‘Oh. Right. Cool,’ said Carl. He seemed flustered.
‘You’re friends with the football guy, Paul the Ball,’ said Raj.
‘Well. Kind of,’ said Carl.
I stared at him. He hadn’t told me he was friends with anyone at Kingsmere, especially not some footballer. Carl hated sports.
‘Who’s this Paul?’ I asked.
Carl ignored me. He was looking at Andy. ‘Are you at Kingsmere too?’
‘No, Alice and I go to Southfield,’ he said. ‘Miranda’s old school. Until they chucked her out.’
‘Did you really get expelled, Miranda? What did you do?’
‘It was mostly what I didn’t do, like go to lessons, do my homework, wear my school uniform, all that dull dreary stuff,’ said Miranda, giving us our drinks.
Carl sat on the empty sofa. Miranda sat beside him. I lowered myself cautiously onto one of the squashy cushions, very glad I hadn’t decided to wear the short skirt.
‘I don’t call running right round the gym stark naked dull and dreary,’ said Alice.
‘If only I’d been there,’ said Andy, sighing.
Miranda took a crisp from a bowl and flicked it at him. ‘It was just a silly dare,’ she said. ‘No big deal. I don’t know why it caused such a fuss.’
‘Let’s play Dares now,’ said Andy.
‘Boring,’ said Miranda. ‘And infantile. We’ll watch a movie instead.’
I liked this idea. It was a lot less stressful than trying to think of things to say. I wondered what sort of film Miranda might choose. I thought it might be a grossly explicit sex film. It was a relief when it turned out to be a horror movie about a gang of teenagers at someone’s party. They’re all lolling around drinking and nibbling stuff and teasing each other, just like us. They think their parents are upstairs, but when the main girl goes to ask her dad for some more beer she can’t find him. She can’t find her mum either. Then she hears this awful heavy breathing right behind her and she charges back to her room and slams the door shut, and there she is, stuck with her friends, with this Thing thumping against the door, trying to get in.
I’d have been scared to watch it on my own, or even snuggled up with Carl, but it was different watching with Miranda. She held the remote on her lap and kept rewinding the good parts so that we could all chant along with the cast, and then sometimes we fast-forwarded so we had to gabble like mad, and then we all had to do the sound effects in unison. It was especially good fun doing the heavy breathing.
‘Your parents will wonder what in the world’s going on, Miranda,’ said Raj.
‘Oh, my parents are too involved in getting stoned with their boring buddies upstairs,’ said Miranda.
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She pretended to be scared when the Thing started walking right through the door, and clutched hold of Carl. She’d turned the light off but the television screen gave a little glow. I could see she was gripping Carl’s elbow. Her shoulder was nudging against his armpit, as if she was hoping he’d put his arm round her.
I WATCHED MIRANDA, my heart hammering under the hot black sweater. What was she playing at? She knew Carl was my boyfriend.
I couldn’t make out if Raj or Andy was Miranda’s boyfriend or whether they were all simply friends. Maybe in their circles friends casually cuddled up together without it meaning anything? She couldn’t be deliberately making a play for my boyfriend right in front of all of us.
I waited to see what Carl would do. He didn’t push her away but he didn’t put his arm round her either. He stayed very still, as if he was part of the sofa, while Miranda fidgeted around beside him.
‘I’m going for a real drink,’ she said. ‘It must be all this talk of beer. Anyone fancy a can?’
‘Do you need to ask, babe?’ said Andy.
‘Don’t babe me!’ said Miranda, pretending to punch his nose.
He played at punching her back, and then he started tickling her, while she squealed and doubled up. They ended up wrestling on the carpet, Miranda showing a lot of her shapely plump legs. She was being very physical with Andy, boyfriend or not. This was obviously the way they carried on.
I thought about Carl and me. We had wrestling matches too, but it was different. Childish and silly, not a bit sexual. Perhaps it was because we’d known each other so long. Jules used to tuck us into the same bed together when I was staying over at their house. When we got covered in mud or paint she’d pop us both in the same bath.
I imagined sharing a bed or a bath with Carl now.
‘You look like you need a beer, Sylvie – you’re bright red in the face,’ said Miranda, peering up at me from the floor. ‘Hey, you’re blushing!’
‘No wonder! Look at you, sprawling all over the floor with your skirt rucked up,’ said Raj, pulling Miranda’s skirt straight, tutting at her like an old grandma. ‘Go on, girl, get me a beer too.’
‘Who else wants beer?’ said Miranda.
I glanced at Carl. I’d never drunk beer in my life and I was pretty sure he hadn’t either. We’d always agreed it smelled pretty revolting.
‘Carl?’ said Miranda, leaning up on one elbow. ‘Would you like a beer?’
‘Sure,’ said Carl, like it was no big deal at all.
So of course I said sure too.
‘Alice?’ Miranda asked.
‘Beer? Too many calories,’ said Alice. ‘Just water for me.’
‘You’ll be on a drip-feed down Anorexic Alley if you don’t watch out, girl,’ said Miranda. ‘Come on, Sylvie, come and help me carry all the stuff.’
I felt absurdly proud that she’d singled me out to help. I followed her up the stairs.
‘You’re right about Carl,’ Miranda said. ‘He’s seriously cute. I’d like him for my boyfriend.’
‘But … he’s mine,’ I said.
‘I know, I know, only kidding,’ said Miranda, linking arms with me.
‘What about Andy and Raj? Are either of them your boyfriend?’
‘They’re just mates,’ said Miranda. ‘Well, I’m sure they’d like to be more, seeing as I’m so drop-dead gorgeous.’ She fluttered her eyelashes and posed with one hand on her hip. I think she was joking.
‘So who is your boyfriend then?’ I asked as we went into the kitchen.
‘I haven’t got one at this current moment in time.’
‘Yes you have! You were telling Patty and the others about him in the toilets today!’
‘Oh, I was just winding them up,’ said Miranda, laughing.
She opened the fridge and took out four cans of beer and a large bottle of fizzy water. She threw all four of the cans at me, as if we were part of a complicated juggling act. I dropped one and it thumped on the quarry tiles with a tremendous clatter, but thank goodness didn’t explode. Miranda delved further into the fridge and found cheese and grapes and pâté, and then foraged in a cupboard for salty biscuits and crisps and a huge slab of Swiss chocolate. She reached into another cupboard and found a nearly full bottle of single malt whisky. She shoved them all carelessly in a shopping bag, threw the fizzy water way up in the air, caught it expertly as it spiralled down again, and grinned at me.
‘Feast time,’ she said.
The living-room door opened as we walked towards the cellar steps. Miranda grabbed my cans of beer and chucked them quickly into the carrier out of sight. A bearded man put his head round the door.
‘That wasn’t beer, was it?’ he said.
‘Blame Sylvie, Dad. She’s an eight-pints-a-night girl,’ said Miranda.
I gave a little squeak. Miranda’s dad smiled at me.
‘Don’t let my daughter lead you astray,’ he said. ‘So you’re Sylvie. Do you go to Miranda’s school? No, hang on, you’re not old enough.’
I took a deep breath. I so hated it when people thought I was a baby.
‘Honestly, Dad!’ said Miranda, rolling her eyes. ‘She’s in Year Nine like me. Take no notice, Sylvie. Come on, let’s get back to the others.’
&nbs
p; ‘Sorry, sorry! I’m blind as a bat without my glasses, Sylvie,’ said Mr Holbein. ‘I’m glad Miranda’s making friends at her new school. Come back again soon!’ He gave me a little wave and went back into the living room.
‘Doesn’t your dad realize that everyone’s desperate to be your friend, Miranda!’ I said.
‘Are they?’ said Miranda. ‘You didn’t seem at all desperate to be friends, Sylvie. You looked appalled when I asked you round. I never thought you’d turn up.’
‘What about Patty and all the rest of your gang? Why didn’t you ask them too?’
‘They’re OK, but only for school. They’re all a bit samey and boring. You’re different.’
‘Yeah, I look about six years old.’
‘My dad is so silly. And anyway, what does it matter if you look a bit young for your age? You don’t act young. I really really envy your relationship with Carl – the way you guys have been friends for so long and do seriously cool things like writing books together. He’s so good looking too, it’s not fair! Tell you what, I’ll swap you Carl for Raj and Andy, how about that?’
‘No thanks.’
‘Meanie. Hey, let’s get back. Carl could be making out with Alice – I’m sure she fancies him too.’
‘Was Alice your best friend from your old school?’
‘Yep. Hey, you can be my best friend from my new school.’
‘Cool,’ I said, trying to sound casual.
I was immensely flattered but also worried. I wasn’t sure I could handle being Miranda’s friend. And what was I going to do about Lucy? I almost started wishing I was with Lucy. When we were together I could just relax and feel cosy and say the first thing I thought of. Lucy liked Carl but she didn’t try to cuddle up to him and entice him away from me.
I wondered what might happen when we’d all drunk our beers. Alice didn’t seem particularly interested in Carl, thank goodness. When we got back she was chatting to Andy about some school thing. Raj and Carl were talking school stuff too. I went and sat next to Carl quickly, before Miranda could get there.
‘Who’s this Paul?’ I said again.
‘He’s just this guy in my class,’ said Carl.
‘And he’s really into football?’
‘He’s only like a junior David Beckham,’ said Raj. ‘Isn’t he going to be signed up to one of the top clubs, Carl?’
‘Maybe,’ said Carl. ‘I don’t know him that well. I mean, everyone knows him, don’t they, Raj?’
‘Like me!’ said Miranda. She cosied up to both boys. ‘I’m into football too. I was captain of the girls’ team at Southfield, wasn’t I, Alice?’
‘Until you stuck the two footballs up your shirt for the demonstration match on Open Day,’ said Alice, giggling.
Everyone cheered when Miranda tipped the carrier bag upside down and the bottle of whisky spun on the floor.
‘Laphroaig – good taste!’ said Carl, as if he was a whisky connoisseur. He had first swig, straight from the bottle. I couldn’t help being impressed. He didn’t shudder, he just swallowed appreciatively and then wiped his lips with the back of his hand as if it was a practised gesture. Miranda took the bottle from him and glugged several mouthfuls. Then Andy. Then Raj, though he tilted the bottle craftily and barely had one sip. I did the same, blocking the neck of the bottle with my tongue. I felt the whisky burning into it, hot and peaty and disgusting.
Alice shook her head at the whisky bottle and sipped her water demurely. We swigged our beer straight from the can. I didn’t like that taste either. It was cooler, but sour and dirty. I had to swallow hard to stop myself spitting it straight out. I ate some grapes to take the taste away. I watched Carl carefully. He kept raising his can to his lips, and he had another swig when the whisky bottle was passed round.
‘I thought you weren’t meant to mix beer and whisky,’ said Raj, with another very cautious mini-sip.
‘Beer and whisky makes you frisky!’ said Miranda, raising her eyebrows.
‘No, no, whisky and beer makes you queer!’ said Andy. He waggled his own eyebrows camply, winking at Raj and Carl. ‘Watch out, duckies.’
Miranda shared the food out. There were no knives or plates. People just bit off big chunks of cheese or chocolate as they fancied.
I started to wonder why I wasn’t feeling drunk. I’d had hardly any whisky but I’d drunk half my beer, yet it didn’t seem to be having any effect whatsoever. Maybe you had to drink can after can. If so, I wondered how anyone ever persevered. It would be like trying to down several bottles of cough medicine.
‘Could I have a little bit of your water, Alice?’ I asked.
She gave me some, but it was a big mistake. I started hiccupping.
‘Hark at Sylvie! She’s drunk already,’ said Miranda.
‘I’m not the slightest bit drunk! It was the fizzy water,’ I said. I made two terrible hiccupy-burping noises and clamped my hand over my mouth.
‘Maybe you shouldn’t finish your can, Syl. Here, I’ll drink it,’ said Carl.
‘I’m not drunk,’ I said, taking another swig of my beer, nearly choking myself on another hiccup.
‘We need to distract her,’ said Miranda. ‘Let’s play a game. I know! How about Snog Spin?’
‘Yay!’ said Andy.
‘Double yay with knobs on,’ said Raj.
‘God, you guys are so basic,’ said Alice, sighing.
Carl and I said nothing. We didn’t know what Snog Spin was but it was obvious it wasn’t some Blind Man’s Buff party game for little kids.
‘OK, we need a bottle,’ said Miranda.
She grabbed the whisky bottle, took another big swig, and then screwed the top on tightly.
‘Sit round in a circle, my lovelies, and we’ll let the Snog Spin begin,’ she said.
I hiccupped, sighed, and sat down cross-legged on the floor. I felt a little shift inside my head as I moved, an odd unscrewing. Maybe I was starting to be a little bit drunk after all.
Carl came and sat beside me. Miranda sat next to him, then Andy, then Alice, then Raj on my other side. He started giggling. We all did, even Alice, though she couldn’t possibly be drunk.
‘OK,’ said Miranda, and she spun the whisky bottle hard. It whizzed round and round, fast at first, and then more and more slowly. We watched, mesmerized. The cap of the bottle ended up pointing directly at Carl.
‘Aha!’ said Miranda. ‘It’s you, Carl.’
I saw him swallow, though he stayed looking totally cool.
‘So?’ he said.
‘So we have to select your snogging victim,’ said Miranda, and she set the bottle spinning again.
It spun round and round and round while we all watched. I knew exactly when it would pause and point.
‘Ooops! I guess it’s me,’ said Miranda, smiling and showing her little cat teeth.
‘That’s a fix!’ said Andy, looking miffed because she hadn’t chosen him.
‘Fix fix fix!’ Raj echoed.
‘How could I possibly fix it?’ said Miranda. ‘I gave the bottle a tremendous twirl. Shut up, you lot. Right, Carl. You and me. Snog time.’
‘In front of everyone?’ said Carl.
‘What’s your problem?’ said Miranda.
Carl swallowed again. ‘It’s a little … childish,’ he said cleverly. He stood up and held out his hand to Miranda. ‘We’ll step outside a moment.’
Miranda stood up, grinning. She took his hand. I hiccupped and she looked at me. ‘You’re cool with this, aren’t you, Sylvie? It’s just a bit of silly fun,’ she said.
‘Yeah, yeah, fine,’ I said.
What else could I say in front of them all! I watched Carl and Miranda walk hand in hand out of the door and into the darkness outside.
‘SHE MUST HAVE cheated,’ said Andy, spinning the bottle experimentally.
‘Ssh!’ said Raj. ‘Let’s listen.’
We sat still, not moving. We heard nothing. I hiccupped miserably.
‘For God’s sake, you sound like a ch
icken,’ said Andy, imitating me.
‘I wonder what they’re up to?’ said Raj. He started kissing his own hand, making gross slurping noises. ‘Oh, Carl, you’re dead sexy,’ he said in a silly girly voice.
‘Shut up,’ I said. My heart was banging as if it might burst straight through my chest and spatter Mum’s black sweater scarlet. I’d never kissed Carl.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I storm outside and tear Carl and Miranda apart? Andy was right. I didn’t just sound like a chicken. I was behaving like one, too scared to stop my boyfriend kissing my best friend. But no one was acting as if it was a big deal. Maybe this was a silly game played by cool kids everywhere? Lucy hadn’t tried to kiss Carl but maybe she’d have liked to? Miranda was certainly liking it. She’d made it obvious she fancied Carl from the moment she set eyes on him.
How did Carl feel? I couldn’t stop imagining him kissing Miranda, his soft lips on her lip-sticked pout, his hands playing with her intricate plaits. I suddenly stood up. The room swayed so I swayed with it, feeling as if I was on a boat in a storm. I put one foot doggedly in front of the other towards the door.
‘Where are you going, Sylvie?’ said Alice.
‘She’s going to play I Spy,’ said Raj. ‘Come on, let’s all peek.’
But just then the door opened and Carl and Miranda walked back into the room. Andy and Raj applauded and wolf-whistled. Miranda was pink and beaming, tossing her head, hands on her hips. Carl strolled in with his thumbs in his front jeans pockets in a determined effort to look casual. He saw me staring and gave me a little smile. If it was meant to be reassuring, it didn’t work.
‘Sit down, Sylvie! Come on, maybe it’s your turn next,’ said Miranda, bending down to spin the bottle.
‘How come you do all the spinning, Miranda? Let me have a go,’ said Raj.
‘It’s my house, Raj. This is my den. This game is totally my invention. So guess what, I get to spin the bottle,’ said Miranda.
‘You’re too skilled with that bottle! Let’s use my bottle now,’ said Alice, draining it of the last drop of fizzy water.
‘What are you, a camel?’ said Miranda. ‘No, we don’t want any of your plastic rubbish, we need a proper glass bottle. Right!’ She set it spinning again.
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