by Grey, S. R.
“You did.”
“Does that mean we’re back to being good, Eliza?”
His eyes met mine, and to my surprise, his emerald greens held forgiveness, not anger for me testing him. Even better, there was hope in those eyes, hope for us.
How could I say no to that?
“We’re more than good, Benny,” I proclaimed.
I wanted nothing more than to go to him, but there was still someone in the room. That someone cleared her throat, which made Benny, who also seemed to have forgotten she was there, frown.
He put up his hand. “Wait a minute.”
“Hey,” she snapped.
Ignoring her, he focused back on me, “I still have questions, Eliza.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“You’re going to answer some of them right now.”
“Um, okay.”
“First,” he began, “how did you know Clarisse’s number?”
Uh-oh. “Um…”
How was I supposed to tell him I’d searched out his puck bunny directory?
Lucky for me—maybe—he figured it out.
“Shit, Eliza. You were at my house all alone.”
I tried to joke, “There were fish here with me.”
“Eliza…”
“Okay, okay. I was by myself. And, yes, I may have stumbled upon your directory.”
Had I gone too far? Benny was an easygoing guy, but even he had his limits. It seemed he was letting it slide that I’d tested him. But was seeking out his puck bunny directory too much?
I was about to find out, till Clarisse butted in.
“Hey, what are y’all talking about? What directory? Like one with phone numbers? Do people still do that, write shit down like that? Or did you also raid Benny’s cell phone, Eliza?”
The nerve!
“No, I didn’t raid his cell phone,” I said icily.
Turning back to Benny, I softly inquired, “Are you mad I looked for your directory? And are you pissed I got Clarisse in on this…test?” I sighed. “I went too far, I know, but I had to be sure I could trust you before…you know…” I waved my hand between us, and he raised a brow.
“You wanted to know I was done with other women before we got more serious.”
“Yes.” I peered at him sheepishly. “Can you forgive me?”
“Yes, I can forgive you for scoping out my directory.”—Phew!—“But only if you can forgive me for having it in the first place.”
“A directory with a rating system, no less,” I reminded him.
“God, yes, that.” He chuckled. “How embarrassing.”
“More like”—I scowled—“how gross.”
Giving me a chastising look, he said, “Like women don’t ever rate men.”
He had a point. “Okay, but still, Benny, I don’t have a directory.”
“Thank Christ for that.”
Clarisse interjected, “So this directory, I’m in it, apparently. I’d like to know what kind of rating I got.”
Benny looked away, smirking, but I couldn’t resist.
With a fake smile, I sweetly replied, “You got four stars, honey.”
“And that’s out of five?”
Oh my God, this chick.
“Yes.”
Clarisse preened. “Huh, that’s a pretty good rating.”
Benny couldn’t even look at her, but I had to laugh. It was funny, now that he’d passed the test. I was happy he had. But more importantly, he’d forgiven me for testing him and for searching out his puck bunny directory.
I could only hope he’d be just as forgiving when he found out about Ava.
I was going to tell him real soon.
Just not today.
Worth the Wait
After Eliza left to drive Clarisse back to her car—but not before promising to return so we could talk some more—I thought about all that had occurred.
What she’d done was over the top, sure, but what I’d said was true. I wasn’t mad about any of it. In a way, I was flattered. Eliza had not only searched out my directory, but she’d set up a crazy test to see what I’d do.
That meant she cared—a lot.
One thing I did wonder about was who had told Eliza about my directory in the first place. I sure hadn’t said a word. The primary suspect was Lainey. She was Eliza’s friend, and Nolan had probably mentioned it to her. It was too juicy not to. Plus, Nolan seemed not to want to see me with Eliza. Not for any bad reason, I was sure. My teammate was just looking out for me. He knew Coach T would throttle me into next year if he ever discovered I was messing around with his daughter.
Nolan need not worry, though. No one had to. My feelings for Eliza had grown from a lust-induced scheme to true interest. I wanted to build something with her, which still kind of blew me away.
Because of all my strong feelings for her, I ended up doing something I never thought I’d do, not in a million years.
When Eliza returned to the house, I suggested we do what Dylan had suggested—burn my once-beloved puck bunny directory.
“It’ll be symbolic,” I told her with a smile, echoing Dylan’s words.
She looked wary. “Are you sure, Benny?”
I had to chuckle. She was trying to temper her tone to sound reasonable. Too bad it wasn’t working. I could see the glee in her eyes at the idea of ridding the world of the puck bunny directory.
Yeah, she desperately wanted it gone.
No surprise there, seeing as she’d set up an elaborate ruse with one of the entries to test me. But here she was, willing to let me ultimately decide if we should burn the thing or not.
Good thing I’d already decided.
“I’m more than sure, babe.” I offered her my hand. “Let’s go get rid of it. That damn book is my last addiction, and it ends here.”
Raising a brow, she asked, “What about donuts?”
“Ah, there are those. You got me there.”
She squeezed my hand. “I think I can live with that one, Benny. If you can, that is.”
“Are you kidding? I’m never giving up donuts.”
“Then don’t,” she said.
Yep, this was definitely the girl for me.
The donuts made me think about the pacifier and my conversation with Dylan. I thought about questioning Eliza, but when she left the room to go pee and I saw the pink pacifier in her open purse, I figured she’d probably made up the diet on her own. That’s why Dylan couldn’t find it with Google. Oh well, whatever works, right?
She returned, and hand-in-hand, we went downstairs.
We stood in front of the massive stone fire pit out back and watched the directory burn to a crisp. As the pages turned black, then gray, then to ash, I felt no regret. Why would I? I had finally turned a corner.
I think Eliza realized that, too.
That’s why what happened next was only natural.
Turning to me, bathed in the glow from the flames, Eliza slid her arms up around my neck. She murmured a loving, “Benny…”
“Yes?”
Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to mine. “I think it’s time we make a little heat of our own.”
I could not agree more.
I was still wearing only boxer briefs, and Eliza had on nothing but a thin tee and short shorts. But fuck, it felt like it was getting hotter and hotter by the fire.
“I think you’re right,” I replied.
I kissed her then, all softly and sweetly. But when I felt her body respond, my tongue plunged into her mouth. Though it felt somewhat frenzied, it was different. Better than the first time we’d messed around. That had been pure lust and fun.
This was…more.
Gathering her up in my arms, my heart swelled with a joy I’d never known. I carried her inside the house and up to my bedroom. As I laid her back on my bed, I peeled away her shorts, her tee, and her bra. But before she’d allow me to slide her lacy panties down her legs, she made me grab a condom.
“I’m on birth control,
” she said, “but extra protection is always a good idea.”
After paging through the now-destroyed PB directory, I figured she was worried I harbored some gross disease.
I was good, though, and quickly informed her, “I’m clean, Eliza. If that’s what you’re really worried about.”
I kind of wanted to feel all of her, which I hadn’t done with a woman in years.
“We get tested all the time,” I went on. “And I always wrap up my junk.”
“It’s not that,” she insisted, her hand moving to caress the rough stubble on my cheek. “It’s just that birth control can fail sometimes.”
Her insistence made me curious if there was more to what she was saying. Maybe she’d had a pregnancy scare and that’s why she was unwilling to budge on the issue. I respected her wishes no matter what, so I dropped the subject and retrieved a condom from a pack I kept by the bed.
With the interruption and ensuing discussion, the mood was waning.
Rolling back to face her, I said, “Let’s start over, okay?”
She nodded. “That sounds good to me.”
I began touching her then, and letting her know, “I want this to be perfect for you, Eliza.”
“I want that for you, as well.”
I told her the truth. “It already is.”
“So let’s make it better.” Wrapping her leg around my waist, she ground herself into me. I knew what she wanted, so I shifted until my heavy cock was pressed up to her pussy.
Her panties were still on, and man, were they soaked.
She rocked along my length, murmuring shit like, “Make me feel good, Benny. Please, I need you to.”
“I need you, too, and I plan to,” I assured her, ridding her of her panties, at last.
Good thing she wanted the condom on me. Otherwise, I might’ve lost it right there and slid into her. Waiting was better, however. It gave me an opportunity to make sure she came before we were one.
After she had fallen apart twice, I finally slipped on a condom.
She was so hot and bothered that she lined up our bodies and begged, “Benny, please, please, I need you now. Don’t keep me waiting a minute longer.”
I plunged into her, engulfed and overwhelmed by her warmth. I thought I might explode right then, condom or not.
I even had to stop for a minute and hold still, which made her ask, “Is something wrong?”
“Are you kidding? Everything is perfect, Eliza.”
“It is,” she agreed, her eyes meeting mine.
“I want you so much,” I rasped, overcome with emotion.
“You have me, Benny. You have me right here.”
I did. But what she didn’t know was how much she had me.
And hell if that didn’t feel just right.
What Can I Say?
The first time with Benny… What can I say?
It was sweeter than I thought it would be.
It was better than expected.
What about hot?
Yes. Hell, yes.
Still, it was more than all those things. I can honestly say I fell a little harder after we were together.
No, wait. I fell a lot harder.
Why did it work that way for women? Hormones, maybe? Or were our hearts too open to begin with?
I wasn’t sure either way. I just knew I’d also fallen hard for Ava’s father after the first time we were together, too.
But this felt completely different.
Ava’s father hadn’t cared about me in any way. I was just a fun lay to him. Benny had true feelings for me. Of that, I had no doubt. I mean, the dude burned his pussy directory for me. That said a lot.
There was one problem still on the horizon—me. I felt like the world’s biggest bitch for continuing to keep Ava from him.
I was still committed to telling him, but now that the time was upon me I was scared. What if he couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive me?
I could maybe convince him it was a lie by omission, and that might soften the blow.
No, there was just no good way to do it. I needed to simply sit him down and pour my heart out.
And then hope he understood.
I was ready, I was prepared.
I even had my phone in my hand, set to call Benny so we could choose a time to meet and talk.
But then something happened—I received a rare communication from Ava’s father.
And that changed everything.
It’d been so long since I’d last heard from him that I’d kind of forgotten he was the big reason for me keeping Ava a secret in the first place. What with all his to-do about keeping his identity from getting out.
I didn’t even like to say his stupid name. But I did when it flashed across my phone screen, indicating he was calling.
“Drew Chidders,” I practically spat. “What the hell could he possibly want?”
Drew Chidders was an up-and-coming forward with the Dallas Stars. He also happened to be Ava’s absentee dad.
And now he was calling me, right when I was about to call Benny.
I stared down at the phone, watching as my own little personal code name for Drew—Dickhead—flashed on the screen again.
He lived up to that moniker so well, and I felt sure he would today.
I should’ve ignored him, but I didn’t. I answered just in case he was calling about his daughter. Maybe he was finally ready to step up to the plate and be a dad to her.
Nope.
Dickhead wasn’t reaching out to ask about his sweet little girl.
There was no “how’s she doing, Eliza.”
Nor an “I’d love to finally meet her.”
Instead, he’d called to make certain I was still keeping his identity a secret.
“Of course I’m still keeping your identity a secret,” I snapped, feeling instantly annoyed, as it messed with my plan to tell Benny about Ava.
“Good,” he replied, unfazed by my tone. “I’m only checking because we’re playing the Wolves week after next.”
“Yes, I know. I saw it on the schedule.”
“I can’t stress enough that I don’t want any trouble at that game, Eliza.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I questioned, bristling.
“It means don’t even think about pulling any of that girly I-need-attention bullshit.”
I’d been aggressive in pursuing Drew, especially after we’d originally hooked up. But I’d grown a lot since then. He was the last man I’d ever want attention from now.
“I’m no longer the girl you once knew,” I informed the jerk.
“Good.”
I still wasn’t sure what he expected me to do at the upcoming game. What would be so awful?
“What exactly are you worried I’ll do?” I asked.
Guffawing, like I was some kind of a big joke, he said, “With you, Eliza, who knows? You can be fucking crazy.”
“Fuck you, Drew.”
“You better check that attitude, bitch.”
“Suck my clit, Drew.”
“Been there, done that.”
I hated him, I really did.
Finally mad, he snapped, “I don’t want you pulling some stunt at the game, drawing attention to yourself to distract me.”
He was so full of himself.
“How would I do that?” I asked, curious and not having any idea what his nutty imagination was conjuring up.
“For one, I could see you sitting in the front row with that baby in your arms. And, Eliza, I don’t need a distraction like that during what’s sure to be a big game for me.”
Oh my God, this guy.
I yelled into the phone, “For the record, your baby is not a distraction, asshole!”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion—hurt, anger, disbelief—I whispered, “Shut up, Drew. Just, please, shut up.”
Did he?
No.
“For your information, I’m on track to surpass the number o
f goals I had this time last season. And that is my only concern at the moment.”
“Clearly,” I choked out.
With my heart lodged in my throat, I had no more words for this man. I couldn’t believe he’d behave so callously, say the things he said. I didn’t care about my own stupid self—I was done with the prick—but Ava… God, Ava. I’d given her such a shitty father.
“Eliza, did you hear me?” he droned on. “Making sure you and I are on the same page is why I called.”
On the same page? He and I?
Ha. There was no he and I. And as for pages, we weren’t even in the same book.
Out of all the emotions I was grappling with, anger finally won out.
And I lost it.
“Who the hell do you think you are, Drew? There is no same page, and there is no you and I. You walked away, so you don’t get a say in anything.”
Smugly, he retorted, “Is that so?”
“Yes, it is so.”
Chuckling, he said, “Do I need to remind you of the money I deposit in your account every month for Ava’s care? Those are some pretty big sums, Eliza.”
“You can’t buy me into behaving the way you want me to, Drew.”
“Sure I can.”
Icily, I replied, “Well, then, I can take you to court and ask for more money. I’d get it, too. So maybe that’s what I should do.”
I didn’t care about the money; I was tired of him and his power plays. Plus, I’d finally grown a backbone these past few months.
But then he stopped me in my take-that-asshole tracks when he coldly replied, “You do that and I’ll fight you for custody of my child.”
“Oh, now she’s your child? How convenient.”
Softly, and in a tone that frankly scared the hell out of me, he said, “I mean it. Don’t fight me on this, Eliza. And don’t be a smartass. I have more money and better access to attorneys than you do. I can make you look like an unfit slut of a mother in an instant. Plus, I’m not above telling the court that you keep me from my child.”
“But that’s a lie,” I whispered, stunned that he’d even stoop to this level. “You never ask to see her.”
“They don’t know that. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll win at any cost.”
“You will, won’t you?”
“You bet your ass I will.”