by L. J. Dee
We raced down the stairs and he all but held me up straight as I forced my legs forward under the pain of the crushing thoughts invading my brain. He put me in the passenger seat of his car, fastening my belt, starting the engine as he grabbed his phone.
He pulled something up on the screen, looking closely and screeching the car around in an illegal U-turn, ignoring the blaring horns of the traffic as I stared across at him.
I still hadn’t spoken.
I was screaming internally, shaking and panting, trying to grasp the breaths that stuck in my strangled chest, but I had to find my voice; had to tell him.
“School is that way, we need to go that way,” I tried to shout, my voice cracking as I pointed hysterically in the other direction and he dialled a number on the car telephone system.
He was ignoring me. Why the hell was he ignoring me? Sheer panic gripped my entire being as I stared at Lucas, silent tears springing to my eyes as emotion overwhelmed me and once again I couldn’t breathe.
“Chas, tell the police to meet us at Hyde Park. Whoever has got him has taken him there, I’ve traced his phone,” he said, ending the call I stared at him in shock.
“What are you doing? Lucas, he hasn’t got a phone,” I screamed. “We need to get to school. They’ll want a description. Oh Jesus, who’s taken him? Why have they taken him?” I shouted, trembling with terror, my worst nightmare realised. “Turn the car around, Lucas, please. He doesn’t have a phone,” I screamed again as he fixed a serious gaze on me.
“He has a phone. He wanted to call me, so I bought him one and asked him not to tell you because I didn’t think you’d like it. You can say what the fuck you like about that later, but right now, Jessica, I am glad I did. It has a GPS tracker app which I put on for him in case he lost it. He keeps it in a secret pocket of his school bag which at this minute is in Hyde Park, so that’s where we’re going,” he said firmly as a million emotions raced through my brain.
I was angry, delighted, furious and hopeful, not knowing what to think or feel and just praying that we weren’t too late. I’d read about these things, seen it on the news; every time my heart going out to the parents involved but never, never did I think it would happen to me.
“Could it actually be his Granddad?” Lucas asked as I shook my head.
“I don’t think he even knows about Dexter,” I said, wondering for the first time if it might be. Perhaps that would be better, preferable to some stranger snatching him for God knows what. If it was him, he wouldn’t want to hurt him, at least I didn’t think so, as the worst scenarios forced their way into my brain. I tried with every ounce of strength I had to push them away. I couldn’t dwell on those things, only Dex, and I needed to get to him.
“Hurry, Lucas,” I screamed as he pulled the car alongside the huge gateway, all but abandoning it as we got out and ran.
He was faster than me, looking around as his determined feet tore up the pathway and I was glad. Wherever he was, I had a better chance of finding him with Lucas. I heard the sirens of the police cars, the black uniformed officers splitting up and covering the vast area of the park, searching for Dexter. It was surreal, like a scene from a film. I forced the twisted visions that pelted my brain with torturous regularity, trying to be positive as I ran and scoured, praying that I wouldn’t find him laying somewhere, hurt, damaged or worse. Oh Jesus Christ.
“Dex” I screamed at the top of my lungs, crying and panting, falling to my knees, scraping my shins and forcing myself up as the blood trickled in soft rivulets down my legs. “Dex,” I shouted, the cries of the police mirroring my words as they echoed around the park.
As I turned the corner I saw them and my heart stuck in my throat. Tears were streaming down my face, emotion overwhelming me; ecstasy and agony colliding as I ran towards them, scooping Dexter into my arms. I kissed him repeatedly until he pushed me away, laughing and shouting “Stop it, Mummy,” oblivious to the drama that was unfolding around him.
I crouched down, pulling his face into my hands. “Are you okay, are you okay?” I asked over and over again as he smiled and nodded, relief flooding through me like a huge tsunami as I glanced across to the small ashen man in the grey suit who was watching us silently.
“I’m sorry, Jessica, I didn’t think, I just...” he said, his voice trailing off as bile rose in my throat, alongside the anger and I couldn’t hold back. I launched at him, slamming my fists against his chest as the police descended, grabbing his arms as Lucas pulled me away.
“What the hell did you think you were doing?” I screamed as he stared at me, his dark circled eyes filled with sorrow.
“I didn’t think. I just wanted to see him, Jess. I never meant to take him, I swear. I just wanted to get to know the boy.” I launched at him again, pulled back by the strong arms of Lucas who was holding me tight and trying to calm me.
“Are you drunk?” I screamed as if it were the only explanation. I hadn’t seen him for a long time and the years of alcohol abuse had taken their toll on his old rugged features.
He said nothing as the police read him his rights before speaking quietly to Lucas, ushering him quickly through the park towards the flashing blue lights, before I could attack him again.
“Bye, Granddad,” Dex shouted as though it were the most natural thing in the world. I stared at him in mute shock, ignoring the crowd of curious bystanders who had gathered to witness our drama.
“Oh, Dex,” I cried, grabbing him again as Lucas held us both and Chas came running towards me, her face streaked in mascara and her expression plagued with shame and guilt.
“I’m so sorry,” she wept as I collapsed on the ground, sobbing hysterically, the pain and the anger, the elation and the fear combined in an overwhelming force as I let it all out. She crouched beside me, holding me tight. “It was a few minutes, Jess, that’s all. God, I’m so sorry,” she said and I knew it wasn’t her fault, not really. I was just too raw, too hurt, too gripped by the fear of what could have been. At this moment, I had no forgiveness.
“Aunty Chas,” Dex grinned, running over to her and hugging her hard, his little voice breaking through the agonising torment gripping my body and brain. Right now he was all that mattered, the only thing that counted and we’d found him; safe and well and utterly unaffected by the events of the day. The police would want to question him, me, all of us, but not now as I stood silently, taking my boy’s little hand in mine and walking back to the car.
“Why the hell has he turned up after all this time?” Chas asked, looking back at me from the front seat, wiping away the angry black stains from her face as I shook my head mutely, still in shock.
“I don’t know,” was all I could manage.
“You need to sue the school, Jess. You sign forms and they are not allowed to release your child to anyone who isn’t approved by the parent,” she said as Lucas picked up the phone.
“Who are you dialling?” she asked.
“The headmistress,” he said firmly, the stark ringing echoing through the loudspeaker system. She didn’t want to speak to Lucas, only to me, but his voice was poison, threatening legal action and to close the place down; demanding answers about why Dex had been allowed to leave with an unapproved individual. He let them know, in no uncertain terms, the results of their actions, and just how painfully catastrophic they could have been.
“It was a supply teacher, Mr Hunter. She didn’t know. The man seemed genuine and plausible. Dexter had no hesitation, and she just assumed that he was who Dexter said he was.” I didn’t believe that for one second.
“Dex, I told you about not going off with strangers, why the hell did you do it?” I asked as he looked at the floor, his bottom lip quivering as I gripped him to me tightly.
“Am I in trouble?” he asked, looking up at me, eyes wet with tears as I shook my head violently.
“No, baby, you’re not in trouble,” I said, kissing him again. “I just want to know why you left with him. You’re usually so sensible about
strangers,” I said as he dug into his bag, pulling out a battered old photograph. My heart stopped in my chest, staring into the beautiful eyes of my lost first love as the tears began to fall again.
“He gave me this, Mummy, and said he wanted to tell me about Daddy,” Dex said, smiling up at me as I nodded. He’d recognised the photo and seen a friend, not an enemy. He was intrigued by his father, wanted to know every story there was about him, so he could build the picture of the parent he didn’t have in his mind. The promise of that must have been such a pull, far more than the abstract fear of some stranger abducting him. I held him tightly.
“What did he say to you?” I asked quietly. Lucas’s voice boomed through the car as he continued his conversation with the headmistress and Dexter smiled at me.
“He said daddy liked the park, so I asked if I could go. He bought me an ice-cream and told me that daddy liked to ride his bike in the park near where you used to live. He said he loved fixing bikes up and brought old ones home. He said he used to shout at daddy for leaving old bike parts on the kitchen table,” Dex laughed, but I couldn’t. He used to shout alright, and knock lumps out of him for it. For half of his childhood Jake was bruised from his father’s abuse as bile rose in my throat, my stomach lurching when I thought again about what could have happened to my beautiful boy.
“He said he wishes he hadn’t shouted now, but sometimes he had too much beer and it made him bad. He doesn’t drink beer now, Mummy,” he said as I sighed, shaking my head. Drunk or not, the alcohol must have damaged his brain because abducting a child was outrageous and cruel, thoughtless and evil, not to mention downright illegal.
“Can I see Granddad again, Mummy?” he asked as my heart stopped in my throat. My son was so desperate for family that he wanted to know Jakes father. It was almost too awful to comprehend.
“No, baby,” I said as he frowned and pouted, staring at the floor and gripping the photograph of his father tightly before putting it back in his bag. We rode the rest of the journey in silence, until Lucas ended the phone call with school and Dexter started to giggle.
“What are you laughing at, squirt?” Chas smiled back at him as he cupped his hand around his mouth to whisper. I wasn’t sure why he did that, we could always hear him.
“Lucas shouted at my teachers, it was funny,” he giggled again, as Lucas winked at him in the rear view mirror. “Are you the boss of them?” Dex asked.
“Lucas is the boss of everyone,” Chas quipped.
“Like God,” gasped Dex as Lucas chuckled gently.
“No. Not like God. Maybe a bit like Superman,” he grinned, pulling up outside the apartment where the police were waiting for us and Dexter was staring at him in awe.
I couldn’t face them now but I’d have to. They’d need to interview Dex and Chas, and probably Lucas to find out how he knew where he was. I couldn’t believe he’d given him that phone behind my back. It was exactly the kind of behaviour I’d predicted, but I couldn’t deny right now that I was eternally grateful that he had.
He helped us out of the car as we walked up the steps to the apartment. Dex was climbing all over him as the police asked him question after question, until Lucas told him to quiet down and think carefully and answer with as much detail as he could remember. Dex did as he was told immediately, sitting beside Lucas and answering the questions. He praised and encouraged him while Chas and I looked on in silence from the doorway. Dex trusted Lucas already, revered him, loved him and thought he was a frigging superhero as my heart clenched in my chest.
“Can I stay?” he asked when they’d left and I shook my head softly, pushing back the gripping need in the pit of my stomach, unable to look at him as I stared at the floor. He said nothing else, kissing my head gently as I watched him leave, knowing with ever increasing certainty that it was too late for me. I was in the hole and there was no way back. I was in love with Lucas Hunter and so was my son.
I forced Dex to sleep in my bed, despite his protests. He was a big boy now and wanted to sleep in his own room, but I couldn’t let him go as he breathed gently beside me, tossing and turning and no doubt dreaming of some magical adventure with knights and castles. A small smile was fixed on his little pink mouth as he thrashed out his leg and kicked me hard. I couldn’t help but laugh; swallowing back the tears again as I thought about how differently tonight could have turned out.
“Do you need anything?”Chas asked quietly, poking her head around the door as I shook mine. I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, but I knew from her face she needed my forgiveness. I couldn’t do it without her; any of it. She’d found us an apartment, helped me with Dexter, cooked most of our meals and did the school run every day without fail or complaint, and once she’d been late. Once.
“It wasn’t your fault, Chas,” I said softly as she gazed at the floor, looking ready to argue for a second before deciding against it.
“Thanks,” she said eventually, looking at Dex then across at me and I could sense there was something else as she hovered in the doorway.
“He’s been on the phone all night,” she said as I looked up at her without a clue what she was talking about. “Lucas. He’s been on the phone all night, Jess. I was wrong about him. He really cares about you and he really cares about Dexter,” she said as I nodded. “You should call him,” she said, closing the door softly, padding gently along the hallway as she made her way to bed, but I couldn’t, not tonight. I was just too vulnerable.
CHAPTER 29
I could hear their voices in the lounge as I woke from the worst night’s sleep I’d had in years. I’d lay watching Dexter for hours, sending silent thanks to heaven for his safe return as the events of the day replayed over and over in my mind. Dexter was charging around as Lucas spoke to Chas, his voice deep and low as I made my way through to the bathroom before joining them in the lounge and I looked absolutely dreadful.
“Can I get you some breakfast?” Chas asked as I shook my head and Lucas frowned up at me from the couch, pensive and concerned.
“Come and sit down, Jess,” he said as I followed his gentle command and he put his arm reassuringly around my shoulder as Chas disappeared into the kitchen. I was staring at Dex as Lucas held my chin, forcing me to face him.
“Dexter is okay and you need to keep him in his routine, sweetheart,” he said as I pulled away, shaking my head furiously.
“He can’t go back to school today,” I shouted as Dexter’s head shot around at my raised voice and Lucas stared at me intently.
“Listen to me. You have been through a huge trauma, Dexter hasn’t. To him it was just a walk in the park with his Granddad. The best thing to do to avoid creating stress for Dex is to keep him in his routine. He should change schools, but not immediately. You cannot just pull him away from his friends and everything he is familiar with, despite what’s happened. It isn’t the right thing for him,” he said firmly.
I felt like I was suffocating with his words and I knew he was trying to help, but it sounded as if he was trying to take over and decide what should happen to my son without even consulting me. I was suddenly livid as anger rose from the very centre of my stomach and I trained a fierce glare on Lucas.
“Don’t fucking tell me what I should and should not do with my son,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “I’m his mum and I know what is best for him,” I said glaring at him. His face was firm, stern even, but he wasn’t shocked or angry, holding me in his piercing gaze with his fingers still securing my chin.
“This is professional advice, not my personal opinion and you can’t decide what’s best for him now because you cannot be objective. You are too emotional and way too traumatised and you need to trust me, Jess.” I pushed him away, looking to Chas as she walked in with a tray of tea, placing it on the table as she glanced at Lucas.
“Dex needs some air. Do you want to come for a ride on your bike to the shops for some chocolate?” she asked Dexter as he nodded excitedly and my eyes flew to hers, fixing her with a ste
ely gaze.
“He is NOT going out,” I spat as she looked at Lucas and I could see him nodding from the corner of my eye.
“Grab your coat, sport,” she smiled as Dexter ran through to the hallway, my face contorted in anger as I stared at her hard.
“I won’t let him out of my sight and Sid is still in custody. Listen to Lucas, Sis, he’s right,” she said firmly as I shot her a horrified glance.
“I’m sorry, Jess. I know how hard this is, but don’t make a scene it will only upset him,” she said as Dex came bounding through, pulling on his coat and jumping onto my lap, kissing me as I held him tight.
“Wear your helmet,” I said, resigning myself reluctantly to the fact that this was happening.
“I will. Lucas says wearing a helmet makes you ride faster,” he said, high fiving him and bouncing off the couch as I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. Chas was staring at me.
“We’ll be thirty minutes, not a second longer,” she smiled as I nodded, leaving with Dex as I stood, trying to put some distance between myself and Lucas.
“You’re angry right now and you need support,” he said as I moved to pour the tea, spilling it across the table, my fingers trembling as I looked out of the window watching Dex and Chas moving away down the street. He rose, taking the teapot from my fingers, pouring the tea and chuckling softly. “Every time,” he said, shaking his head as he looked at the mess, smiling at me and I couldn’t help but laugh, my smile fading instantly as all my fears came flooding the surface once again.
“Tell me what’s on your mind,” he said firmly as I sat in the chair. I couldn’t be too close and I needed to get this out, without the first damn clue how to verbalise the thoughts bombarding my brain.
“You’re going to take over, Lucas. You can’t help yourself and you are doing it already. Telling me what I should do with him and forcing my sister to take him out, despite the fact that you knew I wouldn’t like it. I feel like you’re bullying me into stuff I don’t want,” I said, his face soft as I looked up at him.