by Redding, Mae
“What's going to happen? I'm…” I paused, unable to say what I felt deep in my heart. I didn't want to admit that it was possible to lose everything and everyone dear to me, all over again and it unnerved me.
“You're what, beautiful?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you scared?” I froze in his arms, angry with myself for feeling so weak and helpless and frustrated he could sense this from me.
“Yeah, I guess… I'm afraid that something will happen to you. I want you with me, not out fighting.”
“I want to be with you, I can’t think of any other place I would rather be than where you are, but I have to do this. As far as Damian is concerned, the problems he caused you became mine when I went to find him that day… I’m sorry, but Damian can’t have you. He's made his point that he won't give up and that's a battle no one's going to fight but me. You’re my girl and I want you all to myself.”
“I’m your girl?”
“Yeah.”
Gage pulled me to him and he kissed me gently as I reached my arms around his back and squeezed him closer. My heart skipped as his fingers brushed over the sensitive skin of my belly just under my shirt, leaving a trail of goose bumps where his fingers once caressed, then rested on my hip kneading it softly. I felt the curves of his muscled shoulder as I grasped him tightly with an anxious need to feel all of him. He brought chills to my skin as he kissed my neck then took a deep breath and sighed as he rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes.
He kissed my forehead and my nose as he made his way to my lips again then hesitated. The craving for self-indulgence and the need for restraint knit tightly together, polar opposites woven deeply in his soft blue eyes and tormented me. His level of self-control at the point of losing it all was exhausting.
“I’m sorry… I can’t… keep kissing you,” he said in between kisses. His voice trailed off as he continued to kiss me between each word. “Yeah… I definitely… Can’t.” His voice sounded torn. His heart and body said one thing and his mind said another as he took a deep breath.
“I want you bad, beautiful,” he whispered softly. The deep huskiness of his voice sent my heart racing all while he stole the air from my lungs. I gasped in torment as his breath tickled my ear, sending a heated rush through every inch of me. “I don't want to stop. It's taking everything I have to hold back.”
“I don't want you to stop.”
“I just want it to be right, everything perfect, not here on your couch,” he said. He protected me still, even from himself and I loved him for that. “You deserve more than this, much more.”
“I love you, Gage,” I kissed his cheek softly as I waited for his response. “I love everything about you.”
I wasn’t sure if I should say that but I wanted to. I felt like I’ve known him forever and waited my whole life for him to find me. Gage hadn’t actually said he loved me, but I wanted him to know that I loved him. Everything about him, his passion, his rugged gentleness, his strength and self-control, the way he held me and kissed me. He was so beautiful and I felt giddy inside knowing he made me feel whole when I had felt so lost.
“Being with you, in the mountains, has confirmed that what I’ve felt for you all this time was real... Is real now. I love you, Jade. I always have,” Gage said, he looked at me thoughtfully, almost relieved, as if he needed to hear me say it. He kissed me. “And some day when the time is right and you will have me… Someday.”
“How could it ever be more right than now?”
“Trust me, it will be,” he smiled and gave me one last kiss then I rolled to my side as he curled his body to match the contours of mine. I felt if there was ever anyone, I could trust in this time of such uncertainty it was Gage and my feelings for him.
My smile grew, warming my heart. He said he loved me, he always had. Somehow, I think I already knew. The tenderness he had in his eyes when he said it. The adoration, the affection, the love he had for me was there and had been there all along, I could see it in the deepness of his soft blue eyes.
“I trust you.”
“Someday, Jade Kennington,” he paused. The huskiness of his voice sent a shiver up my spine as he whispered softly in my ear. “I'll change your last name.”
I sunk into the cushions of the couch and allowed his arms to swallow me up. My smile grew, warming my insides. Jade Michaels, I liked the sound of that as I played it over in my mind.
“Is it wrong to feel this way, we’re so young?” I asked as I gave a sidelong glance over my shoulder and looked through the darkness to find his blue eyes in the glow of the stars.
“Our future has never been so uncertain,” he paused, “I think it would be wrong to ignore it.”
I wouldn’t ignore it. I didn’t want to move and knew that I wanted to stay this way, to sleep just as we were, in each other's arms forever. I closed my eyes to imagine our life together and we fell asleep next to each other as we used to at the cabin.
***
I woke suddenly, startled by loud popping sounds of machine guns. A spray of bullets spit through the air, hitting the front of the house. With a shattering shrill, glass crashed to the floor in jagged, razor sharp shards. I screamed and covered my head as Gage pushed me onto the floor and jumped over me. As the gunshots stopped, we moved over to the stairs. He grabbed the gun by the door, checked it for ammo and cocked it, ready to fire.
My heart sank, deep in my chest. I braced against the wall as I squeezed my eyes shut and clutched my knees. Somehow, Damian knew I was home. Trey ran upstairs from the basement, his gun ready.
“Don’t hesitate to shoot if they come in and get past us!” Trey said as he handed me a rifle. He ducked his head low and moved by Gage after I nodded in agreement.
Suddenly a spray of bullets, round after round fired, piercing through the air they crashed into the front of the house once more. I settled low to the floor and covered my head as glass, sheetrock dust and bits of splintered wood flurried chaotically through the air.
Gage and Trey returned fire. I covered my ears as the deafening shots cracked through the house. Suddenly, tires squealed against the road and an overpowering smell of rubber burned through the air as they fled.
Gage moved over to the stairs. His tense shoulders dropped as relief settled across both of our faces that we were all okay. He set his gun down and reached for mine then removed the bullet from the chamber and set it against the railing. I looked at Gage and then at Trey as he stood at his side. My elbows rested on my knees, my hands covered half my face to hide the fear.
“If he wants me arrested so badly, why didn’t he send the Militia?”
“Because he is toying with you… With all of us,” Gage said, and walked closer and put his arms around me, now visibly on the verge of tears.
“He’s not going to stop, Gage. How is going to my Aunt's any better? What if he finds me there?”
“He's not going to find you!”
“How do you know?”
“Because, I refuse to accept this, they aren't the law, Jade, and you didn’t murder Quinn! It's not going to happen… it’ll be over my dead body if it does!”
The very thought of that was too much. “No!” I shook my head against his chest as my emotions spiraled into sobs.
“I’m not going anywhere. Damian isn’t going to get to me. And if I have anything to do about it, he isn’t going to get to you either,” Gage said, as he pulled my chin up for me to look at him.
“Her home isn't that far away, he could very easily show up there and then they will be in danger too.”
“You aren't going to Aunt Bev's,” Trey said. I wasn't sure if I heard him right and as I turned my attention to him he looked away, opened the china cabinet doors and started to rummage through it looking for something.
I couldn't help but feel like I just missed something as he eluded my questioning stare.
“What did you do that for?” Gage flashed Trey a questioning glare of his own.
�
��She's going to find out sooner or later.”
“It didn't have to be like that.”
“Trey,” I paused, unsure if I wanted to ask the question, unsure if I really wanted to know where my brothers were sending me. “What did you say?”
“We'll talk about it later.”
“No! I want to talk about it now!”
“Jade,” Gage said, as he turned my attention back to him. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I support Kane and Trey’s decision.”
“Decision to do what? I already agreed that I would go to my Aunt's. That was the plan when Kane got home.”
“That wasn't what we decided.”
“What do you mean?” I glanced at Trey, shocked by Gage’s words. Trey looked up from behind the cabinet door. He pulled out several sleeves of bullets as his eyes met mine. “Trey?”
“We’ve talked about it, Jade… Kane was going to talk to you when he got back, but you can’t stay here. You are leaving the state. Out of Militia territory.”
“What? You said you would include me in this!”
“I know, but-”
“But what? Did you think I wouldn't agree to it?”
“I know you wouldn't.”
“You didn't even give me a chance to, Trey!”
“This is not open for discussion anymore!”
“We never discussed it!”
“And we're not going to! You're going!” The finality in his tone stopped my insistence.
I never saw Trey so angry as his eyes dared me to say another word. I was furious again as anger welled up inside me and surfaced through tears. I pulled away from Gage. Hurt that he too, made this decision without me.
“You knew about this and didn't tell me! You can’t be serious, Gage! I don't have a say in this?”
“I am serious. I’m sorry. It wasn't my idea to keep it from you.”
“Oh, but you could play along? You’re not sorry! You just-”
“Jade! I would rather live with you hating me over this for the rest of my life, than see you hurt by him!” Agonizing resolve rang through with his last uttered words as the next tore at my heart. Barely aware Trey still stood in the room I searched Gage for an understanding. “Your safety will always come first to me. Always…”
At first, I was angry he could dismiss my feelings so easily. Then I saw further, deeper into the intensity of his pained eyes. His desire for me right then, so visible, almost briefly physically torturous, but yet so quickly pushed aside by an overwhelming drive, an instinct, a need to protect me.
“Okay.”
Gage looked stunned as he processed and re-processed my quick reply.
“I know this isn’t just about me. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Staying here isn’t worth it.”
I glanced at Trey to see if he heard me and to see his response.
“It’s for the best, Jade,” Trey said, as he stood, with the bullets on the table he handed a few sleeves to Gage and looked at me.
“What are you doing?” I asked Trey, as I watched him and Gage each load two guns. Gage placed a pistol in the back of his belt as the sound of a truck screeched to a halt out front. The sound of gravel spraying from under the tires drew my attention to the shattered window to see Chale and Elias sprint across the lawn.
Without answering my question, Trey remarked to Gage. “They must have had the same idea.”
“They want a fight? They're going to get one. We’re going after them,” Gage said. My attention brought back to him as he pulled four bulletproof vests from the closet. He tossed one each to Chale and Elias as they walked inside with Hector right behind them.
“Is everyone okay? We heard shots,” Chale asked.
“No one got hurt,” Gage replied, as he glanced at me. I scanned the room at the glass and debris all over the floor, trails of bullet holes in the sheetrock of the walls. My mom’s pictures hung crooked on the wall and were shattered with stuff strung about as if a tornado ravaged the room.
“You ready?” Trey asked Gage, he grabbed the last vest from him and walked towards the door.
“Yeah,” he replied, as he slipped his arms through the vest.
“Why are you going, Gage?”
“They know we’re back.”
“But they’re gone now!”
“They got in somehow! They made it past the line and I’m going to find out how!”
“Then-”
“Hector will stay with you,” Trey interrupted as he exchanged a glance with Hector and then back to me. The glare on my brother’s face startled me with a firm doggedness that I could not come with them, all while he spoke to the others. “Come on, let’s go!”
Gage walked over to me as Trey walked out with Chale and Elias. He put a hand through my hair at the side of my head and pulled me close. His lips softly touched mine. Time stood still as I closed my eyes, ignoring for a moment the nightmare around us.
“Gage…” My heart ripped between two evils as I looked up into the blueness of his eyes. I pleaded with him to stay, and pleaded with him to let me go, all at the same time. I wasn’t sure which one I wanted more.
“I’ll be back.”
A deadly silence hovered after Gage walked out the door. I walked towards the window and peered out as they drove away. A slight breeze blew at my hair through the jagged edges of glass where the front window once was. My stomach felt queasy, but I didn’t need my gut to tell me this could end up bad. I sighed and blew at a strand of hair that hung in my eyes.
I turned and looked at Hector. Not even he could pull me from the numbness, but he didn’t try. He must have felt it too. Not just the seriousness of the guys absence to accept Damian’s challenge to fight, but the gravity of the big picture, the idea of being stuck in a world as different as night and day from last year at this same time. Suspended in a dream, life now seemed so surreal, impossible to believe, I didn’t want to accept it. But yet, the life left behind felt so distant, so far away and unreachable, almost like it never was.
“I know you want to go, girl,” Hector looked at me. His soft brown eyes lacked the smile I was used to and replaced by the somberness I felt.
“I can keep up… I shoot just as good… Why don’t they want my help?”
“It’s not about that, Jade. They all know you would fight with just as much passion as they, that you are strong, especially in your heart… That’s what scares them.”
“Why?”
“Bravery will not save you from being killed.”
His words weighed heavily on my mind. I knew what the risk was and I knew the risk they took. They put their own lives on the line. I looked at Hector and gave him a weak smile. The grimness in his eyes, replaced once again by the warmth of his heart as he tried to lift my spirits. “Come on, little Jadeite. Let’s go help Raύl and Jorge with the feeding. All my help disappeared.”
“Are you sure it’s okay if I go?”
“Damian knows you’re back now, you are no safer here, than at the farm. At least there you will have three old men to protect you, instead of one.”
It felt good to get out and work on the farm seemed to put all thoughts about what the men were doing in the back of my mind, up until I heard the gunshots in the not too far distance. They had to be just past Marge’s store and once they started, they didn’t stop. They came scattered and sporadic at times, which caused me to jump out of my skin with each one, then changed to bursts of continuous popping that echoed against the mountains.
After feeding the cows, Hector kept me busy with odd jobs. After a while, I realized he was just trying to find work for me when the last job he gave was to scrub the grease off the rims of the old pickup with an old wire brush. I gave him a strange look but did it without complaint.
Darkness came by the time Hector and I returned to my empty home. I knew they wouldn’t be home because I still heard random shots. Worn out, tired from work with Hector, I forced myself to clean the glass and debris that littered the living room. With th
e big picturesque window gone, there was no protection from the weather outside and I was glad it wasn’t raining.
I heard the familiar sounds of Kane’s truck pull into the drive. I would have been happy to see him if it weren’t for what would come next. I had to tell him what Damian did, and I didn’t want to.
“What happened?” He asked, as he ran through the front door with Joel right behind him. They both inspected the window and looked around the destroyed living room.
“Damian.”
“When?”
“This morning, if you follow the sound of the gunshots you might find Gage and Trey, and the others. And don’t worry, Hector is here babysitting me.” The tone in my voice sounded more like irritation and frustration, but I was scared for them. I wanted them home.
“Jade!”
I laughed a little under my breath. I didn’t realize he was in the kitchen. “Sorry, Hector.”
Kane rushed through the kitchen and headed down the stairs. “Jade, will you make some sandwiches? I’m leaving in five minutes.”
***
I stared blankly out my bedroom window, eager for some kind of news for the third day. Raύl had driven down the last two days to take them food and water so as of yesterday, I knew they were okay. It was mid-morning and due only to my impatient, over-active mind I thought Raύl should have been back by now. I couldn’t stand it, all the shooting last night, it seemed like more than the previous two and my thoughts shifted back and forth, worried about them and wanting to go see for myself that they were okay.
My throat tightened on a knot that wouldn’t swallow as I watched the familiar blue truck pull up into the driveway. Relief swept over me like a warm bath as I saw the four of them. Kane moved stiff like as he stepped out of the driver’s side while Raύl drove past with Chale and Elias. Kane gave a nod of his head to acknowledge them as Chale waved a tired hand out the window. I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched Gage, Trey and Joel step out of the truck. Everyone arrived home safe. Uninjured, I wasn’t sure, but at least they were home. I jumped off the seat and ran down the stairs to see Hector walk in through the back door.