by Bry Ann
“Just take care of Alexa,” she muttered, and I nodded.
Even with scars running down the lengths of her body and emotional scars that went even deeper Sam was still the bravest, most badass woman I’d ever met.
… and Logan was going to disown me as a sister for involving her in this.
I had to get Sam out of this, and now that Alexa was acting all weird I had to get her out as well. I should have never involved them. This was my fault. My problem.
“Okay anyone care to explain any detail… of anything?”
Despite the fact that I had the information on Gunner and why we were here both Sam and I’s gaze went directly to Alexa. Alexa immediately hunched back in her seat and scoffed at both of us.
“Don’t you think we have bigger fucking problems than my mood?” she snapped. Sam looked over at Rex and shrugged.
“Dana, do you think you are ready to talk about what happened? Rex asked softly.
Instantly I stiffened. I’d been so caught up with being with my friends that I had temporarily set aside all the feelings still coursing through me. With that one question they all came rushing back.
“Dana? Dana?” Sam asked. I instantly heard her remove her seatbelt and turn to face me. “Dana, did they hurt you?”
“Let’s wait until we get to the house,” Rex said curtly. “But then, Dana, I’m sorry but I need you to talk. Okay?”
I nodded stiffly. Alexa reluctantly scooted over and wrapped an arm around me. She sucked at physical affection, but I appreciated the effort. It seemed we were at Rex’s house in a heartbeat. Alexa gently encouraged me from the car and led us into the house. Despite Alexa’s attempt at acting uncaring and cool like she usually was I could feel her stiffen anytime Rex was near. I began to wonder who this guy was? How did he know Gunner and Alexa? He seemed so normal.
Alexa gently sat me down on a white couch. I noticed Sam was having a very serious conversation with Rex outside the front door. The house we were in was super bright. It had white tile, white couches, big open windows and everything that wasn’t white was modern and fit in well with the bright theme.
Rex walked in with Sam, whose expression gave nothing away, and Alexa immediately let me go and fidgeted her way to the other side of the couch. Rex shot her a look and smirked which only seemed to annoy Alexa. Rex briefly shook his head and turned to me.
“I need to know what happened now. Your friends can support you.”
I turned to Sam.
“Tanner was there. Tanner is….”
She knew instantly by my tears and the look in my eyes who it was. She tensed immediately.
“He won’t hurt you Dana. I won’t let him. I promise.”
I nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and guilt.
“Gunner took me to his cabin. He was so super paranoid and weird. Anytime I asked him about it he got mean, at least as mean as he ever got with me. Something was wrong.
Anyway, I realized that I left my bag at my hotel because, let’s just say I wasn’t expecting to be at Gunner’s cabin that day. Gunner reluctantly agreed to help me get my stuff and grab some food. We walked on opposites sides of the street. We were careful! In fact, I remember thinking for the first time that he was overly careful, he was being super paranoid. The plan was to get my stuff, get some food, and then Gunner was going to scope things out, so he could take me back to Logan…”
“Who were these people? Gunner doesn’t strike me as the type of guy to be intimidated by anyone.”
“He’s not. These people… they…” I looked around the room. “It’s private.”
Rex softened. This guy was nice.
“I understand loyalty well Dana,” his eyes flashed to Alexa who cringed, “but right now we really need to know. He’ll die.”
“These men killed his parents. Gunner saw his parents get murdered when he was a boy and it was these men, with the exception of Tanner. I don’t know why he was there. Anyway, these people have been sending Gunner letters for years, torturing him… sending him horrible pictures and referencing his parents’ murders and stuff. They know about us,” I choked out. “About our … friendship. The men were in my hotel room. They didn’t touch me, but I thought they were going to. I thought they were. I fought, I really did, but there were four of them. Then Gunner came up and… he protected me. They grabbed us, and he fought until I could get away. I hid in a vent and moved the chair I used to get up there. They broke the door down and Gunner had a bloody lip and they cut his arm. He lied. He knew I was in the vent. I’m not that smart, he was the one who told me to hide in a vent if I was ever in trouble. He said that years ago. The men said they’d find me and … cut me in pieces. Even bound up Gunner said he’d never let that happen,” I choked out.
Everyone in the room was staring at me. I could see Rex battling with his desire to get more answers and be sympathetic. Sam looked absolutely devastated for me, understanding my conflict of fear and love well. Alexa seemed to snap out of whatever funk she was in. She was downright pissed. She was herself again.
“I swear to God. If …When!” she corrected, “When I see that moral less, drug dealing, psychopath I am going to hug the shit out of him and buy him a classy ass fucking meal for protecting you! I see why you him love him now.”
I shot her a wide eyed horrified look that was tangled with humiliation. Rex, on the other hand, was looking at Alexa liked she just grown a third head and threw it straight at him. He stared at her for a solid minute before clearing his throat, shaking his head and turning back to me. Alexa seemed unfazed. Whatever stupor she was in was gone and replaced by an even more aggressive form of her already super dominant personality.
Sam turned to Rex. “Before Dana speaks any further. I need to know…. what’s your investment in this?”
Everyone’s head whipped around, especially Alexa’s. Her eyes narrowed at him and Rex’s usually crystal clear blue eyes darkened in response.
“I owe Gunner my life. Ten times over,” he said curtly.
“But why?” Alexa asked. It was the first time she had addressed Rex personally.
“Why would I tell you that?” he said it calmly, but his words were anything but.
“Because my friends are trusting you!” she snapped back.
He narrowed his eyes at her dangerously.
“Friends? Well that’d be a first for you. You’d know all about trust. Wouldn’t you Alex? I’m sorry Alexa.”
Then he turned to me still fuming.
“We need every last detail of what those men said and did in that room! Even if it seems insignificant.”
… and I gave it to them.
Dana- 22 Years Old:
Logan flew out to LA on an emergency trip less than twenty fours after his spat with Sam. I was disappointed, but he promised he’d be back in a couple of days. Logan always kept his promises, so I tried not to seem too upset about it for his sake. I sulked the entire day after Logan left, but a ding on my phone quickly turned my day around. It was Sam asking if we could meet up in a couple days. I was shocked to say the least! I never thought she’d reach out me first, but I was completely elated. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a simple girl talk without having divulge all my deepest darkest secrets. Damn therapy groups.
I quickly responded yes and grinned to myself. I didn’t plan on telling Logan. As far as I could tell he was stilled pissed at her for the whole banging the gangster druggie scenario. I really hoped he’d get over that shit soon because Sam and him were perfect together, as friends or otherwise.
Another day passed, and my routine stayed the same. Always the same. The only different today was I got a call from Logan on my cell as I was on my way to lunch.
‘Hey, what’s up?” I answered.
“Hey Day, I need a favor. I’m flying back into town in twenty-four hours. By any chance, do you have any plans to see Sam?”
I furrowed my brow and felt myself become defensive of her. He’d been really mean last time t
hey spoke.
“That’s none of your business!”
Logan sighed on the other end of the line.
“I screwed up Dana. I was an asshole. I know, okay? I’m trying to make it up to her.”
“Well then go talk to her yourself. Why do you need to barge in on our time?”
“I want to be there when she arrives to see you, so she has no choice but to talk to me.”
“What the hell Logan? Just go talk to her yourself. Don’t ambush the poor girl. Just say you are sorry.”
“You know Rogan Sallus?”
“I don’t know what that has to do with this, but yeah. He’s the guy you signed that I’m gonna be rich forever album deal with.”
“That is Sam’s dad. She was adopted, and he abandoned her and refused to help her provide for her mom….” he paused. “I dropped my contract with him.”
“WHAT?”
“The guy’s a dick. It’s not worth the money. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have a million producers who would die to work with me.”
I smirked to myself.
“This has nothing to do with the fact that he hurt Sam does it?”
“Dana leave it,” Logan warned. I dropped it. Only because his tone was so damn serious.
“Fine. You can take my time with Sam, but you owe me. Come to my place at five thirty. She’ll be there at six. I have a group I can go to and then I’ll stay in one of the other girls’ rooms.”
“I owe you big time Dana. See you tomorrow. Love you.”
With that he hung up and I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face.
I’m not the only girl you love Logan.
Logan left town again and I immediately debated asking Sam over for dinner. Partly, because I was lonely and partly because I really liked her, but also as an apology. I sort of stuck my brother on her and he could be a lot to take. I knew it worked out though, based on Logan’s whole demeanor. He was lighter, kinder and overall just seemed super happy. Something he rarely was. I mean he was an easygoing guy but acting all happy. No that wasn’t like him at all. I always wondered if he really was happy in his life. I mean his life is great, but true happiness comes from feeling loved and accepted and Logan has never truly had that with anyone other than me.
Sam beat me to the punch though. She sent me a super sarcastic text basically asking to meet up. I knew her sarcasm had to do with the fact that she’d reached out to me twice now. I’d deduced she hasn’t had friends before me and Logan, so I imagined she was feeling super vulnerable. Well, what she didn’t know is however vulnerable she was feeling was nothing compared to how anxious I was feeling. Social skills were not really something that could be learned from a therapist and a brother who’s never there.
I put a ton of work into the dinner. Sam had to work late, but it was no problem. I suck at cooking, but I made the best dinner I could and set a nice table. I cleaned my room to perfection. I wanted her to feel comfortable, to be impressed. She was used to hanging with Logan. I’m so different from him, that scared me a bit. He sets a really high bar.
I got dressed and changed like six hundred times, but the only constant theme in my outfits was to make sure my arms were covered. My self-harm scars didn’t really bother me that much anymore, but I knew I’d be self-conscious about them my first time with Sam. She could ogle at them like everyone else another time.
Sam came over and was nothing but nice and gracious, which just confirmed my suspicion that her sarcastic and standoffish personality was just a wall she put up. I’d spent years in therapy, I know a wall when I see one! Sam and I joked about Logan for a bit and then it turned serious when I mentioned that Logan trusted her. She seemed genuinely distressed by this. I tried to act nonchalant, but I was really searching her. As much as I liked Sam I didn’t want to see Logan get hurt by the first girl he’d ever loved. Especially when he didn’t even know he loved her. I didn’t want him to find that out when he got his heart broken. It made me feel good that she sees seemed terrified of hurting Logan. We said bye and before she left I made sure to emphasize to her how much her being around meant to me. I let the word friend slip once, but I made sure to respect her issues and was careful to not use it again. I understand issues.
It was several weeks later that life got complicated. Logan was in LA; Sam and I hadn’t seen each other in a while and we were just all busy with our own lives. I was tidying up my place before heading out to look out potential apartments when I got a call from Logan. I could hear all these people hustling behind him, so Logan was all but screaming into the speaker to try and talk over all the background noise. Basically, he said that Sam’s mom called him and told him he was worried about her. Logan seemed to believe it was probably one of Sam’s moods, but he wanted me to check on her. To make sure she really was okay. I hurriedly told him I would and texted Sam immediately. Logan seemed chill about the whole thing, but I respected the fact that he still had me check, because I had a weird feeling. I was pretty sure Sam’s mom knew her inside and out. Better than Logan did. She’d know if she was just in a “mood”. I had this sinking feeling in my gut that something was actually wrong.
Sam agreed to meet me and the next morning I found myself waiting at a table in a coffee shop. Sam was late, so I took the liberty of grabbing us both coffees. I waited a few minutes before Sam come rushing in the shop. She looked like crap. Not to be mean, but literally. She had on extremely baggy clothes, her hair was unbrushed in a messy bun and she looked partly ill and partly like she hadn’t slept in weeks. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, why she looked so awful, but I knew if I did and something was wrong I’d only push her away. I told her I already got our coffees and she thanked me and took a seat. Something was definitely wrong with her. I knew it from the second she walked in, and I knew exactly why her mom called Logan. I just prayed that Logan would be able to get her to open up because something was clearly eating Sam up from the inside out. I tried to make up some semi bull shit reasons about why we’re meeting, but I could tell my voice sounded totally robotic.
The whole time we talked I had no real solid proof something was wrong, other than her looks, until some guy tapped on Sam’s chair to ask her a question. Sam flew from her seat and sent the chair she was sitting on flying across the room. The man immediately apologized and explained himself, but up until that he did Sam looked totally panicked. It took everything in me to hide my shocked reaction. Something happened to her. Someone hurt her. It explained the sweatshirts, the exhaustion, how weird she was acting. Oh man, my heart hurt so bad knowing some fucking ASSHOLE hurt my friend. I hid all my feelings though. I didn’t want to scare Sam off. Clearly, she didn’t want to talk about what happened, which was common, and I wasn’t nearly close enough with her at the time to ask that of her.
We walked around for thirty minutes and then I told her I had to go to group and we went our separate ways. That was a lie. I felt terrible about it, but I had to call my brother. I couldn’t stand seeing her hurting anymore and not know why or how to help her. The second Sam was out of my line of sight I clicked Logan’s number and then sent a message.
Me: Come in town now. Something’s wrong with Sam.
His text came back immediately.
Logan: I’ll get the plane ready. We’ll talk when I get there. Thanks Day.
Logan came into town quickly and I explained everything to him. He went to work finding out who hurt Sam and why. I asked him why he didn’t talk to Sam directly, but he turned to me and rolled his eyes.
“Really?” he asked.
I ducked my head. Yeah, i-f someone hurt Sam I was naive to think she’d ever admit it. Still I felt horrible about digging into her personal life without asking her first. It felt wrong. Logan didn’t seem at all remorseful. In fact, he seemed to think it was his right to. Shocker.
It took Logan a few days, but he did discover the truth, and it was way worse than I could have ever imagined.
Sam was selling drugs and got attacked. She was�
�� almost raped. My body went cold, and I felt like stone when I heard the news. Why was she selling drugs? Was she okay? Was she having nightmares?
I just wanted to hold her and tell her it would all be okay. Logan didn’t share my feelings. He was fuming. Literally fuming. I’d never seen him so angry. This was twice that I saw Logan at the point of rage because of Sam. Literally eighteen years with him growing up and I’d only seen him yell once, right before he disowned my parents. I tried to calm him, but Logan went straight to work finding out where Sam would be next. Within an hour he had their meeting spot and time. Logan paced around endlessly until the meeting time. I told him I wanted to come. He said no at first. “A hard no”, I quote, but I fought tooth and nail because I didn’t want Sam to be alone with Logan. He was too upset to see what she may be going through, and not acting rational enough to realize there may be a reason for her actions. I knew drugs were bad, and selling them was worse, but something told me Sam was a good person and had her reasons for doing this. I think Logan knew it too, but he couldn’t see beyond his anger.
We went to this bar in town where they were supposed to be. My feet were dancing around the whole way there. I was so nervous. I didn’t want to be around druggies.
“You don’t have to go Dana. I don’t want you to go!” Logan somehow managed out without screaming out me. His body was physically shaking he was so angry.
I looked back at the security team following us.
“I want to go!”
He huffed and kept driving. We finally got there, and we headed down this pretty dark hallway until we saw a door. Logan grabbed my arm and turned to me.
“You wait here.”
His voice was so final and authoritative I felt a little dumbstruck, so I just nodded and stayed back while he barged in. His security was furious he demanded to go in alone, but they had to listen. They were right aside, and I prayed they could hear us if something went south. I heard commotion and yelling, and then Logan literally dragged Sam out and shoved her roughly to the side. Sam was shaking. I could tell she was completely thrown off by Logan being here. Not to mention the intensely, angry demanding man in front of her was nothing like the one she was used to seeing. Her guard was up high, and I could see for the first time it wasn’t necessarily to keep people away, it was shame. I backed off giving them their moment, but I knew I wasn’t mad at Sam immediately. She had her reasons and clearly felt like shit about this. That girl was lost. So, so strong, but so, so lost. I got it. Too. Well.