Rachel bent and picked up her cup. “Thanks for praying.” She sipped the sweet beverage. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Were you pre-med in college?”
He chuckled. “No. I’m a computer geek through and through. Why do you ask?”
“You knew exactly what was wrong with Jason. How?”
“Oh.” He didn’t want to go there. She didn’t need to hear about Rick, but she deserved an honest answer. “My little brother’s appendix burst when he was thirteen. My parents were out of state. They travelled a lot for business. My big sister was eighteen, and they left her in charge. Rick was a tough kid, never one to complain or make a big deal about not feeling well. We had no idea there was anything wrong with him until after it burst.” He took a shaky breath. “You sure you want to hear this?”
“Not really, but I think I should.”
He sighed. “They operated on him to clean out the bacteria the best they could, but it wasn’t enough. Rick fought for his life for a few days, but none of the antibiotics worked. Mom and Dad rushed home. They were devastated, and I could tell they blamed my sister and me. My family was never the same after that.”
“No offense, but your parents are stupid. They still had two kids who needed them. There is no way you or your sister should have been blamed.”
His head whipped toward her. “They were angry and guilt ridden because they weren’t there when Rick needed them. My mom still is sometimes. Dad died a year later from a massive heart attack.” He shrugged.
Rachel gasped. “I’m so sorry, Chris. My words were very insensitive.”
He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “They were right to blame us. We were the older siblings and should have noticed something was wrong.”
“But you said yourself, he never let on. Plus you were kids yourself. You can’t carry that burden.”
“But if we were paying attention, we would have noticed that something wasn’t right with him.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Jason didn’t seem all that sick to me when I tucked him into bed tonight. If I hadn’t stayed up late reading I may not have noticed he’d gotten worse until morning. ” She rested her other hand over his.
He nodded, unable to find his voice. He’d give about anything to get that week back and do things differently. He sipped the coffee she said was awful. “You weren’t kidding. This stuff is bad. I’m going to get something else. The general store is open by now. Would you like anything?”
She pulled out her wallet and handed him a ten. “Would you get me a large coffee and a bagel with cream cheese?”
“Sure. Keep your money. I’ve got this.”
She shook her head. “Please take it.” The look in her eyes said she needed him to take it. She needed to be in control of something, even if it was only paying for her breakfast. He understood that feeling.
“I’ll be back soon. Will you be okay?”
She nodded.
He stood and strode toward the sliding doors. Light snow fell, leaving a thin coating on the ground. He groaned. At least it hadn’t accumulated yet. He’d be able to get to the store and back with no problem.
Rachel sat in the waiting room, her stomach in knots. The bagel she asked for would probably go uneaten. Chris’s prayer for her son touched her deeply. She admired his strong faith and wished for the same.
After what happened to his brother and then his dad, one would think it would be hard to blindly trust a God who’d allowed such bad things to happen to his family, but who was she to judge? She knew little to nothing about God’s ways, and from what she’d read so far, He didn’t operate the way she expected.
She’d read a lot about King David the night before, and one thing bugged her. God had caused David’s child to die because of what he had done. Would God take Jason because of her past? She didn’t want anything to do with Him if He did. She crossed her arms and set her jaw.
I love you—and Jason.
Warmth and peace flowed through her. Where had that thought come from?
“Any word yet?”
She startled and looked up as Chris walked toward her with a cup tray and a sack. She shook her head.
He plopped down beside her. “This coffee smells incredible.”
She took the cup he offered and sipped. “That’s because it is. Thank you for getting it.” She noted snowflakes on his jacket. “It’s snowing?” She’d been sitting with her back to the window.
“Yes. It’s a winter wonderland out there. But I don’t think much more will fall. It appears to be clearing up.”
“Good.” Fear gripped her. She’d made a lot of mistakes. Would God really make her son pay for her poor choices? “Zoe gave me a Bible yesterday, and I have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Will God let my son die because of my mistakes?” Her voice caught in a sob.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Chris sucked in a sharp breath as he sat beside Rachel in the hospital waiting room. He wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. “Absolutely not. What makes you think God would do that?” He hated seeing her so torn up.
She took a deep breath then let it out slowly, clearly trying to compose herself. “He took King David’s son because of what he did.”
Chris frowned and removed his hand from her shoulder since she’d stopped crying. How did he help Rachel understand that things were different now without getting theological on her? “You said you’ve gone to church on Christmas and Easter. So you know the Christmas story of Jesus’s birth, and you know about His crucifixion and resurrection?”
She nodded. “I haven’t decided if it’s all true or not though. It’s all pretty incredible, but then again it seems that one either accepts all of what the Bible has to say or none of it. So I guess, I’m leaning toward believing it’s true, rather than not.”
He admired how she processed her thoughts. She was smart and was taking the time to really think through what she’d read. “Good. And, you believe the part about David is true?”
“Yes.”
That she didn’t question the validity of the Old Testament, but doubted the truth of the New Testament baffled him. He sent up a quick prayer. Lord please give me wisdom.
“It’s like this. The Old Testament, which is where the story of David is recorded, falls within the old covenant that God set up with humanity. But when Jesus came as the ultimate sacrifice everything changed.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I get the part about Jesus being the ultimate sacrifice. According to the sermons I’ve heard through the years, He was perfect and died on the cross then rose from the dead. His blood was shed to be the ultimate sacrifice for sin.”
“Exactly, but in the Old Testament, they had to sacrifice animals. Blood had to be shed to pay for what a person did wrong. They couldn’t simply ask for forgiveness. It was much more complicated then.”
Her nose wrinkled. “What does this have to do with my question?”
“Long complicated story short—what Jesus did changed how things work and how God deals with people. He is not going to punish Jason because of something you did, especially something you did when you weren’t a Christian. David was a believer, and he messed up. God punished him, and then they moved on.”
“So if I become a Christian, He will punish me for all the bad stuff I did?”
He shook his head. “When someone asks the Lord into their life then he or she becomes a new person. It’s a spiritual re-birth. The old stuff is gone and you start over fresh.”
“A clean slate?”
“Exactly.”
The puzzled look on her face relaxed. “Thanks for explaining all of that. It’s pretty weird, but I think I understand what you’re trying to say for the most part. I’m going to take a walk and see if I can find out what’s happening with Jason.” She stood then turned. “In case I forgot to say it, thanks for being here. I know you have a job and deadlines
, so if you need to leave, I understand.”
“I’m good. I’ll be right here when you get back.” He watched her walk over to the reception desk. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. Lord, please be with Rachel. I’ve never talked with anyone like that and even though she said it helped, I feel like I messed it up. And please be with Jason. The air around him moved, and he felt someone sit beside him. He opened his eyes—Rachel. “What’d you find out?”
“He went in for surgery a little bit ago.”
“What took so long?”
“They were waiting for the pediatric surgeon.”
The lights in a corner shop flicked on. “Looks like the gift shop is open.”
“Good. I want to get something for Jasie.” She stood.
He wondered if the nervous energy he sensed had more to do with her spiritual life than Jason’s surgery. She knew her son was in good hands, and ever since their talk she hadn’t been able to sit still.
Rachel had to get away from Chris. His words unsettled her, and she wished he’d leave. All the stuff about an old covenant and sacrifices put her stomach in a knot. As if having her son in surgery wasn’t enough! She purchased a coloring book and crayons along with a soft teddy bear with a red bowtie. Rather than head back to sit with Chris, she strolled down an empty corridor.
She knew Chris meant well, and in all fairness she had asked the question, but she wanted to be alone to process everything. A window overlooked a park-like setting. She caught her breath. “How beautiful.” She’d been so distracted every time she’d come here, she had no idea there was a gazebo on the hospital grounds or that they had trees decorated with colored lights. Snow fell softly, creating the most beautiful scene. Jason would love this.
Mesmerized, she stared for who knew how long, her mind a jumbled mess. She had so many questions but didn’t want to ask Chris. She pulled out her cell phone and called Zoe.
“How’s Jason?” Zoe asked without preamble.
“In surgery. I assume it’s going well since no one has told me otherwise.”
“Good. I want to come over there, but I’m stuck at the B&B on breakfast duty.”
“Oh! I’m so sorry. I’ll let you go.”
“Don’t hang up. Things are under control for the moment. How are you holding up?”
“Okay, considering I’m running on almost no sleep. I stayed up until midnight reading the Bible you gave me, then Jason was moaning, and I only was able to doze until he got so loud I thought he needed medical help.”
Silence.
“Hello?”
“I’m here. I’m really sorry about Jason, and I’m thinking about the passages I marked for you in the Bible. I’m a little worried about the timing of what you may have read. One of those stories might be freaking you out.”
“You knew and you still told me to read it!” How could Zoe have set her up like that?
“Hey, give me a break. I had no way of knowing Jason would need emergency surgery, but I want you to know that God does not work like that anymore. I only marked the passage about David to show you how imperfect he was, but God loved him anyway.”
“I thought the same thing at first, but if He really loved David, why kill his son?”
“I don’t have all the answers, and I know it sounds sadistic, but that’s the way things were before Jesus. If you keep reading, you’ll see that God gave David another son who was a great man.”
“I’m really confused, tired, and scared, Zoe.” Her voice cracked.
“I’m coming over there. The food has been served. The dishes will keep. Hang tight. I’m on my way.”
Rachel burst into tears and put her phone away. She was an absolute mess.
“Rachel?” Chris touched her shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He pulled her into his arms and let her cry.
Her tears gradually slowed, and she rested her head against his chest. His heartbeat, strong and steady, gave her strength. She stepped out of his comforting arms and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Thanks. I’m sorry you saw me lose it.”
“I’m glad I was here.” He brushed her hair from her face. “Are you okay now?”
She nodded. She wouldn’t be okay until she knew her son was, but she would not get emotional again.
“Good, because Nick was looking for you. The surgery went fine.”
Her heart leapt. “Where’s Nick?”
“Right here.” He stood at the end of the corridor and walked toward them. “I saw Chris come this way and figured that you’d be here. I told Doctor Howard, the pediatric surgeon, I’d fill you in. Jason is fine. He’s in recovery. A nurse will take you to him as soon as he wakes up.”
The tears started again. She laughed and cried. “Sorry. I don’t think my body knows how to respond.”
Nick patted her shoulder. “You’re tired and stressed. Being emotional is normal.”
“Thanks.” Her baby was okay. She needed to be with him. “How long until he wakes?”
“It shouldn’t be long. Your son is a trooper. I’ll check in on him later today. For now, it’s time for my rounds.” Nick went back in the direction he’d come.
“Do you want me to stay?” Concern filled Chris’s kind eyes.
“Zoe is on her way. Thanks for being here with me, Chris.” She wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head against his chest. She liked the feel of his arms around her. She hugged him a little longer than normal before stepping back. “You’re a good friend.”
“Call if you need anything.” He placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
Her stomach fluttered. She looked into his face, knowing without a doubt she cared deeply for this man even if she didn’t understand everything he said. “I will. Drive safe. The snow is really starting to accumulate.”
He frowned as he looked toward the window and the winter wonderland. “At least I don’t have far to go.” With one last fleeting look toward the window, he turned and walked away.
Taking a bracing breath, she squared her shoulders and returned to the waiting room. A man sat alone in one corner, and a couple with several children stood at the reception desk. The place had come to life in the short time she’d stepped away.
“Mrs. Narrelli,” A nurse wearing teal-colored scrubs called.
Rachel waved and walked toward her, lugging along her gift store purchase. “How’s Jason doing?”
“He woke up and is asking for you. If you’ll come this way I’ll take you to him.”
Rachel followed her through a series of corridors until they came to a door marked Recovery. Her heart pounded. No matter what, she must stay calm and not upset Jason.
“Your son will be a little loopy, so don’t be alarmed.”
“Okay. Thanks for the warning.”
The nurse opened the door. “He’s behind the first curtain on the right.” She scooted the curtain back.
“Hi, Jasie.” Rachel moved to his side and rested her hand on his forehead.
“Hi, Mommy. Tiger’s wike wollipips.”
Rachel grinned. The nurse wasn’t kidding about him being loopy. “I like lollipops too.”
He mumbled something indecipherable.
An orderly walked into the small, curtained-off space. “I’ll be taking him up to a room now.” He fiddled with a few gadgets, converting the bed into a rolling gurney. “How are you doing, Jason?”
“You big.”
The man chuckled. “I get that a lot.”
Rachel would have reprimanded her son, but it was pretty cute hearing him talk uncensored and more like a kid his own age. She kind of missed the baby talk that had disappeared for the most part about three months ago.
She walked on the other side of the gurney, and they rode an elevator up to the third floor. Within ten minutes, Jason was settled and sound asleep. She hadn’t even been able to give him his gifts. A light knock on his door drew her attention.
Zoe poked her head inside. “May I come in?”
Rachel stood and h
ugged her friend. “Thanks for coming.”
“That’s what friends are for, and in case I forgot to mention it earlier, you are not to come to work until Jason is out of here.”
“Thanks. I should run home to pick up a few things, but I plan to spend the night as long as he is here.”
“Good idea. Since he’s still out of it would you like to go now, or I could bring some stuff by later for you?”
“I might slip out, but first I want to ask you a question.”
“Shoot.” Zoe pulled up another chair and sat.
“Do you think God is punishing me for my mistakes?”
Zoe’s eyes lit like fire. “Absolutely not. I tried to explain that over the phone, but I guess I wasn’t clear.” She suddenly looked nervous. “Please don’t be offended by this, but you are not His… yet. He’s a forgiving God, Rachel. But until you come to a place where you are ready to commit to Him, He doesn’t expect anything from you. Have you read any of the pages I bookmarked toward the end of the Bible?”
Rachel shook her head.
“Read those and then what I’m saying will make more sense. Clearly you believe in God.”
“I do, but I don’t know what to do about it—or if I even want to do anything.”
“That’s okay. Read the Bible. I’ll answer your questions the best that I can.”
“Thanks.” She looked to her son. He slept peacefully. “You’ll sit with him until I get back?”
Zoe pulled a culinary magazine from her oversized purse. “I brought something to read. Take your time.”
Rachel nodded, but she would hurry nonetheless. She did not want Jason waking up while she was gone.
She charged into a waiting elevator and rushed out as soon as the door opened. People milled about, a child cried uncontrollably in her mother’s arms. The hospital was a flurry of activity. Even the gift shop had a line. She’d left her gift for Jason in his room. The glass doors slid open, and she stepped into the snow-covered parking lot.
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