Ava’s concern has quickly morphed into a defensive tone. Darby’s her best friend and if I have anything to do with her being in jail, Ava will have my nuts strung on her rearview mirror by the morning.

  “Listen, I can’t explain everything because I promised Darby.” I put the bottle down and look up to Ava and Zane. “I fucked up by saying some things tonight, but only said them because I’m way too damn protective of her.”

  “Why is she in jail?” Zane asks.

  “She beat the shit out of the blonde. The bouncers with the women’s crew tonight hauled her out of the club and wouldn’t let me have her.” I pick up the bottle again and press it to my lips, relishing the burn of the liquid. “She wouldn’t have let me take her anyway. I guarantee she’d rather be in jail.”

  “I have to go get her.” Ava looks at Zane, keeping her eye contact off of me. “I have to. She’d do the same for me.”

  He nods to her. “We’ll all go. I’ll stay in the car with Charlie and Rhett.”

  Ava’s hesitant with the suggestion, but eventually nods her head in agreement. “Let me get Charlie’s diaper bag ready.”

  “She’s going to eat you alive, man. I won’t be able to stop her. If you fucked this shit up with Darby, I can’t help you.”

  There are no words or anything I can say to defend myself without exploiting Darby’s secret she shared with me the other night in our bed, so I only nod. And hope like a fucker that Darby will understand my knee-jerk reaction one day. It was out of protection of her. I didn’t miss the fact she was trying to teach me a lesson and how it makes her feel when I’m on stage…I get that. But no way in hell on God’s green Earth would I ever want her to expose herself like that.

  My forehead meets the island countertop as I process the night over and over in my mind. I was protecting my girl and it backfired. I should’ve followed my gut reaction and bent her over Ross’ desk, fucking the hell out of her. I should’ve claimed her in that tiny office instead of protecting her. But she’s different to me and I wanted to show her that. The first time I act like a gentleman is also the first time I lose the love of my life. I can’t take back my words and don’t want to…I just want her.

  The drive to the jail is eerily silent, reminding me of the silence before every storm in history. The only soothing sound in the car is the bundle of joy, Charlie, snoring next to me in the back seat. I stare down at her and think how incredibly blessed she is to be safely buckled in a car seat, bundled in blankets, and no cares in the world. I want to go back there, but in the same second I don’t. My own safety nestled in a car seat is in Darby and it seems I’ve lost her forever.

  “I’ll be back.” Ava steps from the car and vanishes into the jail.

  Zane remains silent in the front seat. I know he’s beyond livid about being woken up in the middle of the night, but also wants answers. We’ve never kept anything from each other. We’ve shared our highest of highs and lowest of lows.

  “We started this crazy thing where we share something to each other each night before bed.” I begin rambling. “The first night I opened up to her about my lack of reading and it went from there. Some nights silly shit and other nights super serious stuff. Darby let me in on some abuse that happened in her childhood years. I thought I was protecting her tonight, but she took it as a slap in the face.”

  “You hurt her.” His words echo around in the car.

  “I was trying to protect her.”

  “You hurt her, Rhett. She was trying to show you how much you hurt her by dancing and she thought she’d show you. You hurt her.”

  “I didn’t mean to.” The words float out like a little schoolboy who’s being scolded in the principal’s office.

  Zane swivels around in his seat as much as his large stature lets him. “You need to let go of old shit, Rhett, and move the fuck on. You’re still held up on Gia and the image of this small town. You can’t let go of the club because it’s a part of you, right?”

  He waits for my answer.

  “You’re right on the club.”

  “I’m also right about Gia. You turned to the club and your playboy ways. It’s all a fucking shield of armor, and now that you’ve found Darby and what I think is true love for you, you don’t know how to fucking handle it. You can’t keep going on with your past and make a future with her. Trust me, buddy, I’ve been that fucking route and nearly lost it all.”

  Charlie rustles around in her car seat and on automatic, I gently pat her belly letting her daddy’s wise words sink in. He’s right. Right about all of it.

  “The only thing that saved me was the kind heart of a woman who I loved and was able to look past it all.”

  Ava sinks into the driver’s seat and looks back to me. “She wants to talk to you, Rhett. They’re processing her papers right now, but insisted on talking to you.”

  I sit dumb for several seconds, not knowing how to respond.

  “She’s hurt. Hurt like I’ve never seen her, but she wants to see you.”

  “Okay,” I nod and open the car door.

  I don’t speak another word before exiting and walking into the jail. I’ve bailed out different men a dozen times, but this is different. I have no idea if I’m walking into the worst goodbye I’ve ever experienced.

  15

  Darby

  “Thanks again.” I fiddle with the hem of the sundress Ava gave me to wear.

  The hot shower and filling breakfast was more than I could’ve ever asked for. Ava’s face last night was my saving grace, but it was the words I had to share with Rhett that shredded me.

  “Anytime,” Ava waves off with Charlie tucked under her shirt. “Just try the daytime next time.”

  We both share a laugh and it feels good to laugh lightly with her, but then the silence sets in and know she wants to know what happened. After I talked to Rhett, I sent him out and went home with Ava. The processing took a few hours, and I insisted she take everyone else home and pick me up in the morning.

  “What did you tell him?” Ava whispers while sipping on her coffee.

  I shrug and stuff a piece of toast in my mouth. “It’s complicated. We both love each other, and live so big, that I think we need to find ourselves first.”

  “You broke up with him then.”

  The reality of her words vanish every single warm feeling floating through me. Brings back the crying Rhett from last night at the jail and makes me feel like shit. I know beyond any doubt that when he threw my past in my face, he was only trying to protect me and I flipped out.

  “No, I didn’t break up with him.” I scrunch the hem of my dress in a fist. “I told him we need to slow down.”

  “Why?”

  “Fuck, Ava.” I throw my hands up in the air. “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do.” She presses on.

  “When things get heated up we explode and that’s not healthy. I don’t want to lose him, so I told him we need to slow down.”

  “So, you’re going to move out?” Ava presses both palms down on the island of her kitchen top. “You’re going to run?”

  The bitch knows me well. She doesn’t absorb the l
ines of bullshit, but rather reads between the lines of it. Ava’s right on point about running. It’s what I do best and what would be easiest. But like I told Rhett last night, I’d stay and talk it out tonight.

  “I’m not running.” My voice comes out shaky. “I told him we’d talk tonight.”

  “About?”

  “Jesus, Ava, drop it.” I slam my hand down on the counter.

  She brings her finger to her lips and shushes me. “Charlie is sleeping and two lovebirds had me up all night.”

  “You mean a jailbird?” I crack up at my own joke.

  “God, you’d laugh at anything, eh. You’re sick in the head, Darby.”

  “I know. I know.” I wave my arm. “I’ll be here next Thursday to enjoy the veal.”

  “Seriously. What are you going to talk to Rhett about?”

  I shrug and nibble on a green apple.

  “Well, this is all I have to say and will say since I’m your only and best friend.”

  “Fuck off,” I mumble around the apple pieces.

  “If you push Rhett away you may lose him forever. He’s just as scared of love as you are. Zane’s been worried about him a lot lately.”

  “Why?” I take great offense to the last comment but remain calm.

  “Calm your tits, Darby. He’s worried that Rhett will get super hurt. Says he’s good at turning away from things he deserves. He’s watched him run from every opportunity he’s been presented in life. Zane loves you and he knows Rhett does too.”

  “I think we’re destined to be fuck-ups and I don’t know if two fuck-ups ever get the happy ending.”

  “Bingo!” She points at me. “That’s exactly what Zane and I are both worried about. You two will give up too easily when you deserve so much more in life.”

  I roll my eyes at her, avoiding being slapped in the face with the truth. “I’m glad Oprah and Dr. Phil have it all figured out.”

  Charlie lets out a loud howl saving my ass from the hot seat. Ava turns towards the hall, rushing to her. “Oh, wait. This came for you last week.”

  She tosses an envelope to me. “How did they get this address?”

  “I have no clue.” She turns back to the hall.

  “Weird.” I stuff the envelope in my purse and follow to attend to Charlie.

  I spend the morning watching Ava be a mother and steal Charlie the little bit she’ll let me. Charlie is such a joyous bundle in my life. When I’m around her all my problems drift away. Ava told me that Zane stayed the night with Rhett because he was such a mess. She also let some other information slip about Zane trying to get Rhett to let go of some of his past. I wanted to ask more on the topic, but let it go.

  Around four, I finally leave and walk across the pasture to my house… or the house. Fuck, I’m not sure what to even call the place I’ve grown to love as my home. I send a quick text out to Rhett and bite my bottom lip hoping he’ll reply.

  Me: We still on for dinner?

  I toss down the phone not wanting to sit here on bated breath if he’ll respond or not. I couldn’t blame the guy for not responding. I hop in a hot shower and let the water wash away my worries. The only problem is Rhett is missing in here. I’m used to his body washing and covering mine. I feel cold and lonely without him.

  Then Ava’s message races through my mind about how I could lose him. It’s the last thing I want to happen. He’s my other half and the only man I’ve ever wanted to be in my life forever. Rhett was protecting me in the club last night, and I took it as a dagger to my soul. He’d never throw something in my face to hurt me.

  When I step out of the shower, I pluck up the phone from the bed to see a message from him. I smile way too big.

  Rhett: Yes, baby.

  Baby. The simple word that I love rolling off his lips. It’s only four letters combined into a word and it makes me feel like a queen on top of the world.

  Me: I’m sorry for freaking out

  Rhett: I’m so sorry for acting the way I did

  Me: No, it was all on me. I love you, Rhett.

  Rhett: You have no idea how much I love you, Darby

  16

  Rhett

  I feel like an asshole right now. No, I feel like the world’s largest bastard, but Zane is right. I need to close the door with Gia forever. I’m not going to let my past ruin my future. It’s haunted me long enough and will no longer have the power to curse my future. I deserve more and will never let the past destroy my future.

  I put my phone down on the white linen covering the table and it takes all my restraint to not run home to Darby, wrap her up in my arms, and make love to her all night long. I need her flesh in my hands, kissing and licking her from head to toe, and listening to her sweet song as she lets go around my cock. I need her right now.

  “Rhett.” The voice sends chills up my spine, sending me straight back into my personal hell.

  I stand and acknowledge her. Looking at the woman who I thought I once loved, the woman who shattered my soul, and killed my baby.

  “Gia,” I nod.

  She stands before me in a sleek black dress that would drop anyone to their knees, but does nothing to me. She has her hair pulled back in a tight bun and a red designer purse hanging from her arm. Again she’d send any man on this Earth straight into his own personal wet dream.

  I take my seat and don’t miss her huff of disapproval when I don’t pull her seat out and tuck her in. It’s a gesture I used to do for her. Hell, I fucking walked on hot coals for the woman back in our high school years.

  She strums her cherry red nails on the linen making the situation much more tense than it already is. My gut wrenches just looking in her cold stone eyes. Those eyes use to charm me. Those once were the eyes I thought I loved and gave everything to. But now looking back it was anything, but love. Gia didn’t care about me or any of my struggles. She simply charmed me and I was gone for, hook, line, and sinker.

  “What did you want to discuss?” Her voice is eerily evil.

  “I want to…” I struggle to find the words. “I want to put the past behind us.”

  She lets out an evil laugh. “Well isn’t the past always behind us, hence the word past?”

  I’m done playing nice and my temper boils up. “You damn well know what I’m talking about, Gia.”

  She leans back in her seat. “Do enlighten me, Rhett.”

  Her words are vile and I’ve never had the desire to hit a woman until now. I’d love to slap all of the pain out across her perfected and very fake face.

  “You have no regrets, do you?”

  “About?”

  “God, Gia, you’re something else, you know that?.” I slam a palm down on the table, rattling the glasses and not giving a shit. “You left me behind like a piece of trash.”

  I want to finish my statement with the fact that she killed our baby, giving me no choice in it, but the mere thought makes me nauseous.

  “Honestly, Rhett.” Her voice softens, reminding me of the old Gia I thought I had loved. “I really didn’t think you invited me here to rehash the past.”

  “Then what did you think this was about?”

  “Us.”

  “There is not an us, Gia. You crushed me and nearly destroyed me. If it wasn’t for Zane I’d be dead. You have no idea how many times I tried to kill myself.”

  “Over me leaving?” She places a palm to her chest, and I have to keep myself in my seat to not throttle her across the restaurant.

  I feel like playing her game, lean back in my seat, and act cool like if this was an everyday event. “Seems you’ve forgot a very important part of our past.”

  “Rhett, give it up. The past is just that, the past.”

  “Except for when you take something from me.”

  “I left town for bigger and better things, and you’re going to hold that against me?”

  My body boils and I’m ready to blow, but remain relaxed back in my seat and let the words flow off of my tongue. “You killed a baby.”


  “An abortion is hardly killing a baby,” she whispers and perches up on her elbows. “This isn’t the right time or place, Rhett.”

  The irritation blossoming on her face makes my heart happy. I’m an evil bastard.

  “You killed my baby and didn’t even give me a choice.”

  “Rhett,” she hisses between her teeth.

  “Hell, I never would have found out if I didn’t see your skanky ass walking out of the clinic. I’ve held this pain for fucking years, Gia, and I’m letting go right now.”

  “Enough, I don’t deserve this.” She tries to get my attention by pounding the table.

  “I’m letting the anger and pain go today, Gia. I’m speaking my peace. I’ll never forgive you for killing our baby. You will no longer haunt me or my future. You’ll always be my past.”

  My voice shakes with a twinge of anger, but for the most part I keep my calm.

  “Rhett, I understand and trust me, I really do.”

  “Then this is a forever goodbye.” I place my hands on the table and square my shoulders to her. “I hope nothing but a great future for you, but just know you’ll never haunt my dreams again.”

  Gia sits taller in her seat. “Rhett, I was young and dumb. It’s not a decision I made lightly and it does haunt me every night.”

  “Good.” I grin at her, officially hitting king prick stage, but those words do truly heal a part of my past. Knowing the bitch does have some type of feelings.

  “But I know this isn’t the end of us, Rhett.” Both of her hands cover mine with her fingers digging into the top of mine.

  Her blood red fingernails contrast my dry, tanned hands. I let her keep her hands on top of mine for a moment too long and feel nothing but hatred flow through me. I more than hate this woman, but give her a few moments of thinking there’s something else that may come of us this. And the longer I think about it, I don’t hate her any longer, in fact, she’s nothing to me anymore. Zane was right about letting go of the past, even when I had no clue that I was still holding on to it.