by Bry Ann
“I hate him. I hate everyone. I hate being alone! I hate that Logan has always been too famous for me. I hate that parents hate me, and Logan lost them because of me. I hate therapy. I hate myself! I hate my pathetic, stupid life.”
Then I crashed to the floor and cried. Sam rushed over and held me. I felt Sam lift her head, probably to tell Alexa something. Whatever. Sam rocked me, and I tried to push her away, but she didn’t budge. A few seconds later I heard Logan enter the room.
“Dana,” he yelled running over to me and I heard the door shut. He didn’t seem to care I’d destroyed the room. He pulled me gently from Sam and thanked her. He held me tight, but my brain went elsewhere. I was gone.
I was behind the restaurant by an old dumpster. It smelled, and the ground was still somewhat wet from where they’d pushed me down roughly. I tried to stand but a fist came flying into my face before I could see who did it. My hands stopped my fall, but it just took a nudge for me to land with a grunt on the ground. It was at this point my body and mind separated. It was like I was watching myself. I didn’t feel anything. I had no idea who participated in my rape. Did they both? Did Damon? Did my boyfriend rape me? Did his cousin?
I froze. I let that happen. I knew in the car. I KNEW, and I didn’t move. Just like in the hotel room. Just like in the cabin.
“Help me,” I whispered spiraling out of my flashback. “Help.”
Soon a body was by my side. I was in the same destroyed room, but I was leaning against the wall now.
“You’re safe.”
I turned to see Gunner, looking pained. He was right next to me, but not touching me.
“Why are you here? I don’t want you here! I’m mad at you.”
I grabbed a piece of broken plastic and threw it at him.
“Careful,” he warned. “That’s dangerous.”
“So, what?” I whispered, exhausted.
“You’d be upset if you hurt me.”
I tucked my head into my knees.
“Fine. What happened?”
“I don’t know Dana. That is what I need you to tell me. I was in my room all the way down the hall and Sam came running into my room, totally desperate. Said you were freaking out. You needed help. Logan was holding you, trying to get you to come back. You just kept rocking and mumbling stuff about you how you froze, I won’t repeat the rest. Logan nodded at me and everyone left. I pulled you to the wall, you fought so it was as far as I could get you. I stayed until you calmed down. You seemed less manic once everyone left.”
“Why Tanner?” I whispered. “Why did he have to be there? I’ve worked so hard to let him go. I hate him so much. Why can’t you just give up your shit? Why am I not worth it? Why did my parents hate me? Just why, why, why.”
I still felt slightly insane. Maybe not lamp throwing crazy, but mind was still spinning. Gunner was silent for a long time. A very long time.
“You are worth it Dana. One hundred percent worth it. I’m just scared shitless of hurting you.”
I laughed an evil laugh and stood up. Gunner instantly followed, watching me carefully.
“Hurting me? Ha! That’s funny. What the fuck is there left to hurt! I’m broken. Just like all the shit on the floor. You can’t break a broken heart Gunner. Don’t kid yourself.”
“None of what’s happened to you is your fault. You kept saying how you froze, how it was your fault. You just kept repeating it Dana. Even I didn’t know you were hurting this badly.”
“My therapist does, because, that’s right, I see one! I work on myself. Imagine how bedsit crazy I’d be if I didn’t. Maybe I’d be you!”
I turned away from him. That was a low blow. I heard him take a deep breath and he stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I’ll get help,” he whispered. “For you.”
I spun in his arms. “You will?”
“Yeah,” he pulled me closer, “I’m in love with you Dana. I always have been. I mean why else would I have gone and broken all my rules. Your friendship, your company means the world to me. You bring me peace.”
“You love me? No going back now. Mean it if you say it!”
Gunner grabbed my face and kissed me so aggressively there was no way deny the truth in his words. I felt a burn between my legs. Years of love and sexual chemistry came bubbling to the surface. I pushed my body against his and he groaned, which sent shocks down my body. He pushed me backwards and we landed on the bed. I moaned as he kissed down my neck.
“I love you. I’m fucking crazy about you. I’d die if anything happened to you.”
He grabbed my hands and kissed them. I looked at them and realized they were all bloody.
“Holy shit, what happened?”
“When you threw the lamp it cut you,” Gunner said, his voice sounding strained. “I’m having trouble holding back here Day. You’re so gorgeous.”
I laughed, feeling flattered. He’s so hot and he wanted me.
“I mean, I’m open to a little...”
“You sure? You just-”
“Shh… this is different. The door locked?”
“Yeah.”
He grabbed the edge of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I blushed. I felt super vulnerable but wanted all at the same time.
“You’re beautiful,” he said reading my thoughts. “Don’t be shy, not with me.”
I nodded.
“If you think I’m pretty then...”
He moved his face up to hover above mine.
“I think you’re fucking hot. Don’t sell yourself short.” I laughed and kissed him. “You tell me when to stop okay?”
“Anything but no sex… of any kind. I’m not ready for that.”
“But anything else?” he said gruffly. I laughed.
“That’s what you would get out of that. Yes, anything else. Show me what the hype is all about mister.”
“Oh, I will.”
He sounded so damn smug.
“Shit, I’m scared,” I mumbled.
“You’re in control here Day. The second you say stop we are done. If there’s something else, you need you tell me.”
“Okay.”
I bit my lip. He smiled and took off his shirt. Holy shit, muscles. I felt myself grow more wet, more desperate. He removed his pants, leaving just his boxers and the heat of his body hovering over me. I groaned. He smirked and pulled at the bottom of my pants removing them effortlessly. I was left in my lace bra and cotton panties.
“Fuck Dana,” Gunner mumbled.
He kissed my mouth and then made his way down my body. When he got to my lower abdomen I felt my legs start to quiver and my breathing start to pick up. He ran his hands down my chest and landed on my breasts. He slid his hands inside my bra and I started to squirm underneath, making him laugh.
“You good under there?” he joked.
“Asshole,” I mumbled back.
He laughed under his breath and began to massage my breasts. I heard a moan escape my lips and I closed my eyes wanting to avoid Gunner’s gaze. I didn’t want to be embarrassed again. I just wanted to enjoy this while I still was. I knew soon panic would take over and this would all be over.
“You okay?” Gunner whispered in my ear while he massaged me. He slipped his hands out from under my bra and kissed me.
“Yeah, I’m just… embarrassed.”
“No need. You’re hot.”
I opened my eyes and smiled. Him checking in made this interaction feel somewhat familiar, like we were in one of our deep talks. He knew it too. When I opened my eyes, he traced his hands down my abdomen again and slid his hand into my underwear, watching me carefully. My breathing stopped temporarily and then as he began to stroke my clit gently. I felt him pick up the pace at an alarming rate.
I let out a loud moan and my hips involuntarily jerked towards his hand. I wanted to close my eyes, again out of embarrassment, but I saw Gunner bite back a smirk and get super close to my face, so I could feel his heavy breath on my face. He kiss
ed me and began to stroke harder, eventually slipping a finger inside me. I almost panicked, but he pulled his finger out the second he felt me shake. Then he slid my underwear pack in place and we made out for a while. When we were done he pulled me into his side and I put my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. We were quiet for a while, just enjoying the peace.
“You’re not going to run this time?” I asked after a long silence.
“No, I can’t run from you anymore.”
“And you’ll get help?”
He sighed.
“I said I would so… yes, I will.”
I leaned over and kissed him.
“Thank you. For everything, your patience just now. I… it means a lot to me. I never thought I’d get to experience anything like that.”
“You’re my best friend Dana. I love you a lot. I'm scared of how I feel for you. Really fucking scared. If you promise to have patience with me in the whole feelings, relationship department I promise to do everything I can to make you feel better on an intimate level.”
I smiled and placed my hand in his.
“Deal.”
This is why we worked. He was a criminal and on the outside our relationship made no sense, but we got each other. Even in the most fucked up sense.
Gunner helped me out of bed. He was still in his boxers and I was still in my bra and panties. I threw on my purple t-shirt quickly as he dragged me to the bathroom.
“What are we doing?”
“Cleaning your hand. I should have done that right away but… well, I got distracted.”
A smug smile played on his lips and I laughed. He set me on the edge of the bath and crouched in front of me as he took a wet towel and wiped my hand. I stared at him in awe. He was being so gentle. That side of him was always there, I guess I just never wanted to notice. We both showered, got dressed and then Gunner wrapped my hand in gauze that was in a first aid kit under the hotel sink. Once it was wrapped I stood there awkwardly.
“We have to get your friends. They are probably flipping their shits.”
“Oh yeah!” I had completely forgotten. I looked around the room. “Oh, Logan’s just going to kill me.”
I put my face in my hands and Gunner pulled them away and looked me in the eye.
“He will just be happy you’re okay. Logan Prescott isn’t worried about the money. He can go promote a t-shirt company and then buy this hotel.”
I laughed. True.
“I’ll get them. You just… prepare for that.”
He walked out. I felt so embarrassed. I had a total meltdown. Several minutes later Logan came in the room. He was alone.
“Where is everyone?”
I twiddled my thumbs. I did not want to be alone with him right then.
“They are in the hall. They’ll be in in a second. I want to talk first, alone.”
“But Sam is worried… a..and Alexa and…”
“You’re my sister. For years it’s been just us. I love all of them, but right now I need to talk to my sister alone because my sister has pushed me away and I won’t allow it.”
“You’re so bossy,” I grumbled.
“You seem to like that.” Logan sat down next to me. “So, you and Gunner?”
I threw my hands over my ears.
“We are friends! Stay out.”
“Yeah that’s bullshit, but okay. Just know I’ll kill him if he hurts you.”
“First, you couldn’t kill him even if you tried. Second, he is scared enough of hurting me without you barging in so don’t you dare threaten him and push him away even further!”
“First, I couldn’t kill him, but I have the resources to get rid of him. Second, Gunner is a man. If you two are together I’m part of the deal and he’ll have to live with it.”
“Is this what you came in here to do, inquire about my relationship with Gunner.”
He laughed. “No, that’s not why.”
“Then get to it.”
“You’re so different,” Logan said quietly. “It’s hard for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You used to be so shy. You aren’t like that anymore. You were such a sweetheart, you still are, you’re just… I don’t know.”
“I’m growing up Logan. I don’t want people casting me aside anymore. I’m still me.”
“I know.”
He gently nudged my side.
“So, you and Sam?” I grinned.
Logan lit up.
“Yep. She’s gonna marry me. Can you believe it? She struggled with it, but I know she’s happy. It’s just hard for her.”
“Actually, no I can’t believe it,” I laughed. “Life’s crazy.”
“Speaking of life being crazy,” Logan winced and looked around the room. “Are you okay?”
“I lost it.”
“I know. I haven’t seen you that far gone since… the bathroom.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t see straight. I’m a little lost. I’ll figure it out.”
Logan grabbed my arm and traced his thumb over the gash on my bicep.
“This is new.”
“It’s not what you think. It’s from the cabin. It was a distraction, so Gunner could fight the guys off.”
Logan let go of my arm and nodded solemnly.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it with me. I know I’ve been distant since Sam and Jazmine came into my life. I know it must hurt that I’ve worked less for them and never did for you, but I was young Dana. I have a family now, but you were always my family first. I’ll always love you. You don’t have to hide stuff from me. Remember I’m me first before I’m a celebrity and all that shit. I know I get on my high horse sometimes, but I promise I can get off it when you need me. Please trust me again. Okay? I feel I’ve earned it. I love you so much. I’m so worried about you.”
I looked at my brother’s shaggy blonde hair and intense blue eyes remembering all the times we sat in my room as he braided my hair and I snuck in cookies while he vented about his day. I wrapped my arms around him.
“I love you so much. I’ve missed you. I love Sam too, but I’ve just felt like second place.”
“I promise to work on that. I never want you to feel that way.”
“Okay and I promise to talk to my therapist about the cabin. I’ll up my 1:1’s. I promise.”
Logan nodded.
“My credit cards on file, get whatever you need. I’m serious.”
“I always do,” I winked.
He smiled and rubbed my hair.
“I’ll get the girls. They are flipping out. Jazmine just got here by the way so once you guys hash it out and you’re ready you can see her.”
“Yay!”
“By the way Dana?”
“Yeah?”
“We aren’t done talking about Gunner.”
I groaned miserably as Logan left the room. He really had such a powerful presence. He was different yet so similar to how he was as a teenager. I know I was younger than him, but I still felt so proud of the man be became all on his own.
I didn’t have time to dwell on all that because Sam and Alexa came running in the room next. God this was awful and most definitely not the right way to handle someone who just had a total emotional breakdown. I felt my anxiety start to rise just due to the sheer amount of energy directed at me, but Gunner came strolling in the room behind them with Rex and Logan. He leaned against the door frame. I looked at him and instantly felt calmer. He was my calm. Somehow. It made no sense, even to me.
“You fucking fucker…” Alexa said hitting my shoulder with tears in her eyes. “You scared the shit out of me.”
I glanced at Rex who was looking at her like she was an enigma.
“Sorry Alexa. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she sighed. “You alright?”
“Geez, I got Alexa to cry. Must be serious.”
“Shut up.”
I looked over at
Sam who looked slightly traumatized by the whole ordeal.
“You okay?” she asked gently.
“Are you?”
She let out a bitter laugh and let out the breath she’d be holding.
“Yeah. I’m okay.”
Before any of us could speak again Jazmine came bolting in the room past Gunner and the men. I heard Logan mumble “so much for staying the hallway”.
Seeing her bright blonde curls headed towards me instantly made some of the darkness in my heart dissolve.
“Aunt Dana!” she squealed and jumped in my arms. I wrapped my arms around her tiny body. Something about her innocence and happiness brought tears to my eyes. I looked at Sam.
“She’s therapy, isn’t she?” Sam said with a smug, reminiscent look on her face.
“Yeah.”
Jazmine pulled away and her blue eyes shined bright as she looked at me.
“I missed you Aunt Dana.”
“I missed you too baby.”
For the next hour we all talked and played in that destroyed hotel room. It became one of those moments in life where I was grateful to be alive. Rex and Alexa didn’t even fight. They shot daggers at each other the whole time, but no verbal punches were thrown. Even Logan and Gunner got along fairly well.
The moment was perfect.
Dana- 26 Years Old:
Sam was out for days. She woke up at one point and I’d never been so relieved, but with all the pain meds she couldn’t stay awake long. Looking at her was horrific. She was beaten to a pulp. Seeing a girl as strong as her so broken tore me. Logan looked absolutely horrible. If there was any doubt he loved her it would have been proven wrong quickly in that moment. Logan flew Alexa out immediately and she was… different to say the least. The meeting would have been amusing if it wasn’t for the circumstances.
Logan had his driver bring Sam’s friend from Wyoming to the hospital. Neither of us were willing to leave there. Logan and I went out to the parking lot when her car pulled up. I was holding Jazmine’s hand. Logan and I had been trading off occupying Jazmine. She was bored and scared for her mom. It was our job to make sure she didn’t worry… yet.
“Alexa’s coming, Alexa’s coming,” Jazmine kept whispering.