by Speer, Flora
“Come back inside the ship,” Halvo said when the thrusters were silent once more. “But keep your helmet on. You aren’t going to stay long.”
Perri made two trips between the ship and the cave she had found. Each time, she carried to the cave the supplies Halvo collected while she was gone. On her third visit to the ship Halvo announced that he was ready to leave.
“I am going to run to the cave,” he said, as if there were nothing at all unusual in a man with a bad back and bouts of vertigo attempting to race uphill across crumbly soil.
“You’re mad!” Perri cried. “Halvo, it is already bitterly cold outside and my sensor tells me the air pressure at this altitude is just barely within acceptable limits for a human.”
“Without a space suit that fits me, what else can I do?” he asked. “I will take a couple of deep breaths inside the ship and then run as fast as I can. It shouldn’t be much worse than a high dive into cold water. All you have to do is see me out the hatch, after which you are to close and seal it as you go through.”
“I can’t leave Rolli behind,” Perri said.
“We cannot take the robot!” he said. “From what you have said, Rolli’s body is too big to squeeze it through the slot in the ice.”
“If the temperature inside the ship tonight is going to be low enough to freeze us to death,” Perri said, “then it may also be low enough to damage Rolli’s main circuitry. We are going to need the information stored in there, Halvo.”
“You do have a point,” he said, “and I have sent some other temperature-sensitive equipment to the cave in those bundles you carried out of here. But only Rolli’s head goes, along with a kit of tools, so I can work on the circuitry before we come back to the ship.” Disappearing into the aft portion of the Space Dragon, Halvo reappeared a minute or two later with a sheet from one of the beds. Into it he placed Rolli’s head and the special tools he would need. Slinging the bundle over his shoulder, Halvo stepped to the exit hatch. There he paused to look around.
“All you need to do after I leave is make certain the hatch is properly sealed so the air in here won’t seep out,” he said.
“I know what to do. Halvo,” Perri said, “take care. Get into that cave as quickly as you can. And do not, under any circumstances, stop to wait for me or come back to help me. I promise you I will be all right.”
“You are no mean officer yourself,” he said with a grin that warmed her heart. Then he was gone from the ship and Perri quickly finished her last tasks aboard so she could follow him.
Halvo had moved the Space Dragon so close to the cliffs that he did not have to run any great distance, and as Perri hurried forward she could see his light ahead of her in the all-encompassing darkness.
She caught up with him in the narrow fissure, just before the ice ended and the rock began. He was gasping for breath, struggling to move on, and Perri could see he was dizzy and possibly disoriented by lack of air. She pushed him into the rock corridor, shoving at his back with all her strength. Halvo burst into the wider opening, stumbling and dropping to his knees.
The sheet containing Rolli’s head and the tools fell to the ground. The corners of the sheet pulled apart, releasing the contents. The tools stayed where they landed, but Rolli’s head went bouncing and rolling downward along the slope of the corridor. Perri ran after the head, awkward in her space suit, trying not to damage the suit since it was all the protection they had against the extremes of temperature and the inadequate air pressure outside the cave.
Rolli’s head came to rest against a curve in the corridor wall. Perri bent to retrieve it. When she straightened up, the light still attached to her arm shone into the distance.
In the blackness beyond the edge of the wall something moved and gleamed softly. Swallowing her fear, Perri advanced a step and directed the light ahead of her.
It was a liquid that had reflected her light. Setting Rolli’s head down again, Perri used her hand sensor to check the composition of the liquid. It was a large pool of water, filtered through the rock and as pure as water could be, though it was so cold it was almost ice. In contrast to the damp outer corridor, a smooth little niche in the high-roofed inner chamber was dry and had a reddish-brown, sandy floor that made a tiny beach where it met the pool.
Perri returned to the outer corridor in triumph, carrying Rolli’s head and eager to tell Halvo of her findings. He was sitting propped against the wall, breathing deeply. His face was moist from the trickling water he had just gathered in one hand and splashed onto himself.
“Did you catch Rolli?” he asked.
“Yes, and I discovered something wonderful.” Placing the robot’s head on the sheet, Perri eased off her gloves. Then, with her fingers working at the fastenings of her helmet, she sank down beside Halvo.
“You looked so funny,” he said, “running downhill, chasing poor Rolli as if that metal head were a ball about to bounce out of your reach.” Leaning his own head back against the rock, he began to laugh.
“I don’t think it was funny at all,” Perri said sternly. Pulling off her helmet she added it to the sheet next to Rolli’s head. “Rolli could have been damaged beyond repair. Worse, if I had fallen, the space suit could have been torn.”
“If it had been, we would have discovered a way to repair it – or to do without it. I am beginning to think you and I together can overcome most problems.”
“Are you sure you are all right?” Perri was startled by his humor and by his too casual response to her remarks about the space suit. “I was afraid you were going to die there, just at the entrance, before you reached the good air.”
“Thanks to your timely shove, I am rapidly recovering from oxygen depletion and from the euphoria that goes with it. The feeling is rather like the altitude sickness a mountain climber suffers when he ventures too high. A few more deep breaths and I will be fine. Since you don’t need it in here, you ought to take that entire suit off. We can fold it and store it there in the sheet. Shall I help you with the seals? Those boots can be awkward to remove.”
“Please.” Perri held out first one foot, then the other. With an upwelling of emotion, she regarded Halvo’s head bent to his task. It was all she could do to keep herself from stroking his thick dark hair. When he looked up at her, his gray eyes shining, she almost believed that he felt a similar urge to touch her. To distract her thoughts she told him about her discovery of a pool of water.
“It appears to be a dry chamber,” she said, finishing her description a few minutes later. “Perhaps we could make our camp there.”
“All right.” With a steadying hand on the rock wall Halvo pushed himself to his feet. To her confusion, Perri could detect no emotion in his voice and his face was closed to her, his eyes suddenly cool. “Hand me a couple of bundles to carry and lead the way.”
They had four blankets with which to make their beds, Pern’s hand weapon, the tools Halvo would use to work on Rolli’s head, and several pieces of ship’s equipment he had disconnected and brought along.
“Heat won’t be a problem for the ship itself since we are parked in permanent shadow,” Halvo said, piling the equipment on the spread-out sheet to keep it away from the sand, “but these are extra-sensitive items.”
“Where did you find these packets?” While unrolling one of the blankets, Perri had just uncovered packages of compressed food. “I didn’t know these were aboard. We could have eaten them.”
“Then it’s a good thing we didn’t know about them until I started rummaging through the stores a couple of hours ago. We will have to ration ourselves until the food processor is repaired once more, but at least we won’t starve for a while.”
“But Rolli told me all of our food must come from the processor.” Perri began stacking the packets into a neat pile.
“Perhaps these stores were left aboard after the last time the Space Dragon was used,” Halvo said. “I, for one, do not intend to question our good luck. There is nothing on this planet that we could
eat, so I am glad to have our own supply of food.”
“I believe you when you say it is as safe a place as we will find,” Perri said, “but I do not like this world. It is entirely lifeless. During my explorations my sensors never registered so much as a microbe.” She moved a little closer to Halvo as she spoke, seeking the only other source of life on that barren planet. To her dismay, Halvo immediately stepped to the other side of the sheet upon which they were arranging their supplies.
“All the more reason to make our repairs and get away as quickly as possible,” Halvo said, studying their meager belongings. “I also found a small heater. With it we can warm the air and feast on hot food. Then you ought to rest while I work on Rolli. As soon as the temperature begins to rise just before dawn, we have to go back to the ship and start the repairs.”
“Halvo, are you angry with me?” Perri asked. “Have I done something wrong?”
“Not at all. You have performed remarkably well. Now, if you would just fill this container with water, I will set up the heater and we can eat.” He was careful not to touch her fingers when she took the container from him, and he did not look directly at her.
“Be sure to fill it only half full,” he said.
“Stop giving me orders!” Baffled by Halvo’s behavior, Perri could only snap at him.
“Sorry. The habit is hard to break.” Standing with the portable heater in one hand and a packet of compressed food in the other, Halvo appeared to be searching for something in the collection of gear laid out on the sheet.
To Perri, it seemed that he was avoiding her eyes. When she approached him with the container of water, he moved away again, motioning to her to put it on the ground.
“Why don’t you want me to touch you?” she asked.
“This is a subject you would do well not to pursue.” He spoke as if he expected her to understand his meaning, but Perri did not understand.
“Why, Halvo?” Not to be denied, Perri went to him with determined strides and took his arm. The eyes he finally turned upon her blazed with an emotion she did not recognize. Perri took a step backward, but she did not let go of his arm.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” he said. “It has been perfectly obvious. On the ship, with Rolli in working order and all the doors jammed open, it was difficult enough to keep some control. Here, alone with you, it is going to be far harder than I imagined. But if I do what I want, it would not be fair to you, Perri. You are so much younger than I, and I don’t think you have had much experience along these lines. Nor do I want to bind you to me when you have just been freed to live your own life.
“So, my dear,” Halvo said pointing across the chamber, “you will sleep over there, against the rock wall, while I sit here to work on Rolli, as far away from you as I can possibly get inside this cave.”
“Now I understand.” Comprehension flooded over Perri. She had loathed what she must do for Elyr each time he appeared in her bedchamber, but for Halvo, she would not mind. For Halvo, it would be a pleasure. Perri did not pause to think what that difference in her attitude meant. Her only concern was to put Halvo at ease. “Forgive my denseness. I should have recognized the symptoms. It is time for your manly need to make you uncomfortable.”
“My what?” Halvo stared at her as if he could not believe his ears.
“You do not have to feel embarrassed,” she assured him. “I can relieve your discomfort. On the night of my sixteenth birthday, Elyr showed me how to pleasure a man.”
“Did he?” There was a note of steel in Halvo’s voice. Very deliberately, he bent and put down the food packet and the heater. He kept his face turned away from Pern’s sight for a few moments.
“Yes,” she said eagerly. “I know exactly what to do. I have become more expert since that first time. Halvo, it would be an honor to serve you in that way.”
“Serve me?” he said. There was no mistaking the meaning of the fierce glare that lit his eyes. “Why? Because of my rank? I have known many women who were willing to service the Admiral of the Fleet.”
“No,” she whispered, intimidated by the anger he had not troubled himself to hide. “It is because I like you. Because you have been kind to me and have handled me gently. Because when you kiss me I feel a wonderful warmth. If you want to kiss me again before I begin, I will be happy to respond. But if you do not wish to kiss me, I will not be insulted.”
“Really?” Halvo’s eyes had narrowed to mere slits and his face was guarded and tight. Perri decided a few intimate revelations might help him to relax.
“Elyr only kissed me on greeting,” she said, “and then again on leaving me, which he always said was right and proper. But never while I ministered to his discomfort. However, I will not object if you wish to do so. Your customs are surely different from Elyr’s.”
“I don’t doubt that for a moment,” Halvo said. “No kissing? How interesting. How unexciting for you. Was there no touching either?”
“What do you mean?” Her genuine confusion at his peculiar comments must have communicated itself to him. Some of his anger appeared to dissipate.
“Perri, I am not sure that you and I are talking about the same thing.”
“Of course we are.” She smiled to show him she did not mind what he would require of her. With Elyr, her smiles had always been forced. Glancing downward along Halvo’s stiffly held figure, she could see that they were, indeed, speaking of the same phenomenon because she could tell he was uncomfortable. In fact, her eyes told her that Halvo was extremely uncomfortable.
For the first time in her life, the image of what lay beneath a man’s clothing fascinated Perri, and the thought of what she could do to relieve the distress Halvo was obviously suffering was a desire blossoming in secret places where she had not known it was possible for a woman to feel such warm urges.
“Let me help you,” she said, offering all she had to give. “I am yours to use as you wish.”
“Thank you, but it would not be fair to you,” he said.
“What does fairness to me have to do with it?” she asked.
“I have tried to live my life as an honorable man,” Halvo said. “I am not going to take advantage of a young woman who clearly has no idea of the full implications of what she is suggesting.”
“But Elyr did not object.”
“I don’t care what Elyr did or did not do! Perri, in the name of all the stars, I am trying to do what is right for you!” Halvo lifted one hand, pointing again to the far rock face. When he continued, his voice was the coldest Perri had ever heard. “Dinner has just been canceled. I cannot talk to you anymore or even look at you. Do not ask why. You know why. Take a blanket and go over there and lie down. Stay there and do not speak to me again. Do you understand me?”
Perri’s lower lip was trembling so hard that she had to bite down on it to keep herself from bursting into sobs of humiliation and anger. She did not know what Elyr would have done if she had voluntarily offered to ease his discomfort when he had not indicated that he wanted such a service from her. Feeling as she did about the way in which Elyr demanded and then directed her aid, she had never offered.
But Perri did not think she would have felt so forsaken and hurt if Elyr had rejected her as Halvo had done.
Nor did Perri understand her own physical reactions to the scene just ended by Halvo’s cold commands. She desperately wanted Halvo to kiss her and she ached to feel his arms around her. She recalled in vivid detail the incident in her cabin aboard ship when he had kissed her and put his tongue in her mouth and had drawn her upward so she stood pressed along his body – and the disturbing heat and hardness of him when he had held her that way.
She also remembered the time when, trying to get to his feet so he could disconnect Starthruster and slow the Space Dragon, he had fallen on top of her while she was confined on the bench. She had not given the physical sensations much thought at that moment, because Halvo and she had been in grave danger. But the feeling of Halvo’s full weight o
n her and his thrusting, masculine hardness against her thigh had impressed themselves on her senses, allowing her to recall every detail. He had been uncomfortable then, too, though it had definitely not been an appropriate time.
Her skin prickling and sensitive, her body restless with a yearning she could not understand, unable to stop thinking about Halvo and the discomfort he denied, Perri stirred on her makeshift bed … and tried not to weep … and wondered if she would ever again feel like her usual self.
Beside the silent pool Halvo sat with both lights propped in the sand so they would shine on Rolli’s head while he worked on it. Hearing Perri move behind him and make an unmistakable feminine sound of unfulfilled need, he grimaced.
Uncomfortable? He was ready to explode! And from the way she was thrashing around and moaning, Perri was equally uncomfortable.
Damnation! Why did he have to be so cursedly moral about sex? She had offered herself. She was willing. And he was bursting with more than a year’s pent-up energy and frustration.
She was so lovely, with her flawless ivory skin and her hair the color of dark red wine. He could easily imagine her naked, with that hair curling around her shoulders, her breasts caught in his hands, moving as she was at that moment. He could hear her moving. He remembered the feel of her wriggling beneath him when she was strapped onto the bench. His mouth dry, Halvo laid down his tools.
He looked toward Perri. If she sent the least glance his way, the slightest hint of invitation…
She was asleep. She must be, since her eyes were closed and her breasts moved gently with each slow breath. Those beautifully rounded breasts! The skin of Halvo’s hands burned to touch them, to feel the nipples harden against his palms. A man could die of wanting Perri.
With a disgusting spaceman’s oath that he was aware would be all the satisfaction he was going to get for that night, Halvo turned back to Rolli’s head, knowing full well that if he tried to work on it in his present mood he would only damage it further. Propping his elbows on his knees, he rested his chin in his hands and stared into the robot’s unlit, sightless eyes … and wished he were anywhere but where he was.