by Grey, S. R.
“It’s one thing for the sweet potatoes to be hidden away in a sugar-laden tart. But fuck that baby food slop.”
Upon hearing that, she genuinely laughed.
Puck Bunny What?
Oh God, poor Benny. He believed my nutty, on-the-fly explanation as to why there had been a pacifier stuck between the cushions of our family sofa.
Why I hadn’t simply said it belonged to someone’s baby—other than my own, of course—was beyond me.
I suppose I was too worried if I ascribed the object to an actual infant, Benny might somehow put the pieces together that I was the only one in my small circle of acquaintances who could have a child.
Ugh, keeping Ava a secret was taking on a life of its own.
And that wasn’t good.
The longer I waited to spill the beans, the more I had no idea how to do it. People were going to be pissed that I waited so long to come clean. People like my friend Lainey…and people like Benny.
Hell, he’d probably end up hating me forever.
I sure had boxed myself into a corner.
And that made me want to cry.
Even if Benny didn’t dump me for keeping such a huge secret from him, this new diet farce was like adding fuel to the fire of my deceit. Once he discovered the baby food diet was a sham, he was sure to be less than thrilled he’d bought into it.
And he did just that on the way to the club. After a quick stop at the local Target, Benny had in his possession a brand-new pacifier. Blue…to go with mine that was pink.
Kill me now. Before Benny does.
I just thanked God he didn’t put the damn thing in his mouth in front of me. I would’ve lost it on the spot.
Aw shit, the truth is sure to come out when he does that exact thing in front of a teammate.
Even if he didn’t do that, Benny was sure to share this supposed diet with his friends.
What if they bought into it, too?
My dad would not find it amusing to have his players running around, chomping on freaking pacifiers. He’d wonder where they came up with the idea in the first place. Then my name would be brought up. My father would question how I even knew Benny, especially so well that I felt comfortable talking pacifiers and baby food with him.
That would then lead to a mention of Ava.
And I’d be busted.
So yeah, this fake diet could not get out to my father. I had to take action now.
As we drove to the club in Benny’s sleek black Porsche, I casually said, “Could you do me a huge favor, Benny?”
He glanced over at me, no doubt curious as to what this “huge favor” could be.
“It’s not that huge,” I qualified.
“Huge or not, Eliza, ask away.”
God, he was so sweet.
And I was such an ass.
Here goes nothing.
“Um, can you keep the pacifier stuff and the baby food diet on the down-low, at least for a little while?”
We were pulling up to the club by that point, and as we waited for the valet guy to come to us his brow furrowed.
“Yeah, sure, okay,” he said.
The valet dude arrived and opened my door first. But before I got out of the car, I said, “It’s just that my dad knows about this new diet of mine, and he’d definitely put together that I was the person who told you about it. That would totally out us.”
“No problem, Eliza,” he said. “The diet and pacifier will stay our little secret.”
“Thank you, Benny.”
Any further talk of pacifiers and baby food diets was mercifully shelved.
On our way into the club, Benny brought up the game they’d just played in LA, which was fine with me. Once we were past the bouncer checking IDs, however, the music grew far too loud to hold much of a conversation.
That was okay, too. The beat had me moving already. It’d been so long since I’d shaken my booty that I couldn’t wait to hit the dance floor. I was vibrating with enthusiasm, and Benny laughed as he let me drag him along.
Under the lights, we danced and danced. I was no great dancer, but Benny was worse than me. He had some funny moves that made me laugh, but overall he sucked. Still, we had a blast. I could’ve stayed out there forever, but thirst eventually caught up with us.
“Do you mind if we head over to the bar?” I screamed to Benny over the pulsing music. “I’m parched.”
“Sure,” he yelled back. “I could go for some water.”
I ordered a Diet Coke, and Benny asked for the water he wanted. We decided to stay at the bar to drink our beverages. It was a little quieter there and we could actually hear one another.
“Are you having fun, Eliza?” he asked once we were seated on stools.
Sipping on my soda, I nodded.
“Good,” he said.
We chatted then about the music and such, but our conversation ground to a halt when some chick with big hair and even bigger boobs noticed Benny and made a beeline for him.
“Oh, great,” he murmured sarcastically.
“A fan?” I said.
“Probably.”
The bleached blonde sauntered up to my date, and shooting me a dismissive glance, purred to him, “Hey, Benny, imagine running into you here. It’s been such a long time. Can I buy you a drink?”
Huh, I guess he knows her from the past.
“I don’t drink anymore,” he replied as he scanned her face, looking puzzled.
“Who is she?” I mouthed to him when her buzzing phone distracted her.
He shrugged and mouthed back, “I’m not sure.”
Well, she clearly knew him.
When she was done with her phone, she went on to say, “You’re not drinking anymore, huh? When I last saw you, you were sucking them down like nobody’s business.”
Laughing nervously, he raised his glass and said, “Ice-cold water is about as wild as I get these days.”
“That’s a shame,” she remarked. “It sounds like life has gotten rather boring for you.”
Benny frowned. “There’s no shame in boring.”
“Well, sometimes there is.” Leaning in to him, she murmured, “But, as I recall, you sure weren’t boring in bed.”
“Hey!”
That was me, making my presence known, and going on to say, “I think it’s time for you to move along, lady. This is a date we’re on, you know. And contrary to how you’re treating me, I’m not invisible.”
She rolled her eyes, and I was ready to kick her ass—okay, maybe just threaten her a little—but Benny stepped between us to diffuse the situation.
“You should probably leave,” he said to Blondie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, anyway.”
She was not deterred. “Oh, now don’t be coy, Benny.”
“Seriously, I don’t know who you are.”
Oh, she didn’t like that. Huffing and puffing like a petulant child, she hissed, “You most certainly do know me, in many, many ways.”
She stared him down, and when he still couldn’t place her, she whined, “I’m Clarisse, damn it. We met about a year and a half ago at a party.” She winked. “You remember me now, right?”
He had no clue who she was or what she was talking about. I knew that because he murmured, “Uh, I’m thinking here.”
Oh, boy.
Hands on her hips, she said, “I can’t believe you’ve forgotten all the things we did in the hot tu—”
“Hey there now,” he interjected, cutting her off and glancing over at me sheepishly. “There’s no need to go there. I think I remember you now.”
Think? I rolled my eyes at him, and he looked away.
When his focus returned to Clarisse, it was like a light had suddenly turned on. I knew then that she was telling the truth. Benny, without a doubt, had slept with her. And done who knows what kind of kinkery in the hot tub.
Ugh!
I reminded myself that all that had occurred long before I’d met him, and also when he was way out of contr
ol. What bothered me, though, was that he had no recollection of the event. It had taken her prodding to jar whatever disjointed memory he had of her.
And that gave me pause.
Lainey had said Benny was a player, but witnessing the fallout—this girl—up close and personal left me cold.
Clarisse finally left, but to me, our night was done. We danced some more, but what she’d said was freaking bothered me.
Benny noticed I was off and asked if everything was okay. That was once we were away from the loud music, having retreated to a relatively quiet corner of the club.
“Yes, everything’s fine,” I said, not wanting to talk about it in a public place.
There was an awkward silence for a good five minutes, and then he said, “Do you just want to go home, Eliza? You look like you’re not having much fun anymore.”
Nodding, I conceded, “Yeah, we should leave.”
I wanted to check in on Ava, anyway. When my mom had taken her out earlier, I’d been showering and hadn’t had a chance to see her off.
The drive home was mostly quiet. When we pulled up to my house, I just wanted to make a quick getaway. Not only did I need some time to think about this thing with Benny, but my dad would be on his way home from the arena and could catch us.
My quick getaway was stalled, though, when Benny cut the ignition.
He leaned back in his seat and said, “You were so quiet the whole way home. Are you sure we’re good, Eliza?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “We’re great.”
He blew out a breath. “Okay, well, I have a long road trip coming up with the team, but once we get back I’d like to see you again. Maybe we could catch a movie, or go out for another night of dancing.”
Manwhore or not, he was sweet. And he looked so handsome in the moonlit night. But I had to be strong. I was just too confused about him.
I opened the door, needing some air.
Steeling myself, I said, “Maybe we can do something. Just call or text me when you return. We can figure things out from there.”
Sensing a brush-off, Benny placed his hand on my forearm. “Eliza, wait, please. Figure things out? What’s that even mean?” I shrugged, and he said, “See, something is wrong.”
I closed the door. We were going to talk, after all.
“I think I know what caused this,” he quietly stated.
“No, no,” I insisted, not wanting to kick off our talk with hot tub Clarisse. “Everything’s cool. I just meant figure things out, as to where we should go on our next date.”
“Right,” he murmured sarcastically. “And if that’s really true, then why are you saying things like I should call or text after I get back? What about while I’m away? Do you not want to hear from me?”
Softly, I admitted, “I don’t know, Benny. Maybe not while you’re away.”
“I knew it.”
“Benny, I just need some time to think.”
He raked his hand through his long hair. “That damn girl at the club, she ruined everything. She freaked you out.”
“It isn’t her that’s bothering me,” I blurted out.
“What is it, then?”
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Can you try?”
I took a few breaths and then said, “I know you have a past, Benny. I’d expect you to. But you didn’t even remember that you’d slept with that girl. That’s just… I don’t even know. But I know it’s not good.”
“I remembered her just fine,” he protested. When I shot him a look, he amended, “So it took me a minute or two, so what?”
We were getting nowhere. “Okay, I’m out.”
My hand was back on the door handle, but I hesitated when Benny said, “Eliza, please, don’t run off. Talk to me, okay? In my meetings they say communication is always the key.”
“That may be true,” I conceded, “but I don’t think there’s anything more to say, not tonight.”
“Sure there is. If there wasn’t, it wouldn’t feel like you’re still pissed at me.”
I looked down at my hands. “I actually don’t know what I’m feeling right now. That’s why I should just go in the house. All I know is, you going away will be good for us.”
“How do you see that?” He sounded hurt.
“It’ll give us some space.”
“I don’t need space, Eliza.”
“Well, I do.”
Scrubbing his hand down his face, he said, “I’m sorry that girl came up to us, really I am. The truth is, I hate that no matter how hard I try to put my past behind me, I never can. It looked bad, I know, me not remembering Charisse and all.”
“Uh, I think her name is Clarisse.”
“Shit, whatever.”
We fell silent then, until Benny said, “Can I just say one more thing?”
“Yes, of course.”
I may have been upset, but I didn’t want to end things with him right there. Really, we were just getting started. And it’d been such a good start. I wanted to get past this, so maybe letting him open up was a good thing, after all.
My conscience chimed in with a hearty laugh. Ha, you’re one to be casting aspersions, Eliza.
I’d deal with that later. Right now we were focused on Benny, who was currently exhaling slowly, gearing up to say, “You didn’t know me before, and I’m not gonna lie. I was a real prick.”
“You mean regarding your behavior with women?” I clarified.
“Yes, that’s what I mean. But there were other problems, too. Problems I’ve since addressed. As you know, drinking was huge for me.”
Curious to know what other demons Benny had fought, I asked, “Were there drugs?”
“Not a lot, but sometimes.”
Damn. “Shit, Benny.”
“That’s all behind me, Eliza. You know I went to rehab last fall. And you also know I go to meetings to keep my shit together.”
I knew all that, but I had to ask, “What about the women issue? What have you done about that?”
“I think I’ve gotten that under control.”
“Think, Benny…or you have?”
“I have.”
He didn’t sound so sure, but I left it at that. As in, I actually started getting out of his car.
I stopped only to reiterate for him not to call or text till he got back.
Though I tried to lessen the sting by adding, “I promise we can talk more about all this when you return. I just need some time to process things.”
It was true. I did need time, but not just for me. I had to rethink this whole thing for Ava’s sake.
Shit, I needed to tell him about her, especially if things progressed any further. That was why I had to be one-hundred percent sure Benny was real relationship material, not just a guy meant for fun.
Like I’d told him, I was glad he had a string of road games coming up. I’d seen them on the schedule and knew they were all up in western Canada. I’d have ample time to assess the situation thoroughly with him so far away. Maybe I’d also have a chance to talk with Lainey about this whole mess. She might have some insight.
That chance came a few days later. But what a surprise I received. To say her reaction was lukewarm at best would have been an understatement.
I’d truly thought Lainey was rooting for me and Benny to get together. She’d said as much, but I guess she’d changed her mind. When I talked with her, she discouraged me from pursuing anything with Benny, even going so far as to inform me he kept a directory of puck bunnies.
“Like, for booty calls,” she said.
Yuck.
On top of the Clarisse incident, this was huge. I definitely needed time to think. I couldn’t date that big of a dog. Ava deserved better role models for the future. She was a baby right now, but I needed to get in the habit of making wise choices regarding the people I put in her life.
But before I dismissed Benny the Player completely, I decided to give him one last chance. An opportunity, if you will, to prove he was a change
d man.
I knew just how to do it, too. I came up with a “test.”
But first, I needed to get my hands on that damn puck bunny directory.
I’ll Buy the Matches
I spent most of the road trip worried about Eliza, worried about stupid puck bunnies, and worried even more about stupid me. I needed to show the girl who was turning my life upside down that I’d changed.
How in the hell was I supposed to do that?
I thought I’d done a pretty good job of brushing off the puck bunny that had approached us at the club. Whatever. I just should’ve leveled with Eliza from the start, confessed how bad I once was.
Then I could’ve let her in on how much I’d changed, and how she’d had a role, as of late, in curbing my womanizing ways.
I’d do all that when I returned to Vegas, but for now, I needed to focus on the upcoming road games.
So focus I did.
I was successful at keeping my mind on hockey during the first game of the trip. We were playing the Vancouver Canucks, and I was one hundred percent in the game. I played extremely well, putting up two assists and scoring one goal. And that was just in the second period.
My linemates, Brent and Nolan, wondered what had gotten into me.
“You were on fire out there, Benny,” Brent remarked when we were back in the locker room between periods.
Nolan, seated on a bench in the stall next to me, chimed in with, “Yeah, whatever’s gotten into you, keep it up. We’re down by one”—despite my second-period blitz, the score was four to three Canucks—“but if we all play as hard as you’ve been playing, we got this one in the bag.”
We did play as hard, if not harder than I had, in the third, and won the game by a final score of six to four. After the game, Coach Townsend had only kind words for me in the locker room.
“Excellent game, Perry,” he said with a rare smile directed at me. “That’s the kind of work ethic I like to see.”
I decided then and there I was going to keep it up. Plus, from here on out I planned to fight just as hard to keep Eliza.
I legit had to wonder if Coach would say the same thing if he knew I’d be putting his work ethic words to use to win back his daughter’s trust.