Lying to everyone—including himself—didn’t change the fact he was more in love with her now than ever.
With a slow exhale, he released the tension knotting his muscles. It didn’t matter. Regardless of what happened after this week, he’d always share her past. That was enough.
Anna scrunched her brows together while munching on the cereal, probably disappointed it wasn’t stale.
His chuckle elicited an upward glance. She lowered the spoon. “What’s so funny?”
“This.” He held out his bowl. “You. Us, standing in here like teenagers. All you’re missing is that cherry Chap Stick you always carried with you.”
She unburied a teal tube from the tiny pocket in her pants. “At least I’ve upgraded to Blistex.” She set her bowl in the sink and rolled the balm over her lips. “Guess I haven’t changed much.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Evan placed his dish beside hers.
“You can’t live in the past.”
He swallowed the sting. “That doesn’t mean you have to let it go.”
She wiped strands of dog hair off her shirt. “What do you do when you have no choice?”
The ache in her eyes seized him as much as it had the day of her mom’s funeral when she’d turned to him for affection.
“Then you build a future worthy of its memory.” Evan pulled out the folded-up flyer he’d been carrying in his pocket.
“What’s this?”
“Something I came across the other day.”
The audition information for Hubbard Street Dance Chicago unfolded as Anna smoothed out the creases on the page.
“I know you’re auditioning for Chicago Dance Crash, but Hubbard Street was your first choice once. I just want to make sure you’re not settling now.”
“Settling would mean I have an option.” Shoulders crestfallen, she returned the flyer. “This is sweet, but I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” She strode into the living room.
He caught up and turned her around by the arm. “Because why?”
“Because I’m not interested in reliving my mistakes.”
“That audition was five years ago.”
Anna sank onto the couch. “Not everything changes with time, Evan.”
The dejection in her voice weighed him down beside her. He raised her chin in search of the right thing to say. But instead of words, the pulse he’d failed to keep under control all day took over again.
His gaze glided down the slender slope of her neck and back to her mouth. If he slipped his fingers into her hair, he wouldn’t be able to turn back.
Her green eyes found his, wide and luring. The same transparency she’d shown last night and this morning invited him in. One breath closer, and there’d be no space left.
She traced her fingertips over his hand and brought his palm to her lips.
His muscles pulled taut against her softness, his skin reflecting the heat radiating off hers. “Anna.”
But instead of heeding his warning, she prodded him closer. Past the limits of his willpower. Cupping both her cheeks, Evan swallowed hard—wanting this to be real but even more afraid it was.
“You think she cares for you? Wait till she finds out what you’ve cost her.”
Dad’s voice joined flashes of holding Anna in his arms while she came undone after her mom’s burial. He searched her eyes. Same as then, the emotional havoc going on drew her to him for comfort, confused her into thinking she wanted more than friendship. But even if she truly did this time, it’d end the minute she knew what his failure had cost her.
He bolted up, raked his hands through his hair, and ordered his erratic breathing to slow. This was exactly why he didn’t go through with being her full-time security detail from the beginning. His role in her life mandated boundaries, self-control. Her safety was too important to compromise. He couldn’t keep messing things up.
A flicker of disappointment moved through her eyes and gutted him down the middle.
“Bells, I’m sorry.”
Alone on the couch, she closed her arms across her torso and wouldn’t look at him.
“It’s not—”
“What you want.” She clasped her elbows. “Yeah, I got that part. Please don’t make it any worse.”
His heart sank past the floor. She had no idea how much he hated letting her think he didn’t want her. How much he wished the feelings she had right now were real. And that love was enough to right his mistakes. But he knew better.
He breathed out slowly. “There’s no point wishing for something you can’t have.”
She bristled. “Thanks for clearing that up.”
“That’s not what I meant. I—” The rumble of tires brought a car outside into view. An Escalade. Evan swung a glance from the window to Anna. “Down. Now.” Without pause, he leveled her on the couch and braced for gunfire.
Footsteps clamored outside, but no gunshots came. His body, still taut from the reaction Anna spurred, relaxed over hers until he met her gaze. Instead of open eyes inviting him in, shielded ones warned him away. Heartbeats pounded against him with frustration instead of passion.
The front door opened. One of her dad’s men rounded the doorway, gun and flashlight drawn. Williams.
Evan rolled off Anna onto the floor and shot up to attention beside the couch.
Shifting his focus to Anna, Williams brought his wrist mic to his mouth. “Radiance secured.”
The resentment of hearing her code name hollowed her eyes even more. Anna huddled her knees to her chest and drew herself deeper into the shell she’d erected because of Evan’s lack of control.
He fisted his hands. If there weren’t a possible threat outside right now, he’d clock himself in the face for hurting her again. But doing his job was the best way he knew to love her.
Evan hustled to follow Williams out front and scanned the area. No sign of anyone around. No stirring. Nothing but the steady lap of waves from the lake.
“How’d that car get past you?”
Williams didn’t acknowledge the hint of accusation Evan had no business slinging. “Whoever it was knows our schedule. Must’ve slipped in while we were changing shifts. I never even saw them until they skidded around the corner.”
“Did you get a visual?”
“Negative.”
Evan faced the wind, shoved his hair off his forehead, and waited for the chill to rid him of anything but focus. Michelli’s guys had been lurking as they’d been doing this whole week. But this time, they’d made it known they were here for a reason. Why? A warning? A message?
Whatever their intention, it was another confirmation Evan belonged out here instead of on the couch. As much as it killed him to know Anna wouldn’t understand, it was the way things had to be. For both their sakes.
Chapter Eighteen
Splinter
The ding of an incoming text jolted Anna awake. Rolling away from the crease in the couch, she blinked back the morning sunlight. Glimpses of Dad’s living room filtered through the web of hair across her face and killed any possibility of yesterday being a bad dream.
She padded around the cushion for the phone, thinking it was hers. But when she swiped the screen, someone named Hernandez popped up. From the looks of it, he’d sent several unanswered texts pushing Evan for an answer about reenlisting.
“I haven’t decided that yet.”
Because he thought she needed him here?
Evan sat on the floor against the couch with his chin to his chest, still watching out for her even dead asleep. Anna couldn’t resent him for that. He’d told her he knew where they stood. She was the one who put him in a position to confuse those feelings.
Of course he’d want to comfort her. He didn’t know how to do anything else. If she didn’t start proving she could handle being on her own, the compulsion to protect her could end up driving him to give up his career in the army.
Guilt poured in. His guys counted on
him. How could he say no to them? And how could she ever begin to ask him to choose?
She couldn’t. End of story.
Evan’s happiness was too important to her. He’d return to Georgia, and she’d go back to pressing on as she had the last five years. Except this time, she’d find the courage to be strong and say good-bye.
She eased off the couch as soundlessly as possible.
From the doorway, Anna looked him over again and rubbed the knick on her finger. He’d removed the splinter but not his words. “There’s no point wishing for things you can’t have.” That truth had impaled her the night she lost Mom, burrowed deeper the day Evan left, and would stay lodged inside her all her life. She simply had to accept it and move on.
She jogged upstairs to the bathroom and stood in the shower until thick steam fogged every thought and emotion. Her focus didn’t need to be anywhere but on her audition. For Mom. She had to find a way to make this work.
A good hour later, Anna hustled downstairs—dressed, packed, and ready to leave.
Whisper-yells funneled through the doorway leading to Dad’s study. She peeked around the corner to find him caught up in some kind of intense conversation with Evan. “You better find some boundaries, young man.”
A sense of failure flickered down Evan’s stiff pose. Empathy flared. She’d been on the receiving end of Dad’s lectures enough times to know how it felt.
“Lay off, Dad.” She entered the room. Whatever he was upset about, she could guarantee it wasn’t Evan’s fault.
They both startled at her intrusion, but neither met her eyes.
Anna zeroed in on Evan’s tousled hair and the rumpled clothes he still had on from yesterday. Boundaries? Did Dad think they’d slept together? Perfect. What was one more awkward moment to add to the mix?
“We stayed up late, talking. That’s it. Evan crashed on the floor.”
The stinging sensation prickling her cheeks didn’t come close to the deep blush climbing both the guys’ necks as they fumbled for a response.
A sunbeam stretched across the carpet and onto Evan’s back. Anna slowed toward him. “Is your shirt wet?” A bad feeling twisted in her stomach.
He peered behind him, followed her finger to the soaked fabric clinging to his skin, and dropped his gaze to the carpet. “It’s nothing.”
“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. Tell me what’s going on?”
Evan looked from her to Dad and back to the floor. “I was checking the brakes on the cars out front.”
“Brakes?” Comprehension gnawed at her gut. “That’s why you wanted to take my car to the shop. Because you’re worried someone’s tampering with it.”
Dad set a folder on his desk and strode around the corner. “You’re staying here today, Annabelle.”
“Excuse me?”
“The roads are too dangerous.”
She wedged open the blinds. White sheets of glimmering snow blanketed the ground. No. Not today. “The storm was supposed to hit tomorrow.”
“Looks like it got a jump start on the weekend. And it’s only going to get worse.”
Anna slung her bag over her arm. “Then we better leave now. I’m not missing my audition.” Too much was at stake.
“Honey, this isn’t the time to be thinking about dance.”
He’d never told her he thought art was a waste of time. He’d never had to. Moments like these said it loud and clear. “I’m sorry you don’t get it, Dad, but dance is my life.”
“And you’re mine.” He pushed off the desk. “Please. The case goes to trial on Monday. Just stay here until then. That’s all I’m asking.”
“The trial has nothing to do with me.”
Dad swiped a folder off the desk and caught her arm as she turned. “Michelli’s made it about you. And he’s made sure I know. Why do you think his men were here last night?”
She tugged her arm away. “No one was here. Michelli’s in custody. You can’t freak out just because an SUV passes the house.” She darted a glare at Evan. “Both of you need to drop this.”
The gray in Dad’s eyes deepened. “Dang it, Annabelle. This isn’t about being overprotective.”
“That’s exactly what it’s about. What it’s always about. If you didn’t suffocate us with security, Mom wouldn’t have skidded off the road, trying to get away from her detail.” Her words shot out with harbored resentment she hadn’t meant to reveal.
Dad clutched the folder, looking backhanded.
She willed away the tears mounting from a place inside she couldn’t afford to open. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not your fault. But you can’t change what happened to Mom. None of us can. Spending your life trying to protect me isn’t going to bring her back.” Didn’t he see that?
“And pretending it was an accident won’t either.”
“Dad—”
“They were here, Annabelle.” He handed her a plastic-covered photo from the folder.
“What’s this?”
“A message for me to lose the evidence I have on Michelli or lose my daughter.”
Evan stood beside the window, face unreadable.
A picture of Mom’s totaled car glared up at her. Every horrific feeling from that night clawed down her body as if she were reliving it all over again. “Where’d you get this?”
“They left it on my windshield last night.” Dad cupped her shoulder. “One photo for another.”
Michelli was behind bars. He couldn’t have done this. “It’s just someone thinking they can coerce you into throwing the case. Don’t let them intimidate you. They want you to fold.”
“And I want you alive.” His brow creased. “But I can’t ensure your safety unless you let me.”
Burying her fear, Anna shook her head. “I won’t cower to them.”
“And I won’t let them take another of my girls away from me.”
She backed up. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
Evan moved from the window. “Anna, please.”
“Give me the keys.”
He remained still, eyes beseeching.
She looked between the two of them, knowing she wouldn’t win this fight. “Fine. I’ll take the ‘L’. Tell Megan I’ll be back to pick her up after the audition.” She hustled outside.
The door flew right back open, followed by Evan jogging after her. “Bells, wait.” He caught her hand. “Stop being so stubborn, and think this through.”
“You think I haven’t?” The lake’s bitter wind clenched her throat in a familiar grip of fear. “You think I haven’t wondered every single day since my mom died?” Anna started to shake. “He can’t be right, Evan.”
Rather than argue, he caressed her fingers with such tenderness, she almost broke on the spot.
She withdrew and clutched her arms. “If they killed her, it means she was wrong. No matter how much you invest in the world, darkness still wins. It means everything I’ve dedicated my life to has been for nothing.” He didn’t understand what that would mean. What it’d do to her.
“You can’t really believe that.”
The same emptiness that had nearly destroyed her five years ago closed in with the snow. “You’re right. I can’t. It almost paralyzed me once. I won’t live my life believing Mom’s was a lie.”
Evan edged forward, stopped himself, and then started again. “Anna, listen to me. Your mom’s life wasn’t for nothing. And neither is yours. There’ll always be evil in the world.”
“I know. Which is why I can’t give up on dance, and why you can’t give up on the army.” Drawing herself together, she looked him head-on. “It’s time to let go, Evan.”
She needed to show she could do this without leaning on him. His men needed him more.
“To let go of what?” His usual vibrato surrendered to a hoarse whisper.
“Of wishing things were different. You said it yourself.”
His gaze strayed to the pavement. “I’m sorry for messing up last night.”
Messing up. Because he thought any
thing other than friendship between them would be a mistake? She shoved down the traitorous tears coating her throat and turned. “Please stop apologizing for the way things will always be.”
He caught her elbow again. “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to say good-bye.” The desperate plea belted out in a tangled mess of feelings she couldn’t maneuver through anymore.
From the look on his face, it might as well have been a sucker punch. He released her arm.
Wincing at his expression, she reached for him and the words she wanted to take back. “Evan, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I . . .” What could she say? All she was doing was making things worse.
Her flushed skin burned against the snowflakes collecting on her forehead. She backed up, needing the dance floor and the one place of escape. “I have to get to the studio.”
Turning away from her, Evan yanked open the car door. “Get in.”
She glanced up. “You don’t have to take me.”
His unyielding gaze said otherwise.
With time running out, Anna climbed in and gripped the fringes of hope that she still had a chance to salvage what she and Mom had started together. She couldn’t lose Evan and dance in the same day. Not again.
A drive that should’ve taken thirty minutes multiplied into ninety. Between the slick roads, bumper-to-bumper traffic, and the nagging possibility that someone might’ve tampered with his car, Evan took caution to a new level.
He’d checked the brakes, the engine, and the lines. Everything looked clear. Anna might be right about Michelli’s guys tossing around threats without any backing. Still, something didn’t add up.
At least he’d already had Anna’s car towed to the shop. Maybe he’d slip the mechanics a few more bills to get them to stall. Whether she liked it or not, she needed to lie low and stay off the roads until the trial was over. The audition was an exception.
Anna drew her feet into the seat and kept her eyes on the road. Same way she’d done the whole ride. An hour and a half of electric silence felt like an entire day of it. Knowing there wasn’t a thing Evan could do to make it better was what ate at him the most. He couldn’t take it much longer.
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