by Bry Ann
“I am from Alabama. That’s very perceptive of you Alex.”
His eyes narrowed at me. Mia didn’t notice, clearly just happy to have us all in the same room. Rex, on the other hand, did notice. I saw him stiffen and he turned to glare at Blaze. Something was silently communicated between the two of them, but I didn’t understand what it was. Mia glanced at me and shrugged. I gave her a half smile, but I was on alert. What would I do if Blaze didn’t want me hanging around? Blaze was Mia’s fiancé, all I was Rex’s ex-best friend. I’d have to leave. I just had sex with Rex for God’s sake. I’d be crushed if I had to leave them again. I still was just human after all. I felt something cold and icy grip my heart.
“I have to pee,” I said abruptly. I didn’t even turn to see the look on their faces, especially Rex’s. I’m sure he knew something was up. I didn’t want to see that familiar concerned, curious look in his eye. I sprinted to the bathroom and leaned against the back wall, forgetting the lock. I tried to filter through my emotions to reach rationality. This was nuts. I had always known my weak spot. It was the Goddamn Carter family. I couldn’t think straight around them. I ripped my own heart out the first time I had to leave and there was a very real chance I’d have to do that again.
“What am I doing?” I whispered to myself.
“Good question.”
I jerked up and saw Rex standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. He shut the door behind him quickly, but quietly. I exploded.
“What the FUCK? What if I was peeing or pooping? What if I was naked? You can’t just barge in here whenever you damn well feel like it! Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. You don’t own me. No one does. Jesus Rex. I’m so pissed off right now.”
“Are you done?” Rex asked casually.
“For now.” I took deep breaths trying to calm myself. I wasn’t even mad at him. I was mad at the threat I saw in everyone. Blaze could make me lose Mia and Rex. Rex could break my heart beyond repair. Mia could make me feel like no one would ever accept me. If Mia decided I was too crazy to befriend, I’m pretty sure I’d just go live in a cabin in the woods. Every man on the planet could take advantage of me and my situation. Women could screw me over and judge me. I hated the isolated, constantly on edge feeling that gave me.
“First, Blaze and Mia are right outside so maybe don’t scream that we had sex this morning. Second, why are you hiding in the bathroom?”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Can we skip the part where you lie and then I convince you to tell me what’s wrong? Can you just tell what’s wrong this once, so we can get back out there?”
Usually that would work, but I couldn’t tell Rex I was terrified of losing him. He’d just tell me that would never happen and be super nice and comforting. I didn’t that kind of bullshit right now.
“I needed a minute alone. Some space to myself.”
“You’ve only spoke with Blaze for five minutes.”
“And it’s gone so fucking swimmingly…”
Rex sighed, sounding exhausted with my moods. “He’s just feeling you out. He adores Mia. I’d do the same for you if some random girl came into your life. Give him a chance to get to know you.”
“You’d feel the need to do that for me? Why?”
“Come one Alex,” Rex said as he extended his hand and smiled. “Quit wearing me out.”
I ignored his hand and brushed past him, shoulder checking him along the way. Once I was out of his view I smiled. I heard him laughing behind me.
“Always holding onto your pride. Even when falling apart in the bathroom.”
“Always,” I called back, even though he didn’t think I heard him.
Once we were back out in the living room I turned to Blaze.
“I’m sorry about that. Do you want to talk for a second? In private.”
Blaze’s eyebrows raised, seemingly impressed. Mia looked unsure and I heard Rex whisper my name warningly from behind me.
I ignored all of them.
He was unsure of me, and me him. This had to be settled away from the innocence of the Carters. Blaze had seen shit. I could tell. He was a warm guy and looked like an absolute cuddle bear. Underneath all that though I saw a hardness in him. I suspected it only came out when he was protecting his fiancé. This is the reason why Blaze was so unsure of me, he knew I’d seen shit too and he didn’t know if my past would come back to haunt Mia. He wouldn’t let that happen. I got it. It didn’t make me any less hesitant to talk to him though.
“I’d like that Alex. Rex’s room? If that’s cool with you Rex.”
The look he gave Rex was a challenge.
I stiffened. I saw it in his eyes. He knew something was up with that room and Mia hadn’t told him. She probably hadn’t even let him in the room, and I suspected they were not the type of couple to keep shit from each other.
Mia’s eyes went wide.
“You’re being an asshole,” I heard her whisper in Blaze’s ear.
I didn’t know what to do. If I brought him to that room, how would I explain the disaster. My ego always got me into trouble though, and this was a challenge. A big one. I couldn’t turn it down if I ever wanted to get along with Blaze. Rex knew it too, which is why he didn’t intervene like I am sure he wanted to.
“Fine. Yeah sure. Why not?” I responded, sounding cool as ever. Meanwhile my insides were shaking like they were set on vibration mode.
Blaze laughed. He had a slight southern twang I starting to pick up on more and more.
“Shall we then?”
He stood up and I followed. Blaze kissed Mia softly, she turned her head, clearly pissed at him. While they had their moment, Rex grabbed my hand.
“You don’t have to do this Alex. Just let him trust you over time. He’s usually so nice. I don’t know what his deal is. This is atypical behavior.”
“I have to do this Rex.”
He searched my eyes and let me go. “Fine. I understand but be careful. Think a little before you speak.”.
“Yes attorney. Anything else you’d like to advise me on?”
“Are we gonna talk?” Blaze asked, now standing right next to Rex’s door. I bit my lip, stiffened and walked over there as well.
“Yep. Waiting on you.”
I opened the door as little as possible and slipped in. He followed me and shut the door behind him. He glanced around the room in shock.
“What the… What the hell happened in here? I thought maybe you threw a lamp or something, but this…” He gestured around the room. Then his eyes trained on me, accusing. I mean it was my fault, but still. Asshole.
“I had a bad dream,” I said simply.
“A bad dream. A bad dream,” he laughed to hide his rage. “A bad dream is where you wake up in cold sweats or something. This is room is ripped to shreds.”
“I don’t know what to tell you Blaze! I will help fix it. I will do it all. I wasn’t fucking conscious. I didn’t do this on purpose!” I could feel my voice rising. My patience thinning with this man. I fought for control, but it was slipping.
“What are you hiding? I’m actually not a bad guy anymore, but it makes me nervous when someone comes around my fiancé with a past I know nothing about. I don’t want anything to happen to her, if you know what I mean.”
“Why? Because you have a past and people have suffered for your mistakes before? I have your card Blaze. Quit acting like you are better than me.”
His eyes darkened. “Mia knows my past.”
“Oh, so you can have a past but no one else. That’s fair. Just keep Mia in this perfect little bubble, other than you of course!”
“I know my past won’t come around to bite her.”
“Well neither will mine. I’ve paid my price.”
“Oh, yeah sure, and what price is that?”
“I lost my baby you fucking asshole!” I shrieked.
“Everything okay in there?” Mia’s concerned voice rang through. Blaze looked at
me, wondering if I was going to end it. I narrowed my tear-filled eyes at him and tilted my head up.
“No. Sorry Mia. We are fine.”
“O…. kay,” she responded but her voice was shaky, and I could only guess Rex was flipping a shit.
“How’d you lose your baby?” Blaze asked. His eyes were slightly softer. I could tell he understood the impact of that loss.
“I was pushed down a flight of stairs.”
“By?”
“None of your business.”
“You’re with my fiancé 24/7. Your shit is the first thing she’s ever kept from me, this room that is. She obviously wouldn’t tell me your life story, which is fair. Rex adores the ground you walk on. I won’t see the people I care about getting hurt.”
“I wouldn’t hurt them,” I said softly. “They are good to me.”
“Maybe not on purpose.”
“I was a hooker. You happy? I ran away from my psycho dad and was naive. I got myself into trouble with this Russian guy. I couldn’t escape. That was until I found out I was pregnant. I got out for my baby, and when they found me they pushed me down a flight of stairs for running away. They think I’m dead. I framed it that way. Now, if you will excuse me.”
I slammed the door open and walked right out of the apartment. I didn’t stop when I heard the door open again after me. I expected Rex and was prepared for him. I was not expecting the voice that stopped me.
“Alex!” Mia’s soft voice ran through the stairwell. The demanding tone of her voice forced me to turn around.
“I have to go Mia. Thank you for the get together.”
Mia ignored me and walk toward me with purpose.
“Blaze has a past too. I’m sorry Alex. I didn’t think he’d get himself all worked up. He usually doesn’t. I… please don’t go. Give him a chance.”
“Mia….”
“You want him to give you a chance, right? How can he do that if you don’t give him one? He has walls too. His just have to do with protecting me. Not that I need protection, but, you know, he’s stubborn. I love both of you. Please be patient with him. I’m begging you.”
I sighed and looked up at the ceiling then back at her. “Okay Mia. I mean of course. It’s the least I can do.”
She squeezed my hand and pulled me back inside. Blaze was on the couch, looking very much like a child who just got his hand slapped. I saw the rare hard look cross Mia’s face and I knew harass Mia was about to come out.
“Now. I think we’ve had enough introductions for the day. Blaze, you and I are going to grab a late lunch. Rex, Alex, you two do whatever you want. When we get back we will all watch a movie and then Rex, you can take Alex home. That’s the plan.”
She left no room for argument or discussion. That was the plan. Mia stomped over to the doorway, tapping her foot as she waited for Blaze. He was clearly in deep shit and he knew it. When he passed me he sighed and turned around? I stiffened, but immediately relaxed when he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“I’m really not an ass Alex. I’m sorry about your situation. I look forward to getting to know you.”
I gave him a stiff nod. I wasn’t really mad at him anymore. The look in his eyes was genuine. He felt bad, and people had judged me for less. I saw him take Mia’s hand and kiss her cheek. He mouthed some words in her ear and she visibly softened and smiled at him. They were so in love I couldn’t help but be affected by it. The look they gave each other was like no one else existed in that moment. He held the door open for her and Mia said her goodbyes. Once the door clicked shut and they were gone, Rex came out from wherever he was.
“They gone?” Rex called.
“Yeah. Where were you?”
He ignored me and took a seat on the couch, patting the spot next to him.
“I want to show you something.” I noticed he had a laptop sitting next to him. Curious, I took the seat he was offering.
“Do you have a resume?”
“Huh?”
“A resume. Has anyone ever shown you how to make a resume or optimize your LinkedIn profile or anything like that.”
“What are you saying?” I clenched my fists. The anger was a mask for how completely embarrassed I felt. If there was an emotion I hated more than any other, it was embarrassment.
“Alex,” Rex said calmly. “I’m not saying anything. Listen to me for a second. Okay sweetie? Don’t get defensive, don’t be embarrassed. Think of what I am offering here. Mia and I had parents show us how to navigate the business world. I figured you probably had no help. Even if music is the path you want to stay on, having a good resume and a good internet presence will help you immensely. If you later decide you want to branch out from music and make a have a larger income this will help you as well. It’s up to you what you want to do with this knowledge, but this will give you a chance to really get on your feet. You won’t have to rely on anyone for money if you know how to navigate this stuff.”
“You’d teach me this?” I side eyed him, feeling skeptical. “Judgement free.”
“Of course.” He whipped out his laptop and started clicking a bunch of buttons. I hadn’t been on a computer in so long. I watched him with an odd fascination as he navigated his way around the screen. If I hadn’t already known, this act showed me how much I had missed out on life. I didn’t know any of this simple shit.
Rex was so patient with me. He helped me create a resume, which was semi impressive given my lack of job experience. He explained the job-hunting process to me. He broke down building a LinkedIn profile, and showed me the basics of the Microsoft programs. He even gave me some tips for searching the internet. I listened to him, enraptured. I tucked myself into his side, and I shot him a smile when I did. It felt good. No one had shown me this stuff before, and him showing me this meant more than bullshit flowers or chocolates. This was the beginning of my life.
My true independence.
...and of course, it was a gift from Rex.
Chapter 19:
Once Blaze and I got over our initial hang ups, we actually got along. Well, kind of. Blaze had a month before he had to go back to work again. He only had a few months left at his job, and then was going to move in with Mia. From there they were going to plan their wedding and ultimately their future.
We spent the month he was in town playing board games, watching movies and joking around. Blaze, despite his name, was a true country boy. Once in a while the darkness I’d sensed in him would come out and he would be a major asshole. Mia always recognized it and put a stop to it abruptly. Let’s say it was obvious who wore the pants in that relationship. I couldn’t help but admit I was curious about Blaze’s past. Why was his name Blaze? Why did he seem so dark despite his country exterior? What was his current job? It wasn’t my place to ask. In fact, it appeared to me the only person who knew the answers to these questions was Mia. I don’t think Rex even knew.
Rex was awesome with me. He really played a huge role and helping me adapt to the world after spending three years with Pytor and his men. It wasn’t until I met Rex that I realized how many issues I had from being locked away that long. It was a fucking lot. I came to realize I’d never fully recover from all that, but I could learn to adapt and move forward.
Rex was the closest thing to a guardian angel a girl could get. He let me talk about Anna endlessly. I talked until most of the rage and paranoia I felt had died down. The pain was still unbearable, the pain of a mother who lost her child, but that would never go away. Rex stayed at my place the whole month. I felt so safe with him there. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt as safe as I did with Rex’s arms wrapped around me. Of course, I got a bed once I realized he’d be staying with me. Yes, there was lots of stellar sex involved, but more than anything, I genuinely enjoyed his company. He’d grown up so much and turned into such a great guy.
Blaze was set to leave today so Rex was at my place giving him and Mia some space. I sat on the homemade sleeping bag couch Rex set up. He took a seat next
to me.
“You’re seem happier Alex,” Rex said softly to me as he rubbed his thumb along the inside of my wrist.
“I’m not as miserable. That’s true.”
He laughed. “Always with the negative spin on things. Mia and I have enjoyed having you around again. Mia loves you, and you know you’ve always been my best friend.”
“You are going to make me say something corny. Rex,” I turned around and straddled his lap. I laughed when I saw his eyes darken. I slowly moved my hips over his cock just to torture him as I spoke. His hands quickly reached up to grab my hips. He dug his nails into my skin. I watched him fight the urge to push me down and fuck me or let me finish talking. I enjoyed his torment, but only because he was always so composed and ever the gentlemen. I liked seeing his reckless side win over. I set my hands on his shoulders.
“Rex, you gave me a home after returning from hell. I love you. So much. You’ve always been my safe place. Now fuck me. Please.”
Rex flipped me over in one quick motion. I saw the questions in his eyes, but he didn’t torture me with them. He simply kissed my head.
“You’re welcome. I love you too Alex Ray.”
Then he slid his hands into my shorts and leaned into my ear.
“Oh, and by the way, don’t think I can’t torture you as much as you torture me.”
I smirked. “Oh yeah. Try me.”
A huge grin spread across his face. “Oh sweetie, you are going to regret saying that.”
“I have great self-control hunny.”
Rex leaned in close to my face.
“Harder to have when you love somebody babe.”
“Bastard.” Even I could hear the lack of conviction behind my words.
“Hands up.”
I lifted my hands, so Rex could remove my shirt and bra. They came off effortlessly. He used my T-shirt to tie my hands behind my back, but he got my nonverbal consent before doing so. He was always careful to never make me feel trapped or out of control.