Tonight, Sydney had been invaluable at the accident site—something he knew Gwyneth would never have been. She’d not been great with blood.
Sydney had been brilliant, looking after the driver and the baby, and then she’d managed to calm the horse and check it over. He wouldn’t have known how to handle such a large animal. He barely coped with looking after a rabbit, never mind a terrified horse that had been thrown around in a tin box.
Now they were back to that moment again. The one where he normally kissed people goodbye. And suddenly there was that tension again. He wasn’t sure whether he should lean over and just do it. Just kiss her.
‘Thanks for everything tonight. I couldn’t have done it without you,’ he said honestly.
She’d grabbed her handbag from the footwell on her side and sat with it on her knee. ‘No problem. I couldn’t have done it without you either.’
Though half her face was in shadow, he could still see her smile.
‘Well...goodnight, Sydney.’
‘Goodnight, Nathan.’
She stared at him for a moment, and then turned away and grabbed the latch to open the door. It wouldn’t budge and she struggled with it for a moment or two.
‘Sorry...sometimes it catches.’
He leant over her for the handle and she flinched as he reached past her and undid the door for her. He sat back, worried that he’d made her start.
She hurried from the vehicle without saying a word, throwing the strap of her bag over her shoulder and delving into her coat pocket for her house keys.
Disappointment filled his soul. He didn’t want her to walk away feeling awkward. That flinch, it had been... He wanted...
What do I want?
‘Sydney?’ He was out of his car before he could even think about what he was doing. He stood there, looking over the top of his car, surprising even himself. The night air had turned chill and he could feel goosebumps trembling up his spine.
She’d turned, curious. ‘Yes?’
‘Um...’ He couldn’t think of anything to say! What was he even doing, anyway? He couldn’t turn this friendship with Sydney into anything more. Neither of them was ready for that. And there was Anna to think of too. He was sure Sydney would not want to take on someone with a little girl—not after losing her own. And surely she wouldn’t want to take on someone who was ill?
Gwyneth had made it quite clear that he wasn’t worth her time and affection. That he had somehow ruined her life with his presence. Did he want to put someone else through that? Someone like Sydney? Who’d already been through so much? He’d end up needing her more than she needed him, and he’d hate that imbalance. He knew the state of his health. His condition would make him a burden. And Anna had to be his top priority. And yet...
And yet something about her pulled at him. Her energy. Her presence. Those grey eyes that looked so studious and wise, yet at the same time contained a hurt and a loss that even he couldn’t fully understand. He’d lost his fiancée, yes, but that had been through separation. It wasn’t the same as losing a child. Nowhere near it. He and Gwyneth had hardly been the love story of the century.
Even though he’d only known Sydney for a couple of days, there was something in her nature that...
‘Remember to take your sleeping pill.’
Remember to take your sleeping pill? Really? That’s what you come up with?
Her face filled with relief. ‘Oh. Yes, I will. Thank you.’
Relief. See? She was being polite. She was probably desperate to get inside and away from him, because he clearly had no idea how to talk to women, having spent the last few years of his life just being a father and—
Being a father is more important than your ability to chat up women!
‘You get a good night’s sleep yourself. You’ve earned it.’
He opened his mouth to utter a reply, but she’d already slipped her key into the lock. She raised her hand in a brief goodbye and then was inside, her door closing with a shocking finality, and he was left standing in the street, staring at a closed door.
Nathan watched as Sydney switched on the lights. He ducked inside his car as she came to her window and closed the curtains. He stared for a few minutes, then tore his gaze away, worried about what her neighbours might think. He started the engine, turned up the heater and slowly drove away. Berating himself for not saying something more inspiring, something witty—something that would have had her...what?
That wasn’t who he was. Those clever, witty guys, who always had the perfect line for every occasion, lived elsewhere. He didn’t have a scriptwriter to think up clever things for him to say that would charm her and make her like him more. He wasn’t suave, or sophisticated, or one of those charming types who could have women at their beck and call with a click of their fingers.
And he didn’t want to be a man like that. He was a single dad, with a gorgeous, clever daughter who anyone would be lucky to know. He led an uncomplicated life. He worked hard.
What did he want to achieve with Sydney? And why was he getting involved anyway? His own fiancée—the woman he’d been willing to pledge his entire life to—had walked away from him, and if someone who’d once said they loved him could do that, then a relative stranger like Sydney might do the same thing. She didn’t strike him as someone looking to settle down again, to start a relationship in a ready-made family. Especially not with another little girl after losing her own.
Did she?
No.
So why on earth could he not get her out of his head?
* * *
Nathan was fighting fatigue. Over the last few days he’d been having a small relapse in his symptoms, and he’d been suffering with painful muscle spasms, cramps, and an overwhelming tiredness that just wouldn’t go away. That accident had aggravated it. It was probably stress.
As he downed some painkillers he knew he’d have to hide his discomfort from his daughter. She mustn’t see him weaken. Not yet. It was still early days. He didn’t want her to suspect that there was something wrong. He had to keep going for her. Had to keep being strong. Normally he could hide it. And he needed his energy for today. Anna was still too young to understand about his condition. How did you explain multiple sclerosis to a six-year-old?
Today Lottie was due for her next check-up, and he was feeling some anticipation at seeing Sydney. At work, during breaks, he often found himself itching to cross the road on some pretext, just to see if she was there, but for the life of him he couldn’t think of anything to say. His inner critic kept reminding him that seeing her was probably a bad idea. The woman practically had ‘Keep Out’ signs hanging around her neck, and she’d certainly not divulged anything too personal to him. She hadn’t even mentioned her daughter to him.
And yet...
‘Anna! Come on, it’s time to go.’
‘Are we taking Lottie now?’
‘We are. But we’re walking because...’ he reached for a plausible excuse ‘...it’s a nice day.’ He smiled, reaching out for the counter as a small wave of dizziness affected his balance briefly. Of all his symptoms, dizziness and feeling off-balance were the worst. He couldn’t drive like this. It would be dangerous. And at least the crisp, fresh winter air would make him feel better.
‘Yay!’ Anna skipped off to fetch Lottie’s carrier.
He managed to stop the world spinning and stood up straight, sucking in a deep breath.
The rabbit was doing quite well, Nathan thought. She was eating and drinking as normal, had come off the medication and was settled back outside. The bite wounds had healed cleanly and Lottie’s eye had escaped surgery, much to both his and Anna’s delight. They were hopeful for a full recovery.
With Lottie in her box, Nathan locked up and they headed to the veterinary practice. He still wasn’t feeling great—quite
tired and light-headed—but he tried to keep up a level of bright chatter as they walked along the village roads.
His daughter hopped alongside him, pointing out robins and magpies and on one particular occasion a rather large snail.
The walk took a while. They lived a good couple of miles from the practice and his arms ached from carrying Lottie, who seemed to get weightier with every step, but eventually they got there, and Nathan settled into a waiting room seat with much relief.
He didn’t get to enjoy it for too long, though.
Sydney had opened her door. ‘Do you want to bring Lottie in?’
Sydney looked well, though there were still faint dark circles beneath her eyes. It felt good to see her again. He carried Lottie through and put her onto the examination table.
‘How’s she doing?’
He nodded, but that upset his balance and he had to grip the examination table to centre himself.
Had Sydney noticed?
He swallowed, suppressing his nausea. ‘Er...good. Eating and drinking. The eye’s clean and she seems okay.’ He decided to focus on Sydney’s face. When he got dizzy like this it helped to focus on something close to him. She wasn’t moving that much, and he needed a steady point to remain fixed on.
‘Let’s take a look.’
Sydney frowned, concern etched across her normally soft features as she concentrated on the examination. She was very thorough, reminding him of her capability and passion. She checked Lottie’s eye, her bite wounds, her temperature and gave her a thorough going-over.
‘I agree with you. She seems to have recovered well. I think we can discharge this patient.’ She stood up straight again and smiled.
‘That’s great.’
He realised she was looking at him questioningly.
‘Are you okay?’
Nathan felt another wave of nausea sweep over him as dizziness assailed him again. ‘Er...not really...’
Had the walk been too much? Was he dehydrated?
Sydney glanced at Anna uncertainly, then came around the desk and took Nathan’s arm and guided him over to a small stool in the corner. ‘I’ll get you some water.’
He sank his head into his hands as the dizziness passed, and was just starting to feel it clear a bit when she returned with a glass. He tried not to look at Anna until he was sure he could send her a reassuring smile to say everything was okay.
He took a sip of the drink. ‘Thanks.’
‘Missed breakfast?’
He gratefully accepted the excuse. ‘Yes. Yes, I did. Must have got a bit light-headed, that’s all.’
‘Daddy, you had toast with jam for breakfast.’ Anna contradicted.
He smiled. ‘But not enough, obviously.’
‘You had three slices.’
He smiled at his daughter, who was blowing his cover story quite innocently. He was afraid to look at Sydney, but she was making sure Lottie was secure in her cage.
Then she turned to look at him, staring intently, her brow lined. ‘Are you safe to get home, Dr Jones?’
He stood up. ‘We walked here. And I’m fine.’ He didn’t want to let her see how ill he felt.
‘You don’t look it. You look very pale.’
‘Right...’ He glanced at Anna. ‘Perhaps I just need some more fresh air.’ He took another sip of water.
Sydney stood in front of him, arms crossed. ‘You don’t seem in a fit state to walk home yet. Or to take care of Anna.’
‘I am!’ he protested.
‘You had nystagmus. I know your world is spinning.’
Nystagmus was a rapid movement of the eyes in response to the semi-circular canals being stimulated. In effect, if the balance centre told you your world was spinning, your eyes tried to play catch-up in order to focus.
‘Look, let me tell my next client I’ll be ten minutes and I’ll drive you both back.’
‘No—no, it’s fine! I can’t disrupt your workday, that’s ridiculous. I’m okay now. Besides, that would annoy your patient. I’m fine.’
He stood up to prove it, but swayed slightly, and she had to reach for him, grabbing his waist to steady him.
‘Honestly. I just need to get some air for a moment. I could go and sit down across the road at the surgery, maybe. Check my blood pressure. Have a cup of sweet tea. It’ll pass—it always does.’ He smiled broadly, to show her he was feeling better, even though he wasn’t.
She let go of him. ‘You’re sure?’
No.
‘Absolutely.’
He saw her face fill with doubt and hesitation. ‘Maybe Anna could stay here with me. She could look after the animals in the back. Give them cuddles, or something.’
Anna gasped, her smile broad. ‘Could I, Daddy?’
He didn’t want to impose on Sydney. He could see it had been tough for her to offer that, and she was working. Anna should be his responsibility, not someone else’s.
‘Er... I don’t know, honey. Sydney’s very busy.’
‘It’s no problem. Olivia used to do it all the time.’ She blushed and looked away.
Her daughter.
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure. You’re clearly unwell today. She can stay with me for the day and I’ll drive you both home when I finish. Around four.’
Anna was jumping up and down with joy, clapping her hands together in absolute glee at this amazing turn of events.
He really didn’t want to do this, but what choice did he have? Sydney was right. And hadn’t he wanted to move to a village to experience this very support?
‘Fine. Thank you.’ He knelt to speak to his excited daughter. ‘You be good for Sydney. Do what you’re told and behave—yes?’
She nodded.
Standing up, he felt a little head rush. Maybe Sydney was right. Perhaps he did need a break.
He was just having a difficult time letting someone help him. It irked him, gnawing away at him like a particularly persistent rodent. How could he look after his daughter if he was going to let a little dizziness affect him? And this was just the start of his condition. These were mild symptoms. It would get worse. And already he was relying on other people to look after his daughter—Sydney, of all people!
‘Perhaps she ought to stay with—’
Sydney grabbed his arm and started to guide him towards her exit. ‘Go and lie down, Dr Jones.’
Nathan grimaced hard, then kissed the top of his daughter’s head and left.
* * *
It had been a delight to have Anna with her for the day. The invitation to look after Nathan’s little girl had just popped out. She’d not carefully considered exactly what it would mean to look after the little girl before she’d said it, and once she had she’d felt a small amount of alarm at her offer.
But Anna had been wonderful. She was sweet, calm with the animals, with a natural affection and understanding of them that those in her care gravitated towards, allowing her to stroke them. The cats had purred. Dogs had wagged their tails or showed their bellies to be rubbed. And Anna had asked loads of questions about them, showing a real interest. She’d even told Sydney that she wanted to be a vet when she was older! That had been sweet.
Olivia had liked being with the animals, but she’d only liked the cuddling part. The oohing and aahing over cute, furry faces. Anna was different. She wanted to know what breed they were. What they were at the vet’s for. How Sydney might make them better. It had been good to share her knowledge with Nathan’s daughter. Good to see the differences between the two little girls.
Once they were done for the day, and the last of the records had been completed, she smiled as Lucy complained about her sore back after cleaning cages all afternoon, but then sat down to eat not one but two chocolate bars, because she felt ra
venous.
They sat together, chatting about animal care, and Anna listened quietly, not interrupting, and not getting in the way.
When she’d gathered her things, Sydney told Anna it was time to go.
‘Thank you for having me, Sydney.’
She eyed the little girl holding her hand as they crossed the road to collect Nathan. ‘Not a problem, Anna. It was lovely to have you. Let’s hope your daddy is feeling better soon, hmm?’
‘Daddy always gets sick and tired. He pretends he’s not, but I know when he is.’
‘Perhaps he is just tired? He does a very important job, looking after everyone.’ But something niggled at her. The way Nathan had been, and the nonchalant way Anna had mentioned that ‘Daddy always gets sick and tired...’
Was Nathan ill? And, if so, what could it be? Just a virus? Was he generally run-down? Or could it be something else? Something serious?
They quickly crossed to the surgery and collected a rather pale-looking Nathan. He insisted he was feeling much better. Suspecting he wasn’t quite being truthful, she got him into the car and started the engine, glancing at Anna on the back seat through the rearview mirror.
Anna smiled, and the sight went straight to Sydney’s heart. To distract herself, she rummaged in the glovebox to see if she had any of Olivia’s old CDs. She found one and slid it into the CD player, and soon they were singing along with a cartoon meerkat and a warthog.
Driving through the village, she found herself smiling, amazed that she still remembered the words, and laughing at Anna singing in the back. It felt great to be driving along, singing together. She and Olivia had always used to do it. It was even putting a smile on Nathan’s face.
Much too soon she found herself at Nathan’s house, and she walked them both up to their front door, finally handing them Lottie’s carrier.
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