“I know what you’re doing but it won’t work!”
“Is this what you call not working?” He asked causing me to pause and that’s when I lost it, I lurched myself at him like an angry cat that had just been thrown in the pond. I couldn’t hold it back. I was lost in rage and everything that I had felt the last few days snapped me, broke me and all that remained was a mindless aftermath consisting of nails, girly slaps and hair pulling. Yes, I was actually trying to pull his hair!
He grabbed my wrists to control me and started shaking me gently calling my name.
“Keira! Keira stop. Just stop!” I was panting again but this time fear didn’t even register. I was far too angry. Angry at Lucius, angry at Morgan, angry at myself and even more to the point, I was angry at Draven! Lucius had taken me for his own gain. Morgan had taken me and had made me weak. Myself, well I made bad decisions that had resulted in letting me get taken, both times. And Draven? I was so blindly angry at Draven for lying to me. For not trusting me enough to tell me the truth about what he was doing to me. All these things had merged into one and erupted into a meltdown.
“Let go of me!” I whispered once I had calmed and Lucius just gripped me harder.
“Are you calm?” He said looking down at me with a strange emotion I had not yet seen in his eyes before…was that….concern?
“Do I seem calm to you?” I said in a dead tone.
“Ok, so I will admit I went too far, but didn’t it feel good to get all that anger out?” I actually laughed.
“Oh so you did this purely for my benefit, to help with my rage Doc Phil?” I said sarcastically, causing one eyebrow to rise.
“I can’t deny I didn’t get a kick out of it. An angry female is a big turn on.” He said smiling and I laughed again.
“I thought you said I wasn’t your type.” I regretted it as soon as I said it but it was too late to retract it and Lucius only showed a moment of surprise before giving me his intimate answer. He lowered his head and when I tried to lower mine he tipped it back up to meet his eyes with his grip on my chin firm and determined.
“Oh there’s time yet and I find myself warming to pretty little dolls with unruly tempers and bad attitudes.” He winked at me and I blushed looking down to play with the edges of the ribbon that was still wound round my arms in unconventional gloves. Lucius’ gaze travelled down and when he took one in his hand I pulled away.
“Show me them!” He said and I gasped stepping back.
“No…why would you…no!” I said more firmly.
“Keira.” He warned as he took a step towards me. I took another two back and felt like I was being stalked.
“Keira!” He said again only this time in a more masterful tone. I looked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t going to run into anything as I backed up further.
“I said no!” I tried for forceful but my voice wobbled too much to achieve that.
“Fine, it’s your choice.” He said and for a moment I thought he was going to give in as he stopped coming closer. I still backed up another step and his eyes widened.
“Keira lookout,” he said calmly, nodding at something behind me. I momentarily turned to see what I was about to walk into when I felt his body crash into mine and wrap his arms around me from behind. I screamed and tried to get from his hold but he just repositioned himself so that my arms were held crossed over my chest with his hands holding them there. It felt like a solid wall of muscle behind me with his chest plastered to my back.
“Keira, as much as I love the feel of your cute little ass pressing against certain areas of my anatomy, I fear that I would embarrass both of us if you continued much longer, so please be still.” After feeling the evidence for it myself I instantly did as I was told.
“Good kitten, now stay still.” He moved one of my arms behind my back and wedged it between our bodies so that he could free up both hands. He then went for my other arm and held it out straight in front of me. His arms were so long that he had no problems with his movements in carrying out his task.
“Please, don’t do this, I don’t show…”
“Ssshh pet, I am not going to hurt you but I am curious.” I held my breath and closed my eyes tight, for the feel of him unravelling my past like some sick Christmas present had me fighting to take in air.
“Just breathe, I’m not hurting you.” He reassured me once again but this was a different type of pain. I felt the air touch my skin and for some reason it always felt colder on the actual scars themselves. I looked down and the ribbon passed through his fingers and floated to the ground in slow motion, like under water, my mind didn’t want to catch up to the reality I was living in.
“Well would you look at that.” He said in a caressing voice, no mockery, no humour and absolutely no pity. I sucked in a deep, needed breath and closed my eyes once again as he ran his cool fingers along each line, taking his time and extra care on the thicker deeper scars, the damaging ones. The real killers.
“Did it hurt Keira?” I swallowed hard and nodded.
“Speak!” He said turning me around to face him.
“Say the words,” he asked again holding my arm and slowly bringing it up to his lips.
“Yes,” I said, a single tear falling down my cheek, one he watched with deep fascination.
“But you carried on?” I was about to nod when he tilted his head to silently warn me into speaking.
“Yes.” He kissed a scar after he nodded.
“And you bled a lot?” I don’t know why he kept asking me questions but after each one he would kiss a different scar, making it all feel strangely erotic.
“Yes.” Again another kiss.
“And when he got caught, did it feel good?”
“Yes.” Another kiss.
“Real pain cuts to the bone and stays fused there long after the scars fade. But to know real pleasure only comes from knowing true pain. And these look like they hurt a lot Keira, do you know what that means?” I shook my head.
“Speak.” Again with the order to say the word.
“No.” No kiss this time.
“Tell me Keira, did it feel good…?” His lips hovered over my last scar as he paused and his grip got so tight it was verging on pain. His eyes never left mine and I felt beyond trapped by them, I felt… enslaved.
“To watch him die?” He waited, lips so close to touching my skin that little bumps broke out, thanks to his cold breath. He waited and… he waited.
I looked back to that night. I saw his face falling further away from my own, so far down that it felt like I would never see it hit the bottom and I never did. But I knew. I knew he had died and what did I feel, even as I thought I was also dying. What did I feel? It was there, the answer so easily found, it scared me to death. I turned my face higher up and looked him dead straight in the eye and answered,
“Yes!” His eyes flashed to blood and if I thought that he was going to kiss my last scar then I was wrong. He pulled me roughly to him and captured my lips before I could blink. He crushed himself to me and took control of my body. The room filled with a powerful blinding light the second our lips met, as though the sun was crashing down through the sky like a meteorite. He clung to me as though I was going to disappear and kissed me until I felt like I was drowning. I had nowhere to go and he wouldn’t let me think, just feel. It was like holding on to a sinking ship instead of grabbing the first lifejacket and jumping from a doomed fate. Lucius was the ship and I was the fool, letting him kill me.
Why was I letting him kill me?
He pulled back and broke the spell, plunging us back into the room we had started off in. I looked at my hands on his body and felt heat where there was normally only cold. I couldn’t understand why I had been holding onto him in the first place? I dropped my hands in surprise and stepped back. He still had his eyes closed and he looked like a wild animal fighting for control. His chest rose up and fell, as if he couldn’t drag enough air into his lungs. His hair fell forward as he lowered
his head, every muscle tensed and fists clenched by his sides, so tight his knuckles went an even paler shade of white, like the bones could be seen through the skin.
“Lucius?” I whispered his name like I was committing a crime. I gulped when his head snapped up and the red in his eyes burned as if I was looking at the Devil himself. I must have reacted because the icy grey bled back into his eyes and soon I was looking at a controlled Lucius once again.
He kept his lips in a tight line and forced his gaze from me as he leaned down to pick something up from the floor. I watched him rise and run the black ribbon through his hand as he straightened fully. I thought he was going to hand it back to me but instead he turned his back to me and walked towards the door. He turned once to give me one last look that felt like it could penetrate every single wall I had ever built to shield my fragile mind.
“Sleep well Keira, and thank you for your gift.” He said raising the ribbon to his lips to kiss before he disappeared out through the door.
Somehow I didn’t think he was talking about the ribbon or baring my arms to him. My mind flickered back to that kiss and my knees hit the floor. What had he done to me? Why hadn’t I fought him harder? I loved Draven! I wanted Draven! I felt like screaming to myself. I rocked my body back and forth while I held my shameful head in my arms. I was pathetic! I needed to fight and I needed to get back to Draven. He was going to save me. I had to believe in that!
I looked down at my hands and saw tears drip down onto my palms and as I held out my arms, one white, one black with the ribbon still entwined, I thought about what Lucius had done to me. He had taken a piece of me with him and it was a lot more than a strip of black ribbon. He had taken my secrets and instead of showing me pity for those secrets revealed he had given me something in return, something more. He had given me reasons for pain and forced me to see a dark truth. It had felt good knowing that someone, who had hurt me, suffered and it scared me that I didn’t find shame in those thoughts. What did that make me?
I picked myself up and walked to the bed. I tore off Lucius’ T-shirt because I couldn’t stand sleeping wrapped in his scent. I stripped out of my underwear and didn’t care that I was naked or that the lights were still on. I just didn’t care about these simple things. My mind was too busy, too consumed with stronger emotions that involved two men.
What one man gave me and what one man took away. The love Draven gave me and the love that Lucius took away, but what did he give me instead? My mind flashed back to that kiss and I had my answer,
Lucius gave me the sun.
Chapter 13
Guilty Answers
I woke to a blinding sun and for a moment it took me back to a guilty kiss. I sat up and saw the day coming through the wall of glass and it felt as though I could finally breathe for the first time in days. It felt like a lifetime ago since I had last seen daylight. I stretched my arms out and three things hit me. The most important was that I hadn’t visited Draven in my dreams this time and I had to put my fist to my mouth to stop from crying out. Why? Why hadn’t I seen him in my dreams, when I needed to the most?
The second thing was that both my arms were now bare and the lights to the room had been turned off. Had someone come back into my room last night? I looked down and saw the answer was the third thing for me to notice. I had been left a gift.
I picked up a roll of material that had been tied together with long black satin ribbon. I pulled on the bow causing a pair of long gloves to unravel down the bed and a dried red rose head fell from the material. I picked it up to examine it and it looked like it had been picked this morning from a deep frost. It had been carefully wrapped up in the palm part of the glove and rolled up ready for me to find, but why?
The gloves were made from the softest black knitted cashmere and were fingerless. I pulled them on and couldn’t help the sigh of bliss that escaped. Gloves really were my comfort blanket and I felt far too exposed without them. The head doctors I had seen had tried to get me past this dependence, saying that I needed to face my past without the aid of mental crutches. I simply disagreed.
I also noticed that Lucius’ T-shirt had been put back on the bed, folded and ready for me to put back on. I didn’t know how I felt about the obvious fact that Lucius had been back in my room when I was asleep. Was that why my dreams hadn’t taken me to Draven?
I got out of bed after putting the oversized black T-shirt back on and went in search of some much needed food. I went into the little kitchenette and nearly cried when all I could find in the cupboard was coffee! Yuck! Well at least there was some bread and a toaster. I made myself some toast and found a little fridge that was hidden in a cabinet. I dreaded to think what Lucius would have kept in there when this was his room. And why was I even in here or had he been joking about that? Man he was so infuriating.
Once finished I settled down on one of the couches and ate my toast and drank some juice I found in the fridge. Well, at least they hadn’t forgotten that I was human with basic human needs. I was half expecting to have found bags of blood in the fridge like some mini blood bank. Once I had finished I went into the bathroom and tried not to think about the last time I was in here with Lucius watching my every move like some perverted hawk. For these reasons I had the quickest shower and like before, couldn’t take my eyes from the bathroom door. Why have a clear glass shower in the centre of the room like some kind of entertainment pod! Next time I think I would choose the bathtub, at least I could use bubbles to hide under.
After taking care of bathroom business I soon found myself stood in the walk-in wardrobe staring at my bleak choices. I looked from one end that was more plastic than fabric and then to the other end that screamed gothic fairy tale. Long dresses, hooded cloaks and corsets galore but not one single pair of jeans in sight, just row after row of lace, velvet, silk and satin waiting for me to choose. It felt like I was in some medieval play nobody told me about.
In the end I found myself grabbing a hanger and trying to not to think about it too much. It was as if someone was playing some weird joke on me trying to fool me into believing I had woken up in the wrong time and any minute now a person was going to burst in the room dressed as a court jester and shout ‘surprise!’
I couldn’t put it off any longer, as I had been stood wrapped in my towel for about twenty minutes staring at material. I pulled the masses of material over my head and twisted it until the skirt fell past my bra and to the floor. It was made from thick black brocade patterned with large black roses that were a shade darker. The skirt was beautiful and hung from my hips in heavy waves. It was one of those dresses that even though you’re not a little girl anymore, it still made you want to twirl around and made you feel like a princess. It was a medieval style that was tight on my chest and had a Celtic pattern embroidered in brushed gold and copper around the edges. It had the same design in a thicker belt that came round the waist then hung low at the front before cascading down to the floor. The sleeves were tight at the tops of my arms but came down into a bell shape at the wrists allowing me room to put my gloves back on. They had large cuffs in the same gold embroidery that came past my knuckles but I still felt safer having my gloves on encasing my scars in comfort.
The back pulled tighter with some hard work trying to pull the crossed straps that tied low to my back, this pulled the top tighter to fit perfectly. I tied them the best I could with a bit of twisting but managed it in the end. The back also had a large hood attached with a black lining that matched the part of the dress that wrapped around my shoulders, not quite covering them. As far as fancy dress went I couldn’t have been happier but everyday captive…I wasn’t convinced. One thing was for sure, I was going to be having words with Pip!
I decided to tie my hair in a loose plait to hang down my back as I didn’t see a hair dryer and didn’t want to wear it wet to my head in its usual twist. Well, at least I looked the part with long hair and when I caught my reflection in the mirror before leaving the wardrobe I laughed a
t myself, I looked more like an extra from Lord of the Rings!
I walked over to the window opposite the bed and gasped at the view I saw in front of me. It was breathtaking. I tugged down on the handle and was surprised when I found it opened, I had half expected it to be locked. The cold air whipped at my skin and started blowing material behind me like the train on a wedding dress. I was faced with mountains of white snow and frosted trees standing to attention on every side. It was a perfect winter wonderland and so picturesque it reminded me of an old fashioned Christmas card.
The lake house was not the name I would have used to describe what I was now living in. It was a bloody castle, set into a mountain side and when I looked down after taking a few deep breaths for courage I saw the lake frozen around the mountain walls. It looked like grey coloured glass as it reflected the harsh landscape that surrounded it. I had to step back as my nerves got the better of me seeing that the drop was a sheer cliff face straight down to the frozen water at least a hundred and fifty feet to certain death. I actually laughed when I recalled Pip telling me that I could go anywhere I wanted. Ha, no wonder, even if I did find my way outside I wouldn’t last five minutes. I was on the side of a bloody mountain for God sake!
I looked from one side to the other and from what I could see the building was made from dark grey stone that looked well weathered, as though it had been standing here for as long as the mountain itself. It was hard to see where one stopped and the other began as the walls were the same colour as the rock. Like the mountain had cracked open over a thousand years ago and the towers had burst from under the Earth’s mantle like some demonic palace fit for a…well a Vampire King!
The Triple Goddess Page 18