by Perry, J L
“Dadda,” I hear my sweet Em say as she’s placed on the bed beside me. I fight to hide the smile that’s bursting to come through. “Dadda wake,” Emma squeals as she slaps one of her tiny little hands on the side of my face.
“No bubba! Don’t hit daddy. Kisses bubba…kisses,” Angel whispers. I stay perfectly still as I await her next move.
When my sweet girl leans forward, planting a sloppy open mouth kiss on my cheek, I can no longer hold back my smile. God I love my girls so much.
I open my eyes to find her sweet face just inches from mine. Her beautiful brown eyes are just like her mum’s, making my heart swell with love.
“Good morning, Pumpkin,” I say as I wrap her in my arms, pulling her to me. The sweet sound of her giggle makes my smile widen. After I plant a soft kiss on both of her cheeks, I look up at my gorgeous wife to find her smiling down at us.
“Morning, handsome,” she says leaning down to kiss my lips.
“Morning, beautiful,” I whisper.
“Tiss,” Emma squeals grabbing hold of Angel’s hair giving it a tug.
“Ouch, Em,” Angel says.
“No baby. Don’t pull mummy’s hair,” I tell her as I untangle her chubby little fingers from Angel’s ponytail. She just gives us a toothy grin.
“How’s our little boy today?” I ask as I reach over and rub my hand over my wife’s pregnant belly. We found out a few weeks ago she’s having a boy. I couldn’t be happier. I’m so glad I didn’t let my insecurities stop me from becoming a father. It’s the best decision I ever made. I fucking love my little girl and I can’t wait for my son to come into this world, completing our little family.
••••
Angel
Every chance we get, we fly back to Melbourne to see Pops. It used to be every fortnight, but it’s not as often now we have Emma. He, like my father, is hopelessly in love with his little granddaughter, Em. That’s what we all call her.
Although she’s not quite one, she already has her daddy, both grandfathers and great grandfathers, wrapped around her little finger. Even her uncle CJ can’t resist her toothy smiles and sloppy kisses.
“Pops,” Chase says as he gives him a hug when they pick us up at the airport. “It’s good to see you again, old man.”
“You too, boy,” he replies as he taps Chase on the back. “Sweet-thing,” he says hugging me as Chase makes his way to Becca. Her and Pops got married in a small ceremony last year.
Chase and I couldn’t be happier for them. “Come to Poppa,” I hear Pops say while I’m hugging Becca. I turn to see him unstrap Emma from her stroller. She smiles at him as he lifts her into his arms. “I’ve missed you, baby girl,” he whispers as he plants a kiss on her cheek.
••••
After we have lunch, I help Becca clean up. Em has gone down for her midday nap. “Do you think it will be okay if you and Pops watch Emma, while Chase and I duck out for a bit?” I ask her.
“Sure, sweetie. We’d love to.”
“Thanks, Becca,” I say leaning over to kiss her cheek. I think it’s time I went back to the beach. I’ve put it off long enough. I often think about the baby we lost. Even though we have Em now, and another little one on the way, I still sometimes wonder what would’ve been if Riley hadn’t pushed me that day. Him and his father are still in prison for everything they did. I have no pity for them. They deserved everything they got.
We even managed to track down Riley’s first victim and got her to testify against him at his trial. It gave me peace to know we finally got justice for her as well.
I walk out back to the garage where Pops and Chase are. “Can I borrow my husband for a while?” I say to Pops.
“Sure, sweet-thing,” he answers.
“Is it okay if we take the car?”
“Of course.”
“Em’s asleep. Becca’s going to keep an eye on her until we get back.”
“Have fun,” he says.
“Where are we going?” Chase asks as we walk down the side of the house.
“I want to go to the beach, to see…you know.” Chase smiles.
“Okay.” He’s been trying to get me to go back there ever since I told him about the makeshift grave I made. I know it will no longer be there, but it’s something I feel we need to do. It’s the only place we have.
We stop off on the way and buy a bunch of daisies. I have butterflies in my stomach when we pull into the public car park. “You okay?” Chase asks reaching for my hand.
“Yes,” I say, taking a deep breath. I can do this.
We make our way down the beach. We have to pass my old house to get to the sand hill. I feel myself smiling when I see a young family with three small children sitting on the back deck, laughing and playing a board game. I once loved that house, so it makes me happy to know that others are enjoying it now.
When the sand hill comes into view, I’m stopped in my tracks. I blink a few times before rubbing my eyes. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
“Chase,” I say, looking over at him.
“I see it,” he says squeezing my hand. That tiny little daisy plant I planted all those years ago, has now multiplied into hundreds, covering most of the sand hill.
“I can’t believe it,” I choke out as tears fill my eyes. Chase reaches for me and wraps me in his arms, kissing the top of my head.
“I can’t believe it either,” he says. I slide my arms around his waist, looking up at him. He has tears in his eyes, as well. “Wow. I’m speechless.”
I am too. I was so sure the daisies would’ve died off. I’m so grateful they didn’t. We’ll always have this place to come to now. Our baby’s memory will forever live on. Not only in our hearts, but right here.
When we’re not in Melbourne, I have my daisy chain tattoo and Chase has his pair of Angel wings on his chest. Our baby may not be alive in the physical sense, but it will always be alive in spirit.
“I love you, Mr. Daniels. Thanks for coming with me today, and thank you for giving me Em and this little one,” I say as I rub my hand over my belly.
“I love you too, Mrs. Daniels. Thank you for loving me despite everything, and for giving me a beautiful family I’m so proud of. Even against the odds, we made it sweet-cheeks. It’s only made us stronger. I know that whatever life throws us in the future, we’ll get through it. We always do.”
Leaning forward he places his lips gently on mine…
Keep reading for an excerpt of my next release
A BEAUTIFUL BASTARD
It's a stand-alone read, totally different from the Destiny series.
A BEAUTIFUL BASTARD
My name is Carter Reynolds. I was born a bastard and I’ll die a bastard. I learnt it at a young age, and nothing and nobody can change that. I’m on a one-way path of destruction, and God help anyone who gets in my way. I hate my life. Actually, I hate pretty much everything.
That’s until I meet the kid next door. Indi-freakin’-ana. My dislike for her is instant. From the moment I lay eyes on her, she ignites something within me. She makes me feel things I thought I was incapable of feeling. I don’t like it, not one bit. When she looks at me with her big, beautiful, haunting green eyes, it’s like she can see into the depths of my soul. It freaks me the hell out. She’s like sunshine and rainbows in my world of gloom and doom. I hate sunshine and rainbows.
••••
I’m Indiana Montgomery. My friends call me Indi. Despite losing my mum at the age of six, I have a wonderful life and great friends. My dad more than makes up for the fact that I only have one parent. I’m his little girl, the centre of his world. I adore him.
When Carter Reynolds moves in next door, my life takes a turn for the worse. He’s gorgeous, sinfully hot, but that’s where my compliments end. He seems hell-bent on making my life miserable. He acts tough, but when I look into his eyes I don’t see it. I see hurt and pain. To me, he seems lost.
I should hate him for the way he treats me, but surprisingly I don�
�t. If anything, I feel sorry for him. I want to help him find peace. Help him find the light that I know is buried somewhere within his darkness, but he won’t have a bar of it.
He’s warned me time and time again to stay away, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him for some reason. He’s always referring to himself as a bastard. That may be true, but to me, he’s more like a beautifully, misunderstood bastard. Whether he likes it or not, I refuse to give up on him.
PROLOGUE
The past…
Carter
Reaching out, my mum wraps her long, dainty fingers around my tiny hand. “Jump, baby,” she smiles, as I launch off the bottom step off the bus, landing on the sidewalk. We both laugh. I love my mum. She’s fun.
“Brrrrrr, it’s cold today,” she says.
Looking up, I find her shivering. I smile at her as she zips up her coat to keep warm. Digging through her bag, she takes out my favourite Spiderman beanie and scarf, holding them up for me to see.
“Put these on, sweetie,” she says smiling, as she crouches down in front of me, placing my beanie on my head and wrapping the scarf around my neck. “Let me get your gloves,” she adds, reaching into her bag again. “I can’t have my little man getting sick.”
I stand and watch as she pushes my little fingers into my blue gloves, one by one. “There, all snug.”
“Snug as a bug in a rug.” I smile. This is something she says to me every night when she tucks me into bed.
“That’s right, baby,” she smiles leaning forward, giving me a soft kiss on my nose. Rising to her feet, she reaches for my hand. “Come on.”
As we walk down the street, I look around. I don’t think I’ve ever been here before. “Where are we mummy?” I ask while looking around.
“This is my hometown. I grew up here.” I look up at her. Wow. Mummy lived somewhere else before our home?
She smiles down at me, but she still looks sad. “You lived here when you were little, like me?” I ask.
“Uh huh. This is where your grandparents live.”
“I have a grandma and grandpa?” I didn’t know that either. I feel my eyes widen, and I smile. I hear the kids at school talk about their grandparents all the time. I’ve always wondered why I didn’t have any of my own.
I’ve never asked my mum why. Once I asked her how come I didn’t have a daddy, like the other kids, and it made her cry. I don’t like seeing my mummy cry.
“I’m taking you to meet them now. They’ve never met you before.” I’m getting so excited; like the times I get to watch Spiderman on TV. I met my friend Josh’s grandparents once, when I was playing at his house. They were really nice. I hope my grandparents are like his.
I start jumping along because I’m so happy. Mummy stops in front of a big white house. It’s really, really big, like the houses you see in movies. It’s so much bigger than where mummy and me live.
My mum’s hand is shaking as she holds mine. I look at mummy and she looks mad, like the time I drew on the wall at home. Her eyes are doing a funny thing.
“Your hands are shaking, mummy.”
“I’m okay little man, I’m just cold.” She looks down at me and smiles. Her eyes look happy when she looks at me.
“Do you want to borrow my gloves?”
“No, baby,” she says as her smile widens. She crouches down, placing her hands on either side of my face. “No matter what happens when we go in here, just remember how much I love you, and how special you are.”
“Okay, mummy,” I say. I love mummy. I know I’m going to love my grandparents.
“Good boy.” She leans forward kissing my cheek, before standing up and reaching for my hand again. “Let’s do this.”
As we walk down the long driveway, my mum’s hand continues to shake. I wish she’d put my gloves on. I hate how she’s cold.
“One…two…three…four…five.” I count the stairs in my head as we climb them, before we get in front of the big yellow door. I hear my mum let out a big breath. Letting go of my hand, she raises her arm and goes to knock, but she stops, looks at me and smiles before knocking. I can’t wait to see my grandparents. I hope they have chocolate. I love chocolate.
Reaching for my hand again, she gives me a squeeze. When the door opens, I look up at the man who stands there. He doesn’t look happy when he sees mummy.
“Elizabeth,” he says sternly.
“Hi, daddy,” she replies nervously. He doesn’t look so unhappy when mummy says that. His mouth smiles, but not for long. I look up. I feel my own big smile. Wow, this must be my grandpa. He’s so strong.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
My mum doesn’t say anything for about one hundred years. “I wanted to see you. I…ummm, wanted you to meet your grandson, Carter.” She gives my hand another little squeeze as she looks down at me.
“Hello, Grandpa,” I say, looking up at him. I’m seeing my very own grandpa. I want to hug him.
He looks angry again as he looks down at me. Then his head snaps back up to look at my mummy. “Why did you bring that little bastard here?” he says really, really meanly. “Get him out of here. Don’t you ever bring him back.” He steps back, slamming the door in our faces.
My mum makes a strange sound, and I feel like crying. I’m so disappointed. I don’t like my grandpa. He’s mean. “Come on, baby,” she says, looking down at me. Mummy starts to cry. When my mummy cries, it makes me feel sad.
I’m almost running behind mummy as she tugs on my hand. She hurries down the driveway and back out into the street. “What’s a bastard?” I ask. I’ve never heard that word before. The way my grandpa said it, it doesn’t sound like a nice word.
My question stops mummy walking. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she squats down in front of me. “You’re not a bastard,” she says with a sad smile. “Pay no attention to what he said. You’re a beautiful boy.” She gives me a kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry I brought you here.”
“It’s okay, mummy,” I say trying real hard to be brave. When my bottom lip starts to quiver and the first tears fall, I know I’ve failed. I’m not brave.
“Oh baby.” She opens her arms, pulling me tightly against her as I cry into her chest. “You’re not a bastard,” she whispers.
Even though I don’t know what that word means, I want to believe her, I do, but why would Grandpa say it if it’s not true?
I hate that I’m a bastard. I don’t know what it means, but I know that this moment and that word, are going to stick with me for the rest of my life.
••••
bas·tard
1. Offensive A person born to parents not married to each other.
2. Slang
a. A person considered to be mean or contemptible.
b. A person, especially one considered to be unfortunate.
3. Something that is of irregular, inferior, or dubious origin.
It’s funny how one fleeting moment in time can change you. One stupid, crazy, fucked-up word can define you. I didn’t know it at the time, but after that day things changed—I changed. I was only five years old the day I learnt I was bastard, and sadly as the years progressed, that’s exactly what I became…
CHAPTER ONE
The Present…
Carter
Packing the last of the boxes into the trunk of the car, I turn and take one final look at the only place I’ve ever called home. The place I’ve lived for the last seventeen years of my life. I’m fucking pissed they’re forcing me to leave here. I hate that I’m going to have to live with that fuckwit my mum now calls her husband.
Thank God it’s only for six months. That’s when I’ll be turning eighteen; finally becoming a legal adult. You can be sure as hell the first thing I do, is blow this godforsaken place. My mum has that cocksucker to look after now. She doesn’t need me anymore.
“Hurry up son. I haven’t got all day,” my stepfather says sarcastically, leaning out of the driver’s side window. I swear he does shit like
this to bait me. My head snaps in his direction.
“I’m not your son. You best remember that, old man,” I retort, my eyes narrowing. “If you got off your arse and helped instead of sitting there barking orders at me all afternoon, we would’ve finished hours ago.”
Throwing back his head, he laughs at my comment. He acts so sweet in front of my mum. She falls for his pathetic shit all the time. Truth is, he’s a fake-arse, prick. As soon as my mum’s back is turned, he treats me like dirt. She might love him, but I sure as hell don’t. I fucking hate him.
This is going to be the longest six months of my life.
Slamming the truck shut, I make my way around to the passenger side of the car. “Wipe your damn feet before you get in the car,” he barks. I swear if there was some dog shit nearby right now, I’d tread in it just to spite him.
Sighing, I do as he asks before climbing into the car. “Prick,” I mumble under my breath.
“Watch that smart mouth of yours, boy. I won’t tolerate you speaking like that in my house, and especially in front of your mother.” Ignoring him, I turn my head, gazing out the window, taking one last look at my home as he backs out of the drive. Christ, it hasn’t even been 24 hours and I already want to punch him.
Not a word is spoken on the drive to his place. I’m thankful for that. My stomach is in knots. Living with this arsehole is going to be pure fucking hell. I have no idea what my mother sees in him, but surprisingly he makes her happy. That’s the only reason I’m going along with this bullshit. I’m doing it for her, no other reason.
It’s about an hour’s drive from my old neighbourhood to the gates of hell. Fuck, I need a cigarette. As soon as we pull into the street I’ll now be calling home, my heart rate picks up. The street is lined with perfect houses, with perfect lawns and fancy manicured gardens.