by Bry Ann
“I’m hungry,” Jazmine complained to me and then smiled up at Logan.
“I’m so sorry Mr. Prescott,” the receptionist said as she ran in winded behind her. “She was out of my hands before I could catch her. She’s very fast and since I couldn’t go far she…”
“It’s okay Mandy. I get it. Thank you.” He smiled at her and asked her to leave.
Mandy smiled, nodded and walked back out.
“I’m hungry,” Jazmine said again but louder.
“Um…” I looked at Logan and then at Jazmine. I knew she wouldn’t wait. “Okay, uh, I’ll find a place around here, and we can come back or if Mr. Prescott wants to set a time to meet or,” I paused and sighed. “I’m just trying to figure out what is best for both of you.”
“How about LP comes with us? It is lunchtime, and it’s my birthday!”
“Happy birthday.” Logan’s voice was wary.
“Thank you!” Jazmine practically jumped up and down and was spinning the bottom of her dress like a little princess. She then put her hands on both of her hips and glared at Logan as she waited for his answer.
“Well, what do you want to eat?” Logan asked her.
“Well, ice cream but mom always says I need my healthy food before my feel-good food. So, Chinese! Veggies and rice!” she squealed.
“Your mom is right, and I love Chinese. I’ll come along.”
“Yayyy mom! LP is coming!’
I nodded. “That’s what I heard.”
“We can take my car,” Logan said turning to me. “I’m assuming you didn’t drive to Nashville.”
“No, I didn’t.” I was nervous about riding in the car with him again. Cars have always been trouble for us.
“Yayy, this is so great!” Jazmine was so excited I couldn’t help but be somewhat touched by her happiness. Logan half smiled at Jazmine’s excitement, but I could tell he felt the same as I did.
“You two can follow me out to the car.” Logan grabbed his keys out of the cabinet. He walked out the door and Jazmine ran to keep with him. She talked his ear off the whole way down. I stayed back and tried to sift through my never-ending thoughts. The elevator was awkward, and I thanked God Jazmine didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy talking. She was the only thing keeping me from vomiting all over the floor. The minute we were out the door Logan threw his keys to one of the three bodyguards standing outside. His security team seemed much more legit than the last time I’d seen him.
“You upped your security?”
“Yeah, there was an incident last year so I was forced to increase my protection. There’s no more going around without security.”
“Sounds lonely,” I muttered to myself.
“I’m used to it.” He glared at me.
Just then we heard a squeal, and I whipped around to see Jazmine with her hands over her mouth looking stunned.
“You have a limo!!!” she yelled.
Logan laughed. “It’s not exactly a limo, but it’s close.”
The car was like a miniature limousine. I had no idea what kind of car it was, but all Jazmine had ever been in was Alexa and I’s beat up old Honda Accord so this pretty much was a limo to her.
“Mom, do you see this. Do you see this?!” she yelled at me and grabbed my hands, pulling me forward.
“I see it, sweetie.” I laughed and worked to regain my footing after being so aggressively pulled towards the car. “We are princesses today baby.”
One of the men opened the door for her to jump in and I could tell he was trying not to smile. I didn’t know how he didn’t because her happiness was contagious. I looked over at Logan and smiled. He gave me a small smile back.
“Go on in,” he said gesturing to the car door.
I climbed in, and Logan followed. The inside of the car was like a limo where we all sat in a U shape. Jazmine sat next to me jumping up on down on the seat, and Logan sat across from us.
“I know this is exciting sweetie but let’s be polite. Okay? Sit down.”
She did, and I buckled her seatbelt. Logan eyed us cautiously. The beginning of the ride was awkward before Jazmine started demanding to know where we were going. Logan was patient and described every last detail of the restaurant to her. When we got there, Jazmine bolted out of the car and then turned back around and kissed the car. I laughed, and so did Logan.
“We are getting back in it Jazmine,” Logan said with a glimmer of light in his eye.
Instantly my mother instincts were on high alert. I felt the camera before I saw it. I jumped towards Jazmine and blocked her from view. Logan’s bodyguards helped us get inside quickly, and Logan entered shortly after we did.
“Was that a camera?” Jazmine asked.
“Yeah.” Logan’s face was grim. He seemed worried and annoyed with the cameras. That intrigued me. It never seemed to both him much before.
They instantly sat us in a private room because, well, we were with Logan. It was weird being with someone who everyone bowed down to. The difference now was that I understood it. He exuded power and control in a way he never had before. We sat down and made small talk before the waitress came for our orders.
“I’ll have chicken with broccoli,” Logan told the waitress.
Jazmine looked at him and smiled. “Me too!”
I looked at her strangely. Jazmine hated meat. I always had the hardest time getting her to eat protein based foods. I mean I even offered vegetarian and vegan options to her, and she hated them all.
“Are you sure Jazzy?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I want what LP’s getting.”
I saw Logan smile out of the corner of my eye.
“I’ll get the miso soup,” I said to the waitress. I felt so nauseous I was one hundred percent positive I couldn’t stomach anything else.
“Is that all?” the waitress asked.
“Yes, thank you.”
Logan frowned. “Are you sure? I got it Sam.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind of you. I’ve got it though. I’m not very hungry.”
“Makes sense.”
Once the waitress walked away, Logan put his elbows on the table and faced Jazmine. “So, Jazmine, what about your daddy?”
I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted to know what I had told Jazmine about him, even though she didn’t know it was him. He wanted to know what she thought of the dad that was never around. I looked down at my hands knowing what was coming next.
“My daddy!” Jazmine looked over at me and then back at Logan. “Well, I haven’t met him yet, but mommy told me about him.”
“She did?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. He looked at me, and I looked down at my feet wanting to disappear.
“Yes! She told me that my daddy is amazing! She said he is the nicest, best, and most handsome man she’s ever met!”
“What?” He looked totally confused.
“Yeah, but mom made a mistake, and my daddy had to go away. She says she spends every day trying to make it up to me. She tells me she’s sorry all the time, but I tell her it’s okay because if my daddy is as awesome as she says he is when he finds me he will love me, and it will all be okay.”
I curled into myself and wished it was possible to disappear. Jazmine’s innocence just made me feel guiltier about this whole thing. I could feel Logan’s eyes boring into me.
“Is that what you said?” Logan asked me quietly.
I raised my eyes to look up at him but stayed curled up.
“Yeah, I didn’t want to start off my relationship with her based on a lie.”
Then the food came, and we all had our respective dishes in front of us. Even miso soup seemed like too much at this point. Logan went to eat his dish, but Jazmine’s voice made him drop his fork.
“LP! Prayers! You have to thank God and Jesus first.”
He looked genuinely stunned by that. “Oh right, sorry. I...uh forgot.”
Jazmine huffed. “Forgot?”
He looked at me.
“We go
to church every Sunday, and she goes to bible study on Wednesday nights. We say our prayers before our meals and before bed.”
There was more to say on the topic, and Logan knew it, but he knew it had to wait until we were in private.
“I’m sorry Jazmine. Sometimes I struggle with prayers. I'm trying to get better. Maybe you can help me?”
“Really? I’d love to help you! You say today’s prayer.”
“I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
“Yes, it is. You can’t get better if you don’t try.”
“Um okay. You are hard to say no to, aren’t you?” Jazmine straightened her shoulders and smirked at Logan. She was a confident little bugger. “Guess you take after your mom in that way.”
I looked down. Jazmine was a lot like me as a little girl before everything went south.
“Um so prayers,” Logan began nervously. “God, Jesus I want to thank you for this food and, um, everyone’s safety. The end?”
“Good job LP!” Jazmine smiled. “I also want to thank God and Jesus for my mom and for meeting LP. He’s very nice. Amen!”
With that we all ate. Jazmine watched Logan eat the whole time and tried to copy all his mannerisms. I could tell he felt uncomfortable. I tried to give him reassuring nods and distract Jazmine once and awhile, but she was fully focused on him.
We all got back in the car, and before we started it, Logan asked me where we were staying. I told him we came straight to see him and didn’t have a place yet. I asked if he didn’t mind dropping us off at the nearest motel 6. Logan groaned in response.
“I guess nothing has changed in that area” he spat out.
I blushed at first, but as the comment sank in that humiliation turned to rage.
“Hey! You know what, I do my best Mr. Prescott!”
“I know, okay? Dana’s back at the house. Let’s all meet up there and just,” he sighed heavily. “Just figure stuff out. Dana will watch the kid…”
“Jazmine!” Jazmine snapped at him with her hands on her hips.
“Sorry Jazmine. Dana can watch Jazmine while we talk.”
“Who’s Dana? That’s my middle name!”
“I know sweetie. Dana is Logan’s sister and an old friend of mine. I gave you the middle name Dana because I thought she was so awesome.”
“Really?”
“Yep,” I said, giving her nose a little poke.
“Why did you name her Jazmine?” Logan interrupted. Jazmine looked at me intently.
“It’s sort of a long story, but a lady offered to pray for me at the airport way back when. It meant a lot to me at the time. Her name was Jazmine.”
Logan looked at me curiously, and I mumbled “later.”
“So where are we headed?”
“My house.” When he saw the look on my face, he continued. “I would go to Dana’s, but she just moved again, and there are boxes everywhere. You don’t have a place, and so, therefore, we are stuck going to mine.”
“Got it,” I grumbled.
The rest of the drive we were all silent. Jazmine rested her head on my shoulder and started dozing off. It had been a long day for her, and me as well. I wished I could fall asleep too. Occasionally I would I would feel my head fall, but then I’d snap it back up. Logan was typing on his phone; I assumed he was answering emails and stuff. Within a few minutes, I started to recognize my surroundings. We were close to Logan’s house. The closer we got, the more I fidgeted, too many memories were flooding my brain at once. Too many of my mistakes.
“Nervous?” Logan asked glancing up at his phone. I looked to see if Jazmine was asleep.
“A bit,” I said quietly.
“You seem more than a bit nervous.”
“A lot happened here.”
“Do you miss your mom?”
I looked at him wide-eyed.
“Everyday. I wish she could have met Jazmine. She’d absolutely love her.” My heart ached. I so wish my mom could have met Jazmine.
“Yeah, she would. You’ve done a great job with her Sam. I mean really you have. I may hate what you’ve done to my sister and me, but you sure did a great job with… her.”
I swallowed the tears rising in my throat and just nodded as I turned to look out the window. We pulled up to the house, and I gently shook Jazmine awake. She rubbed her eyes and scooted closer to me.
“Where are we mom?” Her voice was groggy, and her cute little hairs were sticking up all over the place. I softly smoothed them out with a smile. I loved my little girl. She was my calm in the storm.
“At Logan’s house.”
“LP?”
I giggled. “Yeah LP’s.”
The driver opened the door, and Jazmine got out first, followed by Logan and then me. My stomach flipped. Dana was here. Holy freaking shit.
Logan stepped in front and used the key to open the door. The minute it was open Jazmine hooked onto my leg like glue. I gently eased both of us inside and was immediately greeted by Dana standing hands on hips in the entryway.
“Sam.” Her eyes were hard, and her lips were in a thin line.
Her anger was apparent. There was a very real sense of betrayal in her voice. Logan stood to the side with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Dana.” I looked at the ground. I honestly felt so ashamed of myself and my actions.
She sighed and gestured for me to follow her into the living room. Jazmine still stuck like glue to my leg. Logan continued to stay quiet. Once we were in the living room, Dana set her hands down and turned to me.
“You know I was hoping to hate you more than this.”
“Yeah, it’s deserved,” I said quietly.
Then Jazmine stuck her head out from behind me like she’d done with Logan.
“We share a name,” she said quietly. “My middle name is Dana. Are you LP’s sister?”
She looked stunned for a second. She just stared at Jazmine.
“Holy shit,” she said breathlessly turning to Logan and then me. “She looks just like you Logan, except the eyes just like you said.”
He didn’t say anything, and neither did I. She cleared her throat and crouched down.
“That’s so great we share names!” she said brightly. “Who’s LP?”
She smiled and pointed to Logan. Dana laughed.
“LP, Logan Prescott. I like it.” She winked.
Unlike Logan, Dana looked the same, except she dressed cuter.
Dana was crouched down talking with Jazmine, and I continued to look down and fidget. I was all too aware of Logan’s presence in the room. Somehow, I was even more freaking attracted to him, and I hated my body for doing this to me. Now it was even worse because it was highly inappropriate for me to be feeling this way.
Eventually, Dana stood up and wrapped her arms around me and sighed.
“I don’t hate you. I’m mad at you, and I’m hurt. Just know there is a difference. Good luck with Logan tonight. You’ll need it.”
With that, she grabbed Jazmine’s hand, and Jazmine gave me a quick wave.
“I’ll be back soon Jazzy. Okay?”
“K mom.” She was now totally uninterested in me, and more interested in her new best friend.
“I love the nickname Jazzy!” Dana yelled from the other room.
I looked around the house. It carried the same emptiness it had all those years ago. Still no pictures, personal possessions or any other indication of who lived in that house. The only difference was the furniture was no longer gray. It was very masculine now. It had cherry wood desks and tables with leather couches and chairs. Logan leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.
“The house is still empty?” I asked.
He just shrugged. “It has furniture. What else do you propose I fill it with?”
“I don’t know pictures of you and Dana. Knick Knacks. Shit. I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”
He just nodded and stayed eerily silent.
“You ready to go?”
“Where are we going?”
“To talk.”
“Where?”
He rolled his eyes. “Always with the freaking questions. Use your brain and let’s get in the car.”
I followed him to the car clumsily, but instead of being led to the small limo I was led to a two-door navy blue Porsche.
“What about security?”
“They’ll follow. Now get in.”
I got in the car, and he started driving down the road. I quickly noticed two cars following us.
“Where are we going?” I asked again, this time more aggressively.
“You already know Sam.”
I did know. The lake. My breath hitched. I had kept the card in a secret place in my wallet all these years. I told myself to let it go tons of times but never could. I didn’t say another word the whole ride. We pulled up to the familiar shrubbery. Logan used his key card to open the gate, and I walked in. Security waited by the gate as Logan had roughly commanded. We walked through the shrubs in silence and Logan climbed down the rocks easily. I stumbled a few times but never fell fully to the ground, thank goodness.
“That’s not as easy for you as it used to be?” Logan said sarcastically once I got down and sat on the shore next to him.
“It’s been awhile.”
“Yes it has.”
I took a deep breath. “I used to come here all the time.”
“I figured when I found you here after your mom died. You were practically an ice cube when I found you.”
“Inside and out.”
He grabbed my shoulder and forced me to look at him. I didn’t want to. How had he gotten so perfect? He had deep, intense eyes, a hard jawline, and stubble that made him look like a different person, yet the gentleness in his eyes was still there.
“Why didn’t you tell me Sam? Why? Where do we even go from here? I could have had your back! You know I would have. What did I ever do to you to deserve this?”
“At first I wasn’t even sure I was pregnant Logan. I stayed blissfully ignorant for a while. I couldn’t even get myself to confirm the pregnancy let alone tell anyone. Then I moved and got settled. I took the test, well twelve of them. I was terrified. I was in no position to be a mother. I was going to put her up for adoption after she was born. So, since I was so adamant about avoiding everyone, I felt it would be pointless to tell you that you had a kid but would never meet her. Then at my OBGYN appointment I correctly guessed the gender, and I realized how patient my baby had been with me while I messed around. She caused virtually no problems during my whole pregnancy. I loved her so much. I knew I wouldn’t be able to give her up. I started boxing and doing yoga. I started going to church. I let Alexa in, and then people at my job. I started to change. I pushed aside all my horrible, bitchy instincts and thought of my mother. At first, I was extreme, but as months went on, I found a balance between my strength and my mother's love. A balance I could be okay with. When that happened, around seven months or so, I thought of telling you. I really did, but it would have destroyed you. I hurt you so much at that point already I didn’t want to make it worse. Ruin your career …”