by Grey, S. R.
And somehow, despite all the odds, over time it worked. Drew, Brent, and I actually gelled as a unit.
We started playing well together, and the team was soon back on track.
Though our communication was there on the ice, I barely spoke to Drew off of it. There were no more barbs from either of us, no more cheap verbal shots. We simply had nothing to say to one another.
I guessed he must’ve heard through the grapevine that whatever I’d had with Eliza was over and done.
But was it really, though?
It sure didn’t feel like it. At least, it didn’t when I peered into my heart and asked myself how I really felt about her.
I missed her, I couldn’t lie.
I was sick of her lies, sure, but I kind of wanted her back. I felt like we could work on things. What could I say? The heart wants what the heart wants. Who ever said love was rational?
Unlike before, I didn’t confide in anyone about anything. I just went about my business and played good hockey. I found that focusing on each game individually kept my mind occupied. It also kept me out of trouble.
I was determined not to let my failed relationship send me spiraling. I went to fuckloads of meetings as a precaution. That meant I saw Graham a lot. But I made sure I talked only about things other than my love life.
Graham must’ve assumed Eliza and I were still together, probably thought I was too busy with hockey to bring her up in a conversation. Hockey was pretty much all I ever talked about, so him thinking that made sense.
I gushed in copious detail about how it was great that the team was back in first place in the standings. And I rambled on and on about how we might really make another run for the Cup.
I wasn’t the only one saying shit like that. There was a ton of scuttlebutt about the subject, people saying the Wolves could win back-to-back Stanley Cups.
Not wanting us distracted by what-ifs and maybes, Coach Townsend began limiting our press time.
“We need to stay focused, boys,” he said to the team one morning after he’d put us through a particularly grueling practice. “We can’t get sucked in by all this hype. It’ll just be a distraction.”
“He’s right,” Brent chimed in. “Let’s take the next couple of months of regular-season hockey one game at a time.”
“Here, here.” I tapped my stick on the ice in solidarity, and the rest of the team joined in.
As we were heading to the locker room a few minutes later, Coach pulled me aside. “After you’re cleaned up, come see me in my office,” he said.
Fuck.
Had he discovered Eliza and I had gone our separate ways? He had to know. She lived at his house, for fuck’s sake.
Worried I was in for a world of hurt from Coach—for breaking his little girl’s heart or whatever—I showered in a daze. I threw on a dress shirt and some nice pants, and set off to take it like a man.
Rapping twice on Coach T’s office door, I nervously announced, “Hey, it’s me. Perry.”
“Come on in,” he called out from behind the closed door.
He sounded kind of cheery, which filled me with hope that whatever it was he wanted to talk about, maybe it wasn’t too bad.
“Take a seat, Benjamin,” he said when I ventured in.
He was being so formal. But based on the past, I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad sign.
Then I was thrown for a loop.
Just as I was sitting down, something caught my eye, something that made me not give a shit about Coach and his feelings towards me.
See, there was this framed picture on his desk, a photo of Eliza and Ava. Fuck, it truly felt like a stake had been driven through my heart. It hurt so much that I had to hold my chest.
I missed Eliza so damn much, but I hadn’t realized that I’d missed Ava, as well. That little girl had stolen my heart.
And now I’d never see her again, except in photographs like the one on Coach’s desk.
I should look away to pull myself together.
But I couldn’t.
I’d been set to play it cool, but all I could do was shakily ask, “How are they doing, Coach T?”
He followed my gaze to the photo, and, sighing, said, “My granddaughter is doing great. And my daughter… Well, she’s fine, considering.”
Our eyes met, and I knew then that he knew.
Shit, I felt compelled to explain.
“Look, Coach, I have to tell you something. Obviously, you’re aware that Eliza and I are no longer together. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her…and Ava.” My voice cracked. “I hope you can find it in your heart to believe me when I say I never intended to hurt Eliza.”
“That’s enough.” He waved his hand around. “I don’t need to hear this. A part of me would like to ream you out. But I made a promise to my wife that I’d stay out of it…and I’m going to. Whatever happened between you and Eliza, it’s none of my business. And it’s definitely not why I called you up to my office today.”
Huh? “That’s not the reason?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Okay.”
He cleared his throat. “As you know, Nolan Solvenson is out. What you may not have heard yet is that he needs surgery on his injured wrist.”
“What?” Coach was right, I hadn’t heard. Shit, this was bad.
“That means he’ll be out for at least two more months,” Coach said.
“No way…” I was aghast. “That means he won’t be back till the playoffs start.”
“Assuming we make it that far,” Coach stated grimly.
I felt strongly that no matter what we would make it, leading me to say, “Oh, we will.”
Playing great hockey on an amazingly talented team was the one sure thing I had in my life. So I had to be right, damn it.
“We’re going to make it,” I repeated, more adamantly. “If for nothing else, so that Nolan gets a chance to play once more this season.”
Coach smiled. “I like your attitude, Perry. And I have to say, you’ve really grown into the player and leader I always knew you could be.”
“Wow.” I was speechless.
“In fact, it’s your leadership as of late, especially with Nolan being out, that has you in my office today.”
“It is?”
I was oblivious to where this was going. Or rather, I was until Coach opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a black and red Wolves jersey with my name and number on it.
When he passed it over to me and I saw the letter “A” sewn on the front, I knew then exactly why I was there.
“You want me to be an assistant captain?”
Coach laughed. “Bet you never saw that one coming. And, yes, I do.”
“Can’t say that I did,” I admitted, still stunned.
“Don’t look so surprised. Like I said before, you’ve become a real team leader.”
All I could do was stare and stare at that jersey. I even fucking started tearing up.
“This is a real honor, Coach,” I choked out. “Thank you.”
“You’ve earned it,” he said. “You should also know you’ve finally earned my respect.”
“Thank you, sir. That means a lot.”
I couldn’t believe those words had come out of Coach’s mouth. And it did mean a lot, like I’d told him, but it would’ve meant more had I still been with Eliza.
I’d wanted Coach’s blessing so badly, and now I had it.
Too bad it was too late.
Life without Benny
Benny didn’t want to hear the truth. I knew I’d waited too long to offer it up to him. I didn’t want the same thing to happen with Lainey, so I decided to tell her everything as soon as possible.
We met for margaritas at a cute little Mexican bistro that was near my house. I obviously didn’t take Ava, but I sure brought lots of pictures of her, photos I’d printed and planned to show Lainey. I intended to tell her what happened with Benny, as well. And of course, how I’d fucked things up.
But I was ready to paddle back to shore.
I arrived at the bistro before Lainey and secured us a spot far away from everyone. Once I was seated at a corner booth, I ordered a margarita, knowing I’d need alcohol to kick off the conversation we were about to have.
Still, I felt like I needed more than that. So, before the waiter left, I said, “May I have an extra shot of tequila in my margarita?”
“Certainly, miss,” he replied.
And then he was gone.
Lainey arrived a few minutes later. When I saw how beautiful she looked I teasingly whistled at her. She was wearing a cute purple dress and her beautiful raven hair was pinned up.
“Look at you, sexy mama,” I said when she sat down across from me. “No one will ever accuse married life of not agreeing with you.”
She laughed, and replied, “I do have to say, I love being Mrs. Nolan Solvenson.”
“Ah, love…” I sighed.
I’d been so close to having that and more with Benny, till I screwed it up by hiding too many truths.
Well, no more.
I was about to bust out the pictures of Ava right there, but the waiter had returned with my margarita and a huge basket of warm chips and salsa.
Lainey dug in immediately, proclaiming, “I’m freaking starving.”
“Hmm, let’s see, radiant and starving… Holy crap, you’re not pregnant, are you?”
Poor Lainey almost choked on a chip.
Once she recovered, she said, “God, no. And after that statement”—she beckoned the waiter over—“I think I need a drink.”
Pointing to my margarita, she said to the waiter, “I’ll have one of those.”
“Certainly, miss,” he replied. “Would you like extra tequila in yours, as well?”
She looked at me and raised a brow.
I shrugged, and she said, “Sure, why not.”
After the waiter left, Lainey leaned back.
“This is nice, Eliza, a night out with no guys. We need to do this more often.”
“Definitely,” I agreed. “It’s been way too long.”
She nodded. “It has.”
Her margarita arrived, and we spent the next half hour drinking and catching up on all the little things. I’d reveal my secret soon enough.
“How’s school?” Lainey asked at one point.
“Really good,” I replied. “I’m back on track to graduate on time, so this is definitely going to be my last semester.”
“That’s fantastic, Eliza.” Lainey rubbed her hands together. “Enough about school, though. Let’s get to the good stuff.”
“Yeah, like what?”
“First off, how’re things on the ’ole love life front?”
I coughed. “What love life front?”
“Wait.” Lainey looked confused. “I thought after seeing that cute pic of you and Benny that something was going on with you two.”
“There was something going on,” I admitted. “But it’s over now.”
Her brows shot up. “Already?”
Here we go…
“Actually, that ‘something going on’ was going on for a while.”
She narrowed her eyes, but not in any kind of angry way. She simply looked hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me, Eliza?”
“Well, Benny and I, we, uh—”
“Hold up.” Lainey raised her hand. “Before you say another word, tell me now, did that bastard cheat on you? Is that why you’re no longer together?”
Before I could answer, she exclaimed, “Oh my God. He did, didn’t he? Crap, Eliza, I told you he was a player. Damn him.”
“Lainey, it’s not like th—”
“Do you want me to kick him in the balls for you? I can make it lethal if need be. Just ask Nolan.”
“Whoa,” I blurted out, “poor Nolan.”
She assured me she’d never hurt her man. “I love him too much,” she said.
Worried for Benny’s balls, though, I felt compelled to say, “Benny was actually really amazing. He didn’t cheat on me. I was the one who fucked up.”
Her big turquoise eyes widened. “You cheated on him?”
“No, it wasn’t that. It was another kind of deception.”
“Hmm, sounds like there’s a story there. Shit, how have I missed all this? I feel like the world’s suckiest friend right now.”
“It’s not you, Lainey. It’s me.” I sighed, took a sip of my drink. “There’s so much you don’t know, things you should. That’s why I’m about to tell you everything.”
I shared all my secrets then. I told Lainey how much I was into Benny from that very first hockey game, the one when she and I first met. I also explained how there’d been this crazy chemistry brewing from the start, one we couldn’t—and didn’t—ignore.
“I noticed that early on,” she said. “I used to say to Nolan all the time that we should hook you two up. Hell, I told you as much, too.”
“Yeah, you did. You were so rah-rah about us at first. What happened?”
She sighed. “Nolan filled me in on how Benny was a major player. He told me about the puck bunny directory, and, well, like I said on the phone that day, I just didn’t want to see you get hurt.”
“That was sweet of you, Lainey.” My voice cracked. “But here I sit, heartbroken. Too bad it wasn’t Benny who tore us apart.”
Softly, she said, “Eliza, what the hell happened?”
Putting my head in my hands, I said, “I fucked up so badly, Lainey.”
“I can’t imagine how.”
Looking up and meeting her gaze, I blurted out, “I slept with Drew Chidders. That’s how.”
Her face paled. “Wait, I thought you said you didn’t cheat on Benny?”
“I didn’t. It happened long before I ever met him.”
She looked confused. “Why would he break up with you over that? I mean, I know he hates the guy, but with his past he has no room to judge.”
I was tearing up, and I dabbed at my eyes with a cocktail napkin.
“He wasn’t mad that it happened. Well, maybe a little,” I clarified. “That wasn’t what broke us up, though. What did it for him was that I kept it all a secret. He found out about it from Drew.”
“That jerk!”
“Yeah, Drew Chidders can be really shitty sometimes. Still, I should’ve told Benny before it ever got to that point.”
Lainey blew out a breath.
It was a lot to take in. And we’d just scratched the surface.
“I don’t know, Eliza,” she began. “It still doesn’t seem like that awful of a thing.”
Softly, I murmured, “That wasn’t the first secret I’d kept from him.”
“What else could there be?”
“Oh, just wait.” I began to dig for the photos of Ava in my purse. When I had a heaping handful, I slid them across the table. “Here,” I said. “I have a hundred more like these on my phone.”
Lainey looked down at the photos and knew immediately there’d be only one reason why I’d have that many pictures of one particular child.
“Holy crap,” she exclaimed, looking up. “This adorable baby is yours? Oh, Eliza, she’s beautiful.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I felt like one proud mama.
“So what’s her name?” Lainey asked.
“Ava.”
“That’s a pretty name,” she murmured as she flipped through the many photos.
“Thank you. That little girl is just… She’s my…” I searched for the right words, choking up when I finally found them. “Ava is everything to me.”
Lainey smiled.
But then she began to frown.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She ground out, “Don’t even tell me Benny gave you a hard time about this beautiful child.”
“N
o, no,” I was quick to reply. “It was nothing like that. He actually took that news really well. He adores Ava. It was the Drew thing that put him over the top.”
Lainey looked relieved. But then she peered over at me, like really intently.
“What now?” I asked.
Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t know, Eliza. The Drew-thing still isn’t reason enough to end something good. And from all you’ve just told me, it sounds like what you and Benny had was the real deal.”
I choked up. “It was.”
“Then go get him, girl. Work this shit out.”
“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Oh, stop. Make him listen. I know you can.”
“I would, but—”
“But nothing, Eliza. What’s really holding you back?”
“There’s one last secret,” I confessed in a whisper. “And trust me, Lainey, this is something Benny will never forgive me for.”
“I doubt that,” she maintained. “Nothing could be that bad.”
“It is. It’s about Ava’s father. The problem is who he is.”
That slowed her go-get-Benny roll. “Um, who is he?”
This was hard. I was about to tell her something no one knew, not even my mom or dad. But I had to do it.
Voice cracking, I uttered for the first time ever out loud, “Drew Chidders is Ava’s dad.”
“Holy crap, Eliza! Fuck, shit, wow.”
“Yeah, I pretty much feel the same way.”
After she pulled herself together, she asked, “How’d you even meet him? He played in Dallas last year, right? And you were living in DC.”
“I was, yeah. A friend of mine from Georgetown knew him from their hometown. Drew was up there visiting her that summer and she set us up. One thing led to another, and well, as they say, the rest is history.”
“Ah, got it.”
“It was really fun at first. He seemed so nice. He’d even fly back to see me after the season started. But then he suddenly ended things.” I sighed. “I found out I was pregnant shortly thereafter. When I called and told him, he said he didn’t care. He was done with me and stated that he wanted nothing more to do with me…or the baby.”