by Naomi Niles
“Sarah!” I called to her.
She must’ve heard the urgency in my voice because I heard her feet pounding down the stairs.
“What’s wrong?” I could hear that same tone she used with Kirk when she was concerned but trying to be calm so as not to over excite him.
“Read this,” I handed the papers to her.
She began to read, and as she did, the import of the words forced her to plop down onto the sofa. “To tell you the truth, I was a little afraid this might be coming at some point. Although, I thought he would’ve done it in the beginning when he first learned about Kirk.”
I nodded mutely.
“Obviously this is upsetting to you. Are you willing to let him see Kirk?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you expected this, but I thought we were past this point, too. My God. I don’t want to put Kirk through this. He’s finally started school now, and enjoying a little bit of himself in the real world. I really don’t know what to do.”
I was staggering beneath the implications of the legal papers. Blake had blindsided me; I had trusted him but it seemed he hadn’t accepted my explanation of the accident and was now out to hurt me.
I telephoned Marie. “He knows about Kirk and he wants to take him away from me. All that I feared over these past years has come to pass.”
“Did you not expect he would want a relationship with his own son?” her voice chided me, reminding me that I was accustomed to getting my own way.
“Yes, I knew he might and that’s why I kept Kirk a secret.”
“Poor, Meli … you must learn that you cannot control others as you wish you could. Your son deserves to know his father as well.”
“Why do you have to be so sensible?” I lamented. “You always know what to say to make me feel guilty.”
“Not trying to make you feel guilty; just trying to bring things into perspective for you. The guilt, you make for yourself.”
I knew she had a point and yet it didn’t feel good to own it. Truth never did. “So, what do I do?”
“You do what any mother would do. You do what is best for the child, and in this case, Kirk’s father is not a bad man and will give balance to his life. I think it’s a very good thing, my dear.”
“Marie, you do know how to put a positive light on things, that’s for sure! Well, I’ll have to figure this all out. I guess I won’t fight Blake, but I will need some guarantees. After all, for him to have visitation means that Kirk will be going to another state. That’s a separate jurisdiction and I’ll have to check with my attorney to see how that could affect my rights to keep him here and in school.”
“It will all work out. After all, you do not hate Blake; you are hurt because he chose to distrust you. You must admit that shooting him is cause for him to consider your motives.”
“I suppose. How are things at the café? I’m opening another one soon and wondered if you would be interested in being my assistant?”
“I have Louis to consider, my dear. I’m fine where I’m at.”
“I get that. Well, I couldn’t help trying.”
“You always have me here; always a place to come home to.”
“Love you, Marie. I’ll call again soon.”
“Be generous hearted, my sweet!”
I hung up and realized she’d given me an entirely new perspective. I wanted Kirk to grow up with love in his heart and I needed to give him that example.
I found an attorney and made an appointment to discuss things. He was a bit surprised by my attitude.
“I generally counsel women who don’t want to share custody,” he pointed out.
“I get that, but this is an unusual situation and I’m putting my child first.”
“That’s refreshing to hear, I don’t mind telling you.”
“Well, so be it. Please, contact his attorney and work out the details. Just make sure I can’t lose control over my son when he’s not with me.”
The attorney nodded and I left him to his work.
Two weeks later, he called me and the details were in writing. Blake would get Kirk one weekend a month and one month during the summer. It was agreed that the Louisiana court would have precedent and Blake agreed never to attempt permanent, full-time custody.
Now came the moment of bravery: that time and place where I would turn Kirk over and walk away. Would I be able to do it? I had no choice; I’d made a deal.
Chapter 22
Blake
To say that I was surprised when Silver gave in without a struggle would be stating it lightly. I figured she would fight me tooth and long, beautiful nail. I wished I understood that woman half as much as I loved her.
I had no idea what caused her to turn on me, but I suspected that it was honestly motivated by good. Perhaps she didn’t have the capacity to show how she felt; she’d been hiding as a matter of survival for so long.
That was when it struck me. Her entire outlook on life was about survival. She never had anyone she could depend on but herself and probably thought that was the only way it was done.
Her words in her restaurant came back to me. I had been sentimental in my relief to be with her again. She couldn’t hear sentimentality; it wasn’t in her vocabulary. It was onward and upward her entire life. She probably figured I’d gone soft and she was the reason. If I was soft, I couldn’t handle bull riding, and if that went away, there was nothing left for me. Did she have so little faith in me? Was I nothing more than a cowboy?
I realized I’d hit on exactly what was going on. It wasn’t at all about me; it was about her. She had sketched the entire world with the same pencil she’d used to survive on her own. It’s all she knew. It gave me hope to think this might possibly be true.
Silver walked in the door, Kirk in hand, and I thought that climbing aboard bulls took bravery. That was nothing compared to this, though. I had asked them to meet me at my Baton Rouge restaurant—it was just about the most neutral place I could think of and it would give her an opportunity to see what I’d done. I had an apartment nearby and would spend my time with Kirk there rather than dragging him back and forth to Dallas.
She paused, looking around and then saw me sitting at the bar. Her head went up slightly, as though she was summoning courage and she walked toward me.
Kirk saw me first. “Daddy!” he called out and ran toward me. I scooped him into my arms and hugged him. It was amazing how much joy there could be in such a small package.
Pushing him onto my hip, I looked at her. “Hello, Silver.”
“Blake,” she acknowledged in a breathy voice. I realized she was about to cry.
“Hey, don’t. C’mon back here in my office and let’s sit down.” I turned and glanced over my shoulder to see her following dutifully behind. I pushed open the office door, set Kirk down, and took her elbow to gently bring her inside.
“How are you?” she asked, clearing her throat that was tight with emotion. I had an idea of what she was going through and wanted to put her at ease.
“Silver, I’m fine. Everything is healed and fine. Forget about that. How are you, is the question.”
“Okay,” she began tentatively.
“Hey, I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried that you’re losing him. You’re not.” I got up and went over to my desk, taking out some paper and drawing supplies.
“Here, Kirk. Sit down and draw me a picture of what you’d like Santa to bring you next Christmas,” I told him. He happily climbed up into my high-back, swivel chair and sorted through the compasses and rulers I had before considering what he would draw.
Crossing the room, I sat down next to Silver and spoke in a low voice so the boy couldn’t overhear. “Look, I screwed up. I shouldn’t have come after you with a damned lawyer. I should have just come to you, face to face, and worked something out. It probably hit you hard and you weren’t sure what to expect. After all, our last meeting wasn’t very romantic, shall we say.”
She seemed to relax a bit at my words
and I felt better.
“How about I get you a little wine?” She nodded acceptance and I went out to the bar and poured us each a small goblet. I brought a soft drink for Kirk, and a bag of chips.
She was smiling at Kirk when I went back in; he’d evidently made some comment she thought was funny. “Here, son,” I said, setting the drink on the desk and opening the bag of chips for him. He seemed more than satisfied and it struck me that for the first time, he had his family all in the same room and he was happily occupied. Such a small, simple thing and yet something we’d not been able to provide him until now. Even now, she would be leaving.
“Look, Silver. Why don’t you hang around and have dinner with us? I make a pretty mean steak and it might make you feel better to see what things are like for Kirk. I’ve got an apartment nearby where I stay when I’m in town. Kirk will have his own room and when he’s with me, we’ll be here in town. You can come and see him any time.”
“Thank you, Blake. I can’t think of anything I’d like more, to tell you the truth.”
I relaxed now and settled back against the cushions. I felt I’d finally gotten to the bottom of what went on in her head and now maybe we could get somewhere.
“How’s Jill?” she asked me. There was some tension in her voice and I knew just exactly what prompted it.
“Fine, I suppose. I don’t see her really ever. I’m always on the move from one store to another and I left the ranch in her charge. I put money in the account and she looks after things. You might call her a farm manager, actually.”
She nodded and seemed appeased by my casual reference to what she probably expected was a hot and heavy situation between her sister and me.
“How many stores do you have now?” she asked, and by all appearances was truthfully interested.
“Hmmm … don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I’m not exactly sure if it’s 132 or 134. I’ve got people who supervise these openings and I lose track of what opens when.”
“You seem to have quite a success on your hands, Blake. I’m very proud of you.”
“That means a lot to hear you say that. You know … I didn’t open in Baton Rouge to be your competition.” I left the reason implied and knew she understood.
“You aren’t. We have contrasting demographics.”
I felt a little let down by her response, perhaps foolishly so. I wanted her to realize that my opening in Baton Rouge had been an effort to be close to her, and the boy. She was looking at it from a strictly business point of view. She was tough as nails and always on the defensive. I wished I could bring her out of that frame of mind.
“I’m hungry,” came the boy’s voice from across the room. I stood up and extended a hand to Silver. The three of us took a table at the rear where there weren’t any customers seated this early in the day and a server took our order. “Daddy, tell me about riding on the bulls,” Kirk asked and I obliged.
In the most PG-rated sense possible, I explained what a rodeo was and the various events. I talked about the animals and the idea of a successful ride. “Will you take me sometime?” he asked.
I glanced at Silver and she was smiling. I took that as tacit approval and said, “Of course, son. We’ll do that real soon.”
The chef outdid himself, knowing who the customers were, and Kirk’s steak burger had a smiley face made with thinly sliced veggies and a milkshake with a volcano topping. He was intrigued and played with it for a while before drinking it. Silver seemed to relax more and more, even laughing aloud at times.
After dinner, I had planned to take Kirk to an animated film and invited her along.
“No, I think you two need some time without me tagging along. Thank you, Blake. You’ve made this much easier for me.”
I hugged her quickly and Kirk gave her a chocolate kiss on the cheek as she waved and left. I turned to him and realized this was a first. I’d never spent time with a boy this age and certainly not my own son.
I reached for his hand and we went out through the kitchens. I patted the chef on the shoulder as we passed and I could tell he was pleased to be acknowledged.
Kirk and I watched a film that was about fish with recognizable human characteristics and faces. He was fixated on the mammoth screen, his face reflecting the appropriate emotions from scene to scene. I was more interested in watching his face. He looked so much like me and yet, his profile gave me Silver. I sort of choked up as I thought about it. Here he was, a part of her and a part of me and yet she and I couldn’t seem to get together to be with what we’d created. There had to be a better way.
We went for ice cream afterwards and then back to the apartment. I’d had decorators in and they built a sort of safari treehouse for Kirk. His bunk was raised, with safety bars, but he could climb all over it. There was a knotted rope he could shinny down and beneath the bunk was a small wonderland of kids’ toys. He instantly fell in love. I remembered to get him some clothes, gave him a bath, and he fell asleep on the area rug in the center of his room, a toy clutched in each hand. I lifted him into bed and kissed him on the cheek.
My life was complete … almost.
Chapter 22
Meli
The initial visit for Kirk with Blake had gone much more smoothly than I could have ever imagined. I could tell that Blake was not holding things against me any longer and that made me very relieved and happy. He had put me at ease by inviting me to stay for dinner and I felt utter relief that he wouldn’t be taking Kirk out of state. I had to learn to trust Blake. He wouldn’t do things that hurt our son; I knew that in my heart.
I was getting ready to leave and go pick Kirk up when I saw Blake’s number come up on my cell. My heart was hammering a little, I had to admit.
“Hello?”
“Bring your bathing suit and don’t eat first.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Just do as I ask, would you, Silver?”
“Okay, let me grab that and I’m on my way.”
“Oh, and bring Kirk’s, too.”
I shrugged and went off to gather the items before heading toward the restaurant. They were waiting for me in the parking lot. Kirk had a huge smile on his face and I realized how much I missed him, and Blake.
Blake walked to a black SUV and opened the back door, lifting Kirk inside and buckling him into a booster car seat. He opened the passenger door and with a wide sweep of his hand, motioned to me to enter.
Without questioning him for once, I did as requested, and soon enough we were riding through the Louisiana countryside. There was an undeniable charm as we passed beneath boughs draped in moss and past old mansions of another time when architecture was stately and their grounds were works of art. Shrubbery and plantings were carefully manicured, although it was obvious they’d been far more glorious at another time. This was not where I’d been brought up, but it definitely exuded such a strong sense of history that you felt included.
Blake was signaling a left-hand turn and pulled into the circular drive before one such stately mansion. Unlike many of the others, this place had been meticulously maintained. Its covered porch roof was held atop eight massive, fluted columns. Deep windows banked the front on the first two floors. Roses ascended lattice on either end of the porch and the home was perfectly symmetrical.
Blake pulled up to the door and shut off the engine. “We’re here,” he announced, looking around at Kirk.
“Where?” Kirk’s question was simple and direct and identical to my own.
“Do you like it?” Blake’s enthusiasm was infectious.
“It’s really big, Daddy,” Kirk bent forward to look upward through the window.
Blake was staring at me and I realized with a start that he was waiting for my opinion. “What?” I asked him.
“What do you think, Silver?”
“I think it’s a magnificent specimen of the old south and I agree with Kirk, it’s huge.”
“Huge enough?” He was persistent in his questioning.
“For
what?”
“Come inside.”
“Blake, what are you talking about? You can’t just walk into someone’s house.”
“It’s okay, I have the key,” he grinned and held up a keyring.
I could tell we were going to have to cooperate with whatever scheme he was up to in order to get through this, so I acquiesced and got out as he opened Kirk’s door, unbuckled and lifted him out. We approached the front door through a neatly-edged driveway of white crushed shells and Blake unlocked the front door and pushed it wide.
The interior was breathtaking. A high-ceiling rotunda formed the foyer and a broad staircase leaned against both walls and ended on a mezzanine with floor-length windows overlooking the back of the property. From where we stood, the house seemed to be a direct mirror of itself from left to right. To our right was a sitting area with banking fireplaces and to our left, the same space was dedicated to being a study. As we moved throughout the house, the rooms were identically opposed and simply allocated to individual functions.
“Well?” He was asking me again.
“Blake, spill it now. This is getting to sound like a game.”
“Not yet. Let’s grab those swimsuits,” he grinned and turned to go out to the car, returning with our clothing. He motioned to the back of the house and we found a massive in-ground pool with a slide and water features. He pointed to a small building to one side. “Kirk, run in there and get changed.”
Kirk grabbed his trunk and skipped off to the building, reappearing a few minutes later in his trunks with his shoes and socks on. “Son, you can leave the shoes and socks behind.”
Kirk looked to me for permission and I realized he’d seldom run bare-footed. I’d taken him for swimming lessons at the YMCA, so I wasn’t worried about that, but this was a wholly new experience for him. I nodded and laughed, encouraging him to jump into the water.
Blake handed me my suit and I followed Kirk’s lead and emerged to walk to the edge and test the temperature. It was perfect. Somehow I knew Blake had already made sure of that.
I dove in and Kirk was laughing and paddling toward me when I surfaced. Blake emerged from the pool house in his trunks and joined us. I admired his physique as he dove in and felt a stirring in my feminine parts.