Together, she and her mother stared at the crowded counter. “Maybe you can put your flour and sugar in the cookie jars, to give you more room,” Bree suggested.
“I’ll think about it.” Yet her mother wore a sneaky smile, as if she was calculating how many more cookie jars she could buy now that her husband was dead.
Later, by the time they were eating tacos with salsa and sour cream on TV trays in the den and watching Antiques Roadshow on PBS, even the hospital bed was gone, having seemingly disappeared into thin air while Bree drove to and from the grocery store for the second time that day.
Yet, as Sunday evening wore on, the essence of her father lingered, his aftershave in the bathroom though she’d trashed the bottle, his body odor on the chair despite its new covering, his ghostly shadow flickering on the TV screen, but gone when she turned her head. There was even the odd echo of his demanding voice in the single heartbeat as a show faded to black before the commercials started.
Unlike her mother, she didn’t feel free of him.
She wondered if she ever would.
“HOW YOU DOING, BABY?”
“Fine.” Over the phone, Bree’s voice was distant, flat.
Or maybe it was the darkness outside. It was after ten on Sunday night, a lonely hour. This morning had been a lifetime ago. Luke wondered what had happened during the hours since she’d left him. “Have you and your mom set a date for the service?”
“I told you, we’re cremating him, so there’s no service.”
“You can still have a memorial.”
“He didn’t know anyone that would want to come.”
That was harsh, but it was the reaction he would have expected if the suspicions he’d considered this morning were correct. “The memorial is for you and your mom.” It was for the living, not the dead. Maybe it would help Bree let go emotionally.
“My mom doesn’t have anyone, either.”
Everyone had someone. Didn’t they? But he figured pressing would only push Bree further away. He’d met her mother once, that was all. He didn’t know what her reaction would be to anything. If something had happened to Bree when she was younger, wouldn’t the mother have known? Who could say for sure?
“How’s your mom?” he asked.
“She’s fine.” Then she laughed, a rough sound before she cut it off. “We cleaned out all his things.”
“Today?” They hadn’t even scattered the ashes yet. No service, now cleaning his things out the day he’d died. Bizarre. Then again, it could be a catharsis, what they’d needed to do together. Who was he to judge the right or wrong of it?
“She needed it,” was all Bree said.
“What about you?”
She took forever to answer. He counted the long seconds with each heartbeat.
“I want to go home,” she whispered. “Do you believe in ghosts?”
“No.” He believed in things he could touch, see, and feel.
“I’m afraid to turn out the light.”
“He’s not there, Bree,” he murmured for comfort.
“There’s a place he might be.”
“Where?”
Again, she didn’t answer for a long time. “Just somewhere.”
His stomach sank. Jesus. It was true. Yet he still prayed his suspicion was wrong despite the fact that it supplied an answer to so many questions about her. “Then don’t go there.” He waited.
“You’re right,” she finally said. “I don’t have to go there anymore.”
“No, you don’t. I’ll come by and see you tomorrow after work.”
He expected her to fight him, but she simply said, “Okay.”
By the time she’d hung up, he still hadn’t figured out how to reach her, not emotionally at least. Except for a few brief glimpses inside her mind, there was still only the sexual way. He was starting to wonder if that was actually the worst way for her.
ON MONDAY MORNING, BREE CLACKED AWAY ON HER KEYBOARD IN her office. Coffee mug in her hand, Rachel watched from across the roundhouse. Beside her, Yvonne stirred extra creamer into her own cup.
“She looks sick,” Yvonne whispered too loudly. Yvonne always whispered too loudly, but Bree didn’t look up.
“She’s just pale.” Rachel differed in her assessment. “She looks like she hasn’t slept, but I don’t think she’s sick.”
Bree had arrived at eleven, an hour later than normal, the new normal versus the old normal. She’d said she had to drop off some things on her way to work.
“She’s acting kinda weird,” Yvonne said.
“Weird how?”
“Too quiet.”
“Yvonne,” Rachel said, exasperated, “she’s always quiet.”
“But this is a weird quiet.”
“Her father’s dying. That would make anyone act weird.”
“Did she say how he’s doing?”
“No.” Bree hadn’t said much of anything, except to explain why she was an hour late. Although dropping stuff off wasn’t much of an explanation.
“I mean, most people would tell you the situation and everything. I think Erin should ask her if everything’s okay.”
It wasn’t like Yvonne not to do her own asking. She was a tall woman, at least six feet, and big-boned would be the best word to describe her. Her caramel skin was unlined despite the fact that she was somewhere in her fifties—exactly how old, Rachel couldn’t say, but she’d be a grandmother come July. Yvonne didn’t so much love to gossip as she worried about everyone in the office as if they were her chicks. But today, for whatever reason, she didn’t know how to approach Bree.
“I’ll talk to her,” Rachel finally said.
“Yeah, you have rapport.”
Before Christmas, Yvonne had gotten bent out of shape over that supposed rapport. After all, Rachel had worked at DKG only a few months and Yvonne had been there forever. In the last couple of weeks, though, Yvonne had gotten over the jealousy. Maybe it was the grandchild. She had other things to occupy her mind.
Bree looked up at Rachel’s tap on the doorframe. She blinked, as if she needed a moment to refocus.
“I finished all the invoicing and everything you gave me on Friday,” Rachel told her.
“Yes. Thanks. I was just checking it all. You did a good job.” Bree’s voice was totally without inflection.
Rachel ventured a few steps inside the office. “Thank you. I can do more, whatever you need.” Then she decided it was silly to make small talk and avoid what she really wanted to say. “How did the weekend go at home? Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
Bree was already so fair-skinned that it was hard to say she could actually lose any more color. Maybe it was her bloodless lips that gave the impression, and the fact that she wasn’t wearing lipstick. She seemed to take a long time to decide what to say, then finally, “I’m fine. The weekend was”—she paused for a slow, thoughtful blink—“difficult.”
“I’m sorry,” Rachel empathized. “I know how hard it must be.” Not really. Her parents were both still living. She’d never lost anyone close. She’d certainly never had to watch anyone die. But she only had to think of losing someone to get a queasy feeling. It was the same way she’d felt about Erin losing her son; all she had to do was imagine it and she felt sick to the very pit of her stomach.
“Thank you,” Bree said, her fingers poised over her keyboard as if she couldn’t wait for Rachel to get out.
“If you need to talk, we can go out for lunch.”
“I appreciate the offer,” Bree said slowly as if she were carefully picking her words, “but I have to get this stuff done since I was late.”
“Oh yeah, sure.” Rachel’s feelings weren’t hurt. She had a thicker skin than Yvonne did. She just wished she could do something for Bree, be her friend, but the girl didn’t share much. Rachel had never met anyone quite so closed down.
Then Bree, almost as a concession, pushed some invoices across the desk. “These were in the mail if you want to enter them.”
“Sure.” At least it was something Rachel could do to help.
Yvonne accosted her almost the moment she was out of sight of Bree’s door. “What’d she say?”
“She said she’s fine.”
“She lying. I can tell. We need to do something.”
“There’s only so much pushing we can do, Yvonne. We offer, then we have to wait.” It was sort of like putting out food for a feral cat. You set down the bowl, then you backed off and let it come to you when it was ready. If it was ever ready. Funny, she figured Bree for the kind that would never be ready.
18
BREE DIDN’T KNOW WHY SHE’D LIED. OKAY, SHE HADN’T LIED. ON the face of it, everything was fine. She’d left her mom making arrangements about the death certificate and claiming the ashes. So practical, as if she wasn’t talking about burning up his body. A man’s body. All that was left of him but the memories. Bree wished she could burn those up right along with him.
On her way to work, she’d dropped off the used medications at the pharmacy, then taken all the bags in her car to the Goodwill donation station. This afternoon her mom was going to drop off the detritus they’d stuffed in her car. Then he’d be thoroughly gone.
Bree didn’t feel anything. Except a little peculiar that it was so easy to give away his possessions. And guilt that she should have felt something, but didn’t. Her mother seemed to have no such guilt.
As she stared unseeing at her computer monitor for long moments after Rachel left, her fingers poised over the keyboard, it came to her why she hadn’t said her father was dead. Because she didn’t want to go home. Her mother’s attitude creeped her out. It was Monday, the day after he’d died, and this wasn’t normal, yet Bree felt herself getting sucked into it. Like, what else can we throw out that’s him?
The dollhouse. She could tear it down board by board. Except that she didn’t want to go near it. Not yet. Maybe never. Could she lob a Molotov cocktail into it? Or maybe if she left it long enough, it would disintegrate under the harsh elements. What-ever, she didn’t want to go home, at least not to her mother’s house.
But if they knew her father had died, that’s exactly where Erin and Dominic would send her. When they’d lost Jay last year, neither of them had come in for two weeks. And when they finally did, they were hollow-eyed. They were still different now, too, maybe not grieving every moment like in the beginning, sometimes almost joyful for long minutes, especially over the last couple of weeks since the new year had started. But the lines of grief that had grown at Erin’s mouth would never go away, and Bree had seen a look in her eye when she caught sight of Jay’s photo on her desk, fond, loving, yet tinged with a sadness that would never end.
Bree didn’t feel like that. And they’d think her heartless. Or whacked. If she told them about her mom cleaning everything out? Good God, she wouldn’t even contemplate it.
If she could go anywhere, she’d have gone to Luke’s. She’d have rolled around in his bed, steeped herself in his scent. Even if he wasn’t there. At least she’d see him tonight. He’d said he’d come by. She could face her mom and that house if Luke was in it.
The phone rang. She almost shrieked at the unexpected intrusion. Her heart was racing as she picked up the receiver.
“Ah, Bree,” Denton Marbury said with his usual boom. She held the phone away so it didn’t hurt her eardrums. “I’ve left several messages for you, Bree. You haven’t returned my calls.”
Yeah, well, I was busy with my dying father. She didn’t say it, though she would have liked the shock value. With Denton Marbury, a man with a hide as armored as an armadillo, it probably wouldn’t have had any effect. “I’ve been busy, Mr. Marbury, but you were on my list to call first thing this afternoon,” she lied. She’d forgotten to set up that meeting time he’d requested when she saw him last week. And she didn’t feel the least bit bad about that.
“I’ve been through your files,” he said.
She quelled the sense of violation. He was supposed to go through her files, but she still disliked having him put his grubby mitts on anything that was hers. “Did you have any questions?” Of course, he did. He never failed to have questions or find fault or offer suggestions on how she should improve.
“I must say, we need to have some serious discussion about your methodology before we can even begin to handle this audit.”
She rolled her eyes, then rubbed her temple. “I can answer any questions you might have right now.”
“Oh no, no, no,” he blustered. “This requires face-to-face. You forgot I mentioned that last week. I’ll need you here for several hours.”
Several hours? That was so much bullshit. She didn’t call him on it. She never did. But some little demon raised its head inside her. “I’m afraid that with year-end, Erin can’t spare me. But I could arrange for a bit of time over here.” Hah. She amazed herself with her audacity.
“Well, if Erin really can’t spare the time . . .” He trailed off meaningfully.
“She can’t,” Bree emphasized. “Would you like me to call her in here to talk to you?”
“No-no-no,” he said almost as one word. “I understand her needs completely.”
Right. He understood Erin’s needs, but Bree’s be damned. Why did she put up with this man’s crap? Why didn’t she tell him off the way Erin would? She was such a coward.
“Let’s schedule our meeting this week.”
“Thursday,” she said. She probably wouldn’t be at work because by then she would have told Erin about her father’s death. Erin would insist she have time off. Then again, skipping out on a meeting with Marbury was putting off the inevitable. Obviously ignoring him for the past few days hadn’t done any good.
“Thursday at nine is good for me,” he said.
“Fine. Good-bye.” She could still hear him talking at her as she let the receiver fall back in place. He could bluster all he wanted now. On Thursday, she’d answer his silly niggling questions, which would turn out to be nothing, and she’d be here on her turf. She didn’t like being alone in his office with him. He always closed the door, and though he never touched her, she felt slimed by his proximity.
At two-thirty, Erin came in to shoo her out. She couldn’t very well say that her mother didn’t need her anymore because her father was already dead. Dead, dead, dead.
So she left. She thought about going to the town square in Los Gatos and sitting on the grass to soak up the sun on this perfect, cloudless day. Instead she drove home because God only knew what her mother had been doing while she was out.
But it wasn’t her mom she had to worry about. It was Luke. In suit pants, with the sleeves of his white dress shirt rolled up, he was mowing the front lawn.
“What are you doing?” she shouted. He’d left work early, and he hadn’t even called her. Her mother had taken advantage, putting him to work. And he was going to ruin his clothes.
He simply cupped his ear, indicating he couldn’t hear and continued on merrily.
“You’ve got him mowing the lawn.” In the house, she let her exasperation flow over her mom.
Her mother let it roll right off. “He offered.”
“You must have said something.”
“I said I couldn’t start the lawn mower.” Flour dusting her apron, she cut Christmas shapes into the sugar-cookie dough she’d rolled out.
“Mom.” Bree bet she hadn’t even tried starting the mower.
“I’m making him cookies. They’ll be ready by the time he’s done. It’s a fair exchange.”
And Bree could give him sex. Gee, then they’d be all paid up. She wanted to scream. “Mom, please.”
“I like him. He’s a good man, I can tell.” Yeah, like her mom was such a great judge of a man’s character. “And he’s good for you. A woman needs a man to take care of her.”
They’d already had this argument. “I don’t need him to take care of me.” She didn’t want any man taking care of her. If you depended on them monetarily, you could never
get away when you needed to. Just like her mother had said; she couldn’t leave because she was afraid she’d run into something worse. Bree wasn’t going to let that happen to her.
Not that Luke was a bad guy. He wasn’t like Mr. Asshole Marbury. But she still didn’t want to depend on Luke for her finances.
It did occur to her, however, that she depended on him for other things that at times—like when she was feeling totally stressed and crazy—were just as important as money.
“Let’s make his favorite meal,” her mother said, eagerness animating her voice as she laid the cookies on a baking sheet. “They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Uh, not. A man’s stomach had nothing to do with it. “I don’t know what his favorite meal is.”
Her mom gave her a dramatic, jaw-dropping look. “How could you not know?”
Okay, what had Luke said about how long they’d known each other? Bree couldn’t remember what the lie was. She had a problem keeping all the lies straight, keeping all the secrets she needed to keep. “That was our first date, Mom.” She hadn’t told her mom it was bowling. Maybe if she did, that would put Luke a score down. “We had pizza.”
Her mother closed her eyes and smiled dreamily. “Your father hated pizza.” She opened her eyes again. “Combination?”
“Yes.”
“Oh my.” Then she grinned, her teeth yellowed with years of coffee drinking. “I bet he loves lasagna then.” She put the two cookie sheets into the oven and set the timer.
Instead of lowering her mother’s opinion, Bree had somehow raised it. “I have no idea.” God, her mother was in matchmaking heaven. “We should really talk about arrangements. Father’s life insurance, the bank accounts, all that stuff.”
“He left a list of everything I had to do.” At least he’d done that much. “I’m working through it.”
“I can help.”
“You have other things to occupy you. Honestly, your father set everything up so that it’s all very easy. A trust.”
“Oh.” Bree hadn’t asked about any of that. She should have during those excruciating Sunday dinners, especially after he got sick.
What Happens After Dark Page 14