by Naomi Niles
“I can be here as little or as much as you need me,” she said, her hands extending outward and up to indicate she had plenty of time and was at my disposal.
I thought for a few moments and then asked, “I was thinking I might return to my own place starting tomorrow. I do have to get back to work as well. One of the guys from the firehouse will always be on hand here to help with Dad until he’s able to get around on his own. I figure, that leaves taking over his medications, cooking, and laundry. I could handle the cooking and laundry in my place and just bring them over a couple of times a day. That way I could visit with Dad and watch his progression. If you could check on him, too, and keep him company, I think that would be enough of us. It would be a good way to get him, as well as me, back in the groove of normal life. The doctors told me that’s important for recovery. You have to see a goal in order to work for it. It is going to be hard for him first. Although he’s a strong man, his body has taken a major hit. They’re going to start physical therapy for him next to the hospital, beginning tomorrow. The guys from the firehouse will see to it that he gets there and back. Could you work around that schedule?”
“That’s perfect, Gwyne. It sounds like you have it all worked out. He’ll have all of his needs covered and yet no overlap to make him feel as though he’s being squashed with attention.” She laughed at her own comment and I appreciated the fact that she understood my dad so well. She had used exactly the right words.
“Great! Then, as of tomorrow, I’m going to move back to my apartment. That will free up one room here, so if you’d like to grab a nap or whatever, it’s yours. When Dad wakes up later, I’ll go in and tell them what we’ve decided.”
“Do you think you’ll be okay with this?” Carla asked in a tentative voice.
“I’m quite sure he will. After all, it was my idea and I always get my way.” I winked at her for emphasis and she answered with a broad grin.
“You are everything your dad said you were, and more.”
Chapter 25
Dad seemed to respond very well to Carla’s presence and I knew I’d done the right thing in moving back home and leaving them be. The guys from the station were needed less and less as Dad regained his strength through physical therapy. Although I popped in from time to time, there seemed to be little for me to do. Carla was cooking and keeping up with laundry while Dad napped. It was a very domestic scene and I’d begun to feel like an intruder.
I got to the point where I only stopped in twice a week to see Dad. Carla had brought more of her things from home, and I would have sworn she had moved in to live. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Having her out in the open made my life simpler; or so I thought.
“I’m feeling back to myself,” Dad announced during one such visit. “What’s been going on in your life while I’ve been on standby?” he asked me, leaning back in his easy chair. Carla was sitting in the nearby club chair, peacefully crocheting something.
A million thoughts flew through my head. Normally I had a pretty good idea of Dad’s monitoring and had a rehearsed speech ready. This caught me off guard. I chose the wisest path.
“I’m great, now that you’re feeling better, Dad,” I pre-empted.
His look narrowed; it was the look I dreaded. It meant that my initial speech wasn’t going to satisfy him. “What about Bob?” he began his interrogation.
“What about him?” I was looking at my watch and anxious to leave although I’d only been there about ten minutes.
“Are you still seeing him?” he asked me.
I got that deer in the headlight look. “Bob? Oh, yes, of course I am. Not much, not while you’ve been sick, of course, but yes. Gosh! Will you look at the time! I need to hit the road, Dad. I’ve got tons to do on the computer and I have a workman coming by to give me estimates on the firehouse upgrade.”
“I’d like to see him,” Dad shot at me and I knew he wasn’t giving in that easily. “Bring him to dinner Sunday.”
“Sunday? Well, gosh, Dad, I’m not even sure he’s available. He’s a very busy guy, you know.”
“Not on Sunday. No one works Sunday – at least no one who is interested in my little girl, that is.” His tone was adamant.
“Well, no promises, but I’ll see what I can do, okay?” I felt flustered and that was unlike me. I told myself it must be the new dynamic with Carla on hand; as if I was the child Gwyne and had just been called to task by my parents. I realized suddenly that while I had, up to this point, only had to hide my relationship with Sean from Dad, and I had him wound around my little finger, that now Carla was also watching me and that was what was making the difference. I began to feel defensive and an undue pressure that was an entirely new emotion. There was no reason I should have to hide my life from Dad. Now that Sean had moved out, I was totally alone and even if I was in love with Sean, we hadn’t seen one another in more than two weeks. Everything was so confusing; I felt trapped in a glass bottle with no way to scale the sides and escape. This wasn’t the life I’d envisioned. It wasn’t the life I wanted. I needed to figure a way out; how to be with Sean and not be under the scrutiny of Dad, and now Carla.
“Carla, is there anything you need?” I asked.
She stopped her crocheting and looked up, a sweet, contented look on her face. “No, nothing at all,” she said and I read the peace in her voice and caught the quick look she exchanged with Dad.
I nodded. “What are you making?”
Her needle stopped and she smoothed out the piece that lay in her lap. It was a dark gray, almost charcoal, and an intricate pattern with a tight weave. “It’s an afghan for your dad,” she smiled and looked to him again.
I could see Dad flush and I knew he was embarrassed by the soft emotion she expressed. It felt unique to see him in a state of discomfort; Dad was never the focus of anything sticky. I nodded. “It’s beautiful,” I complimented her and she beamed and began adding stitches.
I stood and stretched. “Well, I’ll be going. I have so much to do. If you need something, just let me know. Okay?”
I hugged them both and headed for the door. “Sunday, four o’clock,” came Dad’s voice from the other room.
“Okay, I’ll confirm. Have to check with Bob first,” I called back and quickly escaped into the brisk air.
* * *
“Hi, Bob? It’s Gwyne here.” I had called him on his cell and he had picked up immediately.
“Gwyne! Great to hear from you again. I was beginning to think you didn’t need me,” he teased from his end and I could feel the noose of lies begin to tighten more around my neck.
“Well, as a matter of fact, that’s why I’m calling. I do need you, actually. Dad is feeling more himself now and he’s beginning to get antsy.”
“Was something wrong?”
“Oh, yes, I’m sorry, I didn’t remember that you didn’t know. Dad had a heart attack; a serious one. He underwent surgery and has been at home recovering. He’s feeling his oats again and while he’s not been cleared to return to work yet, he has enough energy that he’s become nosy and is into my private life. Oh! And there’s Carla.”
“Carla?”
“Dad has a girlfriend. They’ve been an item for quite a while and after he got sick, she sort of stepped forward and has been taking care of him. I stopped by to see him and he has insisted that I bring you to dinner on Sunday, four o’clock.” I steeled myself for his response. If he refused, I was cooked. I’d have to come up with another alibi, even though Sean and I weren’t spending time together as we had been.
“Sunday at four sounds wonderful!” his cheerful voice boomed. “I’d love to go.”
I felt an odd sensation in my belly and couldn’t tell whether it was relief, or the sense of impending doom because it would be so easy to get caught lying to Dad. “Wonderful. Uh… would you mind coming to the firehouse I own and pick me up? It seems that’s the best idea for this charade I’ve created.”
“No problem. I’ll come by and pick you u
p about three-thirty. That will give us time for you to give me a tour,” he chirped from his end.
I gave him the address and disconnected. I wasn’t sure what to expect and knew that most likely, I’d have to fill Bob in on a few things so we had some sort of “past” between us. How is it that I’m now dating Bob while all I want is to be with Sean?
I busied myself with work the next few days. I’d called Carla and confirmed that Bob and I would be there for dinner and offered to bring something, but she refused. “It will give me a chance to try out a new recipe I cut from the magazine,” she said, her voice full of motherly excitement. I realized how important this whole event had become to her. She finally had the sense of family she’d never had before. I felt the burden even more strongly than before and the guilt was growing. What’s wrong with me? I asked myself. I had never felt guilt about anything before. Why now?
Sunday came and I felt like I was dressing for a funeral. I’d awakened queasy and nervous and contemplated calling the entire thing off, and even coming clean to Dad. I knew that would mean the end of Sean’s job and any future I might have with him. The risk was just too high and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I put on a dark-gray skirt with a low-cut, black blouse and moderately-high black heels. I took a bit of extra care with my makeup and hair – and then surveyed my bedroom. I saw a wrinkle at the lower corner of my bed and sprang to smooth it.
I noticed that since I was alone, I’d become more conscious of my home surroundings. I’d never been much of a housekeeper before; if it didn’t smell, it was fine—that had long been my motto. Now, I had become almost obsessive about my surroundings. I dusted the furniture every week, even when it didn’t need it. Sean hadn’t been by and therefore there was no construction dust in the air. Nothing needed dusting, but I’d attended to it, regardless.
I busied myself wiping down the counter in the kitchen again, moving the few appliances I owned and aligning them by height and frequency of use. Finally satisfied, I hung the towel over the oven handle and settled down to wait for Bob.
Three-thirty came and there was a loud knock on the door downstairs. I grabbed my purse and coat and headed down to open it. Bob was standing outside, his blond hair reflecting the early spring sunlight.
“Hello there, beautiful,” he greeted me, bending to kiss me on the cheek. “Nice place you have here,” he said, expectantly peeking over my shoulder.
“Where are my manners? Of course, come in, Bob. I’ll show you around.”
“Don’t mind if I do,” he answered and came in as I stepped back out of the way.
“So, what provoked you to buy a firehouse?” he began the conversation and stood looking around, waiting for the tour to begin.
“I don’t know. It was half impulse and maybe even a little competitiveness with my dad. As you know, I grew up around firehouses and Dad had always been the top dog. He’s got a strong personality, Bob. I’ve had to live up to his expectations, something that wasn’t always easy. I think he was disappointed not to have had a son and I have to play the dual role thing.” I heard myself saying the words and wondered where they’d come from. I’d never given any introspective thought to my relationship with my dad; it had always just been what it was and I’d responded in the manner that felt most natural.
“Huh. Well, I can tell you that you certainly don’t look like a son,” he flattered me with his words, beaming down at me and eyeing my legs in the heels. “You look great, Gwyne. Did I tell you that earlier?”
My tummy did a flip flop. What had I gotten myself into? “Kind of you to say that, and I suppose it’s a good prelude to filling you in on Dad. We need to look like we’ve been dating for a while now. Not a sleep together kind of dating, mind you – Dad wouldn’t hold for that. Just a nice, gentle, occasional date that began with revisiting our college exploits and now moving on to what you do for a living and what I do.” That was when it hit me. “What do you do for a living, Bob?” I asked him. I realized that I knew very little and this was going to blow our cover.
“Architect,” he said casually, his attention on the building and the enormously high ceiling. “I work from my home and design mostly office spaces for older buildings that need a facelift. That’s sort of why I’m fascinated with your little setup here,” he added. “It’s right down my alley, so to speak.”
“Really?” I was instantly on alert. Bob’s expertise would be invaluable in developing my new space and although I didn’t want to admit it, there was a time when I might have been tempted to curry a few favors from my college friend. I was beyond that now. “Are you expensive?” I asked him.
“Not to you, I’m not,” his gaze came downward and settled on my face. “God, Gwyne, but you look good. Did I already tell you that once? There’s a sort of glow in your face.”
“I’ve been spending a lot of time outdoors, going back and forth to Dad’s. I guess I got more sun than I normally do,” I filled in. “Here,” I said, breaking the awkward moment. “Let me show you around.”
I took him upstairs to see the apartment where I was staying. He looked around thoroughly, but I continued to find his eyes coming back to me. “Cozy,” he remarked and eyed my bed. I moved him on quickly.
We went down to the bays and he looked at the work that Sean had done up to that point. “Nice work. Who is doing the remodel for you?” came his natural curiosity.
“That would be Sean,” I stated succinctly.
“Sean, as in the guy who lives with you?” he asked, his expression one of avid curiosity.
“Did live here, in the bay area,” I corrected him. “He doesn’t live here any longer.”
“Did you two break up?” he asked.
“No, it’s not like that exactly. As I explained, Dad can’t know that Sean and I have been seeing one another. He would have another heart attack and definitely boot Sean out of employment. Sean is just trying to get his feet on the ground and, well, you know how expensive it is to live here in the city. Sean would end up leaving and going back west.”
He was studying my face. “Do I detect a note of fear there in my undeniably brave friend?”
I shrugged. “I suppose, yes, you do. Bob, here’s the thing… Dad has always been the center of my world. I’ve had to please him my entire life. More so now that Mom is gone. He watches me like a hawk. Sean is a wonderful guy and I love him, but he works for Dad and that’s not going to fly in Dad’s book. He doesn’t want me with a firefighter and while he has nothing personal against Sean—well, it just won’t work in his book. So, now, Dad has someone in his life and I was hoping that would take the inspection off of me, but it’s not the case. I am feeling overwhelmed, almost suffocated. Since Dad isn’t getting around as usual, his radar has intensified on the only thing within his sphere of vision – and unfortunately, that’s me and my private life. I can’t seem to escape his scrutiny. I’m grown now and I hate this. But it’s all I know to do. That’s why I asked for your help. I’m just… just…” I finished, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks. What was the matter with me? Was I having a nervous breakdown or something?
Bob came toward me and wrapped his arms around me, pressing my head against his chest. “There now; it can’t be as bad as all that. I seem to remember you as being a very creative little gal. Surely you can come up with some sort of subterfuge that throws your dad off the trail?”
“That’s what you’re all about, don’t you see? If Dad thinks I’m involved with someone, especially someone he finds suitable, he’ll back off and give me some breathing room. He won’t scrutinize me the way he’s been doing.”
“Yes, I understand the plan. What I don’t understand is how it’s working for you. Right now, I’m standing here with you and your Sean is nowhere in sight. We’re on our way to your dad’s for dinner and he’s going to get the very strong impression that I care about you. Which, by the way, would not be so far from the truth. I always did have a crush on you in school, Gwyne. But you we
re just always a little bit beyond my reach: a little too aloof and involved elsewhere. Maybe it’s my new look or the fact that I was in a short relationship that gives me the bravery now to tell you this, but I used to fancy myself in love with you. With your Sean not around, it wouldn’t be hard for me to fall completely for you and become exactly what your dad thinks I am. So, where is this Sean?”
“I’m right here,” came a voice from the shadows of the bay.
“Sean!” I broke away from Bob’s arms and started toward Sean. “I haven’t seen you…” I began.
Sean held up a hand. “I noticed that you aren’t exactly grieving in the corner about it,” he said, his voice silvery cold and detached.
I stopped in my tracks, feet from throwing myself into his arms. “What? What are you talking about?” That was when I realized the scene he had walked in on. It could definitely have been misconstrued. “No, no, you have it all wrong. This is Bob, the friend from college who is covering for me as a boyfriend so Dad won’t suspect I’m with you? Remember?”
“You are? That’s not what it looked like when I walked in,” came his raw voice.
I threw out my arms. “No, no, you have it all wrong. Bob is taking me to Dad’s for dinner.” I don’t know why I thought those words would make Sean feel any better. It was like throwing oil on a fire.
“I see. Well, I won’t hang around and get in the way. I just came by to get some overdue work done, Gwyne. I was sort of hoping you’d be home and you and I might have a bite together.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of bills. “You see? I can pay this time,” he snarled sarcastically.
How had this happened? “Wait, Sean, you’re not seeing this as it is. Dad is feeling better and all over my business. You know he can’t know about us. Dad insisted that Bob come to the house for dinner. That’s why he’s here. Sean, you know the plan. Tell him, Bob!” I pleaded, whirling around to face my pseudo date and begged him with my eyes to straighten out the misinterpretation. Bob, however, merely held out his arms and shrugged. I realized with horror that Bob wasn’t going to stand up and clear this mess up. He was interested in me and would let Sean draw his own conclusions if it meant that I might become available. I was horrified at the mess I had created. “Sean?” I turned back to add to my argument, but Sean’s back was to me and he was headed to the door. “Sean!” I called out and went after him, but he had a head start and there was a brief flash of sunlight as he opened the door and slammed it behind himself.