“Hi, Cathy,”
“Kay?”
“It’s actually Kayla,” the woman smiled, walking closer and putting her hand out, “but if you prefer, you can still call me Kay.”
Cathy stood and took her hand, taking it a step further and hugging the woman.
“Oh, my god, Kay, how have you been?”
“I still have my good and bad days, but you know, life is pretty good right now.”
“You’re a doctor? When Katie and Addy told me to contact you, I didn’t put your name together with you being a doctor.”
“Why would you?” Kayla laughed. “I wasn’t a doctor when we met. I wasn’t much of anything except a dropout. That time for me was pretty much like what I’m assuming you’re feeling about now.”
“So, you know, you know what happened?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard. I pretty much keep to myself out here, but gossip still has its way of finding you when you live in a small town.”
Cathy knew all about that, she was surprised she hadn’t heard about the new doctor in town. “Speaking of that, when did you move to Defiance, and why didn’t you call me?”
“I moved back about a year ago, and I don’t know, Cathy, just life.”
“Yeah, I can understand that.”
“Come on, let’s go up to the house. I’d like to talk to you about some things and catch up a little.”
Cathy was floored. She knew this woman, knew exactly what she had gone through because she had worked with her for weeks. She had been raped much like Cathy had, and her therapist at the time recommended a service dog to help with her nightmares, anxiety, and getting her confidence back. Cathy had trained Sadie as a PTSD dog. When Kay, or Kayla, first came to her, she hadn’t been sure if the two of them would be a good fit, having only worked with veterans at the time, but the two had been a match made in heaven. Over the three months they’d worked together, Cathy had noticed a marked improvement in Kayla. With Sadie by her side, she was able to leave her house and do more of the ordinary things in life.
Their success had also made Cathy more determined to help others. Funny how in the last six months, she’d basically forgotten all of that and her training, not once reaching out to her dogs or anyone else. As they went into the house, Cathy noticed how warm and comfortable it was.
“Okay, I’m going to give it to you as you did me all those years ago, Cath. I can’t treat you because we know each other, and I consider you a friend, but what I can do is guide you. I can recommend other doctors and therapists if you’re ready for that?”
“Straight to the point, huh?”
“Yeah, I think a wise woman once told me there wouldn’t be any pussy footing around this. That if we were going to do this, we needed to be a hundred percent upfront with each other. I’m just giving that woman those words back. So, what do you say?”
“You don’t know all of it. What happened to you and what happened to me aren’t the same, Kayla.”
“It never is, Cathy, but the truth is we both have been violated. The first step in recovering is dealing with that and talking about it.”
“That’s just it, I don’t want to talk about it. I know who’s to blame for what happened to me, and I’m trying to deal with it. Why does everyone say I have to talk about it? What good does it actually do? I never once made you talk about it.”
“That’s just it, you didn’t, but I did eventually talk to you. You were the first person to hear any of it from me, Cath, and you helped me so much, more than you will ever know.”
“See, that’s where we’re different, Kayla. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Your attackers grabbed you off the street. These people came after me, specifically because of who I know and associate with. If I hadn’t been so selfish, it never would’ve happened.”
“So, what you’re saying is my attack was my fault because I decided to walk down that street that day instead of staying at home.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. Those men came after me because I was associated with the RBMC and Addison. It wasn’t random, it was planned. If I hadn’t talked Crank into an RBMC free week, none of it would have happened. If I hadn’t turned off the damn security system, they wouldn’t have gotten into the house. If I hadn’t decided to pop the damn champagne left on my fucking doorstep, none of it would have happened. I did those things. I allowed those men onto my property. I left myself and my man vulnerable because I wanted to spend a little time alone with him. I made all those choices, no one else.”
“Do you know what one of my attackers said on the witness stand? He said that they chose me because I was wearing red that day. So, basically, if I agree with you, that your choices caused them to take you and violate you, then my choices did the same thing.”
“Kayla, you know that’s not what I’m saying, at all,” Cathy said, getting up from the couch; she couldn’t sit there and listen to this. Kayla didn’t get it.
“Okay, let’s leave that to the side for now. From what I can tell, you have a great support system, and with your training and education, you already know the steps you need to take to help you deal with this and move forward in your life. Why haven’t you done any of that? Why have you sequestered yourself in your house and told everyone who’s close to you that you’re fine when you clearly aren’t?”
“This is different, and you damn well know it,” Cathy spun around and faced Kayla getting pissed; how dare she? “My training and education apply to help other people. I don’t…”
“Exactly, you don’t think you deserve to use that knowledge for yourself because you’re what caused those men to violate you?”
“Damn it, Kayla, it isn’t like that at all. I’ve been dealing with it in my own way, and you’re right, I know what I need to do. I blame them for hurting me, for touching me, but I have to take part of the blame on myself; I let my guard down. I didn’t realize people were watching Crank and me, and I didn’t…”
“Damn, Cathy, you aren’t Superwoman, you’re human. Why would you even think you could know what was going on?”
“Because I’m trained. The dogs had been acting weird all week, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t look into it or do my damn job. I ignored all the fucking signs. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to hear.”
“No, but I think you need to hear yourself; you’re human. Tell me why you ignored those signs you're talking about? Not what you think now, but what you were thinking then?”
Cathy plopped back down on the couch. She had been over this so many times in her mind, maybe it was better just to say it. “I was thinking that Brut and Dah were just getting antsy because hunters were close by, that I needed to adjust their training. When I should have trusted them and altered my thinking.”
“See, that’s where the problem is, Cathy. You want to blame yourself when you had absolutely no control over what happened. It was their fault, those men, no one else. Those are the things you need to talk about. Those are the things you need to wrap your mind around. Now tell me why you haven’t gone out of your house or spoken to any of your friends. Why you keep on insisting you’re fine when you aren’t even close.”
“What do you want me to do, Kayla? They look at me with pity in their eyes. Hell, Crank can’t even touch me, won’t stay in the same room with me for more than five minutes until I see it creeping into his eyes, and he has to leave. I don’t want their damn pity, but what’s even worse is the guilt. My God, I’m still me. I’m still the same person I’ve always been, but one look and they put me right back there. Make me feel ashamed to realize what I did.”
“Is that on you or on them?”
“What?”
“Just that simple. Can you control how someone else feels?”
“Of course, not, but….”
But that’s the thing about Cathy, she had always put others in front of her wants and needs. She didn’t take time for herself, and the one time she did, the one time she stood up and said I wa
nt this, look what happened. Logically, she knew the two things weren’t connected, but emotionally, that was another story.
“Exactly, you need to be selfish right now, Cath. You need to think of yourself and only yourself. You can’t worry about how someone else feels or is acting. You need to heal. If you’re ready to do that, I can help. I can put you in touch with the right people, be there for you to talk to when it all gets to be a bit too much. But that choice is yours.
“Do you want to keep going the way you have been or do you want to take the steps to move forward? Right now, that’s the only thing you need to ask yourself and think about. I’ve been there, I can tell you none of this will be easy; I still live with it every single day. I can tell you that it gets easier, and the people who genuinely care about you, who have your best interests at heart will understand and stick by your side.”
Cathy sat there and thought about it. Could she do that? Crank had been such a huge part of her life for so long. She always put him first, always catered to what he needed. Just last night, she went out and made sure he was taken care of when he had been acting like an ass. Then there was the club and all the people there; she’d tried to put on a brave face, said she was fine, didn’t want to impose, and yet, couldn’t bear to look at any of them. She wanted everything to be the same as it was before, but it wasn’t, and it would never be.
“Yeah, Kayla, I think I’m ready for that. Make your calls.”
Chapter 9
Crank had been combing through papers for hours when he wasn’t blowing up Cathy’s phone. He’d gone out and tried to find her, but she wasn’t anywhere and it was freaking him the fuck out. He’d even called Peyton up in Michigan to see if she’d heard from her, but she hadn’t.
He knew this woman like the back of his hand, or he had, but she wasn’t anywhere he’d looked. But fucking hell, the more he thought about the night before, he couldn’t blame her for blowing him off. He’d told her he was leaving her, only to grope the hell out of her and ask her to stay.
Crank looked up when Tuck walked into the room. Sitting back in the chair he knew whatever the man was going to say wasn’t going to be good.
“Hey, listen, I just got a call from Katie. Cathy has decided to go into long-term treatment. Katie made the arrangements for her, and I checked out the facility, it’s a good place. Shit, Brother, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to put it out there. She doesn’t want to see you or hear from you, right now. She asked that you quit calling her phone.”
“Fuck!” Crank said bringing his hand up to cover his eyes. It took him a couple of minutes to get himself under control. “You checked it out, and it’s a good place, not one of those mumbo-jumbo, just out for the money places?”
“Yeah, man, it’s a good place with good docs. I even called in a few favors to make sure. They have good results. She’s in good hands, and Katie is going to watch out for her.”
Crank knew Katie. She was the daughter of the old VP of the RBMC Mother chapter. She was young, but the chick was smart and graduated high school early and gone to medical school, Harvard or some Ivy league place. When her pops died, she came back to Kentucky and for some reason, that meant she came back to Tuck. Tuck, on the other hand, tried to stay as far away from Katie as possible, but Crank had watched him; he had a thing for the good soon-to-be-doctor.
“Shit, I hate to do this to you, but that’s not all of it.”
“Fuck, man, just say it.”
“Long-term means three months. She doesn’t want any contact the entire time she’s in treatment. She asked that you respect that and not try any caveman moves or special ops tactics to get into the place. Her words, not mine,” Tuck said sheepishly.
“Damn,” Crank said getting up and walking around the room, “I fucked up good this time, didn’t I?”
“I don’t know, Crank. From what you’ve told me and that shit that went down last night, I would say, yeah, you screwed the pooch, but that woman loves you. I know that as well as I know my name.”
“Do you know I haven’t spent a day without her in twenty years? Never thought there would be a day I didn’t have her by my side or on the back of my bike. But damn, Tuck, I don’t know if I can fight this one. I don’t know if any of this is the right thing to do.”
“I wish I could answer that shit for you, Brother, but I can’t. Only time will tell.”
“You want to hear something shitty? Last night, when Misty was rubbing all over me, for a second, I actually considered taking her up on her offer. For the first time in twenty years, I thought about fucking someone other than my Old Lady, just to feel something. We’d been going down a dark fucking path, Brother. That week, shit, we were supposed to get it back. Maybe this is just fate’s way of saying, times up.”
“Shit, man, I’m not Dr. Phil, not even close, but that load of bullshit you just sprung on me, get that crap out of your mind. I’ve never seen two people who were as closely matched as you and Cathy. First off, Misty snuck in here, following a couple of the Brothers. I’ve made it clear she’s no longer welcome and what will happen if she disobeys another one of my orders. But fuck, man, think about what you’re saying, twenty fucking years Brother, you said it yourself. You willing to give that shit up for a piece of strange? Because I have to tell you, Cathy might be going through a whole truck full of shit right now, but she still brought her ass down to the club and showed Misty exactly where she stood. That’s not a woman who’s ready to give up on what you two have, and as her man, you need to have the balls to deal with that. Deal with your shit, figure out what was going on before and fix it.”
“Yeah, I think you might be right. So, Dr. Tuck, how did you get so good at giving all this relationship advice. Something you want to tell me? Did you and Katie talk about anything else?”
“Fuck you, Katie is a kid. Shit, I was in high school when she was still running around in diapers.”
“Yeah, okay, whatever you say, Tuck, but isn’t she like twenty-six or something? Not exactly jailbait territory. If you ever decided to stop looking and take a little taste, I’m sure she would be more than willing.”
“Not going to happen. Anyway, listen, I wanted to talk to you about something else. I heard back from the Satan’s Vultures Mother Chapter; the meeting is a no go. They don’t consider us allies and see no reason to honor our request.”
“Fuck, man, that leaves us back to square one, trying to track these assholes the old-fashioned way. Shade and his boys haven’t had any luck at that, so where does that leave us now?”
“Well, Creed came to me, he wants to infiltrate the Vultures. Go in as a Prospect or a hang-around, so he can see if those two assholes are hanging around Lexington. He also wants to keep his ears open for any other talk of the RBMC.”
“Usually, I would say that’s a good plan, Tuck, but shit, we already made an inquiry. The Vultures are going to be watching for something, will be suspicious of anyone new hanging around.”
“That’s the thing, Brother, Creed has connections back in Lexington. Hasn’t been in contact for a while, but he thinks if he calls and says he’s coming in for a visit, they’ll welcome him with open arms.”
“Do you know about these connections? I’m not going to send a man in just to get him hurt. If this isn’t solid, then I say no. Creed is a good man, I can’t have that shit on my conscience. I have enough shit there already.”
“He filled me in, and out of respect for him, I’m going to keep it to myself, but I think this is solid. I also believe this is the only way we’re going to get some of those answers. You know as well as I do we all take risks doing what we do. Creed is no exception, he knows what he’s asking to do and the possible outcome. That isn’t on you or anyone else. He considers this just another mission.”
“Shit, okay. What else because I know that’s not it?”
“We have an appointment at County Friday night. Shade made arrangements, off the books, for the two of us to talk with the two
Vultures he’s holding. But I need to make sure your head is in the right place; you can’t touch them, and right now, buddy, I don’t think you’re capable of keeping your hands to yourself.”
“Damn it, Tuck, you know me better than that, we served together. Hell, we patched into this Club together. I know how to do my job.”
“That’s just it, Crank. On any other thing I would agree with you, but this, with what they did to Cathy, I don’t think I could maintain it put in the same room with these assholes.”
“Do I want to wrap my hands around their fucking necks and squeeze the life out of them? You bet your ass, but I’m not stupid, either. They have information we need that I need to help my Old Lady and this Club. So, I can maintain, but after I get that information, you better believe I’ll be making some calls of my own, pulling in as many fucking favors as I need to make sure their incarceration ends in a certain way. I’m not going to apologize for it or hell, even justify it, I’m just going to do it. I’m not asking you for permission, Tuck, hell, I don’t even care if you approve, this shit’s going to happen. You want me to walk away, just say the word.”
“Nope, no need for any of that talk. I get it, would probably do the same thing if I was in your shoes, but Crank, you need to make sure you and the Club can’t be fingered in whatever you have planned.”
“Give me some fucking credit, Tuck, this isn’t our first rodeo.”
“Yeah, we’ve been through some shit, haven’t we?”
“Learned a lot of shit too. Tuck, I get your priority is the Club, respect that, and up until a few months ago, I felt the same way, but they messed with my woman. I’m not going to let that shit slide.”
“Alright, we need to head out, then, and talk with Shade.”
“Shade?”
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