She thought long and hard again before answering. “So why is it so easy for some people to do that?”
“Because not everyone grew up as a princess,” he said in a very matter-of-fact way.
“I’m not a princess,” she objected.
He raised his eyebrows as he looked at her. “Correct me if I’m wrong. You grew up doing what you wanted, when you wanted, and how you wanted.” He paused to give her time to voice an objection.
“That’s not true. I had to do some things I didn’t want to do.”
“Like what?”
“I had to be at school at 8:00 in the morning.”
“As did everyone else at your school. Your parents had no control over that, or your dad probably would have tried to get you out of it. If that’s the best and only example you can come up with quickly, I think you’ll have to admit there’s some truth in what I said. But I’m not judging you for it, Gina. All I’m trying to do is point out that this is what you’re used to. It’s unfortunate, because it’s easier to learn how to bend when you’re younger, but now that you see what I’m saying, you know what you need to do. It’s time to grow up and become an adult, and a productive member of society. To do that you have to learn to accept the fact that you can’t always do things your way. Sometimes it’s necessary to follow other people’s rules. That’s what this program is going to do.”
“Whether I like it or not,” she said as a statement.
“Whether you like it or not,” he confirmed. He tightened his hold on her shoulders, giving them a little squeeze, and softened his voice. “Gina, listen to what I’m about to say, and think about it before you get upset. Remember, I’m not here to judge you, and I’m not. I’m trying to help you understand why you feel as you do, and help guide you to a happier life as a productive member of society. With that in mind, will you try to be open minded as I suggest something?”
“I’ll try.”
Paul tightened his arms around her just a bit, and tried explaining his thought. “It seems to me as though your finding it hard to take orders from other people may go hand in hand with what we discussed yesterday.”
“How?”
“Well, most people are used to following rules, and doing as they’re told. It’s not difficult for them because they’re used to it. They’ve grown up listening to their parents, their teachers, and others, maybe a boss, or college professor. But you haven’t. I think you’ll even admit you didn’t listen to and follow your parents’ rules.”
“I listened when I had to.”
“I’ve heard stories of you sneaking out at night when you had a curfew. I believe there was a time you were told to clean your own room, and you were not to have the lady who cleaned the house do it for you. Did you do it?”
“Eventually, yes.”
“The way I heard it, you paid her extra to clean your room, too, but not say anything to anyone. Is that true?” She didn’t answer immediately. “Remembering one of the things we’re working on is taking responsibility and not lying, is that true?”
“Yes.”
“Explain that to me. I didn’t quite understand what happened. How was this lady able to clean your room every week without your mother knowing about it?”
“Because Eloise came to clean the house on Fridays, and Mom was out on Fridays. That was the day she volunteered at the hospital. So I paid her extra every week and Eloise cleaned my room, like she had been doing all along.”
“Why were you to do it yourself?”
“Mom was upset with me for something. I don’t remember what, but she was upset, so I was supposed to have to clean my own room.”
“Where did you get the money to pay Eloise; did you use your allowance?”
“A couple times I had to. Usually I asked Dad for some extra money. I told him we were going on a field trip at school, or some of us wanted to go out for lunch and a movie on Saturday or something. He’d usually give me the money.”
Paul shook his head. “I don’t even think we need to talk about that. But the point I’m trying to make is this. Most people grow up listening to people and following rules. But then again, you felt like you were better than most people. I can’t help but think the two are related. Did you think most people follow the rules, but since you were better than most people, you didn’t have to follow them?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I ever even thought of it.”
“Maybe not like this, but don’t you think it’s quite possible that in your mind, you were better than most people, so why should you have to follow the same rules they do?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s possible.”
“I think maybe that’s what happened. Then after so long, and you always got away with it, it became natural. Rules weren’t too important to you any more, so if you didn’t like the rule, you ignored it. If you somehow found yourself in trouble because of it, you either lied your way out of it, or went to your dad, and he helped you out.”
“When did he help me out of trouble?”
“I understand you switched schools a couple times.”
“Yes, but what does that have to do with this?”
“I don’t know. Why did you switch schools?”
“Because the teachers were impossible, usually.”
“But yet, the other kids all dealt with them okay?”
“Other kids didn’t like them, either.”
“But their parents didn’t come to their rescue and let them change schools, did they?”
“Maybe my parents just loved me more than them. They didn’t make me stay at that awful school.”
“But maybe if they wouldn’t have bailed you out, you would have learned that sometimes you not only have to follow rules, but learn how to deal with people you may not care for. Maybe the other parents didn’t switch their kids for that reason.”
She was quiet again. After giving her some time to think, he gave her shoulder another squeeze. “That gives you something to think about. Sometimes you just have to let these ideas soak into your brain slowly. What we just talked about might be right on the money, or it might not be. As you have time to think the idea through in your head, you’ll know. If it’s right, just accept it and we can start to change it. If you’re convinced it’s not true, we’ll keep talking and see if we can figure out what is true. Don’t push it, though. Let your mind think about it in its own time. Now, I’m hungry. Why don’t you get dressed and come out to the kitchen so we can try our hand at some scrambled eggs?”
She didn’t answer, simply nodded, and stood up, letting her nightgown slip down over her bottom. She hissed as it brushed over her bottom, but he didn’t say anything, and neither did she. He left, giving her privacy.
She stood there, watching him leave. She was confused. Her bottom was really sore, but for some reason, she didn’t seem upset with Paul. She thought she would be. In fact, she wanted to be. She wanted to be real upset with him, but somehow she felt content. She didn’t understand it, but was too tired to try to reason it out in her mind now. She went to the door and closed it so she could get dressed.
* * *
When Gina walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later Paul gave her a big smile. “Good morning. Ready to tackle some eggs, a skillet, and the stove?”
She couldn’t help but giggle. “Tackle is probably a good word. Have you ever made scrambled eggs?”
“Kind of, but it was a long time ago and it’s not something I’ve ever bragged about.”
“They were that good, huh?”
“Almost that good,” he admitted. “I didn’t realize eggs get crusty if you cook them too long.”
“They do?”
“Trust me, they do. But now we know, so we can improve.”
“That’s what you’re all about,” she said quietly.
“Yes, it is, so let’s see if we can’t start improving right now.” He winked at her, and smiled. “I brought my computer out and set it up, with instructions. If we
put our heads together, I bet we can do better this time.”
She couldn’t help but return his smile. It amazed her that the same man who was spanking her so soundly not so long ago was now in a totally different mood. He had managed to lighten the mood so easily. She didn’t understand how he did it, but he always seemed to. Once the spanking was over he always told her she was forgiven, and he seemed to forget it. He didn’t hold grudges, and he didn’t dwell on it. He was totally over it, just like that. She was glad, but she had no idea how he did it.
She moved over to look at his computer. “Okay, step one.”
They worked together, chopping some onions and peppers and ham. They mixed them into the eggs, along with a little cheese, milk, salt and pepper. Once they had them on cooking, they found the bread and toaster. Between them, they soon sat down to what looked like a pretty good breakfast. She poured coffee and orange juice while he split the eggs between the two plates. They sat down, both of them looking at their plate.
He looked over, saw she was looking at her plate just as he was looking at his, and laughed. “I’m not sure what you’re thinking, but I’m a little worried. It looks good, and that’s what worries me.”
She laughed and agreed. “I was thinking it would be easier to try it if it didn’t look so good. Then I’d figure it about had to taste better than it looked. I don’t know about this, though. It looks awful good, so that’s scary.”
“Well, we’ll try them together, on the count of three.” On three, they both took a bite, a very tentative bite, but they were both soon smiling. “That’s not bad at all,” he said.
“No, it’s not,” she agreed. “In fact, it’s pretty darn good.” They laughed as they took another bite. “If nothing else, we should be able to survive on scrambled eggs and an occasional meal delivered.”
“With toast, juice and coffee, what more could we want?” He put his hand up for a high five. Afterward they settled in and truly enjoyed their breakfast.
They had the dishes rinsed and in the dishwasher in short time.
That done, she turned to face him. “So now what? Back to the living room to talk some more?”
“It’s awfully nice outside today. I saw a little patio out back this morning that looked like a nice place to talk.”
“It’s pretty private back there, so it should be fine.”
“I’m not real worried about total privacy. I was just concerned with anytime you earn a spanking. Even if we’re outside, we can always come inside for that. I thought this morning maybe we’d just talk a little bit, get to know each other better. This is only my second trip to Florida, and the first one was a really quick trip. I’d love to learn a little bit about this area.”
She seemed a bit hesitant, but agreed. “Sure, that’s fine.”
“Would you rather not go outside?”
“No, no. I love being outside. I just thought—I mean, I thought we were supposed to be—if we don’t take the weekends off, shouldn’t we be working on my problems?”
“Not all the time, no. As we talk, I’m sure you’ll find things you agree with and things you don’t agree with. That’s fine. But most new thoughts or ideas take a little time to settle in and feel right. You have to let things happen naturally. If you try to force it too soon just because it sounds like the right thing to feel, it won’t work. Your brain has to agree with what your heart is telling you, and the only way to do that is to let the idea settle in and feel right.”
“Okay. Some time to relax and just let my mind wander and do some thinking does sound nice.”
Chapter Eight
“Good. So, tell me about this part of Florida. Have you lived here all your life?”
The mood lightened, and before either of them realized it, it was 1:30. “I didn’t realize it was so late,” she said when she glanced at her watch. “How does a late lunch sound?”
“Sounds great. We had a late breakfast, so I don’t think either of us has been too hungry yet. We better go get started, though, or we may be having this for dinner instead, and skipping lunch.”
“I have an idea,” she said. “As late as it is, why don’t we change our plans and have grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for lunch instead?”
“Excellent idea. That will be quicker, probably, and lighter. Do you know how to make the grilled cheese sandwiches?”
“I might. I used to watch my mom make them when I was younger. I think maybe we can do it.”
“Let’s go give it a try. We got a few kinds of sliced cheese yesterday. My sister always said the only trick to grilled cheese sandwiches is to use more than one kind of cheese, and don’t burn them.”
They chuckled as they went back to the kitchen. They got the soup heating up, then tried the sandwiches. Luckily, they tried one at a time, so when the first one burned, they only had to throw it out. They turned the stove down a bit too much and the second one was a little rubbery before the cheese melted, but the third one came out perfect, and they were able to duplicate it on their next try.
After an enjoyable lunch, they put the dishes in the dishwasher, and went back outside, where they sat in two lounge chairs, with a table between them for their drinks. He’d noticed a bit of a change in her during lunch, so he wanted to make sure she had sufficient time to digest everything they’d talked about this morning before going any further. “How are you feeling; want to take some time this afternoon to relax?”
She looked relieved when she glanced over at him. “We can do that?”
“Absolutely,” he assured her. “This isn’t something you want to push through quickly. We can take the rest of the day to just get to know each other better.”
“Thank you.” After a couple minutes, she asked, “Would it be rude if I asked if I could have a little bit of time to think?”
“No, that’s fine. If you want to think about what we talked about earlier, that’s fine. If you have questions or want to talk about it more, let me know. If you don’t mind if I stay out here, I’m going to get my computer and enjoy this weather. I’m not used to being able to sit outside comfortably this time of year.”
“That’s fine. I just didn’t want you to think I was being rude if I don’t talk for a little bit.”
“Not now that I know why. Thanks for telling me.” Without any further talk, he left, and returned a couple minutes later with his laptop. “I’m going to check Facebook and emails. If you want to talk about anything, just speak up. Otherwise, I’ll let you to your thoughts.
Gina appreciated the gesture. She really did want to do some thinking. She didn’t want to talk to him about what was on her mind, though, because what she wanted to think about was him. Well, actually, him and what he was saying and doing. He’d said something that struck a nerve, and she needed to decide how she felt about it and what to do about it.
He was right; she did like having control of things. And it was becoming clear to her that he was not going to allow that. Not only that, but there was also the issue of those terrible spankings to consider. They hurt something awful. She wasn’t sure how, but somehow she had to get control of this situation, and those spankings had to stop. Yesterday she’d felt good enough, even thought he’d had some good points about some of her feelings. She had to admit she was starting to feel better about herself. But today sure didn’t go as she’d planned. She went back over the events of the day in her mind, and as she thought back on her day, anger began to set in. Unfortunately, the more she thought, the angrier she got.
She didn’t like what he was saying, and she certainly didn’t like what he was doing. Not only did she have to find a way to stop the spankings, but getting up this early, even on weekends, was ridiculous. They didn’t even do anything but make breakfast and talk. Certainly they could do that starting closer to noon.
Try as she might, though, she couldn’t come up with a viable solution. The best she could come up with was something that would only delay things. She decided that was better than nothing. At le
ast it would give her more time to work out a permanent solution. He emphasized the importance of not rushing this, so she certainly wouldn’t. In fact, she wouldn’t feel like talking at all. She’d still have to get up early, but as long as she did that, if she didn’t say much, at least he wouldn’t be upset about anything and the spankings would end. It would at least buy her some more time to come up with a solution.
Her plan worked well, as he didn’t say much else to her until it was time to start dinner. They worked together to fix their meal, which turned out fairly good. After they ate and the dishes were in the dishwasher and washing, they went to the living room.
“I just want to be sure my notes are accurate, Gina. You don’t have a church you attend on Sundays, do you?”
“No, I generally sleep in on Sunday.”
“Sorry, I can’t let you sleep in on Sunday, but we can take it easy, not do a lot.”
“Why not?”
“Program rules. Sorry.”
“What if I went to church on Sundays?”
“Then I would accompany you.” He could see the anger building, and tried to explain his position. “I’m sorry, Gina, but those are the rules of the program. I didn’t make the rules, but Mr. Jenkins thought everything through extremely well, and he’s overseen dozens of successes. As a program administrator, I administer the program. I can’t change the rules.”
“But he could?”
“I suppose he could, but he never has. There has to be a very good reason for him to make any variations to the program. Wanting to sleep in on Sundays is not good enough, I’m sure.”
“Maybe if I talk to him—”
He could see her getting angry, and he tried to calm her. “Gina, if you talk to him about wanting to sleep in on Sundays, he won’t be happy. Like I said, we can take it easy during the day if you want, not do any serious talking. You can even take a nap if you want. But he has strong feelings about people being up and dressed by 9:00 so it establishes a routine, and that the client and administrator spend all their time together other than during normal sleep hours during the first four weeks. He actually much prefers I be here by 8:00 or earlier, but he has agreed in this case to extend it to 9:00, at least for the time being. He’s already given you some leeway.”
Gina and Paul (Last Chance Program Book 2) Page 10